Jeff VanVonderen

If all churches required their Sunday school teachers, elders, deacons, pastors, assistant pastors and congregations to read this, just think of the pain and damage that would be avoided.

As a youngster, I was in a church where the pastor used brow-beating as his whip of choice. Coming from a household where yelling and anger was common, this subtlety caused corrosion that lasted well into my adult years.

Sadly, even when the church this particular pastor 'ran' slowly rotted and died, he just show more moved on to another in a nearby town.

It's a shame that an individual can be ordained in a church, be given the title pastor/preacher/minister and think that they are qualified to provide guidance and counseling.

This book does a great job of outlining the types of abuse, how the abuser develops / is created and a section on post-abuse recovery.

"Straining Gnats, Swallowing Camels". A 17 year-old was disciplinarily dis-fellowshipped for "lack of attendance" (though they were in full church attendance away at college). Though published in 1991, still a great book on this subject. If you know of a better one, I sure would appreciate the information.

"The Weight of Religion". Ever hear of the Bill Gothard Basic Life/Youth Seminars? Is the goal to call people in and keep them in, "whether or not they are finding life there?"

I've had a website since 1996 for those beaten up in the church. This book and "Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?" by Carlson are two that have been very helpful.

Read this book to avoid being robbed of your spiritual joy.

Read this book to avoid being one of who create wakes of destruction or ripples of damage. show less

I think this book is very good for helping those who are in abusive systems to realise that they are, and to reassure them that they are not the ones in the wrong. It is excellent at the "Diagnosis" part of that process, but I am not sure it is quite so good at helping people deal with the consequences of that abuse. That might not be what it's intended to do, but I would have liked to see some more material on helping people to deal with the baggage of having been in manipulative or abusive show more spiritual environments. show less

Having read this book about ten years ago, I was not surprise by its content. I greatly appreciated was message. I also am contemplating the changes in our culture and wondering about finding any number of churches which might be "rightly dividing" the word.

If your church pew holds 12 people, 3 of them are living with or have come from a chemically dependent home. This book shows how and why people become dependent, what steps must be taken to overcome the dependency, and why total family recovery and wellness are essential to long range sobriety. It also explains what friends, loved ones and the church can do to help the dependent person - and what they shouldn't do.