The Mercy Papers: A Memoir of Three Weeks

The Mercy Papers is a very real, gritty, in your face book about the 3 weeks Robin spent with her mother, father, assorted friends and pets before her mother’s death. Robin expresses her anger and outrage at the cancer metastasizing through her mom’s body because her mom at some point decides to end medical treatment and stop fighting. Robin is furious at Barbara, the aide who encourages over-medicating, at her father for not being present and on top of things when her mother was first diagnosed.

No age is a good age to lose a parent but Romm, a college student at the time was much too young to deal with the aggressive end stages of her mother’s life. Thankfully, her mother’s friends, and her own friends spent time with her and show more her father, helping Robin’s mother with her breathing treatment, and whatever the family needed.

Robin ponders and rails against the unfairness of a remarkably brilliant, beautiful, capable wife, mother, lawyer and friend suffering for years from the pain, indignities and hideousness of worsening disease. But Robin would do anything to keep her mother alive another day, and another day. Even after years of her mother’s cancer ravaging their lives, Robin is still not ready for her to die in her 40's!

Heart-breaking story of terrible loss, of family and friends, and so much love. show less

Fierce, emotional, and painful, this book is Romm's recounting of her mother's last three weeks before dying of breast cancer. Her mother was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer when Romm was only 19. She lived for nine more years. Nine short years. Nine not-nearly-enough years. But then she died, slowly, painfully, and too soon. Romm tells roughly not only of her mother's last three weeks but also the ways in which her mother's dying affected her. She was angry and selfish and bitter, raging against the universe and the hospice nurse and her mother's longtime friends and her father and herself.

This is not an easy book to read, despite its slight size. It is packed with incredible depth of emotion, such that sometimes the reader has show more to take a breather, the very thing that Romm could not do, could not afford to do, in the time of her mother's dying. And as much as this is the memoir of a woman dying, it is also very much the story of Robin Romm, the daughter losing her mother. It is peppered with memories and remembrances, because even before her mother is physically gone, she is no longer the mother Romm knew, instead floating on a sea of pain killers and barely conscious. Romm does not sugar-coat her feelings about the people surrounding her mother. She is oftentimes nasty and snipes at them, either on the page or in fact. She is selfish, not wanting to share her mother, wanting her to be present as long as she can. Throughout, it is clear that she is devastated and fighting no matter the cost. This book is raw, it is angry, it is philosophical, and it probably isn't for everyone. But it is well-written and intense and true too. The final twelve pages of the book, blank because loss never ends, are stark reminders of the hole left behind for Romm and her family, and really for all of us. And those readers who don't shy away from the pain depicted here will find a gem. show less

This is a hard book to read. It is an unflinching look at the loss of a mother by a daughter who is decidedly NOT ready to lose her mother. And yet, it is a very true look. Loss is wrenching - and often we are exposed at our worst. We rail against the inevitably of death. Ms. Romm shares one of those life-defining moments in ways that resonate and repel. We don't want to be there with her - and yet, many of us are there with her in our own life experiences. A very honest feeling book.

Robin Romm has been dealing with her mother's breast cancer for about a third of her life. Her mother, who was a successful attorney until she became too sick to work, has entered the end stage of the disease and this book is the author's account of mother's final weeks. The memoir is in turns angry and sad. The sadness of course is the grief she feels regarding her mother's death, but most of the anger is directed toward the hospice program that is caring for her mother. Since hospice care is generally discussed with reverence with rarely a negative word said about it, I found this to be an especially thought-provoking part of the book. Oddly enough, one of the most affecting sections of the book has nothing to do with her mother's show more death, but rather Romm's search for a dog. She seems so desperate for the unconditional love of a dog, possibly a surrogate for the motherly love she is about to lose, that it is heartbreaking to read of her struggles to find one. show less

A raw and anguished story of a young woman watching her mother die. It is not an easy death, it is brutal and
ugly and agonizing. I could have written a similar story myself. My mother too, died at age 56 of this horrifying disease. Some years later her sister followed.

The author is painfully honest about herself and her feelings during this time. She tells of how it feels to
watch strangers caring for her mother. The helpless feeling of not being able to help someone you love is there on every page. The feelings of isolation and fear were brought back to me.

I found myself disliking the author for her self centeredness in the face of loss. This is unfair I know, because it is there in all of us. To me it seemed to be an ingral part of show more her character that was intensified by what was happening.
But there was love. It was clear that not only did this mother love her daughter but the daughter cherished her mom.

I do not see myself recommending this book to anyone. It was too difficult for me to read, In fact, if I did not feel a responsibility to tell opinion of this book, I would not have made it through. This, though has nothing to do with the book, just my own experience with the same painful situation. Perhaps the book is too honest show less

Romm give a very honest account of her reaction to her mother's final three weeks. She returns to her childhood home to keep vigil with her father and various friends of her mothers and her dog, Mercy. Romm doesn't paint a very flattering picture of herself but I found it to be very honest. She rails against the inevitable demise of her mother as well as how nurses and friends seem to co-opt her loss. A very honest portrait.

Excellent gut wrenching interspersed with humor. Romm's perception of the hospice nurse especially presents a different viewpoint of how the role of hospice is commonly perceived.
Leaving 12 blank pages at the end for the reader certainly drives home the point loss and grief is an ongoing process, a scab over a wound that never quite heals ,