Intimacy and Solitude: Balance, Closeness, and Independence

Look, 50% of non-fiction books are too long, and 95% of self-help books are too long, so invariably this book is 145% too long (according to my understanding of Bayes' theorem). However, it's still a great book. The basic gist is this: if you are unhappy or uncomfortable around others, it's probably because you are unhappy or uncomfortable on your own. If you can't be happily alone with others, then when you're with others you'll be terrified of being left alone. This really describes me. I am not capable of sitting comfortably alone for five minutes at a party. I'm also not happy alone in solitude. I thought I was, but Dowrick patiently explained how actually I'm not and she's 100% correct.

It's all very confronting and challenging, but show more Dowrick is a gentle, warm-hearted guide. She gives the sense that she's still learning and thinking about this stuff - that it's not settled and that if you disagree with anything, you don't need to throw away the whole lot. Her descriptive passages are lovely - evocative and varied and celebratory rather than judgemental. I skipped over a fair bit of the section on sex, because it seemed to echo [b:The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment|174777|The Erotic Mind Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment|Jack Morin|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1355968284l/174777._SY75_.jpg|168833], which I think probably does a better job of covering the topic. show less

This did take me some time to get through but was well worth the effort. I never realised the importance of solitude in your life and how introspection helps you relate to others better. A life changing book.

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