The Course of Love

This was the book I needed right now. I read Botton's first novel in 2009 —Essays In Love—and it was insightful, calling out issues that arose in my own relationship at the time. The novel had challenges with pacing and the protagonist was a bit too...fancy-pants for me. Regardless of that, Botton's philosophic look at a modern relationship was very helpful and unlike much else I'd read at the time. I've kept an eye on his work since.

In his return to the novel, Botton provides a stunning, insightful (and useful) look at the course of a marriage over twenty-plus years. It opened my eyes to considering different paths about how one approaches a relationship, and what is underneath the actions of another. Attachment theory, for show more example, is discussed near the end of the book when the fictional couple goes to counselling. Botton's insights and explanations shined a new light on the fictional couple and in turn, my own romantic relationship.

It doesn't portray perfect people - it provides a look at a better way to be. If we were a little more aware, a bit kinder and knew ourselves more, we can accept and allow our own relationships to flourish for what they are, not what we want the other person to be. It's given me a lot to think about. show less

Rabih and Kirsten, a couple living in Scotland, fall in love, marry, and have children. The storyline follows the ups and downs of married life. The novel is a unique mix of story, philosophy, and psychology. The narrator alternates between what is currently happening in the lives of the couple and commentary about this stage in their relationship. The latter is indicated in italics. The narrator challenges romantic idealism, and the story portrays how a deeper knowledge of human behavior (and more realistic expectations) can help relationships flourish.

The writing is lively, full of insightful observations and witty asides. The tone is optimistic. The author points out that love is not something that “just happens.” It requires show more active commitment to sustain it. He points out underlying causes behind disagreements, many of which have to do with worldview or events that occurred long ago. It is profound in places. Though it is a novel, it could, perhaps, help people with their own relationships. I found it delightfully engaging. show less

"Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm" - This is my key takeaway from this beautifully written novel.

In many passages, it felt like Alain de Botton was spying on me and writing about me. It is a simple story with profound commentary, from the modern-day philosopher Alain, that makes it a great read. We all think that we are unique, but from a therapist's point of view, we fall under specific patterns. It is nothing to be scoffed about, but many of our anxieties, frustrations and disappointments, can be well answered by the modern discipline of therapy.

A fitness coach (or therapist) can help you to be in your peak physical self. After reading this, I firmly believe, a mental coach (or a couple's therapist) can be of great help to show more strengthen your relationships with others and your self. show less

I am very easily charmed by Botton, okay? He's very charming. On Love was charming. The way he intersperses this story of a fictional marriage with philosophy and relationship advice is charming. And if I hadn't read Dept. of Speculation in between reading this book and reviewing it, this would probably be a very different review.

First! I really did adore this novel when I as reading it. I read it on vacation, mostly in the car, and ended up reading long sections aloud to my husband -- mostly the sections on parenting. I think it did give me some valuable insights on how couples behave in conflict, enough to be grateful that neither my husband nor I experienced any great crises in attachment as children, and to make me possibly even show more more invested in protecting my children from such disruptions.

But, I did read Dept. of Speculation, which made me so viscerally furious about the way our society deals with men having extramarital affairs that some was bound to spill over onto this book. And that spillover is messy and tangled. I'm not even sure that I would have wanted Rabih to do anything differently -- to tell his wife or to leave her. In fact, as I was reading, I was a little irritated at how easily Botton seemed to take monogamy as the only possible natural state for couples.

I am going to try to let it go now.

Really, this was lovely and thoughtful and realistic and charming. show less

Not to be read for the plot. I watched De Botton's TED Talk about the premise of this book, and he summed it up well there. He argues that society romanticizes relationships with the concept of the soul-mate, but this view is harmful to us and our relationships. With this novel he follows the relationship of a couple who illustrate this harm. Overall an incredibly valuable read for anyone in any relationship.

This book cuts a bit close. I don't agree with all of the author's conclusions- he is, surprisingly, a bit darker than even me. However, out of his pessimism, he finds a drive for tenderness. He points out the flaws in marriage, most I agree with- but he leans too far towards disappointment. Love is not the air-brushed myth our society tells us. However, with this revelation- the author sees only a compromised existence. One that may make us a bit nicer and modest in the end, but without the deep color to be found in 'mediocrity." A worthy read- not for the faint of heart. I read this after a breakup- at times I had to put it down because it came so close to drawing blood.
One of the best discussions of the love we can feel for show more strangers- "the best cure for love is getting to know them better" (179) show less

We seem to know far too much about how love starts, and be recklessly ignorant of how it continues. Alain kindly fills in the gaps.

Net Galley sent me this early copy. I am a subscriber of Alain De Botton's 'School of Life' and enjoy his sensible and good-humoured philosophies on life.

The Course of Love carries on where most love stories end, ie after the wedding. As we follow the couple negotiating the mundanities of every day life, Alain - in helpful italics - explains the universal disappointments that inevitably follow the high ground of falling in love. Reassuring the reader that romantic perfection doesn't exist, and yes, life is full of dull trivialities like emptying the dishwasher and wiping jam off the coffee table.

An show more enlightening, amusing and reassuring read. show less