Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family
by Amy Ellis Nutt
On This Page
Description
"The inspiring true story of a transgender girl, her identical twin brother, and an ordinary American family's extraordinary journey to understand, nurture, and celebrate the uniqueness in us all, from the Pulitzer Prize-winning science reporter for The Washington Post When Wayne and Kelly Maines adopted identical twin boys, they thought their lives were complete. But it wasn't long before they noticed a marked difference between Jonas and his brother, Wyatt. Jonas preferred sports and show more trucks and many of the things little boys were "supposed" to like; but Wyatt liked princess dolls and dress-up and playing Little Mermaid. By the time the twins were toddlers, confusion over Wyatt's insistence that he was female began to tear the family apart. In the years that followed, the Maineses came to question their long-held views on gender and identity, to accept and embrace Wyatt's transition to Nicole, and to undergo an emotionally wrenching transformation of their own that would change all their lives forever. Becoming Nicole chronicles a journey that could have destroyed a family but instead brought it closer together. It's the story of a mother whose instincts told her that her child needed love and acceptance, not ostracism and disapproval; of a Republican, Air Force veteran father who overcame his deepest fears to become a vocal advocate for trans rights; of a loving brother who bravely stuck up for his twin sister; and of a town forced to confront its prejudices, a school compelled to rewrite its rules, and a courageous community of transgender activists determined to make their voices heard. Ultimately, Becoming Nicole is the story of an extraordinary girl who fought for the right to be herself. Granted wide-ranging access to personal diaries, home videos, clinical journals, legal documents, medical records, and the Maineses themselves, Amy Ellis Nutt spent almost four years reporting this immersive account of an American family confronting an issue that is at the center of today's cultural debate. Becoming Nicole will resonate with anyone who's ever raised a child, felt at odds with society's conventions and norms, or had to embrace life when it plays out unexpectedly. It's a story of standing up for your beliefs and yourself--and it will inspire all of us to do the same. Advance praise for Becoming Nicole "Becoming Nicole is a miracle. It's the story of a family struggling with--and embracing--a transgender child. But more than that, it's about accepting one another, and ourselves, in all our messy, contradictory glory. The Maines family is as American as they come. In the journey they take toward authenticity and justice, we see a model for the future of our country, a future in which all of us--mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters--somehow find the courage, and the love, to become our best selves."--Jennifer Finney Boylan, co-chair of GLAAD and author of She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders "Gripping. a timely, signification examination."--Kirkus Reviews"-- "The Maines were a middle-class, hard-working, politically conservative New England couple whose lives felt complete when they adopted identical twin sons. As toddlers, Jonas was the son Kelly and Wayne Maines expected, but Wyatt was only interested in girls' clothes and toys. By age five, this conflict was tearing Wyatt--and the family--apart. Today, Wyatt is Nicole. She and Jonas are now graduating from high school. This is the story of a journey that could have destroyed a family, but instead united them. It's the story of a mother whose instincts told her her child needed love and help. It's the story of a Republican, NRA-member father who overcame confusion and fear to become a vocal advocate of trans rights. It's the story of a brother who always loved and accepted his sister. And, especially, it's the story of a young girl who found the courage to be herself. "-- show lessTags
Recommendations
Member Recommendations
anonymous user A deeply person story told from by the mother of a transgender child (FTM). This heartfelt true story follows one child from birth though age 18 and gives the read a real sense of what a family goes through in helping a child transition genders. Everything is discussed including hormone replacement, surgeries, dating, legal issues and so much more. One reviewer had this to say: "I was highly impressed with Evans' story and found myself cheering on her and her husband as they supported their son through each step of his transition journey. Evans writes beautifully, and her accounts of Jordan's and their lives is authentic and moving. I'm hoping that I Promised Not to Tell will be an invaluable guide to those parents who find themselves in the same position that Evans and her husband did. I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender Child is a bright light showing the way to acceptance through knowledge, understanding and love, and it's most highly recommended." Jack Magnus for Reader's Favorite - Another 5 Star Review
Member Reviews
I picked this book for my office's Equity and Social Justice book club this month; my husband got it for Christmas and read it in about a day. Given the shit shows we've seen in a few state legislatures this year, it's extremely relevant.
This book artfully tells the story of how Wyatt's family supported him on his journey to become Nicole, a transgender girl. Wyatt and Jonas were identical twins assigned the gender male at birth, adopted as babies by Kelly and Wayne Maines. From early on, Wyatt identified with more stereotypically feminine things: he played with dolls and liked the color pink. Both kids had great imaginations and liked to tell stories; when Wyatt would dress up, he would choose to wear things like tutus and sparkles. It show more was clear before Wyatt even entered preschool that he was gender non-conforming.
From a supportive elementary school to an non-supportive middle school, through a move where they kept Nicole's history a secret, to a lawsuit about appropriate accommodation. Through Kelly doing most of the heavy lifting of educating community members while Wayne tried to come to terms with the reality that he had a son and a daughter, not two sons, the family pushed on, finding that they at times had to fight just for Nicole to have the same basic access to things that all students have. Like a toilet.
Bathroom access is a very serious issue for transgender individuals. We're seeing this bullshit in places like North Carolina, where they are couching their bigotry and hatred in the 'protection of women.' Those legislators should all have to read this book, which explains in really great detail how gender identity, sexual orientation, and genitals are all different things. Just because most of us find our gender matches the one assigned us at birth doesn't mean that's always the case, or that there is anything wrong with those where that isn't the case. We all just REALLY need to stop being so concerned with what is in peoples' pants. show less
This book artfully tells the story of how Wyatt's family supported him on his journey to become Nicole, a transgender girl. Wyatt and Jonas were identical twins assigned the gender male at birth, adopted as babies by Kelly and Wayne Maines. From early on, Wyatt identified with more stereotypically feminine things: he played with dolls and liked the color pink. Both kids had great imaginations and liked to tell stories; when Wyatt would dress up, he would choose to wear things like tutus and sparkles. It show more was clear before Wyatt even entered preschool that he was gender non-conforming.
From a supportive elementary school to an non-supportive middle school, through a move where they kept Nicole's history a secret, to a lawsuit about appropriate accommodation. Through Kelly doing most of the heavy lifting of educating community members while Wayne tried to come to terms with the reality that he had a son and a daughter, not two sons, the family pushed on, finding that they at times had to fight just for Nicole to have the same basic access to things that all students have. Like a toilet.
Bathroom access is a very serious issue for transgender individuals. We're seeing this bullshit in places like North Carolina, where they are couching their bigotry and hatred in the 'protection of women.' Those legislators should all have to read this book, which explains in really great detail how gender identity, sexual orientation, and genitals are all different things. Just because most of us find our gender matches the one assigned us at birth doesn't mean that's always the case, or that there is anything wrong with those where that isn't the case. We all just REALLY need to stop being so concerned with what is in peoples' pants. show less
A marvelous introduction to transgender equality issues (and equality issues in general in public schools). The Maines family have to be thanked for their education, advocacy, and their admirable frankness. It can't be easy for anyone to fight for the rights their children deserve, or to balance such a fight against the needs of the family for privacy and "a normal childhood". Nutt shows the struggle for rights and the costs of that struggle, with no obvious efforts at myth making.
I cried pretty much every time someone chose to be kind, and every time something good happened, which was thankfully often. When my own state is being gratuitously cruel, Maine comes off as a great place.
Library copy
I cried pretty much every time someone chose to be kind, and every time something good happened, which was thankfully often. When my own state is being gratuitously cruel, Maine comes off as a great place.
Library copy
Despite having been born biologically male, Nicole Maines knew without a doubt from an early age that inside she was a girl, not a boy. Initially flummoxed, and then cautiously and, later, wholeheartedly supportive, her parents and twin brother journey with her as she grapples for acceptance in school and in her community, their fight for equality eventually leading to the Maine Supreme Court.
I had a difficult time putting this book down. Nicole's bravery in the face of discrimination at such a tender age, and her family's unwavering support in the face of incredible financial and social pressures, are awe-inspiring.
I had a difficult time putting this book down. Nicole's bravery in the face of discrimination at such a tender age, and her family's unwavering support in the face of incredible financial and social pressures, are awe-inspiring.
Imagine adopting a set of identical twin boys. You have big dreams for them, including doing all the rough-and-tumble boy things. That dream gets turned upside down when one of the twins announces he doesn’t want to be a boy, but would rather be a girl, instead. He opts for dolls, dresses, and other frilly girl things, as opposed to toy trucks, jeans, and other traditional boy things. As a parent, what are you supposed to do?
Kelly and Wayne Maines were faced with that exact question. Follow them and their children Jonas and Wyatt (later Nicole), as they navigate their way through this experience from bewilderment and questioning all the way to acceptance and advocacy for others with Gender Dysphoria.
This is not only the story of show more Nicole’s experience, but her entire family’s experience, as well. Nutt’s writing style made it really easy to get into the story and to identify and sympathize with what everybody was thinking and feeling. Nutt takes the time to explain the science (as we currently understand it) behind Gender Dysphoria, making the point that this condition is not simply mental.
I highly recommend this book. It is story of a child and her family, their unconditional love for each other, and their brave response in the face of much prejudice and misunderstanding. It is a story that breaks down those prejudices and misunderstandings and replaces them with acceptance and understanding. Regardless of what gender we identify ourselves with, we are all human, and this book drives that point home in a profound way. show less
Kelly and Wayne Maines were faced with that exact question. Follow them and their children Jonas and Wyatt (later Nicole), as they navigate their way through this experience from bewilderment and questioning all the way to acceptance and advocacy for others with Gender Dysphoria.
This is not only the story of show more Nicole’s experience, but her entire family’s experience, as well. Nutt’s writing style made it really easy to get into the story and to identify and sympathize with what everybody was thinking and feeling. Nutt takes the time to explain the science (as we currently understand it) behind Gender Dysphoria, making the point that this condition is not simply mental.
I highly recommend this book. It is story of a child and her family, their unconditional love for each other, and their brave response in the face of much prejudice and misunderstanding. It is a story that breaks down those prejudices and misunderstandings and replaces them with acceptance and understanding. Regardless of what gender we identify ourselves with, we are all human, and this book drives that point home in a profound way. show less
This was terrific. The combination of narrative reporting about the journey of Nicole and her family, and the more straightforward reporting on the science and politics of transgender and LGBT issues, complemented each other quite well. The narrative part of this book reminded me a lot of [b:This Is How It Always Is|40409102|This Is How It Always Is|Laurie Frankel|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1528314257l/40409102._SY75_.jpg|49038755], a fictional story of a family coming to terms with a transgender child. I think the decision, in this book, to focus on family dynamics was the right one, as it reveals that Nicole's story wasn't hers alone, and couldn't have happened without the entire family's show more love and support. This is a heartwarming and inspiring book, highly recommended for anyone who wants to begin to understand cultural discussions around issues of gender and identity. show less
This is the story of heroes - and the author, Amy Ellis Nutt, did an amazing job of honoring this family. At first I was put off by what seemed like a more documentary-like approach to a very personal story, but soon I realized that Ms Nutt was so compassionate and loving in her words, and that the respect that she showed every family member came to light in each sentence, that it became easy to fall in love with this book. My favorite stories are those where ordinary people approach life in an extraordinary way. This family truly represents that. They didn't ask to be in the spotlight; their fight was based purely on love.
The atrocious way that the US government is now dealing with gender issues is inexcusable -it was painful reading show more of all those successes delineated in the book re transgender Americans, knowing that many are now being being brought into question by the Trump administration. show less
The atrocious way that the US government is now dealing with gender issues is inexcusable -it was painful reading show more of all those successes delineated in the book re transgender Americans, knowing that many are now being being brought into question by the Trump administration. show less
When I saw the picture of Nicole on the cover of this book, I remembered seeing her in a documentary I watched a few years back regarding transgenders. I immediately knew it was a book I wanted to read. I don’t know any transgenders personally (that I know of) but I do know there are a couple at my daughters’ high school and that our county is one of those currently struggling to provide equal rights to those children in our school system. I am very supportive of that cause and hope they do the right thing, but wanted to read more about Nicole’s journey to get a better understanding of what these children go through and the effects it has on them and their families. This book definitely delivered.
Some people think a person’s show more sexual orientation or gender identity is a choice….it’s not. It is not something you just change….you are born that way. It’s a matter of accepting it and adjusting life to embrace one’s true self. I believe this book can help people understand that. Maybe open some doors and windows to those living close-minded lives, to become more accepting of others that aren’t like them, that might go against their religious beliefs. Knowledge is the key – this book can provide some of that.
Whatever your beliefs, I hope you will take the time to read this book. If nothing else, it will let you know what it’s like to be a little boy that wants nothing to do with being a boy. He’s a “girl-boy” and prefers it that way until he can realize his dream of truly becoming a girl – to then dress how she wants, act how she wants, and be accepted as one of the girls. Because truly, that is what she is. The innocent minds of children can accept her as she is, it’s those darn close minded adults that get in the way.
I give this book 5 out of 5 stars, not because it’s beautifully written or a great literary piece. I give it 5 stars because it is a wonderful story of love and commitment, finding ones self, supporting others, diversity, and acceptance. It’s not preachy or critical, it’s honest and educational (without feeling educational). It is truly moving. show less
Some people think a person’s show more sexual orientation or gender identity is a choice….it’s not. It is not something you just change….you are born that way. It’s a matter of accepting it and adjusting life to embrace one’s true self. I believe this book can help people understand that. Maybe open some doors and windows to those living close-minded lives, to become more accepting of others that aren’t like them, that might go against their religious beliefs. Knowledge is the key – this book can provide some of that.
Whatever your beliefs, I hope you will take the time to read this book. If nothing else, it will let you know what it’s like to be a little boy that wants nothing to do with being a boy. He’s a “girl-boy” and prefers it that way until he can realize his dream of truly becoming a girl – to then dress how she wants, act how she wants, and be accepted as one of the girls. Because truly, that is what she is. The innocent minds of children can accept her as she is, it’s those darn close minded adults that get in the way.
I give this book 5 out of 5 stars, not because it’s beautifully written or a great literary piece. I give it 5 stars because it is a wonderful story of love and commitment, finding ones self, supporting others, diversity, and acceptance. It’s not preachy or critical, it’s honest and educational (without feeling educational). It is truly moving. show less
Members
- Recently Added By
Lists
Top Five Books of 2020
982 works; 348 members
Top Five Books of 2021
604 works; 181 members
Must-Read Maine
146 works; 91 members
Top Five Books of 2016
795 works; 229 members
LGBTQ Memoir/Biography
52 works; 4 members
Sexuality & Gender
160 works; 3 members
Youth: Sexuality & Gender
119 works; 1 member
School library books removed after TX state legislator inquiry
429 works; 6 members
LGBTQIA+ TBR
33 works; 1 member
Author Information
5 Works 683 Members
All Editions
Some Editions
Awards and Honors
Awards
Common Knowledge
- Canonical title
- Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family
- Original publication date
- 2015
- People/Characters
- Kelly Maines; Wayne Maines; Jonas Maines; Wyatt/Nicole Maines
- Important places
- Orono, Maine, USA; Portland, Maine, USA; Northville, New York, USA
- Epigraph
- What we have not had to decipher, to elucidate by our own efforts, what was clear before we looked at it, is not ours. From ourselves comes only that which we drag forth from obscurity which lies within us, that which to othe... (show all)rs is unknown. --Marcel Proust, Time Regained
The stream of continuing creation flowed through his blood, and he could go on and on changing forever and ever. He became deer, he became fish, he became human and Serpent, cloud and bird. In each new shape he was whole, was... (show all) a pair, held moon and sun, man and wife inside him. He flowed as a twin river through the lands, shone as a double star in the firmament. --Hermann Hesse, "Pictor's Metamorphoses"
Omnia mutantur ("All things are changed") --Metamorphoses - Dedication
- For Kelly, Wayne, Jonas, and Nicole
- First words
- The child is mesmerized.
- Last words
- (Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)Girl: "Oh, I know. It doesn't really matter. As long as she's happy."
- Blurbers
- Boylan, Jennifer Finney
- Original language
- English
Classifications
- Genres
- Sexuality and Gender Studies, LGBTQ+, Biography & Memoir, General Nonfiction, Nonfiction
- DDC/MDS
- 306.76 — Society, government, & culture Social sciences, sociology & anthropology Social Behavior - Dating, Marriage, Divorce Sexual relations Sexual orientation, transgender identity, intersexuality
- LCC
- HQ77.95 .U6 .N87 — Social sciences The family. Marriage, Women and Sexuality The Family. Marriage. Women Sexual life Transexualism
- BISAC
Statistics
- Members
- 640
- Popularity
- 45,555
- Reviews
- 23
- Rating
- (4.22)
- Languages
- Chinese, English
- Media
- Paper, Audiobook, Ebook
- ISBNs
- 11
- ASINs
- 4
