A Complicated Kindness
by Miriam Toews
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Winner of the Governor General’s Literary AwardIn this stunning coming-of-age novel, the award-winning author of Women Talking balances grief and hope in the voice of a witty, beleaguered teenager whose family is shattered by fundamentalist Christianity
"Half of our family, the better–looking half, is missing," Nomi Nickel tells us at the beginning of A Complicated Kindness. Left alone with her sad, peculiar father, her days are spent piecing together why her mother and sister have show more disappeared and contemplating her inevitable career at Happy Family Farms, a chicken slaughterhouse on the outskirts of East Village. Not the East Village in New York City where Nomi would prefer to live, but an oppressive town founded by Mennonites on the cold, flat plains of Manitoba, Canada.
This darkly funny novel is the world according to the unforgettable Nomi, a bewildered and wry sixteen–year–old trapped in a town governed by fundamentalist religion and in the shattered remains of a family it destroyed. In Nomi's droll, refreshing voice, we're told the story of an eccentric, loving family that falls apart as each member lands on a collision course with the only community any of them have ever known. A work of fierce humor and tragedy by a writer who has taken the American market by storm, this searing, tender, comic testament to family love will break your heart.
“Brilliant.” —New York Times Book Review
“A darkly funny and provocative novel.” —O, the Oprah Magazine. show less
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nessreader Both first person coming of age novels about young girls in repressive religous communities.
Member Reviews
I always fall in love with Toews's characters, in this case it's Nomi, a rebellious Mennonite teenager with a dry sense of humor whose family and home furnishings keep disappearing. Nomi lives in the "world's most non-progressive community", East Village, a small deeply religious town in Canada that practices shunning and attracts tourists from around the world who want to witness the simple life first hand, but Nomi's fantasy is to hang out in Greenwich Village with Lou Reed.I read this as slowly as I could--I didn't want it to end.
Nomi Nickel's soliloquy about her life in a Mennonite community shows a combination of innocence and gullibility along with wisdom and awareness that makes her believable. Toews speaks with a personal knowledge of life in a Mennonite community and Nomi is the perfect person to tell the story. She rebels against the absurdities uttered by church elders and her school principal yet the tourists who come to stare at the quaint village are no more reasonable. With limited exposure to outside influences, these people form the extent of Nomi's worldly knowledge. No wonder she is confused and cynical. Toews' characters are all well-drawn but Nomi is a masterpiece of humour and heartache. She will remain in my thoughts for a long time.
In A Complicated Kindness, Miriam Toews captures the spirit of boredom and desolation that comes from being trapped in a backward small town like few authors of her generation. Set in the Mennonite settlement of East Village in remote southern Manitoba, near the US border, the novel is narrated by 16-year-old, pot-smoking, wise-cracking Nomi Nickel, daughter of Ray and Trudie Nickel and younger sister of Natasha (Tash). The focus of Nomi’s story is the gradual breakup of a family that, on the face of things, never had much of a chance. When the story begins, Nomi (actually Naomi, but she dropped the ‘a’) and her father Ray are the only two Nickels remaining in the family home, Tash having absconded three years previously with her show more boyfriend Ian, and Trudie taking off under more mysterious circumstances a few weeks later. Nomi often contemplates the bleak, soul-crushing future that awaits her: graduating from high school, fifty years of killing chickens at the slaughterhouse on the edge of town, and then dying. But despite neglecting her schoolwork and an outward attitude that ranges from sullen to rebellious, Nomi’s sense of responsibility is fully formed, and in the absence of her mother and sister, and driven by love and a sense of duty to take care of her helpless, bewildered father, she has picked up the household chores, cleaning, doing laundry and cooking meals. Ray’s tortured dilemma is the novel in microcosm: a devout Mennonite who willingly toes the line and does everything that’s expected of him, but who also loves his wife and daughters, all of whom chafe feverishly against the restrictions of a faith that demonizes the pleasures of the modern world and instructs its adherents that serving God is the only reason for their existence. The novel’s chief antagonist is Trudie’s brother Hans, who has risen through the ranks and wields something like absolute power in the local Mennonite community. Toews does not tell a straightforward story. The novel is loosely structured. But Nomi’s narration, peppered with non-sequiturs and skipping freely back and forth between past and present, is not difficult to follow. Moreover, Nomi’s teenage voice is charmingly cynical, endlessly entertaining and absolutely convincing. Miriam Toews’ breakthrough novel was greeted with universal acclaim upon its publication in 2004 and landed on numerous award shortlists. A stunning achievement. show less
Sad that I missed out on reading this book in high school! It was one of the options for our Grade 11 novel study, but I snubbed it in favour of The Catcher in the Rye, thinking that it was going to be some cutesy, quirky Canadian read. Now, I loved Catcher so no regrets there, but it would have been cool to have picked up both books since they are exploring similar themes through the perspectives of troubled teens. People love trying to invalidate Holden Caulfield’s problems because he’s a privileged white male, but it’s a lot harder to hate Nomi Nickel, a teenage girl living in a rural Mennonite community whose mother and sister have both disappeared. A Complicated Kindness explores the effects of this tight-knit but strict show more community, especially how the practice of shunning can lead to devastating consequences.
What surprised me the most about this book is how funny it could be at moments. The first 20 pages of Nomi introducing her community and religion especially made me laugh, although the book gets increasing sad as it continues. Nomi has an engaging narrative voice and a charming way of seeing the world, even as she deals with crippling depression and anxiety. Her father is also precious AF.
I strongly connected to each of the members of the Nickel family, but this book did feel quite meandering at times because of the slow-paced plot. In many ways, it’s a very realistic depiction of life because very little happens and Nomi just wanders around her town having casual encounters with people. I could see how that might lose some readers, but this book is definitely worth sticking it out for the emotional ending. I’ll never forget how this book broke my heart as I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot finishing the final few pages.
I loved how this book made me appreciate the importance of the family unit. Far too often, novels and movies seem to prioritize romantic love, but I appreciate how this novel centres family at the heart of the narrative. The Nickel family is dysfunctional but full of love. This novel explores whether that love can transcend the destabilizing impacts of the community’s fervent religious beliefs and by the tough choices made by each family member.
This was my first introduction to Miriam Toewes, and now I have some serious catching up to do :) show less
What surprised me the most about this book is how funny it could be at moments. The first 20 pages of Nomi introducing her community and religion especially made me laugh, although the book gets increasing sad as it continues. Nomi has an engaging narrative voice and a charming way of seeing the world, even as she deals with crippling depression and anxiety. Her father is also precious AF.
I strongly connected to each of the members of the Nickel family, but this book did feel quite meandering at times because of the slow-paced plot. In many ways, it’s a very realistic depiction of life because very little happens and Nomi just wanders around her town having casual encounters with people. I could see how that might lose some readers, but this book is definitely worth sticking it out for the emotional ending. I’ll never forget how this book broke my heart as I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot finishing the final few pages.
I loved how this book made me appreciate the importance of the family unit. Far too often, novels and movies seem to prioritize romantic love, but I appreciate how this novel centres family at the heart of the narrative. The Nickel family is dysfunctional but full of love. This novel explores whether that love can transcend the destabilizing impacts of the community’s fervent religious beliefs and by the tough choices made by each family member.
This was my first introduction to Miriam Toewes, and now I have some serious catching up to do :) show less
“Imagine the least well-adjusted kid in your school starting a breakaway clique of people whose manifesto includes a ban on the media, dancing, smoking, temperate climates, movies, drinking, rock ’n’ roll, having sex for fun, swimming, make-up, jewellery, playing pool, going to cities, or staying up past nine o’clock."
According to Nomi Nickel, the sixteen-year-old narrator of A COMPLICATED KINDNESS, this sums up what it is to be a Mennonite. And for someone who grew up on the fringes of Mennonite culture, I can attest that to a teenager, this is EXACTLY right.
Miriam Toews, the author of this wholly astonishing work, is also a Mennonite, having grown up in Steinbach, Manitoba, the holy land for the Canadian Mennonite. show more Appreciating the importance the Mennonite culture places on it’s beliefs and heritage, Toews is also intimately familiar with the adolescent yearning of wanting to break free, to fly away, to be anywhere except here. And the combination of these two factors is nothing less than marvellous.
Nomi is not a happy child. Her mother has disappeared, and her sister Natasha has recently followed her mother into unexplained absence. As Nomi searches the community for clues as to their abandonment of her and her father, the novel slowly builds into a culture clash between the world she knows, and the universe she wants.
Nomi may very well become one of the great characters in Canadian fiction. An atypically brave teen, Nomi is possessed of both surprising insight and unbridled youthful angst, as well as a brittle yet believable humour. As may be expected, this goes against the norm for the highly religious East Village, the Mennonite community she was born to. As her quiet uprising gains the notice of The Mouth, the local minister who also happens to be her uncle, Nomi finds that the meaning behind her mother and sister’s disappearance is much closer than she thought.
Toews, while poking fun at a religious zeal that at times resembles a less violent, softer version of the Taliban (at least to her young mind), never lets her novel become a treatise against religious intolerance. Rather, A COMPLICATED KINDNESS celebrates our past while reminding us that leaving one’s past is not the same as rejecting it. Nomi needs nourishment that her life cannot provide, yet Nomi is wise enough to see the value such an upbringing can provide. It is the struggle to reconcile your beliefs with your sensibilities that makes us all human, and the best of us more so.
A COMPLICATED KINDNESS also marks Toews growth as an artist. While her first novels marked her as a warm and funny writer with gallows of humanity, KINDNESS is a dramatic turn of both depth and talent. Her first works were an artist learning to fly; A COMPLICATED KINDNESS is the work of an artist who can not only fly, but who trusts herself to soar high above, in the upper echelon of emotion and risk. show less
According to Nomi Nickel, the sixteen-year-old narrator of A COMPLICATED KINDNESS, this sums up what it is to be a Mennonite. And for someone who grew up on the fringes of Mennonite culture, I can attest that to a teenager, this is EXACTLY right.
Miriam Toews, the author of this wholly astonishing work, is also a Mennonite, having grown up in Steinbach, Manitoba, the holy land for the Canadian Mennonite. show more Appreciating the importance the Mennonite culture places on it’s beliefs and heritage, Toews is also intimately familiar with the adolescent yearning of wanting to break free, to fly away, to be anywhere except here. And the combination of these two factors is nothing less than marvellous.
Nomi is not a happy child. Her mother has disappeared, and her sister Natasha has recently followed her mother into unexplained absence. As Nomi searches the community for clues as to their abandonment of her and her father, the novel slowly builds into a culture clash between the world she knows, and the universe she wants.
Nomi may very well become one of the great characters in Canadian fiction. An atypically brave teen, Nomi is possessed of both surprising insight and unbridled youthful angst, as well as a brittle yet believable humour. As may be expected, this goes against the norm for the highly religious East Village, the Mennonite community she was born to. As her quiet uprising gains the notice of The Mouth, the local minister who also happens to be her uncle, Nomi finds that the meaning behind her mother and sister’s disappearance is much closer than she thought.
Toews, while poking fun at a religious zeal that at times resembles a less violent, softer version of the Taliban (at least to her young mind), never lets her novel become a treatise against religious intolerance. Rather, A COMPLICATED KINDNESS celebrates our past while reminding us that leaving one’s past is not the same as rejecting it. Nomi needs nourishment that her life cannot provide, yet Nomi is wise enough to see the value such an upbringing can provide. It is the struggle to reconcile your beliefs with your sensibilities that makes us all human, and the best of us more so.
A COMPLICATED KINDNESS also marks Toews growth as an artist. While her first novels marked her as a warm and funny writer with gallows of humanity, KINDNESS is a dramatic turn of both depth and talent. Her first works were an artist learning to fly; A COMPLICATED KINDNESS is the work of an artist who can not only fly, but who trusts herself to soar high above, in the upper echelon of emotion and risk. show less
Nomi Nickel is a sixteen year rebel recovering from the religious indoctrination of "The Mouth," the preacher in her small Mennonite community. Against the backdrop of a future snapping the heads of chickens at the local slaughterhouse, Nomi explores her family life and future in this fictional memoir.
Over the course of the book, you learn why her mother Trudy and sister Tash are missing. If there's a plot, it's the mystery of Nomi's broken family.
The best element of this book is Nomi's dark and ironic sense of humour. I found myself giggling more than once while reading. Take this reflection on her Mennonite heritage, for example:
"Imagine the least well-adjusted kid in your school starting a breakaway clique of people whose manifesto show more includes a ban on the media, dancing, smoking, temperate climates, movies, drinking, rock 'n' roll, having sex for fun, swimming, makeup, jewelry, playing pool, going to cities, or staying up past nine o'clock. That was Menno all over. Thanks a lot, Menno."
Don't read this book for a plot—it drifts back and forth in history as Nomi reflects on the events that formed her character. In the end, the book's resolution came as a surprise—I had to reread the page to make sure I followed what was happening.
A Complicated Kindness is a dark and funny reflection on small town religiosity and its consequences. show less
Over the course of the book, you learn why her mother Trudy and sister Tash are missing. If there's a plot, it's the mystery of Nomi's broken family.
The best element of this book is Nomi's dark and ironic sense of humour. I found myself giggling more than once while reading. Take this reflection on her Mennonite heritage, for example:
"Imagine the least well-adjusted kid in your school starting a breakaway clique of people whose manifesto show more includes a ban on the media, dancing, smoking, temperate climates, movies, drinking, rock 'n' roll, having sex for fun, swimming, makeup, jewelry, playing pool, going to cities, or staying up past nine o'clock. That was Menno all over. Thanks a lot, Menno."
Don't read this book for a plot—it drifts back and forth in history as Nomi reflects on the events that formed her character. In the end, the book's resolution came as a surprise—I had to reread the page to make sure I followed what was happening.
A Complicated Kindness is a dark and funny reflection on small town religiosity and its consequences. show less
I absolutely loved this book. An intelligent young woman grows up in a small, close minded Mennonite community in southern Manitoba. The paranoia and religious hatred are exposed in a devastatingly funny story that, at heart, is achingly sad. While a replica pioneer village draws American tourists, most young people face a future working at the local chicken abbattoir. Nomi Nickel tells her story with grit and humour but there is a terrible grief underlying her banter, the disappearance of her sister and mother. Both had been shunned by the community. The cruelty, misogny, and superstition of religious fundementalism is searingly exposed in this wonderful book.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
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Those of us who felt oppressed as teenagers can easily recall how any act of rule-bending, whether it was puffing a cigarette or starting an ill-advised romance, could seem an enormous yet thrilling risk of outsized proportions.
added by paradoxosalpha
[Toews] has produced a work of fiction that resounds with truth.... That is at once a profoundly funny book, and a profoundly sad one, which will often leave readers wondering if they should laugh or cry.
added by GYKM
Unforgettable.
added by GYKM
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Author Information
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Miriam Toews was born in 1964 in Canada. She is best known for her novels A Complicated Kindness and All My Puny Sorrows. She has won a number of literary prizes including the Governor General's Award for Fiction and the Writers' Trust Engel/Findley Award for body of work. She is also a two-time finalist for the Scotiabank Giller Prize and a show more two-time winner of the Rogers Writers' Trust Fiction Prize. Toews had a leading role in the feature film Silent Light, written and directed by Mexican filmmaker, Carlos Reygadas and winner of the 2007 Cannes Jury Prize, an experience that influenced her fifth novel, Irma Voth. (Bowker Author Biography) show less
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Common Knowledge
- Canonical title*
- Ein komplizierter Akt der Liebe
- Original title
- A complicated kindness
- Original publication date
- 2004
- People/Characters
- Nomi Nickel
- Important places
- Manitoba, Canada
- Dedication
- To Marj
- First words
- I live with my father, Ray Nickel, in that low brick bungalow out on highway number twelve.
- Quotations
- Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
Love is everything. And I think that we all use whatever is in our power, whatever is within our reach, to attempt to keep alive the love we've felt. - Last words
- (Click to show. Warning: May contain spoilers.)Truthfully, this story ends with me still sitting on the floor of my room remembering when I was a little kid and how I loved to fall asleep in my bed breathing in the smell of freshly cut grass and listening to the voices of my sister and my mother talking and laughing in the kitchen and the sounds of my dad poking around in the yard, making things beautiful right outside my bedroom window.
- Blurbers
- Darling, Julia
- Original language
- English
*Some information comes from Common Knowledge in other languages. Click "Edit" for more information.
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