Back When We Were Grownups

I loved this book. It grapples with the difference between who you believe yourself to be and the self you present to others, and makes a strong case that the self you present (through your actions) is actually more real. The main character perceives herself as a shy, intelligent studious girl, who married and took on a step-family who expected her to be constantly cheerful, outgoing and socially adept. After she's widowed and her family is grown, she needs to decide if that who she wants to continue to be, or if she wants to change.

My favorite parts of this book were her interior dialogs about how much effort it requires to cheerfully take care of other people, and listen, and appreciate them, and yet how worthwhile it is to do it.

Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you’d made different choices earlier in your life? At 19, Rebecca was in a relationship with Will, certain they would marry after graduating from college. But instead Rebecca fell for a much older man and left Will behind, only to find herself a widow, mother, and stepmother just a few years later. Now 53, Rebecca reflects on her adult life which has, on the whole, been happy and successful. But she feels a certain emptiness and tries to turn back the clock and have a do-over of sorts.

This book is another example of Anne Tyler’s knack for writing about families and family drama. Rebecca’s quirky family brings a lot to the table through side plots that add interest and, in some cases, show more inform Rebecca’s decisions. But the huge cast–-and their quirks–-can also be a distraction. The ending is ambiguous but pointing in a certain direction, which Tyler endorses in an author interview at the end of the book. While I might have wanted that outcome to be made explicit, I also kind of like the future being left to my imagination. show less

A very nice, low-key social comedy about a middle-aged widow who seems to be leading a very full and satisfying life at the centre of a complicated extended family and running the family business, until one day she starts to build herself a fantasy about the life she could have had if she had stuck with her boring college boyfriend instead of marrying the eccentric Joe.

Apart from being extremely well observed and written, with some absolutely brilliant little details of description and dialogue, it's also the perfect thing to cite as a counter-example when somebody is trying to argue that Americans don't understand subtlety or irony: both qualities without which this story would be completely lost.

Anne Tyler's career fascinates me. Nothing happens in her books, but they're so full of life. Especially the boring and messy bits. It's weird finishing a book feeling like you both learned something about yourself and that you didn't quite get your money's worth—Anne Tyler is the master of that. I can't help but admire her for it.

Fiftyish grandmother reevaluates her life and loves, giving large rambling parties in her home, the Open Arms. Another satisfying story from this reliably amusing Baltimore author who offers warm and witty insight on our foibles.

This book was insightful and also unsettling. One day, at 53 years old, Rebecca has the realization that she turned into the wrong person. She tries to find out who she would have been if she hadn't quit college and eloped at 20 years old. She feels she has outlived her purpose, and has become superfluous.
Eventually she comes to accept, as her 100 year old Uncle Poppy points out, "there is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with,whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you've got."
The most inspiring passage come during Poppy's 100th birthday. He describes, in agonizing detail, everything about his day. From the beauty of the sunshine on his bedspread, to the taste of his waffles, the texture of his show more pbj sandwich, and the trickle of the icing on his cake, it is a meditation on mindfulness. It brings Rebecca to the realization that "there were still so many happening s yet to be hoped for in her life." show less

There is the myth of a life of continuous improvement. We all know each person should be independent and strong and that everyone should have the right to fulfill their own personal desires. But those of us who have lived for a while realize how nearly impossible this is and how seldom it actually happens. Portraying that life in all its mundane glory is what this author does best.

"On the screen, Rebecca's face appeared, merry and open and sunlit, and she saw that she really had been having a wonderful time."

"Poppy said. “Because I was always telling him, ‘Look,’ I said. ‘Face it,’ I said. ‘There is no true life. Your true life is the one you end up with, whatever it may be. You just do the best you can with what you’ve show more got,’ I said.”" show less