Lust in Translation

Има нещо гнило не само в Дания, ами и в Америка. То разбира се не е само едно нещо, дето е гнило в Америка, но аз точно едно определено нещо имам предвид за целите на ревюто на тази книга. И както можете да се досетите от заглавието й, то има нещо общо с изневярата.

Америка (т.е. САЩ де) изнася културата си по света толкова успешно и в такова голямо количество, че даже я наименуваме с името на цял континент, когато show more тя си е само държава, па било то и федерална. И като изнася културата си, тя запознава целия свят с нея - включително и с отношението към изневерите.

Не може да не сте забелязали (е, може и да не сте всъщност, затова съм тук да ви го кажа), че американците имат малко по-особено мнение и отношение към изневярата, отколкото останалите хора. "Малко" по-особено хехехе. Същото забелязва и авторката, която е американка, но се жени за французин и живее във Франция: за американците изневярата е много по-голяма и сериозна работа.

Ама МНОГО голяма и сериозна. До степен да се самоубиват, да ходят цял живот на психоаналитици и семейни терапевти и да имат термин infidelity survivor по подобие на cancer survivor с който гордо се обозначават хората, преборили смъртоносната болест.

Разбира се, никъде по света изневярата не е лека работа - заради нея се убиват в Латинска Америка, развеждат в много държави и си крещят и се шамарят в още повече. Също така, в САЩ си изневеряват, ако може да се вярва на статистиките-стъкмистики които са достъпни по тая тема, точно толкова, колкото и в останалите западни държави.

Но никъде хората нямат отношението на нея като към СМЪРТЕН ГРЯХ, абсолютно социално неприемливо и животопровалящо събитие както в Америка и никъде хората не се чувстват толкова виновни за него. Докато Памела Дръкерман обикаля няколко държави да взема интервюта по темата и да разбере какво аджеба мислят хората, незасегнати от пуританската етика, тя вижда, че за мнозинството от тях тя е нещо като неизбежно зло, част от човешката природа - с което в повечето случаи се борим, но ако не успеем да го победим не е точно края на света.

Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee е интересна за неамериканския читател именно с описанието на американското виждане за изневярата, както и, разбира се в останалата си част, дето са описани привичките и разбиранията на хората в други държави. show less

A really interesting read on how infidelity varies around the world. I especially liked her conception of the marriage-industrial complex in the US, and her theory as to why the spread of AIDS has not been slowed in Africa. It's readable and well-researched; I just wish there were more quotable statistics/research on different aspects of infidelity.

This was basically a breezy Cosmo article expanded (unnecessarily) into a book. The author covers infidelity in the USA, France, Russia, Japan, China and Africa. There were some interesting tidbits of information ( I provide a few below for your next cocktail party), but this was essentially the nonfiction equivalent of a "beach book." (I'm not saying it was dreadful -- I did read the entire thing, after all.)

According to the author:

1. Traditional Japanese marriages are apparently so loveless and sexless that husbands pay attractive "professional conversationalists" to engage in light, interesting banter with them after they leave work in the evening. Japanese wives are more than happy to be rid of their husbands for as many hours of show more the day as possible ("As long as they are safe, it is better that they are away.") The saddest day in a married woman's life is the day her husband retires. Retired husbands are referred to as "sodaigomi," which translates roughly into "bulky trash."

2. Russia is rife with adultery, and one of the reasons is that the average life expectancy of Russian men is 58, due primarily to alcoholism, cigarettes, and car accidents. By the time that women and men reach 65, there only 46 men left for every 100 women. Any Russian man with a heartbeat and a blood alcohol level below 2.0 has a sporting chance at a romp in the sheets.

3. The French are not any more likely to engage in extramarital affairs than Americans are, but when they do, they don't agonize endlessly over it like we do. French wives are more likely to wait the situation out with a "don't ask, don't tell" strategy. The offended spouse is not happy about the situation, but it's not the end of the world. In the USA, on the other hand, it is not unusual to find couples still going to therapy for years after the affair has ended, endlessly hashing over every detail of the offending spouse's prior behavior, and attending 12-step programs as if they were codependent drug addicts.

4. The nations of Togo, Cameroon, and the Ivory Coast have the highest infidelity rates for men, and the nations of Australia (who would have thought it?), Kazakhstan (no "sexy times" for Borat), and Bangladesh have the lowest rates of male infidelity. Norway and Great Britain take the honors for the highest rates of female infidelity. show less

A quick, entertaining read that has some pretty interesting things to say about the attitudes people around the world take to life, focusing on their feelings about marriage and infidelity. This isn’t a scholarly work or a study of any kind, it’s more anecdotal and you just have to take her word for it in most cases. It covers a lot of ground and seems fairly balanced, but a lot of the assumptions seemed pretty broad. I could have been a little longer and a little more in depth.
I found it really interesting.

I read a small blurb about this book when it was first published in hardcover and for whatever reason, I actually marked down the date that it would come out in paperback so I could be sure to get it and read it. Whatever the driving force for acquiring the book, I've been reading it off and on (mostly off)... To the point where the book has a rather noticeable pen shaped bulge dividing the book almost in half where my pen rested for most of the three months that it sat on my bookshelf under a couple of other books.
That being said, it's a rather quick read (when you are actually reading it) and Druckerman's fairly genial tone speeds you through. She keeps a brisk pace and doesn't involve herself in the topic beyond certain amusing show more interactions with the interviewees (like when she's slightly miffed that one Lothario has ruled her out as one of his potential wives based on age and weight)... And what's she's come up with is an interesting, slightly detached look at infidelity in various countries and cultures.
Now, you have to keep in mind that given the subject matter, the people she's speaking to are people whose lives have probably been affected by infidelity... People who are engaged in affairs, have been engaged in affairs, dealt with a significant other's affair, have multiple wives, keep mistresses, are mistresses, enjoy occasional flings, encourage occasional flings, are gigolos, visit prostitutes, are prostitutes (either full or part time), run support groups for infidelity, are private detectives specializing in proving infidelity, are people employed to put an end to a spouse's infidelity, or study any or all of these items above. Given this litany of interviews, you start feeling like everyone is cheating on everyone -- or at least most of the world is. The people who were the worst at dealing with it were, unsurprisingly, the Americans. In one horror couple, the husband made the wife recount every meeting, every message exchanged, every look... And will demand this recount on a frequent basis... And years later, still hadn't gotten over it while his wife lived in constant terror and regret. These folks seemed like great candidates for divorce IMHO. Some marriages aren't worth saving and I think God would agree on that one.
It's a relatively fascinating topic, particularly because this dealt with it in a rather sterile, conceptual form. There were few accounts like the American psychos. Most people didn't have multiple wives or sleep with new people every night. Lots of these people had an affair every now and again (or had one or two in their lives), and no one (again, except Americans) talked about how they were worried for their immortal souls as a result. No one seemed to think twice about an omnipotent God being aware of their every move... Most people were just hoping their families didn't know and that their spouse was kept in the dark, thus shielded from harm. Whether or not they were shielded from harm is debatable, but really, most people in this book weren't necessarily bad people... Though I suppose that's debatable too, isn't it?
In any case, I'm glad that I read the book and I think Druckerman did a fine job with it. With limited (reliable) data on infidelity, she provided thought-provoking portraits of individuals in different cultures that might be somewhat stereotyping, but she was careful to try and keep discussion balanced. But yeah... You do kind of wonder, after reading a book like this, if human beings were ever meant to be faithful and if we're doing ourselves any favors by strictly adhering to such a plan. show less

A comprehensive look at infidelity across cultures, this was one rollicking good read. While infidelity occurs everywhere, only in America, it seems (and likely by extension in Canada) is it accompanied by the histrionics and hand-wringing. In most other cultures, it's "don't ask, don't tell". To be sure, the cuckolded spouse is hurt when faced with definitive proof of infidelity, but generally that's not the way the game is played. I was left, however, after reading this book, with a feeling that the world would be a better place if men could just learn to keep it in their pants...but that's perhaps uncharitable.

Interesting multi-cultural look at marriage, and infidelity. What is accepted, what is repressed, and what is taboo. Very entertaining read.