Dancing at the Pity Party

Dancing at the Pity Party is a graphic memoir from Tyler Feder about her life as a motherless daughter. From before her mother's oncology appointment, through the stages of cancer, her death and funeral, sitting shiva, and afterwards, Feder shares about losing her mother to cancer. She tells about all the important "firsts" - first holiday without her mom, the first birthday celebrated without her mom, even the start of new traditions in honor of her mom.

I teared up a lot in this book. I had an Aunt I was super close to that passed away from breast cancer when I was younger and I only remember bits and pieces of her battle before she passed. But I can always remember her humor and how we used to cuddle a lot in her bed and I would run show more my fingers up and down her arm she would get chemo in. My cousin was her only daughter and I thought a lot about her when I read this.

I also lost a Father in a work related accident when I was 12. A lot of the things the author mentions about the grieving process really hit me hard. There's a part where Feder talks about the guilt she had for being the oldest and therefore having her Mom around longer than her younger sisters. I'm a middle child and I have never felt that way about my older sister, who is 6 years older. She had just started college a few days before the accident. That part opened my eyes a bit to what my sister may possibly have felt during those milestones my younger sister and I hit that Dad was around for, for hers but not ours.

I really enjoyed the art of this book - regardless of the topic, the art made me smile a lot. Feder has a talent at finding the funny even in a dark time.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with a loss, and even those who have been through it. It reminds you what to remember again. By the end of the novel I felt at peace remembering both my Aunt and my Dad. show less

Gr 8 Up—Feder manages the near impossible—a memoir about joining "the Dead Moms Club" that's palpable in its
depiction of grief yet also exuberant, uplifting, and funny. Using a pastel-infused palette and creatively placed lists,
asides, and diagrams, she lovingly remembers her mother, explores the less talked about aspects of loss, and offers
a balm to anyone confronting the death of a parent.

Thus memoir will stay with this reader forever in my heart. I cannot say enough wonderful words to express the impact this book has made on me.

Reader, you have the rare privilege to view a tender memoir of a girl who is the oldest of three sisters in a close knit Jewish family. Tyler the voice of the memoir, is coping with her mother’s death. The author deftly and sensitively blends joy, anguish, and even whimsy into this unforgettable story. The author was just 19 when her mother, Rhonda, was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, with little chance of survival. Tyler Feder was often away at college while her family oversaw Rhonda’s treatment in Florida. Tyler has portrayed equal parts celebration, reflection, and mourning. This show more graphic memoir touches on the unpredictable path of grief. Feder shares her experience of navigating death with beauty and raw honesty. The powder soft pinks used in the illustrations celebrate Feder’s memory of Rhonda and emphasize Tyler’s youth. The chapters end with illustrated tips, lists, and other quirky yet informative extras.

The memoir is a tribute to a beloved woman as well as a meditation on losing a parent when one is teetering between childhood and adulthood. Much like grief itself, the book careens from deep despair to humor to poignancy, fear, remorse, and anger, mirroring the emotional disorientation that comes with such a significant death. By sharing many particulars about her mother—the foods she loved and hated, the silly in-jokes, her endearing (and annoying) quirks—Feder personalizes her loss in a way that will resonate with members of the “Dead Moms Club,” with whom she describes having an immediate bond.

Please note the tips Tyler shares when you personally encounter a situation like this... don’t ask how you can help, just do it anyway... Don’t say I know how you feel unless you’ve been through a much similar situation... don’t go into a litany of your own life and sorrows...

Grieving teens will find incredible solace in Feder’s story; all readers will be stirred by this wrenching yet uplifting musing.

Graphic memoir. 12-adult show less

Well, this had me sobbing all the way through. I also lost my mom in 2009, although I was 31 at the time. So much of this book resonated with me. I didn't expect to cry, but tears slipped down my face all the way through this beautiful book, even when I was laughing at the same time. Thank you, Tyler, for sharing this gift (and the gift of your mom, who sounds awesome!) with us, particularly those of us who are members of the Dead Moms Club.

A beautiful, truthful and very intimate memoir about sudden death and the prolonged (and unique) grieving process. The author's mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when she was a freshman in college. She was dead within the year. The author unflinchingly walks the reader through the most painful moments of her life and relates all of her suffering with generous honesty. This book is moving, deeply moving and is a lovely tribute to a obviously very amazing woman.

Those who have suffered a loss will find it comforting, reassuring, and hopeful. Those who have yet to experience a close loss will have an honest preview and receive extremely useful tips for comforting those who have been bereaved. This is a very important book for show more everyone to read and there really should be many more like it. It was an honor to read. show less

I wish I could give this book 10 stars. Where was this book when I needed it the most? (When my sister died when I was 23) This book should be read by anyone, at any age.. who has lost someone they loved. I can empathize with Tyler, trying to maneuver through the strange waters when losing someone. She hit the mark when she wrote the list of Do’s and Don’ts for dealing with a grieving person. Every single thing listed is what I experienced. The illustrations, along with the captions, reflected the love the author had for her mother and her struggle through the grief process. I highly recommend this graphic novel to anyone who has experienced loss.

This debut memoir in graphic form is a funny, sad, confidently illustrated meditation on grief. It’s both a tribute to Tyler’s wonderful mom, who died of breast cancer at the age of 47, and a guide to Jewish mourning practices. A singular achievement. (Sydney Taylor Young Adult Book Award)