Greg Lukianoff

This book does not disappoint a long-time Haidt fan. His arguments continue to be exquisitely measured and explained to appeal to any reasonable person willing to listen. He does not suffer for collaborating with co-author Lukianoff, either, who seems to have the same style.

The title makes it sound like it is going to be a conservative or curmudgeonly rant - "coddle" is such a smug and "when I was your age" kind of verb. But you can trust Haidt. He's very sympathetic, for example, to what show more even the most strident and intolerant protesters may be trying to achieve; he's just pointing out, clearly and convincingly in my opinion, how they are harming their cause more than helping. That is one major area covered in the book - college protest; and although I was familiar with many of the cases described here, such as Charles Murray's appearance in Middlebury in my home state of Vermont, I had no idea of the extent of some of the other things going on in the rest of the country, like the truly anarchic takeover of Evergreen College in Washington state. Again, don't think this is just some conservative outrage-generating listing of cases where those liberal students went too far in their political correctness. There are some eyebrow-raising incidents described here, but the authors aren't out simply to raise ire about them; but to explain where they feel things went wrong.

Another subject covered in the book is the overprotectiveness of parents in our modern culture, and effects of excessive screen time on kids; they authors see these as roots of the excessive fragility of the younger generation of today's adults.

The authors hold up cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as a proven successful method of dealing with depression and anxiety, and use its tenets as models of how we SHOULD be raising children and encouraging young people to deal effectively with their feelings of fragility.

Major fault: I don't understand why they felt they had to end every chapter with a summary - and then end the book with an overall summary, as well! For Pete's sake, have a little faith that I know what I just read.

The only other fault was really just a personal disappointment that there was a lot in it about raising children, and the rest was almost all about college students - I guess if I had read the description I would have been more prepared; but I selfishly wanted more things to apply to my own life. show less

This book started out well. It deals with many of the changes occurring in our society, and especially on campus, as the latest generation grows up to expect an environment where they are never offended or have their beliefs challenged. The authors write well, and detail the problems with excellent insight. It's too bad that, in their discussion of the Great Untruths passed on by adults, that they perpetrate a great untruth themselves: the untruth that no one can hurt us unless we allow them show more to. A socially acceptable form of victim blaming, they repeat this in close to every chapter. In addition, they are wearing blinders or are somewhat naive. In discussing why young girls have a high suicide attempt rate, they miss the most obvious reason, one frequently stated by the young women: the crap that they get every day on social media sites they are afraid to depart for fear of losing all their social life. The level of misogyny and violent threats is barely noted in the book. In addition, they seem to think the best time in the US was the period from FDR to the early 1960s, and since then, things have become too focused on "identity". In short, the best thing of all is when white men rule unchallenged, women remain in the home with few economic, social, or political rights, and people of color are segregated. I suspect this isn't really what they meant from other things they say, but in the end, the message is loud and clear. Especially when they use a couple of Title IX examples to represent poor thinking, when they don't have any data to support their position, and there is a lot of data to support the opposite position - that women are being kept out of many areas of life by misogyny, not by lack of interest. It is a common thing I see in books on critical thinking; they will do a beautiful job until they come to one particular spot, and then it all falls apart. Overall, a worthwhile book, but with significant flaws. show less

Fantastic book which spans trends in parenting, politics, universities, and culture to analyze the forces that were at work for what some call “iGen”, kids born after 1995, as they grew up and then went to college. It also works as a guide to use Cognitive Behavioral Techniques for better mental health, and as a manifesto for free speech and the tolerance of others. I appreciated the book for its balance and careful rationality, at time when things are so polarized and skewed, and for show more how it avoids pointing fingers or making simplistic claims. I found great wisdom here, and it really made me think.

The books starts by describing three “Great Untruths” the authors believe are harming people and the country at large: (1) What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker, (2) Always trust your feelings, and (3) Life is a battle between good and evil people. It then looks at some disturbing behavior on college campuses like Berkeley, Evergreen State, and Reed College, as well as at Charlottesville. Lastly, it examines six confluent and interrelated forces that have emerged in recent times: political polarization, anxiety and depression, paranoid parenting, the decline of free play in children, college campus bureaucracy, and the quest for social justice.

Some of the more hair-raising passages were the description of events at universities, mostly those that are on the east or west coast and liberal. The authors describe various acts of censorship of ideas and a ‘call out’ culture that has many attributes of a mob, one that feeds off of the feeling of being offended and demanding speakers be disinvited, classes be shut down, articles be redacted, and professors be fired over the smallest of things, instead of keeping an open mind and engaging in debate. In one key insight into the behavior, the authors relate it to mental habits seen in people who suffer from anxiety and depression (which have risen dramatically in young people, girls particularly) – namely, exaggeration of danger and other cognitive distortions, and the suggestion solutions take a holistic approach. And, at the same time, they are careful to point out the benefits of pushing for social changes and the horrifying actions of the alt-right, including outright racism and violence.

Great stuff, very thought-provoking, and these quotes will give insight into other points the book makes:
On free speech:
“The notion that a university should protect all of its students from ideas that some of them find offensive is a repudiation of the legacy of Socrates, who described himself as the ‘gladfly’ of the Athenian people. He thought it was his job to sting, to disturb, to question, and thereby to provoke his fellow Athenians to think through their current beliefs, and change the ones they could not defend.”

On good and evil, from Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who after being sentenced to the gulags, reflected that he had nearly joined the NKVD (the forerunner of the KGB), and could just as easily have become the executioner, rather than the condemned man:
“If only it were so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.”

On inclusion, and overcoming ‘us vs. them’ thinking, the words of Pauli Murray in 1945:
“I intend to destroy segregation by positive and embracing methods … When my brothers try to draw a circle to exclude me, I shall draw a larger circle to include them. Where they speak out for the privileges of a puny group, I shall shout for the rights of all mankind.”

On learning, from Chief Justice John Roberts, addressing his son’s middle-school graduating class in 2017:
“From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will get lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion. Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.”

On parenting, fostering strength in kids, referencing Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s book ‘The Black Swan’:
“Wind extinguishes a candle but energizes a fire. He advises us not to be like candles and not to turn our children into candles: ‘You want to be the fire and wish for the wind.’”

On polarization, from Julia Ebner’s, ‘The Rage: The Vicious Circle of Islamist and Far-Right Extremism’:
“What we have is the far right depicting Islamist extremists as representatives of the whole Muslim community, while Islamist extremists depict the far right as representatives of the entire West. As the extremes [pull more people from] the political center, these ideas become mainstream, and the result is a clash-of-civilizations narrative turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

On safety, from Van Jones:
“There are two ideas about safe spaces: One is a very good idea and one is a terrible idea. The idea of being physically safe on a campus – not being subjected to sexual harassment and physical abuse, or being targeted, specifically, personally, for some kind of hate speech ‘ ‘you are the n-word,’ or whatever – I am perfectly fine with that. But there’s another view that is now I think ascendant, which I think is just a horrible view, which is that ‘I need to be safe ideologically. I need to be safe emotionally. I just need to feel good all the time, and if someone says something I don’t like, that’s a problem for everybody else, including the [university] administration.’ … I don’t want you to be safe ideologically. I don’t want you to be safe emotionally. I want you to be strong. That’s different. I’m not going to pave the jungle for you. Put on some boots, and learn how to deal with adversity. I’m not going to take all the weights out of the gym; that’s the whole point of the gym. This is the gym.”

On truth, and its importance, from Northwestern University professor Alice Dreger’s ‘Galileo’s Middle Finger’:
“Evidence really is an ethical issue, the most important ethical issue in a modern democracy. If you want justice, you must work for truth. And if you want to work for truth, you must do a little more than wish for justice.” show less

When picking up this book, I had the distinct impression that I MIGHT be getting into a polemical debate with some sort of bias beginning to scream at Lefts or Rights... but that's the funny thing.

This book argues AGAINST triggers. Against going with your knee-jerk reactions. Against Safetyism.

A culture of safety is NOT the same thing as providing a safe physical environment. It should be obvious, but often is not, that having seatbelts in cars is not the same thing as students shouting down show more speakers on campus, issuing rape and death threats for people speaking of ANYTHING that they don't agree with, or equating social justice with REAL justice.

Stopping the KKK and lynchings is Justice. Making a school administrator fear for their lives because they misused a pronoun, or turning the misuse of a specific pronoun into something as nasty as actual physical molestation IS NOT JUSTICE.

And yet, people everywhere (and I mean, EVERYWHERE) are getting more and more scared of doxing, public shaming, and anonymous trolling campaigns. It has become an accepted practice to turn anyone of a different ideology into targets of ridicule and slander until both sides have no idea what the hell is going on.

What is truth? What happened to the search for truth ANYWHERE?

They sum up the book in three main points.

1. We've forgotten the adage of "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." If someone insults you, you ought to ADAPT. If someone betrays you, ADAPT. And yet, increasingly, we're all climbing into our safe ideological niches, surrounding ourselves with ONLY those things we think we can cope with, until nothing else remains except a narrow, narrow worldview.

Open up your minds. Broaden your horizons. You don't have to agree with everyone or even anyone, but the experience WILL enrich you.

2. Following your feelings is often really, really stupid. We have minds and we must always combat our own biases every single day. Remember when you fussed about a food when you were a kid and then you realized, later, that you loved it? If we always did what our feelings said, (especially for those of us who suffer from depression,) then our suicide rates might jump higher than the death rates of cancer. Oh, and let's not forget... following our feelings when surrounded by a bunch of other fearful and angry people has another term associated with it:

MOBS. And we all know that no one is as stupid as all of us together.

3. Oh, and we must always look for fault in others. We're never wrong. It's always someone else that has done this to us. This way of thinking could NEVER backfire, of course. Unfortunately, the first two points described above are exacerbating everyone's mental health issues. And let's face it... we have TONS. Rates of murder and violence and abductions are as low as they were in the 60's and yet everyone is growing up coddled and fearful and crazy. We've lost natural socialization, not only in the physical sense (scheduled playdates versus running around and getting into and out of trouble), but also in the amount of screentime we're ALL getting. Children are maturing much, much slower than at any other time and they're unable to cope with the real world. Hell, most of us are.

We all need to open up our minds to listen as if we're wrong even while we argue passionately as if we're right.

The point is... TRUTH is getting lost in mob mentality. We all need to wake up and get courageous and stand up for our beliefs while simultaneously RETAINING AN OPEN MIND.

Otherwise, unofficially, our vaunted love of free speech is now DEAD. show less