FAQ: A Thread for Newcomer's Questions

Q. There's so many threads in this place. Where should I start?

A. You, of course, as a newcomer are welcome to jump in anywhere, but if you'd like to get your feet wet first, I recommend two threads for you first:

1) Piero's (copyedit52's) ongoing communal and very friendly Nature Threads (memo to me: Remind me to update the link to this post every time a new nature thread begins); or,

2) Supremo Sandydawg's "Welcome to the Salon" thread.

"Salonistas"* will engage you in either thread.

*A "Salonista," not to be confused with "Sandinista," is a member of this group.

First thing in the morning, I start my LT day by checking Porius's birthday (and death) thread, which often comes with all sorts of YouTube and other goodies. Not just confined to the literate and literary, btw, but sports and entertainment types too, artists, performers, ne'er-do-wells, and so on.

http://www.librarything.com/topic/104034

I keep my talk options on the left of the screen set to Your Groups. That way I see all the action in the Salon each time I come to LT. Rique's friendly tips are a good place to start as well.

Speaking of My Groups. I've pretty much reduced them to three to which I pay more than a little attention, Literary Snobs, run mostly by Cliff Burns, the author, is fun, and several of the same people who visit this group pop-up there, Sci-Fi, which, while I haven't found any worthwhile SF, and I've tried, going so far as to buying and reading some on other's recommendations (I'm pretty convinced worthwhile SF is an oxymoron), it's mild contentiousness can be fun, and every once in a while I tend to make an unwelcome, but needed comment. However, there are some pretty bright people who hang out there, too.

More than three groups keeps me from having time to read like, you know, actual books.

EF, have you actually been getting any newcomers' questions, or is this another shameless ploy to enter the term "Salonista" into the contemporary vernacular? Or to encourage the questionable use of the Q&A format?

What're you up to?

Btw, for any actual newcomers with questions, EnriqueFreeque is the Salon's Dictator, described by some as "Benevolent" or "Generous," which should make you suspicious, of him but not of the Salon or other Salonistas. We're all very good-natured: benevolent and generous. :-)

(I'm pretty convinced worthwhile SF is an oxymoron),

Hell is the Absence of God

I heard a great joke today:

L'Salon se tunisifie, Freeque se benalise. C'est du Djeddah vu!

Speaking of, amusebouche, has anyone seen Our Benevolent Dictator around?

Q. How do I know what book this group is presently reading?

A. On the front page of the Salon, click on Le Salon's Wiki Page, then click on "Reading Schedule" and that will link you to the books we're reading, and when we're reading them, in 2011.

Q. Is it appropriate for salonistas to post comments on this thread in a non-Q.&A. format?

A. No. It is not appropriate for salonistas to post comments on this thread in a non-Q.&A. format.

Q. Henri, what have you been up to?

A. I've been working on this Q.&A. thread.

Q. Have newcomers really been asking you these questions?

A. Not me directly. But credible sources inform me some newcomers are feeling ... Lost in the Salon. Might make a good movie, perhaps the prequel to Lost Horizon or Lost in Space.

Q. Is this better or worse than the time EF started to talk in "Cormac McCarthy"?

A. Debatable. But both instances call into question not only the reasonableness of his edicts, but his mental state as well.

Legal Q. Is it permissible for non-Salonistas to post comments on this thread in a non-Q&A format, or better stated, does The Dictator's rule extend to those who have not chosen membership in this group?

Attorney A. The sovereignty of said Dictator may not contradict the dictates of The High Dictator, timspalding, who has issued an edict stating posting may be free and open as long as it does not violate his policies, which do not contain a proscription against posts in a non-Q&A format. Ergo, non-Salonistas may post on this thread in a non-Q&A format. However, this conclusion may be challenged by Our Quixotic Dictator in the non-existent LT Court of Edict Resolution.

Q: Does the group have an official psychiatrist?

A: Yes, Dr. Urania Freud-Newton, who has a thread here:
http://www.librarything.com/topic/98033

11
(psst, hey citygirl; when did our fearless leader speak in McCarthy? I missed that thread)

Q: What is speaking in Cormac McCarthy?

A: A conversation style known for terse responses and a remarkable lack of punctuation. For example:

Even if you went to him and gave the money he would still kill you. Just for having inconvenienced him.

I think I done more than inconvenienced him.

How do you mean.

I think I hit him.

Why do do you think that?

I sprayed double ought buckshot all over him. I cant believe it done him a whole lotta good.

Q: What is the in joke about {insert former sockpuppet handle here}? Who is the Naughty Hottie? Are all you people nuts?

A: Once upon a time in a list far, far away, called "The Quest for the Last Page of Ulysses," ..... Oh, the heck with it.

Q: What is up with all the deleted posts?

A: The first rule of the Salon is not to point at the deleted posts.

Q
Do Salonistas have copius confusing nicknames?

A
Yes. LEARN THEM ALLLLLL!
For starters, here are a few:

copyedit52 is, as shown above, also known as Piero, sometime Pietro, sometimes Peter.

But be warned. There are other Peters in this Salon, notably Porius, otherwise known as Por-Mon, or PorMan, or Por.

So much for the Peters - unless there are more. Q: Are there more Peters? A: this salonista thinks there might be, but isn't sure.

TomcatMurr has fairly recognisable other names, mostly enlargements on the 'Murr' theme, Murrushka being a favourite. This Salonista is really a cat. He types with his paws, and will do anything - literally anything - for herring and wodka. For a comprehensive understanding of his personality, read E.T.A. Hoffmann (which I haven't done yet but will!)

EnriqueFreeque is of course our Beloved Dictator, or Dikateur. He is also, mysteriously, known as Henri. You will also find him being called Rique, or Freeeeequy. Occasionally, people call him by his Real Life name, which is Brent.

ChocolateMuse opened the floor at a past period in the Salon, asking for other names she could be called, because hers is so annoying to type. The result opened floodwaters, which have since settled down to mainly the following: CM, choco, Rena, Muse, renamuse, and even sometimes Lorena, which is her real name. When the sorely missed highdesertlady (aka Tani) returns, you may find her referring to chocmuse as Renschkaya, or variations thereon. Oh yeah! And Sheila! How could I forget?

(Note that Tani also refers to copyedit52 as 'Wilson' - but nobody else is allowed to do so.)

Others, requiring less verbosity to explain:

geneg = Gene
dchaikin = Dan
Macumbeira = Mac, or Big Mac Daddy (you have to be sufficiently initiated to call him this latter - I have not yet dared)
citygirl = CG - she would like to tell you her real name, but would have to kill you if she told you, so she refrains.
theaelizabet = thea, or Teresa
anna_in_pdx = apparently Citoyenne X, though this is new to me. She is also known, perhaps surprisingly, as Anna.
Mr.Durick = Robert - he signs all his posts thus, so you will probably not be confused by this.

Others are more straightforward, such as zeno for zenomax, urania for urania1, Pim for PimPhillipse, Sandy or Dog for Sandydog1, and Lola for LolaWalser.

Who have I mortally offended by forgetting?

This tome-post should go in the Wiki, right, Henri?

Q. Was this thread begun as a "serious" FAQ thread for newcomers?

A. Yes.

Q. So what happened?

A. Nobody takes Henri seriously; that's what happened, but he was indeed attempting to create a real FAQ (and not a parody) of an FAQ, until the goofballs showed up, and turned this thing into a transmogrification of itself.

Q. I recently purchased a microwave oven. When I turn it on, it burns my intestines. Do you think this malfunction would be covered under the warranty?

"A. Nobody takes Henri seriously; that's what happened, but he was indeed attempting to create a real FAQ (and not a parody) of an FAQ, until the goofballs showed up, and turned this thing into a transmogrification of itself."

And yet it does sort of answer one's questions does it not?

Q. Should newcomers be worried because the Dikateur freequently has conversations with himself?

A. Possibly, but this really should be the least of your worries.

Q: Is this still a useful place for newcomers?

A: That's a matter of opinion, but salonista anna_in_pdx thinks so. If you don't enjoy silliness and parodies, you probably don't belong here anyhow.

15: Q: Who have I mortally offended by forgetting?

A: Well you obvously don't read the nature thread carefully enough or you'd know that my new nom de guerre is Citoyenne X and also, ChocolateMuse is occasionally known as Sheila.

Yes, Muse.

And Porious (often known as Por), don't forget Porious!

I've got him there! I couldn't forget PorMon! See the copyedit paragraph!

I'll edit to make it clearer, and then put it in the Wiki toot sweet so you can all make these changes yourself.

Oh! So sorry! I see that now!

Don't forget "trandy" for recent newcomer, "Trandism".

I was just in there and someone else was too so my stuff wouldn't save. No worries. I like how you're doing it, I think it's you Muse.

I'll add later: "What about slick, LisaCurcio, janepriceestrada, solla, polutropos, tommyb27, dalan, alexaustin, jessie_wiedenmyer, bokai, roland perkins, msjohns615 ..." More will come to my mind ...

And then there's the Old Timers I'll never forget who've moved on from posting but still remain group members:

ImNotDed = ImNotDedalus
Pummz = Pummzie
Wilf = Wilf Gehlen

I'd like to see every salon member listed on the Wiki with a link to their LT profile, if possible.

oh no, some of them particularly I should NEVER have forgotten! I knew this was a risky business.

A: What exactly, is a goofball?

Q: (1) A Mildly ludicrous, laughable, sometimes dearly inoffensive stupid person. (2) An intravenous mixture of methamphetamine and heroin.

Others we'll add: Martini for MeditationesMartin; Jude for jdthloue; blackdawg for blackdogbooks; Medellia; pyro for pyrocow; sutpen ... have to leave ... but I'm thinking of more ...

Note the particular postmodernism of Sandy's above post, in which "Q" and "A" are mixed, and thus reflect darkly upon their own meaning. This, too, tells you something about the Salon, though I don't know exactly what.

Oh no! Such big names! Sorry to you all, I don't know how I came to miss you, except I wrote it without thinking very much.

>29 ChocolateMuse: Either that or he's reviving a very old Johnny Carson routine, which could also tell you something about the Salon.

God forbid we forget RidgewayGirl. I'm sure there's others I'm forgetting. Ganeshaka? Mark, tonyh, fannyprice, clarabel, PekoetheCat, more of the regular posters in Piero's thread, whose names escape me.

The Who's Who on the Wiki should be alphabetized also ... eventually.

Also, all the recent members that are listed on the front page should be included. I don't know how to access a listing that includes every salon member. Does anybody know how to tap in to that?

OMG! A citadine (I'm lobbying for this to be one of my nicknames) takes an evening off and things go all blimey!

Dogofsand, EF went McCarthy. It appears that the first instance of this was his review of Child of God (it is the one with the most votes, so check that out), and then he couldn't get away from it. It appeared on several other threads until our dear feline started an intervention on a Salon thread called Fix Enrique's Prose (to which I cannot html for some reason). It appears to have worked.

I would also like to note that I refer to copyedit as "pdub," of which he is barely tolerant, because I am too lazy to type any of the others.

And, choco is right: I would love to tell you my real name, but in the interest of national security I will have to substitute for it a pseudonym: Vivian Darkbloom.

EF, I strongly, VOCIFEROUSLY, fiercely object to being called a goofball. I have never in my life been called such an insulting thing and I hereby BITE MY THUMB AT YOU.

To the newcomers: things are clear now, right?

Q: are there actually any newcomers reading this thread?
A: ?

De-lurk! (Please :-)

I confess: all this sound and fury concerning clarification for newcomers is my fault. Based on a longtime member, or at least longer than I (I don't remember who, maybe Martin), and a new member, sarine, from Montreal, saying on one or another thread that they didn't realize how much was going on, how many different threads there were, etc., I put a bug up Henri's ass. Or maybe the bug was already there. So mea culpa, maybe. But look at how much fun you all had with it.

I know they're lurking. I can feel their eyes. 8-S

Q: How does Le Dikateur know that some Salonistas are not Sandinistas?

A: ...

I'm lurking! And I'm definitely a Sandinista.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/marcelo_montecino/5817880/lightbox/

(That's me on the top).

38> Thank God it wasn't a gerbil!

Welcome Newcomers!

I think they may have fled.

Q: What does all this talk of lurkers remind me of?

A: A long time ago, when I was in high school I saw a cartoon about the different kinds of numbers. I only saw it once. It was something like a School-house Rock cartoon, but it wasn't. Anyway, the numbers that lived in the town were whole numbers, and everything they did was in wholes. One day, the wife of the baker baked one pie and set it on the window sill to cool. When she came back to check on it half was missing. This just threw the whole town into a tizzy. How could this be? Then they discovered that living nearby were a family of fractions. They welcomed the fractions into the town and everything went back to normal, in fact the town was richer for the fractions. What they didn't know was lurking in the woods, watching the town were the irrational numbers, preparing to shake things up a bit more. It was a great cartoon.

Well, if we ever get a new member who sticks around long enough to read these how-to and whazzup threads, everything is in place. Kinda the opposite of an excavated ruin.

>29 ChocolateMuse:

Isn't "Jeopardy!" the greatest!

>35 citygirl:

Thanks citygirl; I had read that review just a couple weeks ago - after finishing No Country for Old Men - and howled and barked with laughter (I spend WAY too much time on LT).

Zenomax recommended to me that I should check this group out. So I'm sort of lurking. But I'm thinking I might like to hang out here. Do I need a password?

>47 Poquette: no password needed for anyone who's a fan of Boethius AND Will Cuppy, Poquette. You get a special dispensation.

No, you simply need to have read all great literature (Eastern, Western, Northern and Southern) from 1011 BC until the present. You must have at least seventy publications in academic journals, and be able to play the piano arrangement of Beethoven's 9th symphony with your left hand tied behind your back, on the cello.

Not up to the Beethoven bit, but I did write a song once. Does that count?

49>lol
unless you are a cat, in which case you may play it on the zither.

Don't listen to them. There's an exception to those rules for anyone who lists Moby Dick among their favorites.

Of course, there is still the test.

Shhhh! She's not supposed to know she's taking the test right now.

Was your song successful? Was it recorded? Is it anything any of us are likely to be familiar with?

I'm a creative groupie. That's why I hang out here.

I composed a song to the immortal words of Keats, and it came out sort of faux baroque/romantic due to the fact I listen to too much Handel. I was inspired by a friend who is a great Handelian/operatic tenor but haven't had a chance to present it to him for various reasons. Consequently, it remains unpublished and unheard except for family members who had no choice in the matter.

The zither would be all wrong . . . wrong . . . wrong!

(Please note how deftly I avoided any mention of "the test.")

Not a cat now, but was one in a previous incarnation -- actually in Switzerland -- on the Great St. Bernard Pass, if you must know.

>55 Poquette: we are doing a group recording if you care to share it around. Just sayin'.

Due to the unavailability of a tenor and accompanist (piano, not zither), going to have to pass at this time. But what an idea! Wow!

The groups recording is for public domain spoken/written word only; a music one would have to go on You Tube. Maybe we could do that for next birthday.

Poquette, aka Suzanne, would you like to join our WW1 group read?

HOW DARE YOU@@@@@@@@@!!!!!!! THe ZITHER IS THE VOICE OF GOD!@!!!!!!!

*Murr in high dudgeon that his musical skills are not appreciated*

Choco - Yes, I would like to very much. I have been crawling through your thread -- which I finally found and which is what led me to Le Salon in earnest to begin with, although Zenomax had suggested I check you all out. I was going to respond when I discovered that you had abandoned it -- temporarily I hope -- for the group read. I actually have both the Keegan and the Meyer book. Have read parts of Keegan, but not for a while. Was deep into WWI at one time. So, yes, I would like to join. I need to catch up with the reading -- finish part I, and then I'll join in. Thanks much.

BTW, your thread is just wonderful. I've never seen such a sustained erudite discussion in all my life in a forum. Sorry I've not been able to participate.

Tom -- ROFLOL!!! Amazing! With all my charm and tact I've created high dudgeon on my first day! Hope you don't throw me out.

Somehow I missed the fact that the zither was YOUR instrument. I actually love the zither. It brings tears to me eyes in certain circumstances. But it doesn't work with pseudo-Handel, much as I might like to shoe-horn it in.

Totally unfamiliar with your musical skills -- begging pardon and all that!

But . . . I actually believe Handel IS God. Not sure whether his opinion on the zither was recorded. ;-)

indeed, you are forgiven.

Handel did in fact write a Concerto in A flat minor for Zither and Orchestra - for me!

I performed it first at St George's Hall in London to a packed audience and great acclaim, in the presence of His Majesty and the composer. It was a historic event, which my enemies, alas, have managed to expunge from the historical record. Handel presented me with the only manuscript copy after the concert, praising my phrasing and articulation, which he said, were second to none.

Alas, the manuscript perished in the Great Fire. BUT do not despair! I have it all committed to memory and only await the chance to perform it again!

Aaah, happy days!

The Third Cat Theme:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te9fqm6rUPY

I really have to read your Life and Opinions, Murr. It will be so interesting.

Yes, and when you publish it, I want an autographed copy. I'm still picking myself up off the floor re the zither concerto. That I would like to hear if you are able to reconstruct it -- and get an ensemble to perform it.

Poquette, it has already been published: http://www.librarything.com/work/364321/book/51777284

I haven't read it yet myself, but I hope to read it after the Great War.

ETA: Oh, and thanks so much for your kind words about my reading thread, though its brilliance is wholly supplied by everyone else who joined me there of course.

Well, I stand all amazed! Perhaps next year a group read?

Choco - re the thread: But you are the one to whom they all gravitated. I'm in awe.

Me too! In awe, I mean. Apparently I am a shockingly astute lamb!

The group read of Murr's Masterpiece happened already - it was before I came here too. You'll recognise some salonista's reviews on the book page.

Yes . . . there's something about you!

I did note the reviews, especially Martin's. I see the book is available on Kindle, so maybe I'll go for it at some point. BTW, my Kindle arrives tomorrow. So excited! Been trying out the software on my laptop, and much as I hate yet another gadget, as my bro pointed out, I can't afford not to get it. He locked his keys in his car -- didn't have a spare -- and to buy a fully operational key set with remote was $160!!! The Kindle is only $139. A bargain, n'est pas? That was the tipping point.

Don't buy the Danielle Steele soon to be available on Kindle. Having proofread the original version for the ebook copy, I can tell you, firsthand, that the two versions are the same. Just kidding, of course. If they were different, the publisher would be yelling at me right now.

pdub, you know we don't read Danielle Steel. (btw, Poqi, that's part of the test.)

Apparently, I do, or did. And I can't even say I wouldn't read that if you paid me.

Well, I'd read it too if someone paid me. But no one's offering so I can haughtily hold my nose aloft. *tosses hair for good measure*

Somewhere in a review I wrote I'm on record as saying publicly that it is not possible to get beyond page two of any Danielle Steele. If I'm going to read trash, it won't be THAT trash!

(Did I pass?)

Pdub, I think of you every time I pick up a book from Foreign Language Press (Beijing). The latest one is on both the title page and the slipcase: the "PlAYS OF GUAN HANQING". The copyediting is uniformly attrocious.

But, the capitalist publishers and the reading public demand you apply your talents to Danielle Steele insteed.

75: Yeah! You got a nickname. Did you see it?

Cute!

>76 A_musing:. I have three books to edit in the house at the moment (I finished a fourth and e-mailed it back on Wednesday), with overlapping due dates. Since the people I work for have no idea what the other people I work for have assigned, I can do this, and get away with it, and actually earn a somewhat living.

Anyway, a good deal of the books I edit, city snob, are the kind you wouldn't touch. Poquette says she wouldn't either. Hmpff. I'd say both of you don't spend nearly enough time in drugstores or at the airport. You might find it A_musing, however (who seems an anglic sort to me) that one of the books in my stable (the only actual paper manuscript) is by the English writer Alison Weir, which basically, I have to americanize. It's about Mary Boleyn (the last one I did was about her more famous sister, Anne). When I get it, it reads like this:

On 15 January 1524 Henry told his Queen, 'Tarry not if you seek honour, my Lady'.

And when I get through with it:

On January 15, 1524, Henry told his Queen, "Tarry not if you seek honor, my lady."

One of the less interesting jobs I do. I also have a romance and a sci-fi fantasy in the house. The latter ain't bad.

I have been to drugstores and airports; I just don't buy my books there. The Weir sounds interesting, but do people really need their books de-anglicized (not to put you out of a job)?

I've read one book by Weir, Mary, Queen of Scots, and the murder of Lord Darnley, which I had reviewed elsewhere - I just imported my review in, which really comes down to "pretty words, but more thinking needed".

CG, if British works weren't americanized, there would not only be a whole re-publishing industry undermined, but we'd be left with a single first edition of all those books with both a first English and a first American edition. Hasn't the book trade suffered enough?

I say let's read us some Piers Anthony or Danielle Steele beginning March 15th instead of whatever else was already scheduled. Message from Nam is a powerful evocation of the Vietnam War experience.

Piers Anthony, Henri? Really? You wound me greatly.

Look guys, I am starting to see an identity crisis in the works regarding middlebrow fiction.

Are we the Literary Snobs? They like to sneer about middlebrow fiction.

No we are not. We are the Salon. We contain multitudes. If some of us occasionally read middlebrow books because we are paid to, or because we are on an airplane, or because they came with our e-reader, or just because we like mindless entertainment, I say that is just fine and dandy.

84> are you calling Danielle Stinks middlebrow?!

85> sorry 'bout that. I meant Chuck Wachtel ;-)

Yes, because apparently in the brave new internet world, highbrow is fine, lowbrow is cool, middlebrow is what everyone loves to hate.

I am just hipper than thou today.

http://hilobrow.com/

:)

I'll lead a thread on lowbrow writing, if anyone's interested. And I'm sure they wouldn't be. None of the writers on my list, who I indeed get paid to read, are household names. In fact, I doubt if anyone has ever heard of them. As for Chuck Wachtel, Henri, bring him on: I punked him once and I can punk him again.

Actually, I guess I'm confused. I thought Danielle Sucks WAS lowbrow. That must mean that Laurie R. King is middlebrow. Wow! Now I don't feel so bad.

Yeah, Poqi's right: I don't know how we can have this conversation until we define our terms. Personally, I'm against the whole concept of -brows--I think me and Murr had a fairly edifying discussion about this on some Salon thread way back ....? It just doesn't seem helpful.

Good point, Martin. Brows have nothing to do with it. I should've said bad writing.

Solid, thanks for getting me up to speed. I'm against it.

Why are we talking brows instead of brews on a Friday night anyway?

Or some vino? On all things brow, if slum I must I do it in the music dept.
I can enjoy Arrowsmith or Billy Idol or whomever but as to reading the lower brows, there's just not much in it for me. I'd rather pick up a volume of Dickens, Trollope, or George Eliot and amuse my self till my eyes grow tired. If it comes to the lower brow thing, like old Robert Frost I head outdoors to watch the redtailhawks fight it out with the ravens and other enormous blackbirds for their good eats.

Ah yes, a nice Hemingwayesque, $6 tempranillo, reeking of oak.

I, myself, enjoy a cheap 10 year old Taylor-Fladgate Oporto when reading at night.

The Official Snobs group on LT is wrong most of the time.

I'm with you Por-Man. I sometimes feel there must be something wrong with me that when I read some modern day adventure best seller, or other middlebrew work, because while I read it, my mind is filled with thoughts of what I could be reading instead. I feel lost when people rave about the likes of Stephan King and Jane Austen with Vampires. What's the fuss? However, as I've said before, I do read non-literary fiction, and with relish, too, in certain circumstances, like it being a Pendergast novel.

I'm sorry I am so late to this party. I wanted to tell Poqi that we're just an egregious, darn I jumbled it again, gregarious group of folks. But it's too late, now.

Geneg -- oops! capped your name. I'm so old fashioned that way.

Anyhoo, egregious goes nicely with gregarious. Maybe I'll write another song . . .

'nuther song please!

yeah, Gene, I feel your pain man. Couldn't help noticing the other day the trashing of Henry James over there. And beloved others too. WTF?

"Over There," a new moniker for L.Ss.

I love it! Another fine example of Salonista jargon.

How can you be a literary snob when you can seriously entertain the notion that Ian Banks is a great writer? They are really pseudo snobs.

I'd like to bemoan the state of trash writing these days. Where are the James Cains of the world?

Last year I had a grand time reading The Discovery of Heaven by Mulisch - now there is truly wonderful middlebrow lit. We need more of that. Oh what fun!

I have The Discovery of Heaven! Actually believed the reviews and bought it back when. I've got to read that one of these days. Just another TBR at this point.

Haha, nice FAQ thread you bunch of loonies :)

Per # 16, I believe the proper term is goofball.

However, your term is synonymous and spot-on.

Should we start a new one?

A new what?

Actually, this is where new members are hazed -- and I speak advisedly. It's the latest in initiation rites. Perhaps in future new members should be diverted to a thread dedicated to that purpose (i.e., hazing) to preserve the integrity of the FAQ. I suggest calling it "Le Salon's Chamber of Horrors." ;-)

a new game of goof-ball

Greathouse's twenty seventh law of inverse proportions states: In any given forum threads retain their initial function inversely proportional to their length. This is a law of nature and will play out in every thread in every forum unless controlled by external influences such as the thread police or loss of interest. But, ultimately all threads are affected by the law. The further a post is from the start of the thread, the greater the likelihood that post will not be on topic.

I despise the thread police.

That's a pretty good law, Gene. One can only imagine the 26 laws that precede it. However, I would point out that the nature thread has been designed to go awry as soon as it sprouts, from iteration to iteration. We don't wait for fatigue or giddiness to set in: we court distraction from the get-go. Distraction and poetry, actually.

... What were we talking about? Something about initiation?

always endorse iteration

aberrant emetic initiative

Do I spy a newcomer? Do you have any Freequently Asked Questions, RickHarsch? If you do, feel free to ask them, but don't expect a coherent answer.

1. Do you supply coherent answers?
2. Is that a frequently asked question?
3. All initiatives aberrant and emetic?

You spelt Freequent the non-salon way. FAIL!

Never mind. You get another chance. Welcome! The answer to your third question is: only on Wednesdays.

Does he know how to spell plnats? That's what I want to know.

Or obstreporous (did I spell it the Salon way?)....

You people are painfully prescriptivist today. Welcome, Rick, pull up whatever commodius vicus you've got and sit a spell. Remember, all it takes to pass the test is surviving it.

Rick did more than that. He told me he'd travel from Ljublana to Trieste to buy my book. Because I'm a fellow writer. And he don't even read Italian! Camus would have appreciated that.

Rick, who wrote "Swann's way "?

oh mac that's too easy: you did!

LOL

#118

Pooh. That's like a 20 minute walk. Leisurely. You should send him at least to Palermo.

120 You mean that my last long review is in fact a first short essay?
My God, think about that, I am an essayist ! How Mama shall be proud...

testing my memory, eh? Swann's way, Swann's way...need a hint. My brother actually knew Lynn Swann, but never gave me the book. Stumped. Plnattled, Obstrepoorly treated, too. And Palermo is sold out.

I encounter this treatment freakwnetly.

how can a man misspel freakwently?

OK, the Salon must now embrace RH wholeheartedly and give him a ceremonial nickname, because he has misspelled his very own word and it shall enter our canon. (using "shall" in the lawyerly sense)

Reeque?

I am no man's canonball, but I do submit to the rules of the mob; in fact, when possible I write some of them, break some of them, and quite often get soused in the epigaster.

You like Darling Vlad; that"s enough for me!

Needs nickname.

oh, i like a veritable MOB of Vlads

So, you're in, Rick. You're a so-called salonista. Well, just about. Now you must learn French. It's a requirement.

Better make sure he knows we're talking about Provencal and will be testing him on the poetry of the Occitan troubadours on his first anniversary. Remember when Muse didn't discover that until the week before the test?

I had an occitan last summer, but it faded in the fall, Provencally.

>133 A_musing: Oh, don't remind me. The trauma of that still haunts me. The only comfort is,

Lo tems vai e ven e vire
Per jorns, per mes e per ans,
Et eu...

Hello everyone, i am just posting here to revive this thread so some new bemused members can realize they have this great resource at hand.

By the way, where are all the bemused members? There had been a continuous stream of newcomers but things have slowed to a trickle the last 4 or 5 weeks or so.

Yes, it's very upsetting to me that we seem to have plateaued. Wonder if some of us should head out on a recruiting road trip?

As I'm the only newcomer you have had recently I've got the floor.

First of all thanks for the welcome Sandydog1. There is so much going on in this group it is difficult to know where to get started and so this thread is a great idea. I'm sure there are bemused members out there and I often wonder why people join groups and then don't post; do they just amuse themselves by reading the posts from the more active members?

In my opinion the group reads are "worth the price of admission" to the group. There is also some great blogging by a number of people who have really interesting things to say about literature and other topics. I am sure that I am going to learn lots and be entertained at the same time.

Perhaps you don't need to worry too much about the lack of new members as after all you are one of the most active groups on LT. Pound for pound you really punch your weight.

From a newcomer's perspective the only negative point I would make is that the group can appear to be a touch elitist. I appreciate the humour and will join in with this, but there are "in jokes" that might be off putting for that hesitant and bemused newcomer. For example this thread developed into a question and answer routine that people got hold of and ran away with.

Any way enough of the negatives. I'm really glad I found this group and hope to have an active membership.

Please call me Bas

Hello Woody !

If we sound elitist it is because we are elitist ! We are Ploust readers after all ! Welcome welcome indeed ! If you want to understand all the hidden jokes which fuse here permanently, you should stay longer and participate actively ! My advice: don't be a plnat. Here is a glass of chilled wodka and herring from Taiwan and some kinky pics of transsexual yetis. We loeve Ayn Rand here and hate Hugo except me. I hate Cacamus

Elitist?! Oh, no, that would be "That Other Group". Some of us just happen to be members there as well (ie, Lit Snobs).

Hmmm....Bas, Woody, we are silly and erudite and we are a community. Probably not for the faint of heart. Best to just jump right in; the water's fine.

For example this thread developed into a question and answer routine that people got hold of and ran away with.

Well said, Bas!

This thread began as a serious Q & A endeavor to help enlighten and put at ease newcomers such as yourself, looking to make the most of their experience in the salon ... but then the dreaded goomba element & garrulous goofballs showed up and summarily hijacked the thread. Thank goodness, at least, that they didn't scare you away.

Bas, I hate elitists and lesser people. Don't worry, unless I'm confusing you with my rhetorical skills.

I don't think we are elitist. Elitist, to me, has a negative connotation, someone who thinks they've arrived. I think of elitists as Mr. Jones in an old Dylan song. To me an elitist is more interested in showing what he or she knows, or, as is often the case anymore, what they don't know. George W. Bush was an elitist.

As CG said, we are a community. We don't try to impress each other with the quality of our deep thoughts, although from time to time we may share a few, we take each other as we find them, for the most part, and aren't interested in projecting ourselves as snobs. If our conversation sounds snobbish, maybe it's because we value education, and as a result we may have a wider field of knowledge than those who think we are snobbish. I am not the smartest, most educated member of the Salon, but I love the quality of the banter (or is it bant). I enjoy having people who know things I don't, able and wiling to clue me in. I don't enjoy engaging intellectually downward, so I seek out opportunities to surround myself with sharp, smart, engaged people, people with whom I can engage upward and learn from. If that makes me a snob, then heaven help us all.

We are all ourselves, here, and demand that we be accepted where we are, not where others think we should be.

BTW, if any of you lurkers aren't posting because you feel intimidated, don't. Jump in, open up, let us benefit by each others company. We want you to participate.

Howdy Bas. We are what we are. Elitist? If the book, etc. doesn't hold my attention then out the window it goes. I was reared by Logan Piersall Smith. If my ear is fastidious, well then it's fastidious. That doesn't mean I don't have slow-tidious friends. And furthermore I am a high school basketball coach, etc., try bouncing Proust around or about with that bunch, I can tell you you can leave your fancy French buns or cookies at home when on the hardwood. Or hodwid, as they say in Providence.
Welcome.

Geneg, I think I love you man, like the beer commercial, but even deeper. Well, well said.

Or, as Warlock -- the Kim Carnes of heavy metal -- said:

"All we are, all we are we are, we are all, all we need."

147: Wow. I will need to contemplate that for a while.

When I first arrived on these shores and heard the bant and banter, the sometimes obscure references, the nicknames people have for each other, the LOLs and WTFs, I was a bit intimidated. And then, too, there's the silence between posts, when you're not accustomed to a virtual forum, when you might wonder whether an invisible audience isn't wondering just who the hell you think you are, you newcomer you ... or perhaps it seems that you've just revealed yourself to be the stupidest person alive.

But I got over it (though I still have uncertain moments), accepted both my stupidity and brilliance--and I also pick my spots: some of the stuff discussed here is beyond me, some just doesn't interest me, some of it gives me a headache. And some of it makes me LOL.

poor Bas. said so gently and taken so seriously. Such great readers and writers about the read are an ever-shrinking minority: I think this thread has taken a turn towards self-assurance. And you, Porius, out there on the hadwould reading The Idiot...

Sorry but I am too elitist to share the same group as the literary snobs.
Le Salon suits me just right.

Darntootin Mac.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7byF-OuuAMs/TUVzTVVDumI/AAAAAAAAB8g/M7hdr_-V_Io/s1600/...

Por,if I didn't knew you better, I would swear you are a reincarnation of James ol' Joyce

I was studying to become Joyce scholar and realized my language skills were woefully deficient, Joyce and family spoke only Italian when at home. I dropped out and began my dilettante ways. I am setting aside a hour or two a day to relearn, who am I kidding, to peck away at French. A peccadillo maybe, but I was listening to one of Maupassant's tales in French last night and was immediately under the sway of that latin musick. I know that I'll never get far enough to REALLY hear those drowsy tinklings but I will croak trying.

152: I hope you coach from that bench!

I need a little Dickens table for my tea & fancy ffrench cookies.

Ginger cookies ?

The Cookie ( a Lowlanders word, no?)
http://www.haverford.edu/psych/ddavis/p109g/proust.html
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_07ZCTLt21Co/SSFzlSI0fLI/AAAAAAAABxc/NVZ_89-HZjY/s400/m...

Oops did I mention the E word?

The responses to my post will give new members a good idea as to what this group is about. The idea of the group being a community sounds great to me and I take your point Porius that we are what we are.

Seemingly inside jokes give an impression of cliquishness that I do not think is the reality. The jokes are not meant to exclude, they are merely evidence that the Salon has survived long enough that its members have some shared history.

Hardly cliquish. We are a band of gypsies. Slick is a devotee of James Frazer and his harridan wife. We all are known pretty much by our trappings. This has been an unusually busy day. I have enjoyed it while I have been catching up on the current events, etc. I've made a motley of myself, but so what, I enjoy stirring the pot if I can if only for the excitement and revelations. There's no where in the immediate vicinity where I can contact so many intelligent voters, etc. We don't all get along or see eye to eye, what of it? Though there's not a voter in this group whose blatherings, you wouldn't be blathering JPE, I don't relish hearing. It's not the fucking dating game it's a place where some like-minded, or near like-minded, or just some voters that agree about nothing, can come together and have a pow-wow about this and that. Do some of us prefer Melville to Michener, well who doesn't. We get together to celebrate great poetry, as Coleridge said: the best words in their best order, or something to that effect. So Padre lets close the meeting with a prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f_p0CgPeyA

hahah. I need a valprotini, and I only just got up! yikes!

I'm late again, but just joining in on this - when I joined back in, oh, I think mid 2009, I re-read every post I wrote at least 10 times, and then mostly deleted them without submitting. I was terrified of the 'we are old buddies' feeling about the place, combined with fearsome intellectualism of most members. It took me a long time to feel comfortable posting in here without being terrified of, as Piero hints above, revealing the fathomless depths of my ignorance. But it happened, and now I spout in-jokes with the best of em. I regularly expose my ignorance and nobody seems to mind.

There's a mix here of the clerisy and the elite, but we mix well, and are mainly nice, tolerant people who welcome newcomers. But I know what you mean, bas, and I hear you. Sheesh, I still feel like a newcomer myself sometimes, when I read over the old Quest for Ulysses threads, or someone mentions them in passing. Doesn't mean I don't belong.

Rule of thumb, if you read the posts here and still want to belong, then you do belong. We are not attractive to those who aren't inherently salonistas. That's about as snobby as we get, IMO.

>163 ChocolateMuse: man, you're a good egg. AND you just taught me the meaning of the word "Clerisy".

which i capitalized for some unknown reason

I wanted to demonstrate my fathomless ignorance by looking it up, but my Collins' ignorance turns out to be, though not fathomless, still not negligible either. So: what is clerisy or do I need a new dictionary?

clerisy: men of learning as a class or collectively; the intelligentsia or literati.

I had to look it up, too. I like it. I'm going to find some way to work into conversation today.

Read Robertson Davies' A VOICE FROM THE ATTIC. His first chapter is A Call to the Clerisy.

Well, I joined the salon a little over a year ago. Being the brassy old broad that I am, I just jumped in to the Nature thread with a "is this a private party or can anyone play?" type of opening line and the rest, as they say, is history.

Personally, my fathomless ignorance has not gotten me ostracized or humiliated in any way, but I tend to avoid speaking in the threads that are out of my depth.

Y'all crack me up, mostly. ;-)

I don't know but it could be a mistake to take the nonsense that appears on these threads for who I am from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, and year to year. These threads are simply an outlet for the madcap part of my nature that I can't take to the corner store or any middle-class venue on my stomping grounds. I can give vent to the motley thoughts that crowd my brain, some take notice while others, caught in their own parti-colored thoughts pay me but precious little attention. I likes it that way.

I refuse to be a member of any sclerotic clerisy. That's a heresy against my good ole boy nature.

kickin hippies ass and raising hell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcBOcwgb4OA

It's impossible for me to separate Jerry Jeff Walker from this guy.

The songs great, but I just can't zero in on the sentiment. Twenty-one years in Texas will do that to a person.

If you look hard, among others, you will see Rodney Crowell & Guy Clark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUmQ2-nuTng&feature=related

I only learned about the clerisy through reading Robertson Davies, which I found through Porius, so I owe that little bit of impressiveness to the salon... Life Is A Great Big Wheel etc etc.

MM, you have no idea how happy it makes me to be called a good egg. My chooks have been laying good eggs for me regularly for the last few months (still a new phenomenon for me) and I can safely say that when you get a good egg, it's a VERY good egg.

A quote from Davies which I now keep on my LT profile: "The clerisy are those who read for pleasure, but not for idleness; who read for pastime but not to kill time; who love books, but do not live by books."
Amen.

"not live by books"? What the hell does that mean? Should I be offended?

Love them chooks. Et one for dinner last night.

I think he's talking about self help books, CG. He writes a lot about them in A Voice from the Attic, most interestingly.

Piero I hope it was a good chook.

A free range chook, choco.

You should write a chookbook, Piero.

The Chook Book is already a universal standby for me.

I wanna chook! Loves me some eggs. mmm mmm. In fact, had them for dinner with some french toast and sausage.

>178 ChocolateMuse:. Whew! Thanks for clearing that up. Great quote.

I have a question – not to change the subject: Is anyone in this group from Berlin, or at least from Germany?

I have a burning question about domestic architecture in and around Berlin circa 1910.

I hope all the new members are reading this, as it contains important mithraic mysteries for later use. (Can you tell I am reading Porius right now?)