Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

I found out about this book in a post by my friend Ian MacKenzie, "Love Will Be the Death of Us."

I've read a few other books on polyamory, but this one definitely feels the most useful. Taormino paints the picture that non-monogamy can be anything other than monogamy. The point is that it's outside of the box, for us do define. Through a multitude of case studies, the reader learns of numerous creative solutions people have come up with for organizing relationships in their lives. I think it could be useful even to the conservative reader, as it's important to realize the structures we [often subconsciously] consent to in our relationships.

I actually just came across a post that better summarizes the subject than I could, "The Coffee show more Break Primer on Polyamory" by Adam Powers.

Taormino wraps up the book by going in depth about safe sex, legal agreements, and child rearing. Although some readers might be tempted to skip over these more technical sections, they get into the details of how to really make a relationship work, of any sort.

I will say that I wasn't very into the writing style of this book. It felt dry and detached. I don't feel as though I got to connect with the author at all. But the information is of a quality and accessibility that I'm willing to overlook this. show less

An excellent, approachable guide to non-monogamy, incorporating a variety of models. Includes interviews with diverse individuals in open relationships, so the reader gets to hear about the joys and challenges of non-monogamy straight from those who are living the life.

Whenever I mention Opening Up to friends, they assume it's sleazy. It's not. This book is written in an entertaining and straightforward fashion, but it's not a "how to get a bunch of people into bed" book. It's about creating a sustainable style of open relationship through negotiation, transparency, and understanding.

Opening Up speaks across a broad spectrum. Whether you're into BDSM or you're an asexual romantic (or both), your needs are addressed in this book.

I show more recommend Opening Up highly to anyone. Even if you never have any intention of living non-monogamously, do read Opening Up. There's something in this book for everyone. show less

Opening Up is a primer on polyamorous relationships that describes why lifelong monogamy is an untenable arrangement for some, elucidates the main alternatives that have arisen in the western world in the past sixty or so years, and provides practical advice for non-monogamous people on issues like dealing with jealousy, juggling schedules, and raising children. It is best suited for people considering incorporating polyamory into their lives, or as a means of soothing the nerves of worried friends, relatives, and partners. Taormino's presentation is self-helpy but serviceable. She is inordinately fond of bullet points. Her prose is workmanlike and (apart from the delightfully icky turn of phrase "fluid-bonded") as bland as oatmeal, show more which is precisely what you want in a book like this. The most helpful aspects are tips on maintaining open lines of communication. (Further evidence that polyamory is a plot invented by women to trick men into talking about their feelings all the time.) The least helpful are the anecdotes from people in open relationships that conclude every chapter. These tend to be uniformly upbeat and therefore not very informative.

If you are already in an open relationship, this book will not tell you anything you don't already know, but it's still helpful to have things written down clearly in one place. In creating this guide, Taormino has done a service for many people who are trying to be honest and realistic about their sexual and emotional lives. show less

This is absolutely the best book on open relationships or polyamory I've read (and I've read quite a few; check the "polyamory" tag in my catalog). Taormino is clearly did a good deal of research--her sources section alone is outstanding--and her writing style is at once friendly and intelligent, keeping you reading while presenting a wealth of information. I love how the book is structured. Each chapter is relatively short, covering a specific type of relationship structure or a certain issue. She offers bulleted lists of reasons a particular type of relationship might be right for you; covers the special perils to watch out for in each type of relationship, with helpful advice; and ends each chapter with a profile of a person, couple, show more or group whose experience illustrates the theme of the chapter. Taormino's writing shows sensitivity and an open perspective toward all types of nonmonogamy and toward those who choose monogamy for themselves, as well. This is the book that you should read if you are considering any form of nonmonogamy, and it is also the book you should give to anyone who needs help understanding your relationship choices. show less

Despite being the first text I've read cover-to-cover on the subject of non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships, I nevertheless believe Opening Up to be one of the best. I have asked friends as well as professionals in the field for recommendations and of the texts I've attempted, Tristan's is the most compelling, fresh, relevant and broad without losing focus, while remaining true to her readership and staying wholly in the realm of light reading (well, light adult reading at any rate). I specifically enjoyed her examples of the Poly Mission Statement and the way she integrated her MANY pertinent diverse examples. Additionally, in the glossary to Opening Up, Tristan provides a decent overview of the participants and data gathered, show more without bogging the reader down with statistical analyses. All said, a highly enjoyable read, especially for a serious non-fictional subject. show less

This book changed my life. I was interested in polyamory and this book not only gave me tips on how to make it work, it also gave me a term to describe my flavour of it - solo polyamory. This book is an excellent resource for anyone interested in learning about alternatives to monogamy. The second half of the book applies to all types of relationships. A must-read.

This book is easy to read and non-confrontational, but at the same time, I am not sure it gives a whole lot of insight into really developing an "open" relationship... perhaps that is the key take-away, though, that everyone has to decide for themselves what they want, it has to be defined personally, and the follow through is a long and sometimes painful path.

I think this book could have been written far more efficiently to say:
1 - There are more options in a non-monogamous lifestyle than one could ever hope to write about in 300 pages. You want more love and/or sex in your life? Define what your wants and needs are.
2 - Approach your current partner with love and grace if you are interested in having them join you on this journey.
3 - show more Figure out if you can get what you need while giving your partner what he needs
4 - Realize that non-monogamy is a hell of a lot of work, and just because you've come to one agreement, don't fool yourself into believing this agreement will last.
5 - Renegotiate and work with your partner(s) to make sure everyone is still happy in the relationship structure. Be prepared to do so regularly.
6 - Realize that there are others out there who are in similar battles. Knowing you aren't alone is a huge piece of navigating this challenge. show less