Suetonius

After the bloodbaths during the reign of the two preceding emperors, Tiberius and Caligula, who were both assassinated, there was one man left standing in the imperial family -- 50 year-old Claudius. Being crippled and having a speech impediment, Claudius wasn't seen as a particular political threat, thus he was spared. So, in 41 AD the armed imperial bodyguards known as the Pretorian Guard proclaimed Claudius emperor. And, turns out, although lacking in political experience, Claudius became show more a competent administrator and leader, building roads, aqueducts and canals throughout the Empire and officiating at many public law courts. He also was a complete eccentric, which makes for lively reading. How lively? Below are quotes from Suetonius along with my brief comments:

"His mother, Antonia, frequently called him "an abortion of a man, that had been only begun, but never finished, by nature." And when she would upbraid any one with dullness, she said, "He was a greater fool than her son, Claudius." His sister, Livilla, upon hearing that he was about to be created emperor, openly and loudly expressed her indignation that the Roman people should experience a fate so severe and so much below their grandeur." ---------- This inclusion by Suetonius underscores how the Greco-Roman world put great value on physical appearance and bodily harmony. I mean, even to be slandered by your own mother and sister. Good grief.

"He exhibited a strange inconsistency of temper, being at one time circumspect and sagacious, at another inconsiderate and rash, and sometimes frivolous, and like one out of his mind. . . . A woman refusing to acknowledge her own son, and there being no clear proof on either side, he obliged her to confess the truth, by ordering her to marry the young man. . . . On proclamation of a man's being convicted of forgery, and that he ought to have his hand cut off, he insisted that an executioner should be immediately sent for, with a Spanish sword and a block." ---------- A true eccentric! Marrying a mother to her son and enjoying watching a man's hand cut off. Thank goodness there has been some progress in law courts in most countries in the past 2000 years.

"Having, amidst great applause, spared a gladiator, on the intercession of his four sons, he sent a billet immediately round the theater, to remind the people, "how much it behooved them to get children, since they had before them an example how useful they had been in procuring favor and security for a gladiator." ---------- Such a great reason for having children: they can plead for your life in front of the emperor!

"He likewise frequently celebrated the Circensian games in the Vatican sometimes exhibiting a hunt of wild beasts, after every five courses. He embellished the Circus Maximus with marble barriers, and gilded goals, which before were of common stone and wood, and assigned proper places for the senators, who were used to sit promiscuously with the other spectators." ---------- Here is an emperor who knows the way to win over the hearts and minds of the Roman people and senators: lots of spectacular displays of exotic animals being killed and a much improved view of chariot races, an event even surpassing gladiators in entertainment value.

My personal favorite of eccentricities of Claudius is him stating: "As I have been so unhappy in my marriages , I am resolved to continue in future unmarried; and if I should not, I give you leave to stab me." He was, however, unable to persist in this resolution; for he began immediately to think of another wife." ---------- Come on, Claudius, such a quick switch. Make up your mind! Do you want to be married or remain a bachelor?

"It is said, too, that he intended to publish an edict, "allowing to all people the liberty of giving vent at table to any distension occasioned by flatulence," upon hearing of a person whose modesty, when under restraint, had nearly cost him his life." ---------- Thanks, Claudius. Just what people need: a proclamation giving them permission to fart after eating.

"He would match others with the beasts, upon slight or sudden occasions; as, for instance, the carpenters and their assistants, and people of that sort, if a machine, or any piece of work in which they had been employed about the theater did not answer the purpose for which it had been intended." ----------- Throwing workmen to the lions if their craftsmanship isn't perfect. Now that's extreme. Unfortunately for Claudius, his wife also wanted to get in on the fun. She poisoned her husband so her sweetheart of a son could take over as emperor. But not that much fun for the Romans - her son was Nero. show less

Roman historian Suetonius (70 AD – 130 AD) wrote spirited biographies of 12 roman emperors from Julius Caesar to Domitian. One of my favorites is Emperor Glaba, who, at age 73, reigned for 7 months in the year 68 AD. Why only 7 months? Answer: no big surprise considering the hyper-violence of the Roman Empire – assassins cut his throat. Suetonius makes for fascinating reading since the author peppers his history with keen philosophical insights on the life and times in the Roman Empire. show more Below are my comments coupled with quotes from the text.

The family of Caesars came to an end with Nero. Good riddance! The Roman people had enough of the evil clowns as emperor. Nero was succeeded by Galba who, according to Suetonius, “was not in the remotest degree allied to the family of the Caesars, but, without doubt, of very noble extraction, being descended from a great and ancient family.”

Suetonius provides us with some of the detail and color of Galba’s many years as a high official in various remote parts of the Roman Empire. One example I find particularly charming: “During his praetorship, at the celebration of games in honor of the goddess Flora, Galba presented the new spectacle of elephants walking upon ropes. ----- The Romans sure knew how to entertain. Believe it or not, this can be done! Here is a link from a modern zoo in Thailand where an elephant walks on a tightrope. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YCfGZ0n_wX8/UKecIEvEDtI/AAAAAAAABCo/m_aIGZ1uNVg/s1600/...

“Upon the news of Caligula's death, though many earnestly pressed him to lay hold of that opportunity of seizing the empire, he chose rather to be quiet.” And then in the reign of Nero, we read: “Galba gave himself up to a life of indolence and inactivity, from the fear of giving Nero any occasion of jealousy, and because, as he used to say, "Nobody was obliged to render an account of their leisure hours."” --------- Galba had the wisdom to lay low at the outskirts of the empire during turbulent times. Thus, he made it to age 73, remarkable for a Roman leader during the bloodbaths from the time of Caligula to Nero.

“He possessed himself of the imperial power with more favor and authority than he administered it, although he gave many proofs of his being an excellent prince: but these were not so grateful to the people, as his misconduct was offensive.” ---------- But when Galba was proclaimed emperor, things changed. He did some good but his cruelty, stinginess, self-aggrandizement and self-indulgence outweighed any good.

“Galba’s hands and feet were so distorted with the gout, that he could neither wear a shoe, nor turn over the leaves of a book, or so much as hold it. He had likewise an excrescence in his right side, which hung down to that degree, that it was with difficulty kept up by a bandage.” ---------- A well-known Roman philosophic maxim: Mens sana in corpore sano (A sound mind in a sound body). Suetonius writes a vivid picture of a man who had neither.

“He was governed by three favorites, who, because they lived in the palace, and were constantly about him, obtained the name of his pedagogues. These were Titus Vinius, a man of insatiable avarice; Cornelius Laco, a person of intolerable arrogance and indolence; and his freedman Icelus, dignified a little before with the privilege of wearing the gold ring. ---------- Sounds like Galba turned over the Roman Empire to the 3 stooges – Greedy, Haughty, and Showy. Greco-Roman philosophers and historians continually emphasized the need to choose wise friends and counselors. Galba had influence and power, enough to be appointed emperor, but, turns out, he lacked that one critical quality: wisdom.

“By this conduct, he incurred the hatred of all orders of the people, but especially of the soldiery. For their commanders having promised them in his name a sum of money larger than usual, upon their taking the oath to him before his arrival at Rome; he refused to make it good, frequently bragging, "that it was his custom to choose his soldiers, not buy them." Thus the troops became exasperated against him in all quarters.” ---------- Hey, Galba! What were you thinking? Pissing off the soldiers and not giving them the money you promised – bad idea, very bad idea.

Then, shortly thereafter, when the solider gathered round Galba and unsheathed their swords, Glaba cried out, "What do you mean, fellow-soldiers? I am yours, and you are mine," and promised them money.” ---------- Sorry, Galba. Too little, too late. It cost your life. show less

Not at all dull, Suetonius tells it like he sees it and Robert Graves keeps that vigour with his translation.
If you only read one 'life' make it Julius Caesar's; "His health was sound apart from sudden comas" and Suetonius shares with us insults such as "Every woman's husband and every man's wife". Suetonius delights in repeating all the juicy gossip and re-chanting for us the ribald songs.
This dry looking book brings the Caesars alive.

Ha! Here's a massive must-read about Roman history; especially the rise of the Empire - from Julius Caesar's death and its consequences upon the establishment of the Principate, up to the fall of Domitian. The problem is, this is not history how I personally like it; if it can be called 'history' at all!

I get it: Suetonius writes biographies, and biography, for him, means mainly focusing on private lives. This is not an innocent approach. Private lives are his way to gauge the personalities show more and characters of his subjects, and, so, 'explain' their achievements as rulers. What's the issue with that, then? Well...

Then as now, I don't see how bringing forth the family issues, sexuality, eccentricities, vices and individual shortcomings of people in power can serve as a reliable tool to judge of their deeds as politicians. What goes on in private is what goes on in private; and public life is often all other and unrelated. True, in Ancient Rome both were often going hand-in-hand (eg. one cannot understand the political feuds within a dynasty without knowing about the familial and marital conflicts plaguing it). But, then as now, such failures of characters and supposed feuds and how they went on is more often than not relying on gossips, libels, hearsays, and, so, should be taken with a serious pinch of salt! Is this all true and reliable? Or are these 'supposed' vices and outrageous behaviours just deliberate slanders playing into political agendas? Politics was a dirtier business back then that it is now! But, I get that too: then as now, Suetonius's delights in dragging most of his subjects into the mud by overplaying the scandalous will be as entertaining and crusty as the crass and vulgar tabloids of our days. Such gossips and lurid details, after all, became the stuff of history (Tiberius, Caligula, Nero... it's all in there!). So what did I expect?

Well, when it comes to such primary sources, I like history as a narrative. I like reading about achievements (military, political...) and, so, I have no patience for the privy and gossipy. I'm not saying Suetonius has no historical interest! He relies on primary sources too (eg letters from Augustus and Mark Anthony, memoirs of Tiberius and Claudius, poetry of Nero... all quoted verbatim). He also quotes popular songs and jokes which tells a lot about how rulers were perceived by their subjects. But, you would be very hard-pressed to find anything detailed about their deeds (eg Julius Caesar might have been a great conqueror, you wouldn't know it reading this!).

Now, some are clearly admired (Julius Caesar again, Augustus, even Vespasian comes out fine...). The other biographical snapshots, however, are striking (and, to me, annoying) for their downright and always predictable negativity. Tiberius? He claims: 'Some aspects of his criminal obscenities are almost too vile to discuss, much less to believe' (before, of course, discussing them at length!). Claudius? He is completely dismissed: 'all these acts, and others like them - indeed, one might say throughout his reign - were dictated by his wives and freedmen: he practically always obeyed their whims rather than his own judgement.' And it goes on. And on. And on. And on! The negativity, in fact, is quite boring; especially when coupled with the lack of depth when it comes to public achievements.

So? Well... These biographies might be crusty for their sensationalism, nearly all men here exposed in their supposed trashy behaviours; and, this might make for an entertaining read. However, I, for one, rather go and read Tacitus... There: Suetonius is not for me. show less