Leslie Morgan Steiner

When the author of this compelling memoir met a handsome young man on the New York subway and started dating him, she thought she'd met the man of her dreams. But does the man of your dreams choke you, punch you in the face while you're driving, push you down the stairs, or hold a gun to your head? Conor (a pseudonym), whose abusive childhood treatment at the hands of his stepfather has turned him into an abusive adult, repeatedly professes his love for Leslie, despite his continued abuse. show more Leslie herself repeats over and over how much she loves him and how she doesn't want to abandon him like his mother did. But over the course of their three years together, she slowly comes to realize that she cannot help him overcome his past and that he will never stop abusing her. The reader knows from the very first page that Steiner escapes this awful marriage, but that doesn't make the story any less of a page-turner. show less

People often wonder why a woman stays with an abusive husband. In this book, Leslie Morgan Steiner describes her courtship and marriage to a husband who tried to kill her. In doing so, she describes how an abusive marriage can happen to anyone. The author describes all the reasons why she loved Conor, but also described all the red flags that she explained away to herself.

I could not put this book down. What I found especially wrenching were 2 things. At one point, before going through with show more the wedding, the author decides to tells someone about the abuse. First, she calls a domestic abuse hotline--only to get a busy signal. So then she decides to tell her father. She arranges to meet him for breakfast--only to find that he didn't show up. I had to wonder how differently things might have gone were it not for these 2 critical failures. The other thing I found amazing was that in doing research on abusive relationships, the author discovers that while numerous studies have been done on the female victimes, few studies have been done on the male perpetrators. The one researcher she conversed with, without ever knowing that she was a victim, described her husband and their relationship perfectly.

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to understand domestic violence. show less

Whether it’s by luck or by chance that one becomes a mother, one thing is certain, there are a lot of choices to make in how one goes about raising them: stay-at-home…continue to work…work full-time…work part-time…work from home…it’s these choices that fuel the elusive mommy wars! The most important thing you can take from this book is that there is no right or wrong choice when it comes to being a parent…the evidence supports nearly ALL arguments…kids who have a show more stay-at-home parent gain access to certain benefits as do kids whose parents work and utilize daycare of some kind. What makes the difference is choosing what is right for YOU and YOUR family…the happiest mothers are the one’s who make the “right” choice (or balance between choices) for who they are and what their goals are.

The Mommy Wars is a collection of 26 essays by well…mothers (with the exception of one essay which was written by a woman not yet a mother). There is a brief bio for each author and while there are some differences between them, for the most part we’re talking about women who are more educated than the average mother and nearly all of whom turned a lucrative full-time (well paying) career into a similarly well paid freelance gig (part or full time), most have help (if not from family, they have the means to hire all the help they need) and nearly off of them live on the east (New York heavy) or west coasts with very little hard from the middle states. I understand why publishers want books like this…from women with writing experience, but I’d personally be will to sacrifice some quality of writing to hear more varied points of view, because Mommy Wars was interesting and enlightening, it’s also skewed and hangs on the precipice of elitism that will certainly be a big turn-off for some readers.

I think what struck me most about this book is that there isn’t really an external “mommy war” and the common themes of this book are spotlighted as these authors turn a spotlight on their own trials, tribulations and tumultuous thoughts on what is right and necessary to raise their children. There is a pretty even split between the stay-at-home and working mother camps (with more than a few that fall somewhere between) and fairly skewers all the most common stereotypes (smug working mom, bored to death stay-at-home mom, holier than thou stay-at-home mom, etc.) and brings to center stage those issues which are really the most important when deciding what is right for you, because what is right for you and your children is what makes you happy…if being at home and dealing with a toddler all day would drive you batty then work and spend happy quality time with your little ones…if working stresses you out and makes you feel inadequate (and you can manage to stay at home without going bananas from the day in and day out routines) then by all means stay at home or work part-time.

In the end, it’s clear that this so called Mommy War is not going on “out there…” it’s going on inside each woman who chooses motherhood (or has it chosen for her though circumstance). For some the decision to work or stay home is easy, very cut and day. For many…perhaps even most, this decision is heart wrenching, difficult and filled with doubt and worry. The only thing that is certain here is that this is an internal war which will probably never be “won,” but it’s nice to read the battles that others have engaged in and see them stand by their decisions and “get” that the most important (and often the most hurtful) judgments in the decisions of motherhood come from within. That makes this book worth reading, all by itself. I give it four stars, it’s a worthwhile read. show less

About: Steiner's memoir about surviving an abusive relationship

Four Word Review: Engaging and intense read

Grade: B+