Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family
by Amy Ellis Nutt
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Description
"The inspiring true story of a transgender girl, her identical twin brother, and an ordinary American family's extraordinary journey to understand, nurture, and celebrate the uniqueness in us all, from the Pulitzer Prize-winning science reporter for The Washington Post When Wayne and Kelly Maines adopted identical twin boys, they thought their lives were complete. But it wasn't long before they noticed a marked difference between Jonas and his brother, Wyatt. Jonas preferred sports and show more trucks and many of the things little boys were "supposed" to like; but Wyatt liked princess dolls and dress-up and playing Little Mermaid. By the time the twins were toddlers, confusion over Wyatt's insistence that he was female began to tear the family apart. In the years that followed, the Maineses came to question their long-held views on gender and identity, to accept and embrace Wyatt's transition to Nicole, and to undergo an emotionally wrenching transformation of their own that would change all their lives forever. Becoming Nicole chronicles a journey that could have destroyed a family but instead brought it closer together. It's the story of a mother whose instincts told her that her child needed love and acceptance, not ostracism and disapproval; of a Republican, Air Force veteran father who overcame his deepest fears to become a vocal advocate for trans rights; of a loving brother who bravely stuck up for his twin sister; and of a town forced to confront its prejudices, a school compelled to rewrite its rules, and a courageous community of transgender activists determined to make their voices heard. Ultimately, Becoming Nicole is the story of an extraordinary girl who fought for the right to be herself. Granted wide-ranging access to personal diaries, home videos, clinical journals, legal documents, medical records, and the Maineses themselves, Amy Ellis Nutt spent almost four years reporting this immersive account of an American family confronting an issue that is at the center of today's cultural debate. Becoming Nicole will resonate with anyone who's ever raised a child, felt at odds with society's conventions and norms, or had to embrace life when it plays out unexpectedly. It's a story of standing up for your beliefs and yourself--and it will inspire all of us to do the same. Advance praise for Becoming Nicole "Becoming Nicole is a miracle. It's the story of a family struggling with--and embracing--a transgender child. But more than that, it's about accepting one another, and ourselves, in all our messy, contradictory glory. The Maines family is as American as they come. In the journey they take toward authenticity and justice, we see a model for the future of our country, a future in which all of us--mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters--somehow find the courage, and the love, to become our best selves."--Jennifer Finney Boylan, co-chair of GLAAD and author of She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders "Gripping. a timely, signification examination."--Kirkus Reviews"-- "The Maines were a middle-class, hard-working, politically conservative New England couple whose lives felt complete when they adopted identical twin sons. As toddlers, Jonas was the son Kelly and Wayne Maines expected, but Wyatt was only interested in girls' clothes and toys. By age five, this conflict was tearing Wyatt--and the family--apart. Today, Wyatt is Nicole. She and Jonas are now graduating from high school. This is the story of a journey that could have destroyed a family, but instead united them. It's the story of a mother whose instincts told her her child needed love and help. It's the story of a Republican, NRA-member father who overcame confusion and fear to become a vocal advocate of trans rights. It's the story of a brother who always loved and accepted his sister. And, especially, it's the story of a young girl who found the courage to be herself. "-- show lessTags
Recommendations
Member Recommendations
anonymous user A deeply person story told from by the mother of a transgender child (FTM). This heartfelt true story follows one child from birth though age 18 and gives the read a real sense of what a family goes through in helping a child transition genders. Everything is discussed including hormone replacement, surgeries, dating, legal issues and so much more. One reviewer had this to say: "I was highly impressed with Evans' story and found myself cheering on her and her husband as they supported their son through each step of his transition journey. Evans writes beautifully, and her accounts of Jordan's and their lives is authentic and moving. I'm hoping that I Promised Not to Tell will be an invaluable guide to those parents who find themselves in the same position that Evans and her husband did. I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a Transgender Child is a bright light showing the way to acceptance through knowledge, understanding and love, and it's most highly recommended." Jack Magnus for Reader's Favorite - Another 5 Star Review
Member Reviews
This was terrific. The combination of narrative reporting about the journey of Nicole and her family, and the more straightforward reporting on the science and politics of transgender and LGBT issues, complemented each other quite well. The narrative part of this book reminded me a lot of [b:This Is How It Always Is|40409102|This Is How It Always Is|Laurie Frankel|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1528314257l/40409102._SY75_.jpg|49038755], a fictional story of a family coming to terms with a transgender child. I think the decision, in this book, to focus on family dynamics was the right one, as it reveals that Nicole's story wasn't hers alone, and couldn't have happened without the entire family's show more love and support. This is a heartwarming and inspiring book, highly recommended for anyone who wants to begin to understand cultural discussions around issues of gender and identity. show less
I picked this book for my office's Equity and Social Justice book club this month; my husband got it for Christmas and read it in about a day. Given the shit shows we've seen in a few state legislatures this year, it's extremely relevant.
This book artfully tells the story of how Wyatt's family supported him on his journey to become Nicole, a transgender girl. Wyatt and Jonas were identical twins assigned the gender male at birth, adopted as babies by Kelly and Wayne Maines. From early on, Wyatt identified with more stereotypically feminine things: he played with dolls and liked the color pink. Both kids had great imaginations and liked to tell stories; when Wyatt would dress up, he would choose to wear things like tutus and sparkles. It show more was clear before Wyatt even entered preschool that he was gender non-conforming.
From a supportive elementary school to an non-supportive middle school, through a move where they kept Nicole's history a secret, to a lawsuit about appropriate accommodation. Through Kelly doing most of the heavy lifting of educating community members while Wayne tried to come to terms with the reality that he had a son and a daughter, not two sons, the family pushed on, finding that they at times had to fight just for Nicole to have the same basic access to things that all students have. Like a toilet.
Bathroom access is a very serious issue for transgender individuals. We're seeing this bullshit in places like North Carolina, where they are couching their bigotry and hatred in the 'protection of women.' Those legislators should all have to read this book, which explains in really great detail how gender identity, sexual orientation, and genitals are all different things. Just because most of us find our gender matches the one assigned us at birth doesn't mean that's always the case, or that there is anything wrong with those where that isn't the case. We all just REALLY need to stop being so concerned with what is in peoples' pants. show less
This book artfully tells the story of how Wyatt's family supported him on his journey to become Nicole, a transgender girl. Wyatt and Jonas were identical twins assigned the gender male at birth, adopted as babies by Kelly and Wayne Maines. From early on, Wyatt identified with more stereotypically feminine things: he played with dolls and liked the color pink. Both kids had great imaginations and liked to tell stories; when Wyatt would dress up, he would choose to wear things like tutus and sparkles. It show more was clear before Wyatt even entered preschool that he was gender non-conforming.
From a supportive elementary school to an non-supportive middle school, through a move where they kept Nicole's history a secret, to a lawsuit about appropriate accommodation. Through Kelly doing most of the heavy lifting of educating community members while Wayne tried to come to terms with the reality that he had a son and a daughter, not two sons, the family pushed on, finding that they at times had to fight just for Nicole to have the same basic access to things that all students have. Like a toilet.
Bathroom access is a very serious issue for transgender individuals. We're seeing this bullshit in places like North Carolina, where they are couching their bigotry and hatred in the 'protection of women.' Those legislators should all have to read this book, which explains in really great detail how gender identity, sexual orientation, and genitals are all different things. Just because most of us find our gender matches the one assigned us at birth doesn't mean that's always the case, or that there is anything wrong with those where that isn't the case. We all just REALLY need to stop being so concerned with what is in peoples' pants. show less
A marvelous introduction to transgender equality issues (and equality issues in general in public schools). The Maines family have to be thanked for their education, advocacy, and their admirable frankness. It can't be easy for anyone to fight for the rights their children deserve, or to balance such a fight against the needs of the family for privacy and "a normal childhood". Nutt shows the struggle for rights and the costs of that struggle, with no obvious efforts at myth making.
I cried pretty much every time someone chose to be kind, and every time something good happened, which was thankfully often. When my own state is being gratuitously cruel, Maine comes off as a great place.
Library copy
I cried pretty much every time someone chose to be kind, and every time something good happened, which was thankfully often. When my own state is being gratuitously cruel, Maine comes off as a great place.
Library copy
Becoming Nicole is the story of Nicole Maines and her family: her twin brother Jonas, and their parents Kelly and Wayne, who adopted the twins from one of Kelly's relatives at birth. From an early age it was clear that Nicole - then called Wyatt - was transgender, though no one in the family knew the term yet. Wyatt fought to be able to wear "girl clothes" and referred to herself as a "boy-girl." Kelly did an enormous amount of research and advocacy throughout Wyatt/Nicole's childhood. Wayne struggled to understand the issue and came to the advocacy effort later than Kelly, but supported his child. The Maines fought for, and won, rights for Nicole, and helped to advance legislation to improve life for all transgender people. A powerful show more story, and a good book for those unfamiliar with the issues that confront transgender people.
Quotes
Gender, Kelly read, was the belief that you're male or female. It was something innate, not something you had to think about or tell other people about, unless those people treated you like one gender when you felt you were the other. (27)
Gender is about having the physical characteristics of a male or female. Gender identity, [Kelly] read, is something else - and it has nothing to do with having a penis or vagina, and everything to do with how a person feels. (28)
Once, when Wyatt was asked yet again why he had hit his brother, he finally gave an answer: "Because he gets to be who he is and I don't." (42)
...the brain discards more visual information than it lets in....There is no simple act of perception. What there is, is expectation. ...The body tells a story, but the story can change what a body sees. And a body can change a person's mind. (75)
...our genitals and our gender identity are not the same. (89)
It is [the] incongruity between body and mind that is the source of a tortuous physical alienation...
...forcing...children to go through puberty in a body they had essentially disowned would be deeply damaging. (95)
"Sexual orientation is who you go to bed with...Gender identity is who you go to bed as." (106)
...children were far more accepting [than adults] of differences, including gender-fluid behavior. (110)
It was as if his rights were being infringed upon every time his country invented new ones for special interest groups. (He = Paul Melanson, grandfather of a boy in Nicole's 5th-grade classroom)(138)
Recently, a few gender-bending situations have ended up in court where judges are not only trying to understand the biology of being transgender, but what constitutional protections apply to transgender individuals. (165)
...the law should be blind to differences when it comes to handing out rights and privileges. (233)
"Each of us has an original way of being human: Each person has his or her own "measure." ...There is a certain way of being human that is my way. I am called upon to live my life in this way, and not in imitation of anyone else's life. But this gives a new importance to being true to myself. If I am not, I miss the point of my life; I miss what being human is for me." -philosopher Charles Taylor (249)
Who we are is the story we tell about ourselves. (252)
"Stories move the walls that need to be moved" (Nicole to her father, 259) "I believe we don't choose our stories,,,,Our stories choose us....And if we don't tell them, then we are somehow diminished." (poet and author Honor Moore, 259) show less
Quotes
Gender, Kelly read, was the belief that you're male or female. It was something innate, not something you had to think about or tell other people about, unless those people treated you like one gender when you felt you were the other. (27)
Gender is about having the physical characteristics of a male or female. Gender identity, [Kelly] read, is something else - and it has nothing to do with having a penis or vagina, and everything to do with how a person feels. (28)
Once, when Wyatt was asked yet again why he had hit his brother, he finally gave an answer: "Because he gets to be who he is and I don't." (42)
...the brain discards more visual information than it lets in....There is no simple act of perception. What there is, is expectation. ...The body tells a story, but the story can change what a body sees. And a body can change a person's mind. (75)
...our genitals and our gender identity are not the same. (89)
It is [the] incongruity between body and mind that is the source of a tortuous physical alienation...
...forcing...children to go through puberty in a body they had essentially disowned would be deeply damaging. (95)
"Sexual orientation is who you go to bed with...Gender identity is who you go to bed as." (106)
...children were far more accepting [than adults] of differences, including gender-fluid behavior. (110)
It was as if his rights were being infringed upon every time his country invented new ones for special interest groups. (He = Paul Melanson, grandfather of a boy in Nicole's 5th-grade classroom)(138)
Recently, a few gender-bending situations have ended up in court where judges are not only trying to understand the biology of being transgender, but what constitutional protections apply to transgender individuals. (165)
...the law should be blind to differences when it comes to handing out rights and privileges. (233)
"Each of us has an original way of being human: Each person has his or her own "measure." ...There is a certain way of being human that is my way. I am called upon to live my life in this way, and not in imitation of anyone else's life. But this gives a new importance to being true to myself. If I am not, I miss the point of my life; I miss what being human is for me." -philosopher Charles Taylor (249)
Who we are is the story we tell about ourselves. (252)
"Stories move the walls that need to be moved" (Nicole to her father, 259) "I believe we don't choose our stories,,,,Our stories choose us....And if we don't tell them, then we are somehow diminished." (poet and author Honor Moore, 259) show less
Despite having been born biologically male, Nicole Maines knew without a doubt from an early age that inside she was a girl, not a boy. Initially flummoxed, and then cautiously and, later, wholeheartedly supportive, her parents and twin brother journey with her as she grapples for acceptance in school and in her community, their fight for equality eventually leading to the Maine Supreme Court.
I had a difficult time putting this book down. Nicole's bravery in the face of discrimination at such a tender age, and her family's unwavering support in the face of incredible financial and social pressures, are awe-inspiring.
I had a difficult time putting this book down. Nicole's bravery in the face of discrimination at such a tender age, and her family's unwavering support in the face of incredible financial and social pressures, are awe-inspiring.
I didn't think I would find this book so interesting or readable. It is not a flashy account of coming out but shares the pain of the family especially the father in coming to terms that his adopted son should signs of being female even as a toddler. Her twin brother always understood that Wyatt was really his sister. The mother is the strong parent advocating for the rights of her son to be female as she slowly does the research and recognizes the damage to her son if he is forced to conform. Intersperse with the family narrative is the scientific discussion of what causes a person to be transgender and how it is not really that uncommon. Also, the reader in introduced to the early debate that began in 2011 Maine about restroom use by show more trans and intra-sexuals which has cause much furor in 2016. I wish the Maines' family lots of good fortune now that Nicole has had her re-assignment surgery that concluded the book when she was 18 years old. show less
Imagine adopting a set of identical twin boys. You have big dreams for them, including doing all the rough-and-tumble boy things. That dream gets turned upside down when one of the twins announces he doesn’t want to be a boy, but would rather be a girl, instead. He opts for dolls, dresses, and other frilly girl things, as opposed to toy trucks, jeans, and other traditional boy things. As a parent, what are you supposed to do?
Kelly and Wayne Maines were faced with that exact question. Follow them and their children Jonas and Wyatt (later Nicole), as they navigate their way through this experience from bewilderment and questioning all the way to acceptance and advocacy for others with Gender Dysphoria.
This is not only the story of show more Nicole’s experience, but her entire family’s experience, as well. Nutt’s writing style made it really easy to get into the story and to identify and sympathize with what everybody was thinking and feeling. Nutt takes the time to explain the science (as we currently understand it) behind Gender Dysphoria, making the point that this condition is not simply mental.
I highly recommend this book. It is story of a child and her family, their unconditional love for each other, and their brave response in the face of much prejudice and misunderstanding. It is a story that breaks down those prejudices and misunderstandings and replaces them with acceptance and understanding. Regardless of what gender we identify ourselves with, we are all human, and this book drives that point home in a profound way. show less
Kelly and Wayne Maines were faced with that exact question. Follow them and their children Jonas and Wyatt (later Nicole), as they navigate their way through this experience from bewilderment and questioning all the way to acceptance and advocacy for others with Gender Dysphoria.
This is not only the story of show more Nicole’s experience, but her entire family’s experience, as well. Nutt’s writing style made it really easy to get into the story and to identify and sympathize with what everybody was thinking and feeling. Nutt takes the time to explain the science (as we currently understand it) behind Gender Dysphoria, making the point that this condition is not simply mental.
I highly recommend this book. It is story of a child and her family, their unconditional love for each other, and their brave response in the face of much prejudice and misunderstanding. It is a story that breaks down those prejudices and misunderstandings and replaces them with acceptance and understanding. Regardless of what gender we identify ourselves with, we are all human, and this book drives that point home in a profound way. show less
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Author Information
5 Works 678 Members
All Editions
Some Editions
Awards and Honors
Awards
Common Knowledge
- Canonical title
- Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family
- Original publication date
- 2015
- People/Characters
- Kelly Maines; Wayne Maines; Jonas Maines; Wyatt/Nicole Maines
- Important places
- Orono, Maine, USA; Portland, Maine, USA; Northville, New York, USA
- Epigraph
- What we have not had to decipher, to elucidate by our own efforts, what was clear before we looked at it, is not ours. From ourselves comes only that which we drag forth from obscurity which lies within us, that which to othe... (show all)rs is unknown. --Marcel Proust, Time Regained
The stream of continuing creation flowed through his blood, and he could go on and on changing forever and ever. He became deer, he became fish, he became human and Serpent, cloud and bird. In each new shape he was whole, was... (show all) a pair, held moon and sun, man and wife inside him. He flowed as a twin river through the lands, shone as a double star in the firmament. --Hermann Hesse, "Pictor's Metamorphoses"
Omnia mutantur ("All things are changed") --Metamorphoses - Dedication
- For Kelly, Wayne, Jonas, and Nicole
- First words
- The child is mesmerized.
- Last words
- (Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)Girl: "Oh, I know. It doesn't really matter. As long as she's happy."
- Blurbers
- Boylan, Jennifer Finney
- Original language
- English
Classifications
- Genres
- Sexuality and Gender Studies, LGBTQ+, Biography & Memoir, General Nonfiction, Nonfiction
- DDC/MDS
- 306.76 — Society, government, & culture Social sciences, sociology & anthropology Social Behavior - Dating, Marriage, Divorce Sexual relations Sexual orientation, transgender identity, intersexuality
- LCC
- HQ77.95 .U6 .N87 — Social sciences The family. Marriage, Women and Sexuality The Family. Marriage. Women Sexual life Transexualism
- BISAC
Statistics
- Members
- 635
- Popularity
- 45,612
- Reviews
- 23
- Rating
- (4.22)
- Languages
- Chinese, English
- Media
- Paper, Audiobook, Ebook
- ISBNs
- 11
- ASINs
- 4
