I Was Here

5 stars for the grief/anger/confusion of Cody's dealing with the suicide of her best friend. 2 stars for the sub-par, forced along romance. I like kissing in books, like, a lot a lot but would have preferred the romantic relationship remain more amorphous. The progress of the romance felt fine and organic and more importantly, background, until the I

Compromising at 4 stars because because Cody's journey felt real and imperfect.

When her best friend Meg drinks a bottle of industrial-strength cleaner alone in a motel room, Cody is understandably shocked and devastated. She and Meg shared everything—so how was there no warning? But when Cody travels to Meg’s college town to pack up the belongings left behind, she discovers that there’s a lot that Meg never told her. About her old roommates, the sort of people Cody never would have met in her dead-end small town in Washington. About Ben McAllister, the boy with a guitar and a sneer, who broke Meg’s heart. And about an encrypted computer file that Cody can’t open—until she does, and suddenly everything Cody thought she knew about her best friend’s death gets thrown into question.

I will always be a dyed-in-the-wool lover of everything Gayle writes. While I didn't feel this story as personally or emotionally as her two series before it, it was still an amazing growth through a death and surprise that I had never truly expected. I loved the awkwardness of the main character. The love story was a little too expected and odd for me, but I loved all the formed friendships and the different images of how family is family is family.

Meg and Cody have been inseparable since kindergarten, so when Cody gets Meg’s suicide email she has no idea what to think. They were supposed to know everything about each other, so why did Cody have absolutely no idea Meg was in this much pain? When she is asked to pack up Meg’s things at her college apartment, she stumbles upon an encrypted file Meg failed to delete off her laptop. Once Cody is able to open the file, she becomes obsessed with figuring out what all the documents inside mean and what role, if any, they had in Meg’s suicide.

This deals with some pretty heavy topics—depression and suicide—but ultimately this is a story about forgiveness. Cody is angry and lost after Meg’s suicide. She feels responsible and show more guilty because she wasn’t there for Meg during her lowest, but she also feels betrayed and doesn’t know how to forgive Meg for leaving her. She becomes obsessed with finding someone to blame because she does not believe that her beautiful, amazing, full-of-life best friend could have consciously chosen to end her own life. She discovers a lot about Meg she didn’t previously know and understands that in order to move on from this she must not only forgive Meg, but she has to forgive herself as well.

Cody and Ben fell flat for me as characters and so did their romance. There are brief moments where they connect and bond and whatever, but they spend more time apart and not talking/fighting then falling in love (at least in my opinion). I just didn’t feel the chemistry that is so common in all of Forman’s other books with these two. But falling in love really isn’t the focal point of this story so I guess that’s why the romance didn’t have to be as well developed.

I will read anything Gayle Forman writes because I absolutely loved If I Stay/Where She Went and Just One Day/Just One Year. All of her books are different but what stays constant is how emotionally gripping they are. I think I might have started this with my expectations set a bit too high because, although I liked the book I didn’t think it was amazing. I didn’t connect as much with these characters and this story as I have with all her other books. show less

This book left me feeling sad the same way that watching one of my favorite love-stories on a day I need to cry does. It's the kind of sadness that echoes up through my heart and throat, leaving me more melancholic the more I think about it. The heartbreaking portrayal of a young woman left behind by her best friends death, attempting to make some sense out of the tragedy, makes me feel as though Meg was my best friend and I am now dealing with what Cody discovers. This was a great read, but not one that will make you feel better about the world.

I Was Here is told in the first person, present tense from the point of view of Cody, whose best friend Meg committed suicide. Cody struggles to understand Meg's decision, while at the same time blaming herself for not seeing warning signs (there weren't any) and for distancing herself from her friend after Meg moved away to college and left Cody behind cleaning houses. Meg's parents ask Cody to go pack up Meg's room at college, and there Cody meets Meg's roommates, who introduce her to some of Meg's friends, including Tragic Guitar Hero Ben McCallister. Sometimes with help from Meg's friends, but more often by herself, Cody follows Meg's trail to see how she could possibly have made the decision she made. Of course, this being Gayle show more Forman, the story is not without an element of romance, but it's realistic romance, not fairytale. Furthermore, I Was Here addresses the issues of suicide and depression head-on, without being preachy in the least. I read the book in a day.

Quotes

"It is an act of bravery to feel your feelings." (110)

I wave until she turns the corner. And as I watch another person drive out of here to some better place, I understand exactly why I wasn't nicer. (162)

I'm not crying because of how much I hurt, I'm crying because of how much I feel. (244)

I miss her so much. But I am so angry with her. And if I can't forgive her, how can I forgive myself? (260) show less

3.5 I thought this was beautifully written, but didn't really connect too well with the characters. It shows you that no matter how close you are to someone, you never really know what they may be going through or struggling with. It was a good book, and Gayle Forman has a way with words that hit at the emotion you may not realize are on the surface.