Robert A. Bernstein (1926–2024)

Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together by Robert A. Bernstein. Epiphany library section 8 L: Life Skills, Life Challenges. Everyone has a deep desire to be loved and accepted by others, especially one’s family. But no issue is more liable to create family havoc than when a child “comes out” to parents. This book, published in 1995, contains the stories of everyday American families that dealt with this news in the 1970 - 80s. These parents went through a very similar show more process leading from initial denial to final acceptance, even celebration. These steps will be very familiar to those who have more recently dealt with this issue.
Many of the families profiled in this book were pioneers in creating support organizations, particularly P-FLAG. Others were parents in the public eye, for example, Robert MacNeil of the MacNeil Lehrer News Hour on PBS, and former Senator Barry Goldwater.
So much has changed since this book’s publication! While our children still “come out” to us, it is easier now because society is so much more knowledgeable about how people become gay. (Sexual orientation, whether straight or gay, is an unchangeable, irreversible birth gift, not a choice, and not just mere behavior. It’s a birth trait.) While gays still do not possess all the rights that other Americans enjoy, the tide is slowly turning in favor of full equality. Gays can now adopt children in all states. Gay marriage is legal in a number of states. More states recognize civil unions or offer legal rights of a similar nature for both gay and straight unmarried couples. Our own ELCA no longer requires its gay and lesbian pastors to remain celibate. And “don’t ask, don’t tell” has been consigned to the dustbin of history.
What is particularly hopeful is that because of greater knowledge, youngsters are coming out at younger ages, and many middle and high school students are accepting and comfortable toward their gay friends they’ve known since childhood. As these youngsters become adults, they create a more open-minded, just society.
But.....gay kids are still the most isolated, lonely and misunderstood of all teens, and in many places it is still acceptable to bully them. Upon “coming out,” reactions from family members vary from complete acceptance to kicking the child out of the house. Gay teens still have a disproportionally high rate of suicide not because they are gay but due to society’s stigma. Most conservative religious denominations still demonize them. However, more and more school districts have enacted bullying policies that have teeth; and gay or questioning students can turn for support to guidance counselors, gay teachers, and Gay-Straight Alliance clubs in schools and on campuses. In fact, many colleges go out of their way to attract and welcome gay students. Full equality can’t come too soon for these isolated, often misunderstood children and their families. P-FLAG can end that awful feeling of isolation. It supports families and keeps them together. What could be more beautiful than a strong, united family? show less

I highly recommend this for parents newly dealing with a child's sexual orientation.