jessibud2 reads off her own shelves in 2019 - chapter 3

Tom Gauld has been inside my head. Or my house.

ticker:

Currently reading:

Audio: The Dream Lover by Elizabeth Berg
Bedside: Reluctant Genius by Charlotte Gray
Travel book: Where the River Narrows by Aimee Laberge
Downstairs in the living room book: Dead Feminists by Chandler O'Leary and Jessica Spring

>1 jessibud2:

PLANNING TO RE-READ

SAVING FOR A CHALLENGE

Happy new thread, Shelley!

>4 m.belljackson: - True! But not enough room on the card! I could also add: Want to read but not in the mood at the moment. Maybe later.

>5 katiekrug: - Thanks, Katie!

What a great thread topper Shellley. Hope you're having a great weekend!

Happy new thread and Happy weekend!

>6 jessibud2:

That would work today for BECOMING.

I want to read it because it's going to be great, but my mind should be clearer of current events...

>7 mdoris: - Hi, Mary. That is a card from Tom Gauld's newest book, actually a book of postcards, called The Snooty Bookshop. There are a few gems that I have chosen to keep for myself, this being one of them! :-)

>8 figsfromthistle: - Thanks, Anita.

>9 m.belljackson: - It will keep, Marianne. It is well worth waiting for. I actually listened to her read it to me on audiobook but I also own the hard copy. And there is little to no talk of *current events*.

A few words about my current reads. I have loved almost everything I've read by Berg. This one was on the audiobook shelf at the library so I grabbed it, which will allow me to purge the hard copy from my shelf. So far, so good. I tend to enjoy historical fiction (a recent example being the one I read about Einstein's wife) and I really know very little about the author George Sand so this one has appeal.

Reluctant Genius is another I have had on my shelf for a long time and have wanted to get to for awhile. I started it for the February NF challenge but because it's a heavy (physical weight-wise) bulky book to shlep around in my bag when travelling on the bus and subway, I have mainly been reading it at night in bed, which is why it is taking me so long to finish. It's also about 450 pages. But I have read a fair bit about Alexander Graham Bell and Gray is such a good writer, so I am savouring this read and enjoying it, however long it takes me!

My travel book was a surprise acquisition. I found this one in a Little Free Library. There is a bit of water damage to the pages but nothing that impedes reading. I had not heard of this author (this is her debut novel and I will look to see if she has written more). It is about a family in Quebec, my home province, and has a family tree at the beginning, making it easier to follow the saga through the centuries. I am learning history I did not know, and it is also quite well written. There is a past/present component to the story and this book is turning out to be a pleasant surprise.

The final one is also a surprise. I am not sure it would really fall under the *GN* umbrella but these 2 graphic artists started off doing short bios of women from the past who made a contribution to their worlds. After some success, they turned it in to a book. Each chapter profiles 3 women and there is text, beautiful *broadside*-type artwork and lettering, all of which illustrate a quote from the woman being profiled. The headings include: Build, Grow, Protect, Make, Tell, Lead, Play and Share. This is just a really lovely and fun book, visually as well as intellectually.

Maybe I don't need to write reviews now...;-)

How come on my profile page, it says I am currently reading A Man Called Ove? I read that months and months ago. How do I change/update that? I'm sure I have asked that before and have probably been given specific instructions, but you know, in one ear, out the other. I fear technology will always be at least a few hundred steps ahead of me. Just when I learn to add a picture, I forget how to get rid of something else. Not a big deal. Just an annoying detail.

Happy New Thread, Shelley! I love that Tom Gauld topper; I was just re-reading some of his this morning.

>11 jessibud2: Lots of interesting reading, including the Alexander Graham Bell bio. I hadn't heard of Dead Feminists before; it makes me think of the GN Brazen Rebel Ladies, which I enjoyed.

>13 jnwelch: - When I first saw Dead Feminists in the shop, I also immediately thought of Brazen Rebel Ladies, Joe, and in some ways, the goal is the same. But the artistic detail is much more involved and I am loving that part of it, too. For each mini bio, they say at the bottom, where they donate. Part way into this project, they (the 2 artists/authors) decided to set up a fund, called The Dead Feminists Fund, and donate a portion of the proceeds of each poster/broadside created, to some grass-roots non-profit organization that aligns with their mission of empowering women and girls to become a force for good in their own communities (quoting here directly from their intro). There is really a lot to like about this book.

>1 jessibud2: I love that Gauld illustration Shelley.

>12 jessibud2: As for changing the book in your Currently Reading, I think you go not the book page and uncheck it n your collections list. Ve never used it, but have a flicker of a memory.

Happy new thread, Shelley!

>1 jessibud2: I can relate to almost all, exept "pretend I've read" ;-)

>12 jessibud2: >15 Caroline_McElwee: Indeed go to the book pages, click on "Collections" and then on "Currently reading" to uncheck it.

Happy new thread Shelley my dear, I hope all is well with you and that you have a really great weekend and send love and hugs dear friend.

>15 Caroline_McElwee:, >16 FAMeulstee: - Thanks. I remember now that Madeline (SqueakyChu) once gave me these instructions. I still had a bit of a time finding the right place but I did, and mission accomplished! So, thanks, Caroline and Anita, from me, of so little brain!

>17 johnsimpson: - Hi John, from rainy and not-at-all-spring-like Toronto!

>12 jessibud2: I came here to late to guide you, but you were in able hands. Another thing to note...If you list a start date on your book, that will also make it "currently reading". You'd need to enter an end date, to stop it from being in "currently reading".

>19 SqueakyChu: - Hi Madeline. That's already more than I think my little pea brain can compute. I think it's much easier for me to just note here in my thread what I am reading, as I did above, in >11 jessibud2:. :-)

>20 jessibud2: LOL!

Happy new thread!

Happy Sunday, Shelley. Happy New Thread. Love the Gauld topper. My feeders have been fairly busy with the usual suspects and still seeing the juncos around too. They should be heading north, anytime now.

I don't often watch Sunday morning tv because I am usually listening to the radio. But for some reason, I did, today and was tickled to see this, as one of the segments on CBC Sunday Morning:

A Visit to the Metropol Hotel

There was also a great piece on a new museum exhibit, for those diehard rock and roll fans:

R&R at the MET

There is also going to be yet another incarnation of the classic tv show The Twilight Zone, an old favourite of mine. But I think I will stick to the original. I have a biography of Rod Serling on my shelf, and may be inspired to pick it up soon!

>22 drneutron: - Thanks, Jim.

>23 msf59: - Hi, Mark. I woke up to snow this morning. Very pretty but also very unwanted, on this final day of March! I am hoping it will be gone by later today. It honestly doesn't feel cold enough for it to be sticking, as it is!

>24 jessibud2: Thank you Shelley, wonderful viewing, I love that novel, and persuaded a friend into buying a copy only last week, and she is loving it too.

>26 Caroline_McElwee: - I know, it was delightful viewing, wasn't it, Caroline! I also loved the novel. I listened to it on audio and the narrator (whose name escapes me at the moment) had a British accent, which, given the very Russian setting and ambience, one might think is an odd choice for a narrator but I thought he was spectacular and perfectly suited as the aristocratic Count Rostov.

Caroline, I watched a terrific documentary last night on tv. I don't think it's new but I hadn't seen it before. I remembered that you had been involved with primates at one point and thought you might enjoy this one. Jane Goodall is in it, too, but only for commentary. The focus is really on the sanctuary in Sierra Leone. It's just beautiful:

Chimp School

>28 jessibud2: I'll look out for it Shelley, it won't let me play your link, wrong geographic region.

>29 Caroline_McElwee: - It's a National Geographic production, Caroline, if that helps. Maybe through their website?

>14 jessibud2: - Just wanted to say that I am really enjoying this book Dead Feminists and should be finished later today. It is somewhat American-centric but not totally. Of the 24 women profiled, 8 are NOT American. Another thing of note, the Foreward is written by Jill Lepore, someone who is popular here on LT, I know, but whose books I have not yet read.

Hi, Shelley. Just keep on keepin' on.

>32 weird_O: - Hi, Bill. How's by you?

>1 jessibud2: Ha! I love your topper. And I know you are always "Currently Reading"!

Happy new thread!
>1 jessibud2: There are way too many books that I can classify in the gold category!

>34 Berly: - Of course! Aren't we all, Kim? ;-)

>35 ChelleBearss: - LOL, me too, Chelle!

Happy New Thread, Shelley! How did you know what my library looks like?

>24 jessibud2: Interesting that those two links go to CBS Sunday Morning stories. Do you get CBS programming in Canada?

>37 kidzdoc: - Hi Darryl. Yes, We get a lot of American network tv. Always have, as far back as I remember. We probably get a lot more via cable, too, but I only have the basic cable tv service. I don't watch enough tv to pay for more. But the main networks (including CNN, and the PBS station out of Buffalo, NY, WNED) among others are some of the American stations we get..

>38 jessibud2: Interesting. I've never seen any cable TV stations from Canada, or any series from Canadian television, although PBS routinely shows British comedies and probably all cable providers include BBC America in their packages. That's quite sad, given the proximity of our two countries.

Hehe...some April Fool's jokes from *Shelf-Awareness*:

https://www.shelf-awareness.com/issue.html?issue=3463#m43921

:-)

Happy new thread, Shelley! Lovely topper! Thanks again for helping me sort out what channel the new season of Call The Midwife is On. I really appreciate that, and I watched the new episode last night. I don't find much on TV that I care to watch, other than the news, so it's nice to have something that grabs me.

Happy new thread, Shelley.

The problem with toppers like that and a freak like me is that I had already started how many books in the illustration fitted each category!

>41 vancouverdeb: - I watched it, too, Deb. They are up to 1964 now. I think the new additions to the team look promising. I's like you in that there isn't much on tv that appeals to me though I do watch baseball and Jeopardy pretty regularly. But I like following this series.

>42 PaulCranswick: - Hi, Paul. Hehe, you and me both... Tom Gauld's humour is right on, isn't it?

I'm not a sports fan at all, Shelley, so it's the News for me. Occasionally I will try to watch a new tv show, but not much appeals to me. So, yes, I was really keen to watch CTM. By the way, I do feel that The Quintland Sisters is worth the read, though of course you may feel differently. I wrote a bit about it on my thread. My mom is eager to get her hands on The Quintland Sisters, so I'll take it over to her place.

Picked up 2 more holds from the library this morning. Another is in transit and after that, only 2 left on hold. Unless, of course, I add more, which I will do my best to resist. At least for awhile...she says, crossing fingers behind her back....

>44 vancouverdeb: - I did read the Pierre Burton NF years ago and was quite obsessed by them at the time. Such tragic lives, one would hope that couldn't happen in this day and age, but who the heck knows. I don't think I will read Quintland although I do often enjoy fictionalized books about real people and have read several. I just have too much on the go at the moment. But maybe some day.

Finally, my turn came around for Book Love at the library. Picked it up yesterday and read it in one sitting last night. These are the 2 pieces that spoke most to me, though the whole book was spot on:





The first being a nightmare, and sadly, happening with far too much frequency in my city. The second, the cure!

Hi Shelley!

Happy new thread! I love that Tom Gauld comic.

Dead Feminists by Chandler O'Leary and Jessica Spring.

This lovely book is one that could easily be read in one sitting but I took my time and savoured it. In theme, it is reminiscent of Brazen - Rebel Ladies Who Rocked the World. But this is not actually a graphic novel. It is more a blending of art and history. The co-authors are a printmaker/letterpress artist, and an illustrator/letterer, both with backgrounds in graphic arts. This book started off as a project to create a poster in the style of the old-fashioned broadside, before Obama's first election, to throw their support behind him. Recognizing that whatever the election outcome, history was going to be made, they chose icon Elizabeth Cady Stanton for their first broadside.

There are 8 chapters in this book, each chapter profiling 3 dead feminists. The style of presentation unfolds over 6 pages. First, a few pages of biographical info, often with a photograph (if any were available in archives), and often including reprints of photos, documents or ephemera. The final 2 pages show the finished Broadside, and the opposite page highlights the quote being printed, and 6 *closer looks* at the broadside itself and the process of creating it. After much positive response to the first few in this project, the co-authors decided to donate part of their profits to local foundations that support women's good works and also, to turn the broadsides into a book. And, they also created a foundation, themselves: http://www.deadfeminsits.com.

Some of the women profiled in this book include (apart from Stanton) Rachel Carson, Gwendolyn Brooks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Virginia Woolf (her broadside is my favourite, I think), Marie Curie, Jane Mecom (did you know that she was Benjamin Franklin's sister? I didn't!), Babe Didrikson Zaharias, Sappho.

I can't tell you how lovely this book is. Visually, artistically, intellectually, historically, it's just beautiful. After looking at the website this morning, I ordered a pack of 10 postcards. Some I may send, some I will keep, maybe frame.

For those who read Canadian children's author Kyo Maclear's books, Bird, Art, Life, or Bloom or Julia, Child, there is good news. She has just come out with a new one, her first graphic novel. It is called Operatic and was inspired by the music teacher in her sons' school. (touchstones are useless tonight, for this post, at least).

Here is a lovely interview from the radio this morning with her, about the book, the music, the inspiration.

Kyo Maclear's first graphic novel

Also, in my last thread, I mentioned having recently seen a gorgeous film about the book, The Little Prince, called Invisible Essence. On the same radio show this morning, host Tom Power spoke to Charles Officer, the filmmaker of that film. I absolutely loved the film and was thrilled to listen to this interview.

interview with Invisible Essence filmmaker

I have been very lucky to see some excellent films with Film Circuit but sadly the one you mentioned Invisible Essence is not one of them. We have one more to see next week and then no more until next fall.

>44 vancouverdeb: I saw that Vancouver Writers Fest has a book and brunch event on May 11 with the author of Quintland, Deborah. https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/books-bruncha-delectable-new-series-from-the-vancouv.... Looks interesting.

>47 jessibud2: The touchstone for Book Love goes to the wrong book, Shelley. I've seen a lot of LT love for Tung's books on the threads. I have both books on my shelves and should get to them soon.

>52 mdoris: - Maybe you can suggest it to them, Mary. I think that at the very end of that interview, they said that it opens in Vancouver later in April.

>53 Familyhistorian: - Thanks, Meg. Fixed now.

^I saw a Hairy Woodpecker on the route this week. Now, I need to see my first Northern Flicker of the year, followed by a Red-Headed.

Morning, Shelley. Happy Friday. Hooray for Book Love. I will have to request that one.

Wow, Mark! Very cool. I am seeing some goldfinches, starting to show more yellow, always a good sign. I do get downies fairly regularly, and the occasional hairy, but I have never seen a flicker or red-head at my feeder.

I forgot to mention that in the book I just finished, Dead Feminists, the foreword is written by Jill Lepore, and her books are listed in the list at the end, in Suggested Reading.

Hi, Shelley...just catching up with your "Current Reading"! I use the collections feature all the time, but I do often forget to remove a book from the Currently Reading collection when I finish it.

Hi Linda. If I am honest, I am too darn lazy, that's all. I will be just as happy to note what I am reading here on the thread. :-)

Happy Friday, Shelley.

I’m happy to see the love for the book Book Love. Isn’t Debbie Tung great?

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Hi Shelley my dear, hope all is well with you and that you are having a good weekend so far, enjoy the rest of the weekend and send love and hugs to you from both of us dear friend.

Wishing you a lovely weekend, Shelley.

Hi Joe, John, Paul. Sorry for the late responses since the weekend is only a memory by now! ;-)

I have finished 2 books and one will have a short review, the other, a longer one.

Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson is my third by this wonderful author. I still think that Show Way was the one I have liked best of the 3 I've read so far but will still continue to seek her out as she is not only a strong and necessary voice but a poetic and lyrical one who can reach all ages on many levels.

I also just finished a fun book called Something to Write Home About: Great Baseball Memories in Letters to a Fan. The letters come from a very diverse group of people, including both George Bushes, Paul McCartney, Buzz Aldrin, Barry Williams (of The Brady Bunch, and he has gorgeous handwriting, by the way!), Samuel Goldwin, a hilarious letter from Walter Cronkite, as well as plenty of actual baseball players themselves. The letters are reproduced as they were sent, mostly hand-written, some typed. Some are funny, some a tad dull, some poignant, such as the letter from the sister (97 at the time of writing) remembering her brother, Ray Chapman, the only major league player to be killed on a big-league field, in a game (he was hit in the head by a pitch and died 4 hours later, in 1920). There are also plenty of archival photos.

One of the letters was from Ernie Harwell, longtime announcer for the Detroit Tigers, as he recalls being the one who selected the singers of the National Anthem for the 1968 World Series games. For game 5, he had selected Jose Feliciano. The NYT wrote a front page article the following day, trying to explain why Feliciano was booed and why so many fans disliked his rendition of the anthem. They said he had long hair (like a hippie) and that he slowed the song down. They said it was too *folk-soul*. In the photo, I would hardly call his hair long, especially for those days!

So, I had to google and here is the youtube clip of the performance. I am not American so this anthem is not part of my DNA, as it were; but I have been to and watched enough sporting events to say that I have always thought that song had an irregular and difficult to sing cadence. I have to say, though, that I think this is possibly the best rendition of the American anthem I have ever heard. It is melodic! I wish it could always be sung like this!!

The Anthem and the Controversy

I found it odd that during that clip, the camera didn't once focus on Feliciano, only for a few seconds at the beginning of the clip.
And good thing there was no social media back then. Can you just imagine...!?

And one more clip, reminiscing, 41 years later: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Api8xCezU9Q

Hi Shelley! I really enjoyed Another Brooklyn when I read it a couple of weeks ago. Thanks for the link to Quintland. I loaned it my mom on Sunday evening and now I'm reading book byPierre Berton about the Quints. Both are very interesting in different ways. Happy Tuesday!

I also enjoyed Another Brooklyn, Shelley. I’ll be on the lookout for Show Way.

>62 jessibud2:

And the best STAR SPANGLED BANNER without words?
Jimi Hendrix at WOODSTOCK 1969!
(the 4:26 version)

Hi Shelley!

I'm so far behind that I'm drawing a line in the sand, except for my comment below - I hope you're doing well and have lots of birds visiting your feeders.

First of all, The Star-Spangled Banner is in my DNA, being born in the US and living here all my life. But I've never liked it. It is hard to sing, it's based on an English drinking song, and I always considered that it glorified war (re-thinking that, too): now, however, with heightened sensibilities, I realize that it's the only one of three 'contenders' (America the Beautiful and God Bless America being the other two) that isn't religious in nature. I don't like renditions with too much vibrato, with guitar, or with other paraphernalia. I like a beautiful voice, hitting all the right notes, and nothing else.

>66 karenmarie: - Hi Karen. Did you listen to Feliciano in the clips I posted? I honestly think his rendition is beautiful. And in the last link, where he talks about it (41 years later), he makes a good point: these days, practically everyone who sings it puts their own spin on it. But he was the first to do that and therefore, all the backlash came to him.

It's not that I don't like the American anthem it's just, as you say, difficult to sing because of the irregularities in rhythm and cadence. I have tried to learn the words and always mess up where the lines change. But Feliciano's version is quite melodic and lovely.

Shelley for the life of me I can't remember the name of the wonderful film you saw with Film Circuit that you suggested I ask them to show it here next year as part of their rotation. Please help! I remember you really were taken with it and I have tried to scroll through my thread and I can't find it.

Just found it Invisible Essence.

>68 mdoris:, >69 mdoris: - Here is the link, Mary: https://boxoffice.hotdocs.ca/WebSales/pages/info.aspx?evtinfo=84003~fff311b7-cda...;

Scroll down a bit for the blurb, and once to the right for the trailer.

Also, when you click on it, in the left side bar, you will see *schedule* then *calendar*. You can see the entire schedule for Hot Docs and by clicking the *info* button for each one, you can learn more about each film.

I hope your Film Circuit is able to get a hold of it. The filmmaker is Toronto born Charles Officer.

>67 jessibud2: I did listen to it. It doesn't really appeal to me, but it isn't as irritating as some of the renditions now are. I admit it, I'm weird.

I've never liked being forced or coerced into saying the pledge of allegiance or standing for the Star Spangled Banner. You can imagine how upset I've been over the Colin Kaepernick controversy - I'm on his side.

>55 msf59: The past week or so we've had a downy (I think) woodpecker drumming on a light in our backyard. Makes a nice, loud hollow sort of sound, and I hope it soon helps him attract a lady woodpecker so he'll go back to the trees :)

Hi Shelley! Happy Friday to my fellow "...and I should care about weekends because...?" lifer.

>71 karenmarie: - Not any weirder than any of us, Karen, ;-) I'm on his side, too.

Recently, one word of our own national anthem, O Canada, was changed and to my ears, it just grates. It is bad grammar, for one thing and whenever I hear it, in my head, I refuse to sing it the *new* way. I roll my eyes and think, have they nothing more important to spend time and energy on??

>73 richardderus: - Big grin. Good to have you back amungus, my friend, ;-)

Happy 103rd birthday to Beverly Cleary! Wow!

I remember the Ramona books, and Henry Huggins, but not all her books. Did you read Beverly Cleary books, growing up?

I was a HUGE Ramona fan. I had an older sister I loved to torment, so it was a natural fit :)

I read some of her other books, but the Ramona ones were my favorites.

Why Don't You Write my Eulogy Now So I Can Correct It? by Patricia Marx and illustrated by Roz Chast. In my last thread, I had posted a link to an interview with these two funny ladies and it was there I first heard of this collaboration. I immediately requested it from the library and it came in yesterday. I finished it in one sitting. While I did find it funny, I think I maybe expected more. It was quite short. Not even sure it counts as a graphic novel because it isn't really a novel, just a collection of witticisms of Marx's mother. It was funny but I don't think it would have been as good without Chast's iconic cartoon interpretations.

In other news, our temps hit a high today of 13C or 14C, with bright sunshine. I spent 2 and a half hours cleaning up my front garden and lawn. It looks great now as I cleared away all the dead junk from the winter and lots of new green shoots are poking through and can see the light of day. But I am under no illusions that today was a major tease and that I am playing games with myself by pretending that this means spring is almost here. Our temps are going to plummet again tomorrow and I have no idea when we will see the sun again, if the forecast is correct. But still. Since I will likely not have a back yard garden this year, thanks to the excavation that will happen to repair the foundation, I intend to give the front space a lot of love. And if one squirrel digs up one thing, it will be war!

I'm not keen on the change to our National Anthem, Shelley and I'm just ignoring it. Such foolishness. Yes, I read Beverly Clearly books growing up, as did all of my siblings and my friend, if memory serves. We had nice weather yesterday, but today is rainy and windy. Two of the Dionne Quints are still living. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/dionne-quintuplets-north-bay-1.4128021

Though you are correct, the Dionne Quints did not come out the situation with much money, apparently due to their cloistered upbringing, they were not perhaps the best money managers, if you believe. Pierre Berton.

Red-Headed Woodpecker

Morning, Shelley. Happy Sunday. I saw my first Red-Headed Woodpecker of the year yesterday. I love these guys. The coloring is stunning. They seem to prefer old growth forest, so may be harder to locate. Have you ever seen one?

No, I haven't but would LOVE to!! Wow, that must have been amazing! I need to start seeking out organized bird walks, like you do. I have been on a few, over the years, but not recently.

>78 jessibud2: It sounded funny when I read about it, but since my county library system doesn't have it and it wasn't a raging success of a read, I'm going to put it in the "on balance, no" section of my life-list.

>82 richardderus: - If you happen to be in a bookstore and see it on the shelf, Richard, you can read it there in a few minutes. I am not panning it but you shouldn't lose sleep over missing out on this one, let's just say. Roz Chast's cartoons are, as always, spot-on, though.

>83 jessibud2: My city of 35,000 has zero (0) bookstores. The closest bookstore is in Oceanside, about 5 miles away, and that's not a doable drive for my knees.

Yesterday, as part of my Doc Soup Sunday film series, I saw the film, Beethoven's Hair, based on the book of the same name. I hadn't read the book, which was published in 2000, but was quite interested in this film, which was made in 2005. The director was there for a Q&A afterwards. I think I would be interested in reading the book now, though, to see how much they diverge as well as overlap. According to Larry Weinstein, the director (no relation, he was quick to point out, to the *other* infamous Weinstein affiliated with the film industry!), he had the luxury of doing more research which enabled him to include information and tangential stories not touched on in the book.

It is a story that indeed has many tangents, from Nazi Germany, to (I think) Sweden (one of the Scandinavian countries; I am blanking on which one, could be Denmark, sorry), to high tech labs in the USA. It included re-enactment scenes, as well as interviews with key players in the various phases of the story as it unfolded over the years. Overall, quite fascinating.

Scroll once to the right to see the trailer, or down a bit for the synopsis:

Beethoven's Hair

Edited to add that the whole point of analyzing his hair was to try to determine if it was possible to find out what killed him. Of course I know his music and knew that he was deaf but other than that, I knew little of his life, of his chronic pain and mental anguish and torments. Without giving away any spoilers, I will say that yes, they found an answer but I won't say what. Pretty cool and fascinating that, across centuries, science technology has provided the means to solve such a problem.

>85 jessibud2: Sounds very interesting Shelley. Nice to have such proximity to wonderful films!

Never mind. Posted by error.

Hope your warmer weather came back, Shelley. It is spring here now, not only are the trees blossoming but the bear warnings are out. I keep hearing a woodpecker drilling away in the trees behind my place. Does that mean it is mating season?

>88 Familyhistorian: - Well, Meg, it is still pretty gray and chilly today, only 6C. I just got in from grocery shopping and I am still wearing my winter coat and a scarf. Let's leave it at that and hope the promised temperature rise this week really happens. I'll believe it when I see it. Or feel it.

Stopping by to wish you a happy Passover, Shelley!

>90 SqueakyChu: - And to you, Madeline!

>91 jessibud2: Thanks!

I saw another great documentary film yesterday:

Far: A Journey Around the World

An ambitious 3-year odyssey by a young German couple (in their 20s) who want to see the world and meet people, without taking a plane. Lots of twists and turns along the way and such a lovely and hopeful adventure it was.

Scroll down for the blurb or once to the right for the trailer.

This is truly a trip that would be the very definition of *off the beaten path*. It's heartening (if a bit intimidating to think about) that in this day and age, such an adventure could be pulled off. They did talk a bit about safety but ultimately, trust in their fellow humans and a willingness to meet whatever challenges (and weather!) came their way, are what saw them through and at the end of 3 years, this was a dream that not only came true but one that will shape them and stay with them for the rest of their lives.

>93 jessibud2: That sounds really interesting! Three years is quite a long time.

>94 figsfromthistle: - Yes, Anita, but when you are in your 20s, who cares, right? lol! ;-) And what better time to have such an adventure?

I loved watching the trailer Shelley. They sure got into some remote spots. I kept wondering what their mothers thought of their adventure! . When daughter #2 was 19 she traveled with her guy in Mexico and Central America for 6 moths and was robbed at machete point for her shoes in Honduras. I was pretty happy to see the white of her eyes when she got home.

>96 mdoris: - Eek, Mary! Something like that would have put me off travelling altogether! If Gwen and Patrick (the couple in the film) had any dangerous moments like that, they didn't say. But they sure did have some other harrowing times, like the scene in the film where that truck they were hitch-hiking in got stuck. They were truly in the middle of nowhere and all I could think was what if no one drives by for weeks? It could happen. And (this isn't a spoiler since it's in the trailer), she does become pregnant while on the trip. They decided not to go home but rather, to have their baby in Mexico and they continued travelling for another year with baby. It all worked out well.

I hope you have been able to graduate to a spring jacket by now, Shelley.

>98 Familyhistorian: - Well, it's only 5C at the moment, Meg and rain is in the forecast until Friday, as it looks right now, but at least our highs are in the double digits. That's something. I will take it!

>49 jessibud2: Got me with that one! And postcards? Did someone say postcards? :-)

This is shameless, though well-meaning. Stop by my thread for a review of The Mueller Report. (See! It already has a touchstone.) No, it isn't my review; haven't read the whole thing yet.

Today is Earth Day. And what a mess we have made of it. The first Earth Day was back in 1970, that's almost 50 years ago! Can that really be true? Does anyone remember the tv special made in 1990, 20 years after that first Earth Day? It starred Robin Williams, Bette Midler (as Mother Earth), and featured a host of characters from tv shows of the day, such as *newscaster* Murphy Brown, various tv doctors, etc. Here is a 10 minute clip of that 2-hour special. Can you spot any of the celebs? It's a bit of a nostalgia trip. What is infinitely sad, though, is the message. How is it possible that, after all these years, we humans are still messing up so badly? And have so completely ignored the warnings and brought us to where we are today?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4akvu80qQs

Google also has a great interactive doodle today, to celebrate.

>102 jessibud2:

Just ask all the scientists who knew what was happening to our water, soil, air, the Arctic, and glaciers 50 years ago and who caved into the politicians instead of demanding action and uniting the citizens of every country.

^We saw a few White-Throated Sparrows yesterday. I couldn't quite make out the yellow patch, because of distance, but the other markings were clear. Nice looking bird.

Sweet Thursday, Shelley. Far: A Journey Around the World sounds really interesting. Thanks. Where did you see it?

>104 msf59: - I saw the film at my local documentary theatre, Hot Docs. They screen so many amazing films. I also saw

Nureyev the other day (scroll once to the right for the trailer). I had, of course, heard of him and knew a bit about him, but there was a lot I had not known and the film was quite interesting.

Real life is interfering again and I seem to be in one of those slump phases. I have been reading the same 2 books for what feels like ages, even though I am enjoying them. I hope to finish both by the weekend, though: Reluctant Genius and Where the River Narrows. I have also ditched 2 audiobooks because they weren't holding my (apparently rather limited) attention and will start another today as I drive to the car dealership to (finally!) get my snow tires removed.

In the meantime, because this is just the thing I need to get me through slumps like this, I have been reading Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany. I bought it for myself as a birthday present a few months ago and have been dipping in and out of it but now, I am actually reading it thoroughly. And loving every minute of it. I am on my second sticky note (inside the front cover), jotting down books I need to read!. And as an unexpected bonus, I was browsing in a bookstore the other day and found a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that is a picture of a bookshelf by Jane Mount (author of Bibliophile)! It looks like a page right out of the book, except it isn't. I wish it was but still, I am tickled to have found it and eager to get back into doing puzzles. I used to do them a lot but stopped when my cats were small, as they liked to *help*. Now that they are old and arthritic, they no longer jump up (or care).

Hi Shelley!

>74 jessibud2: I hadn’t heard about the change. I applaud the thought because words are important, but I’d probably be upset too.

The Pledge of Allegiance here in the US was changed in 1954 to add the words “under God”. I usually just pause there, “One nation…pause... indivisible…” because I do not like what religion has done and is doing to this country of mine.

>106 jessibud2: Sorry your reading’s in a slump, glad that Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany seems to be reviving you. Sad your kitties are old and arthritic, but it’s nice that you can do puzzles again.

>106 jessibud2: I'd put it down to spring fever, Shelley. Attention span issues this time of year come down to the desire to be out cavorting and gamboling, I think.

Shelley, funny about reading slumps. They sure come and we are so happy when they go.
I have loved Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany and I treated myself too and love to look through it. I have her other book from the library right now My Ideal Bookshelf by and it's interesting too. It is a slightly different format as she asks "famous" people for their book recommendations.

>109 mdoris: - I didn't realize that she had another one. When I clicked on your link, it took me to what I thought was a wrong book so I did a search and it showed that the author was someone else (the one that appeared in your link) but that Jane Mount was indeed the illustrator. And that picture, of *My Ideal Bookshelf*, is the picture on the puzzle I just bought!
So, now to find that book!

Shelley the touchstones were being glitchy, maybe because Jane Mount was the illustrator but I am hoping that I have corrected it now with the proper cover shown. The author interviews wonderful people like Malcolm Gladwell, Alice Water, David Sedaris, Jennifer Egan, Nancy Pearl, Atul Gawande, Mark Bittman (and many more) to get fav book recommendations from them.

>11 jessibud2: You have hit me with a BB on my own thread Mary. I want that book! Ok, I just requested it from my library. But I have a feeling that I will end up purchasing this one at some point.

Shelley that's fun to hit you with a BB on your own thread. Hope you enjoy it when you get it from the library.

>107 karenmarie: "The Pledge of Allegiance here in the US was changed in 1954 to add the words “under God”. Do you know how many people aren't aware of that and think those words were part of the original pledge? (It wasn't even written specifically for Americans...it was intended as an all-purpose pledge that could be used in any country, and began "I pledge allegiance to my flag and to the Republic for which it stands".) Many of the poorly informed people who make a point of insisting on the originality of "under God" also seem to believe that the pledge has recently been officially changed to drop those two words...which is not true either.

We lost two Canadian authors in the last couple of days, Wayson Choy

https://www.cbc.ca/books/wayson-choy-author-of-the-jade-peony-dead-at-80-1.51145...

and graphic artist/author, Teva Harrison:

https://www.cbc.ca/books/teva-harrison-award-winning-toronto-cartoonist-dead-at-...

I own (but have not yet read) 2 of Choy's books. I did read Harrison's graphic novel and found it very brave and moving. 42 is too darn young!

>115 jessibud2: Oh no! I did not know that Wayson Choy passed away. Quite sad. I have the jade peony on my TBR pile. I read All That Matters a few years ago and found it to be an excellent read.

I read last night that we had lost Wayson Choy. I had really enjoyed the two books of his. I'm sad to see him pass. I think you'll really enjoy The Jade Peony and All that Matters. I have not read Teva Harrison's graphic novel, but I agree, 42 is too young. I hope things are going okay in your corner of the world, Shelley.

I am currently in Montreal, and thankfully, my brother was here with me as we had a lot of very touchy business to attend to yesterday regarding our mother and her despicable husband. We accomplished more than we had hoped to and, with my brother as a buffer for me against her husband, it was done with no screaming or swearing (by said jerk). My brother went home in the late afternoon (he lives 3 hours away from Mtl, in Vermont) and I am leaving to go home later this morning. We have some big decisions to make and will spend the next several weeks preparing ourselves before we return for the next stage of this nightmare journey. I will resent this man for the rest of my life, for causing such disruption and grief to our family at a time when we should be pulling together. My mother deserves so much better, most especially as she becomes sicker and more dependent. I am not proud to say such a thing but I wish on him exactly the treatment he is dishing out to our family when his time comes, nothing more, nothing less. May he rot in hell. I am tempted to say *bad Shelley* for even articulating such thoughts - that is NOT how I was brought up - but if I am honest, I am merely speaking the truth. He is a mean and nasty human being and I would give anything to have him out of our lives.

>118 jessibud2: {{{Shelley}}}

I'm so very sorry that this negativity infests your mother's last years, and your family's present. Your handling of it is the best you can manage and that is more than good enough for all concerned.

>118 jessibud2: I'm sorry that a difficult time is made even worse by a mean and nasty human being, Shelley. And dealing with all of it at a distance is complicated, but maybe a bit of a blessing as it gives you space and time to process things. It sounds as though your brother is a good man to have around, though. There's no guide book for this kind of stuff---you just do what you must, as well as you can.

Oh Shelley, I am so sorry that you are dealing with such powerful, difficult emotions with a trying situation and a horrible person. It is very hard when the situation is related to your mother's welfare and you want the best for her. Hang in there! xoxo

Thanks, Richard, Linda and Mary. Yes, my brother and I are, thankfully, a tight unit when it comes to family issues, especially our mum. He and I are very different personalities so he is a good buffer and I could not have done what we needed to do without him. I am proud to say that I remained calm and did not get emotional at all and let me tell you, that was no easy feat. But my strength is organization and we were well prepared when we arrived. And will be for next time, too.

You are right, Linda, there is no guidebook for this. And the crap that is going down now is something neither my brother nor I were prepared for. We were just saying yesterday to my cousin (I was staying with her the last few nights) that it feels like something you read about or see in a movie, not something that happens in *our* family. Thankfully, our family is close and united and I know I can count on them.

Sorry to have vented, I usually prefer to not air dirty laundry, but once in awhile, it has to come out or I'll explode.

I am leaning toward lighter reading lately, for obvious reasons, and on the train today I started a novel called Cooking for Picasso which, while a novel, apparently has some basis in truth and real people (apart from Picasso). So far, not bad.

I am too fried tonight to visit threads. Hope to catch up a bit tomorrow.

Shelley, I am so sorry you are dealing with such heavy difficulties. I'm so sorry about the whole thing and it's so dreadful to have to deal with your mom's husband. That must be really hard. I'm so glad that you have your brother in your corner and your cousin. You are so right, there really are no guide books as far as all of this goes. (((Hugs))) and I wish you some escape reading / TV binging and cookies. Take care, Shelley.

>118 jessibud2: Shelley, I am so sorry for your troubles. Your mother's husband sounds like a piece of work -- and it is just so horrible for you and your brother and your mother to have to deal with that when life is already so complicated and difficult.

I'm glad you have a copy of Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany to dip in and out of. I have it on my wish list and I have promised myself I can buy myself a copy before the end of 2019.

I'm reading the third installment in Kent Haruf's trilogy. Benediction is already outstanding.

>122 jessibud2: So sorry you have to deal with this, Shelley. It is sad that at this difficult time your mothers husband is causing trouble instead of being cooperative. Glad your brother was there to help you. So proud you remained calm!
(((hugs)))

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with such a nasty man, Shelley. It's great to have a strong ally like your brother when the going gets tough.

>118 jessibud2: >122 jessibud2: I'm really sorry to hear you have such a destructive person in your lives Shelley. Good luck with the next stage.

You could then fill the gap in the market perhaps, and get something positive out of the experience?

Sorry to hear about your situation- good thing that you have a supportive brother

Thanks, Deb, Ellen, Anita, Darryl, Caroline and Cyrel.

Things are moving along as best as can be expected. My brother and I are planning to move our mum to a senior's care facility, the same one where her sister lives. I know that, if she has to move at all, that will be the best possible place, so she will at least have her sister. We are in the process now of find out details and logistics.

Re the passing of Wayson Choy (>117 vancouverdeb:), here is a really lovely obit:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/books/article-canadian-author-wayson-choy-i...

I really need to get to his works!

Shelley, I'm so pleased that you and your brother are moving your mum to a seniors care facility . And one with her sister there too. It's a lot to take on and I'm so glad you have your brother for help. It sounds to me like having your mum in the care facility will get you and her away from the toxic husband. I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

Thanks for the obit, Shelley. I enjoyed it. I had not realized he had no actual family of his own. His books really opened my eyes to life as a new immigrant from China to B.C. I have a BIL who parents apparently came from China . Bill grew up with just his dad and understood himself to be an only child , and that his mother returned to China as she was not happy here. Imagine his surprise about 5 years ago when his unknown brother passed away and he found that in fact he had an unknown brother and his mother had in fact been a first nations women who left his dad very early in his life. I can't imagine, but Bill seemed to take it in stride . But it sure shows what a tough time new immigrants must have had. My BIL is a fair bit older than me, at 75. I did not ask him many details about the whole thing, as I felt it was up to him to share what he felt he wanted to share about the shock about his family.

Probably a bit too claustrophobic for me, by the looks of that photo, but it could be an....adventure:

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/newsgoodnews/canadas-most-inconvenient-bookstore-...

>131 jessibud2: In Steveston, where I often walk the dog, we had a bookstore that look just like the one in your link!! Just overflowing second hand books and practically a hazardous place! :-) Her son or daughter took it over and now it has expanded and is a lovely place. Not as crowded and better organized. They also put in a coffee / soup/ sandwich, baking area. So you can go in and browse the books and also purchase something to eat or drink - and they a small area for eating and reading. Just perfect! It is always busy and I know my sister goes just for the coffee and espresso. Really brilliant to add on the area to eat at. The staff has told me that they get a lot of older people in each day, for a combination of socializing , a bit to eat and also to read. The area that you can eat in is separate from the main book area, but you can read your purchased books there, plus they have books and magazines just for the eating area. Such a great idea!

>131 jessibud2: I'm sweating in claustrophobic terror at the *image* so I hate to imagine what the *place* would do to me!

>133 richardderus: - Yeah, I agree. I don't mind old, or quaint, or even a bit cluttered. But this is a fire hazard, at best.

>132 vancouverdeb: - Deb, when I first moved to Toronto, back in 1980, long before the Chapters/Indigo big box store was even a concept, there was a tiny café/bookshop called Chapters. You had to walk up outside stairs to get to it and it only had a few bistro tables and chairs. I remember it was quite a surprise, the concept of food or drink in a bookstore, at the time but I loved that place. Needless to say, it is long gone now but it was very cool back then.

>131 jessibud2: Very neat bookstore! A wonderful place to be on a rainy day.

Hope all is well with you, and you are having a great week!

>135 figsfromthistle: - Hi Anita. Actually, it's been an eventful, is stressful, few weeks. With the promise of more to come.

We are finally moving my mother to an assisted living facility. I won't bore anyone with all the messy details but suffice it to say, the sooner we get her away from her disaster of a husband, the happier we will be. Both my brother and I feel she is no longer safe there as he himself has begun to complain to anyone who will listen, that he *can't do it* anymore, meaning, be a 24/7 caregiver. Which was more than obvious to pretty much everyone from day one. But he always denied this, always threw his *I can handle it* back at us whenever we tried to suggest help or any such thing. Meantime, in recent months he has not been well himself (which, if I am honest, I care not one whit about) and the situation there is quickly deteriorating. I made some executive decisions, spent hours on the phone in the last few weeks calling a variety of places and in the end, we got extremely lucky. The assisted living place where my aunt (mum's sister) lives, actually has a unit available for June. Often, you could be on a waiting list for months before one opens up). And it is on the same floor as my aunt. Long story short, we will move her there the first week in June. I could not have imagined anything better than this.

It's a huge relief to my brother and I and all our cousins. I expected far more pushback from them than actually happened. There are still some rather major issues to get through, not least of which are financial, but we are taking one step at a time. I am heading out there this weekend, then home again on Tuesday. I always go by train, the most comfortable way, for me. But the week after I get home, I will probably head back for a week or 2 to help her pack up, and move and be there through the transition, to make sure it all goes smoothly. I am seriously considering driving though I detest the drive. It's 5 to 6 hours of highway driving (I truly HATE this drive, especially solo) but I think to be there for that length of time, it is the only way.

Anyhow, my head has been spinning this past week especially and I am not sleeping well. Which explains why I am up and on LT at 3 am.

Shelley, my heart goes out to you with the stressers you are dealing with and the concerns about your mom. Sounds like you have it greatly figured out and June will be here before you know it. All best!

Thanks, Mary. I spent the morning calling movers and have just about decided on one. I will confer with my brother later when he gets home from work and then book them.

If I come out the other end without an ulcer, it will be a miracle. Thank goodness the weather has turned. It is 20C today, though overcast, the warmest it's been so far this year. For the past week it has been raining and in single digits. Much more February than May.

Ice cream, cookies, books, breathe. It will happen and be behind you soon. {hugs}

>136 jessibud2: Resolution is relaxing in itself; the anticipatory tsurres is understandable but to be contained at all costs before it eats your justified and hard-won happiness.

Mum is on her way to her safe and comfortable life.

{{{Shelley}}}

>136 jessibud2: So glad you found a place for your mother, Shelley!

>140 richardderus:, >141 FAMeulstee: - Thanks, Richard and Anita. Yes, there is definitely relief and resolution, to some extent. But it's not over and done with yet. I keep telling myself that this time, next month, it will be and maybe then I can relax a bit. My lists of things I need to get done, need to remember, need to call, etc, etc, etc, seem endless at the moment. But even amid the chaos, I am nothing if not organized.

This is for Joe, re the conversation on his thread about posing like (and with) statues. This gorgeous sculpture is in front of the Cancer Wellness Centre outside Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto. I used to drive by it every day on my way to work. I think it is made of metal or iron and is so joyful looking. It's a much slimmer and younger me in this pic! Maybe 7 or 8, possibly a few more, years ago.

>143 jessibud2: Heh. That statue is an incitement to silliness!

>144 richardderus: - I thought so, too, as you can see ;-)

Here's a more recent statue pose. This *numeric* statue was outside a building in Montreal , probably some engineering building, part of McGill campus. Pic is from summer of 2017

>143 jessibud2: >146 jessibud2: Lovely pictures, Shelley!
Trying to read the last statue, miserabely failed to make words of the letters ;-)

>147 FAMeulstee: - You are right, Anita. Those are letters. I thought I remembered seeing mostly numbers but clearly, I am mistaken. I am heading to Montreal this weekend and am going to try to find out exactly what the building is where it is located. I am sure there is at least a thematic correspondence between the sculpture and the building.

>143 jessibud2:, >146 jessibud2: LOL! Thanks, Shelley. I can see why you were inspired. Both statues are very cool. It would be hard not to feel joyful around that one in >143 jessibud2:!

What a great photo Shelly!

I am slowly visiting some threads tonight. It feels good to enter back into the fold.

I hope all is well with you. I send good wishes.

>149 jnwelch: - Thanks, George...;-)

>150 Whisper1: - So good to see you Linda. One step at a time! Welcome back!

Well, one of my main goals this year was to read more off my own shelves. I have not done all that well in that respect. On the one hand, I haven't purchased many books so far this year so that's good but wow, I seem to be single-handedly keeping the library in business! I think I currently have 7 library books out and at least one more on the way. Yesterday I picked up a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship, which I actually requested after seeing someone on the subway reading it. I thought it might give me some insight into my mother's husband's psyche, though if I am honest, I don't know why I want to waste a minute of my time on him in any way, shape or form. I see that it was first published in 1992, though, so it might be a bit dated, as far as it goes. I will give it a look and possibly just skim. Interestingly, I am also reading something at the other end of the spectrum, a more positive approach to stress, by Anne Lamott, called Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair. It's a small book, under 100 pages and I will probably finish it by tomorrow.

I am also listening to an odd little audiobook called Mr. G, by Alan Lightman. It's only 4 discs and I am already on #3 so I might as well finish it. I can't decide if I like it or not. It's just … meh. It's a fanciful story about the creation of the world, universe, whatever. It's clever but at the same time, a bit weird and requires a rather large stretching of the imagination, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I guess just isn't working all that much for me this time. I guess it's ok enough if I am persevering. The narrator is good. I find myself so very restless with my reading these days. I won't even mention how many books, both hard copy and audios, I have ditched lately. I also just finished My Ideal Bookshelf by Thessaly LaForce and illustrated by Jane Mount. Lovely to read but I hardly knew any of the people who contributed, maybe only a handful. I loved Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany much more.

>136 jessibud2:

Any chance of comfortably taking the train and just renting a car for a week...?
That kind of a drive under pressure does not sound welcome.

While what you have gone through has not been great, at least you have been spared
having to convince your brother that your Mom would be safer in Assisted Living.
That was a real challenge for my daughter and I because my mother had signed all decisions over to my brother
whose concern was the cost coming out of any inheritance.

You and your brother are owed a celebratory dinner before you leave!

>153 m.belljackson: - Yes, Marianne, I know how very lucky I am that my brother and I are of one mind and one heart through all of this, not least because we both live so far from her as well as from each other. But we had the role models growing up, with family members, grandparents, aunts and uncles. In our family, there was never any question, ever, that one did all that was needed and necessary and possible, to care for the one in need. Period.

I had thought about the renting of a car but in the end, I think it will be fine. If this was winter, there would be no question - I would never drive the highways in winter. But I think I will be fine. I have done 2 solo trips before, once to Ottawa (about 3 to 4 hours from here), and once to upstate New York, about the same distance as to Montreal. Both in summer and had no problems at all.

"I thought it might give me some insight into my mother's husband's psyche, though if I am honest, I don't know why I want to waste a minute of my time on him in any way, shape or form."

It is interesting how difficult people can take so very much energy. Only one good thing from Will's passing is that I no longer need to deal with his cousin from his father's side of the family. Truly, even to the end of Will's life he remained a narcisstic, self-absorbed idiot. What I hate about these selfish people is that they unnecessarily clog our minds each time we interact with them, and sometimes afterward.

Hopefully you do not have to have a lot of contact with your mother's husband.

>155 Whisper1: - You are so right, Linda. He is a very self-absorbed and selfish man, very high maintenance. Very controlling. That control has been one of the hardest things to deal with, in a way. Now that we have made this decision, I am truly hoping that we will not have to deal with him at all. Except there is still one rather significant financial issue to be resolved. We want him to buy out her half of the condo. They are co-owners and she will no longer be living there. He wants us to pay all the expenses for her new place (which I have no objection to) but he plans to remain in the condo. Period. I fully expect a fight when we bring up the subject and I already have a letter in to our lawyer, asking if there is anything we can do legally, to ensure that this happens. I am not sure there is. But it would be the right thing for him to do. If he had a conscience, which he doesn't.

{{{hugs}}} Shelley. You are doing the best you can. Hoping that everything runs to plan for the move and settling of your mom.

I also hope that trying to understand your step-dad's behaviour will be helpful to you. He may not understand it himself, just responding to the drives he feels. Often there are some deeply embedded fragments from the past that create the behaviours of someone with such issues.

Love the photos with the sculptures.

>156 jessibud2:

Can you legally tell him that your Mother's financial share of the condo is needed to pay for her Assisted Living?
(or else, HE will be responsible!)

Safe journey, successful visit, happy homecoming *whammy*

>146 jessibud2:, Hi Shelley my dear, great photo.

Drama rama ding dong. It never ends.

Last night I had a call that her husband took himself to the emergency room at the hospital because he wasn't feeling well. I made some calls to mom's friends and one of them came over to stay overnight with her. I was on my way today anyhow. While on the train, my brother was texting me and said he was in touch with the husband's son and he was coming to Montreal as C was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and would be there at least until Monday. Fine. I had already decided that I would cancel my Tues ticket home and stay as long as necessary.

I am here now.

Not 20 minutes after I walked in, C suddenly walks through the door, with his grandson. Says he feels terrible and is going to have a shower and go to bed. I am now livid. He has pneumonia, and my mother has a compromised immune system. In other words, he is contagious and she is susceptible. How does this make any sense. Not that it matters to him one bit, I am sure. I would be surprised if he even considered it. I haven't asked and I am quite sure even if I do, it will only result in a fight so I may not, but if I were a betting person, I'd put my money on the fact that he lost patience waiting and demanded to come home. Grandson said they released him with antibiotics. I have my doubts. I cannot leave my mother alone with him.

I am hoping at some point to speak to his son when he gets here and insist that this situation with C at home is untenable and unfair. He needs to be taken care of and I will not be his caretaker. Period.

Another update:
He just came out from his room. Not wearing the mask that he came home wearing. I asked him to please wear it, for my mother's sake. He said sarcastically he would wear it to protect me. Too sick and weak to talk but not sick enough to spare the sarcasm. I want him out of here!

Maybe I should call 911 and make them take him away.

I am so angry I could cry.

I'm so sorry , Shelley. Can you call his son and get the son to take C away? Or , would calling 911 be of any use as far as getting C out of the condo? Or is there a nursing line that would be of some use to you for advice? I wish I could be of more help. Shelly, you are doing everything possible. I am so sorry.((((( Hugs)))))))

could you call an elder abuse line in Montreal - here is a link - http://www.montrealfamilies.ca/Montreal-Families/Directories/Family-Services/ind...

It seems to me that C is abusing your mother.

>161 jessibud2: keeping you in my thoughts Shelley, what an awful situation. I hope you can carry through your plans.

I was kidding about 911. It is not that kind of emergency and I know better. But I will email the manager of the assisted living place we are moving my mother to and ask if they have any *respite* units available that we can rent until the actual move into her own unit on June 5. C's son will be over here later on today and my brother is driving in from Vermont and hopefully, we can have some reasonable discussion. If nothing can be arranged, I will most likely have to wait until Tuesday to call some other agency since tomorrow is a statutory holiday here and most offices will be closed, I imagine. I did find a package of face masks in my mother's bathroom so at least, if he insists on coming out of his room, I can persuade my mother to put one on.

Thanks, Deb and Caroline. Thank goodness I am here as I can't even imagine what things would be like if I weren't. Also, thanks for that link, Deb. It may well come in handy.

C's son is, unfortunately, cut out of the same cloth as his father so I don't hold out much hope for support there. But maybe we can at least have a civil discussion. Happily for me, C is sick enough that he is literally unable to yell. At me, at my mother or at anyone. I take my luck where I can.

Sorry that you and your family are going through this- the idea of taking your mother to a respite unit is a good one.

>165 jessibud2: Sorry to see what you are going through! Hopefully he feels poorly enough that he just stays in his room resting!

Hi Shelley!

I am so sorry about this sad situation with your mother's husband, glad that you and your brother are putting your mother in a safe place near her sister.

It was before I came into my husband's family, but his mother had remarried - to an abusive, greedy, and manipulative man. Bill and some wonderful neighbors got her away from him, fortunately, with Bill telling Mr. R. that he wished Mr. R. would do anything that would give Bill an excuse to beat him. This is very unlike my husband and shows the stress and worry he was under about his mom.

Hang in there. I hope you can avoid him and that you and your brother can buffer your mom from the worst of his nastiness.

Hugs to you.

Thinking of you Shelley in these very trying times that you are going through. (hugs from afar). Hope that you get things sorted very soon for your mom. She is so lucky that you are there.

So sorry to hear all that you are going through, Shelley. I hope that things got better when your brother got there to back you up.

>165 jessibud2:

Because a family member will sometimes spend the night at Assisted Living, maybe your Mother could stay for now with your Aunt?

>131 jessibud2: That bookstore would be a bit tight for browsing....

>161 jessibud2: Yikes. What a mean-spirited person C is. It doesn't help you at all but masks are a dime a dozen here in Taiwan; it's just normal to see about a quarter of the population wearing one as they go about their business at any given moment. Part of it is, I think, the air quality, but some of it is the sense of both self- and other-protection. They sell fabric masks in lots of the stores and we have each purchased one for smoke/dust season in late summer back in eastern Washington. They sell Hello Kitty ones in the hospital supply store and I plan to buy a set. Perhaps I should send you one for you to offer to C! Ha!

I hope you're able to use a "respite" unit until your mom can be more permanently moved in early June. Sigh. Such difficult times in life as we age.

Take good care, Shelley. Know that your LT community is sending you lots of support!

>151 jessibud2: Jeesh, sorry about that, Shelley! I haven't done that for a while. It's the trying to catch up on the threads fast, don't you know. Anyway, thanks for calling me George. I get Jim most of the time, and it's good to have a change. :-)

P.S. I fixed it, for when 23d century archivists read through.

Shelley, Shelley, Shelley. Oh, how exhausting, demoralizing. My best wishes for a satisfactory solution. If it seems otherwise, drop me a line. Judi and I spent our honeymoon in Montreal, and I believe I still remember how to get there. I could zip up there and pop 'im in the nose. Much prefer the former, of course.

I'm sorry to hear about your continued family difficulties, Shelley.

Thanks all. I am still here, running a bit out of steam but not totally. A new caregiver (hired by the son) began today and she is lovely. C sleeps most of the day (pneumonia takes it out of you, for sure and if I am honest, having him in his room with the door closed, works for me). She prepares their meals, helps my mum when she needs help and I hope she lasts because she must be bored out of her mind. She is a reader though so we chatted about that for a bit. My mom sleeps or dozes a lot too.

I have taken advantage of her being here to run out and do a ton of errands today (and tomorrow) and that is good. I travel home on Thursday but will return for at least a week for the big move. My mom alternately remembers about it and forgets. So we talk about it several times a day. We were at the new place yesterday to see it and sign all the paperwork, We saw my aunt (mom's sister) and that was good. I know she will be ok and happy there. I just can't wait for the move to be behind us. In her moments of clarity, she worries how her husband will adapt. I assured her he will (though he is the least flexible and adaptable person I have ever met but no point belabouring the point. She won't remember anyhow.)

Bill, your *offer* made me chuckle. Thanks!

I am too far behind on most threads to catch up. My reading has been sorely affected by real life distractions lately. I listened to a 4-disc book called Mr. G by Alan Lightman and found it a slog. It was at times philosophical (those are the parts I liked), at other times too scientific and tedious (those are the parts I skipped) and although short, I felt I was forcing myself through it. I know it was meant to be fanciful and imaginative but my mind wasn't there.

I tried for the second time to get through another book I thought would be lighter reading, Cooking for Picasso, supposedly based on a little-known episode in his life. By the halfway point, I was skimming to get to the end and I probably shouldn't count it because of that but I will anyhow. I saw several glowing reviews on Goodreads when I googled to find the author's name because I left the book in Montreal and couldn't remember it. Personally, I found the writing cringe-worthy at times and though the premise looked interesting, if I were rating, I probably wouldn't give it more than 2 stars. It is a story that takes place in 1936, and in 2016, about Ondine, who was a young woman then, and Celine, her granddaughter. Meh.

I also decided not to bother reading the library book I had borrowed, The Verbally Abusive Relationship because frankly, after such an emotionally and physically exhausting week, I have no desire whatsoever to invest in the man. The faster he is out of our lives, (or specifically, my life) the happier I will be.

I had also borrowed another book from the library that I thought might be helpful, useful and comforting to me at this time. It is called Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott. I hope I don't offend anyone by what I am about to say, as that is truly not my intention but not only am I not Christian but I am not religious at all and don't believe in god. This was another book that was very short (under 100 pages) and I should have been able to finish it easily. I think I got as far as page 40 or so and returned it to the library. Far too many mentions of god, Jesus and Christianity for me. Maybe if I was in a better frame of mind, I might have been more tolerant but I am feeling extremely intolerant these days and just couldn't force myself through this one.

I started a new audiobook today, and of course, I can't remember the title or author at the moment. It's fiction, about a writer whose manuscript is picked up by an editor who is none other than Jackie Kennedy. I hope it is a decent read. So far, the writer character is a bit OCD but maybe things will get better. I think my attention span has shrunk to the size of a pea.

So, a rather unproductive reading week for me, though I did get a lot accomplished for my mum while I was in Montreal. I got home last night and I think the stress of this past week caught up with me. Not only did I sleep like the dead, but I have been rather weepy today and that was annoying, as I had a ton of things I had to do today, not least of which was get myself to a dentist. There may be root canal in my near future, as I have hardly been able to eat or drink all week, especially drink. Just in case I didn't have enough on my plate at the moment.

Anyhow, I still have a lot of things to do this coming week before I drive back to Montreal next Saturday, a week from tomorrow, but at least I have scheduled some fun thing into the coming days.

Sorry to see you are in a book funk. That has been me for most of April and May. Hope yours starts to improved as mine recently has!
Enjoy your fun things this weekend!

>176 jessibud2: "She is a reader though..." Maybe she will stay if she has permission to read when there is not much else to be done beyond being on hand in case your mum or C (grr) needs her.

Lord, woman, you have so much going on right now. I'm not at all surprised you had a hard time settling into any reading. Back in March, when my life was so topsy-turvy, I read but four books the entire month. That is very low for me and I just had to write it off. Reading is our solace and our joy but sometimes we just need to sleep.

Shelley, you are so in the thick of it and small wonder that the reading is a challenge at the moment. It will get better!

Thanks, Chelle, Ellen and Mary.

Tomorrow is the final installment of our Doc Soup Sunday series. Tomorrow's film is The Art of Museums. There will be a Q&A afterwards. After the film, I will wander around a bit (with a possible visit to BMV, a bookstore), grab something to eat, then, since I am already downtown, I decided to make it a double-header day and am staying for the 2 o'clock film, a doc about Gordon Lightfoot, called If You Could Read My Mind. When I told my mom about it, she said, ooo, we listened to him a lot in our house, didn't we? Yes, we sure did. My dad introduced me to Lightfoot and gave me my first Lightfoot album. I still have it.

I met a friend/former colleague for lunch today and we tried a new (to me) restaurant called Taboule. It features Middle Eastern food and was really very good. I had a taboule salad and a salmon wrap. Delicious and I took home what I couldn't finish, to have for another meal. Meeting 2 other friends/former colleagues for lunch on Wed and in between eating, the week will be a busy one, preparing for the following week. Phone calls, possible dentist visit, among other things.

And Ellen, yes, you are very right. That need to sleep is sometimes overwhelming and I also recognize it for what it really is: my knee jerk reaction to stress. But this too shall pass.

The 2 films I saw today were both very enjoyable, though very different (see links in previous post).

In between films, I went to the bookstore down the street. What, you are surprised? Well, I didn't buy any books, which was ok, because I bought something else that was totally unexpected and I was THRILLED! I bought 2 boxes of notecards (because if I had only bought one, and wanted more at another time, for sure they would be gone by then). These are notecards based on Jane Mount's book, Bibliophile: An Illustrated Miscellany. So very cool!



Twenty different cards in the box. If anyone wants me to send them one, PM me your address. The cards are as lovely as the book! (the one on the upper right corner is the actual box, not a card)

Another busy week ahead. I started and ditched another book today on the subway ride downtown. Surely I can find something on my many shelves to hold my interest!! Sheesh...

I love those cards Shelley. I wonder if I can find them in my little town.

Shelley--I am so sorry to hear about how difficult C has been. Wishing all the best for you and your Mom with this move. And I love those cards! Big hugs.

>181 jessibud2: If You Could Read My Mind sounds fascinating. I loved that song and was a Lightfoot fan until I burned out at The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald in, what, 1976? Played and played and played...like the Eagles' Lyin' Eyes it just got to be Too Much. I still listen to Lightfoot once in a way just not as obsessively as I once did.

>182 jessibud2: Lovely! In your shoes I'd probably put them in prefab frames and hang them somewhere.

Week-ahead strength wishes.

>184 Berly: - Thanks, Kim. Only a little longer....I think we can survive! And yes, the cards are terrific.

>185 richardderus: - Hi Richard. Funny, he talked about The Edmond Fitzgerald (and the Canadian Railroad Trilogy, and tons of others. The film actually opened with him watching on a tv old clips of himself as a young man, singing If You Could Read My Mind and then cutting to covers of others doing the song (others like Johnny Cash, among several!). Finally, he says, turn it off, I hate that fucking song already! It was funny. There were actually a lot of funny scenes. I also OD'd on him, growing up. Played his LPs ALL THE TIME. I still have them and recently bought a turntable.

I like your idea re the cards! May just do that! Thanks:-)

Good to see that you are making some time for yourself and relaxing, Shelley. Just a little while longer and the stress will be more manageable.

Shelley, very good that you are now home safe and sound and that the drive went uneventfully with good weather. I am pleased that you got your mom safely moved and fingers crossed that all goes well for her. Now can you put your feet up and get some rest and relaxation and some reading done?

Hi Mary. Yes, thanks, I am home and thoroughly exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am not a great highway driver at the best of times so the 6-hour drive, each way, was an added layer of stress I could have done without. I will not drive there again; next time, I will stick to taking the train and rent a car there if I feel the need. But even so, I lucked out because the weather and road conditions, at least, were perfect. If I had had to deal with heavy and steady rain (like we had here in Toronto yesterday) in addition to the big trucks, I probably would never have done it.

Moving my mum was a big undertaking but it went as smoothly as I guess it could have, all things considered. She is still confused and that worries me somewhat but the staff where she is are aware and watching and monitoring her well. Needless to say, I hardly read at all last week. By the time I fell into bed, I was too tired to even open a book. I did complete one short audiobook in the car but my CD player decided to give up the ghost so the other 4 audiobooks I brought will have to wait. C'est la vie.

>189 jessibud2: Glad that the move went smoothly. Enjoy the rest of the week :)

>189 jessibud2: You're home and safe, your mum's safe, your time in the toxic vicinity of the unpleasant people is over. Rest well. You have earned it, and we're all very glad to have you back.

Hopefully things will be easier now that your mother is in a safe place with watchful staff.

>190 figsfromthistle:, >191 richardderus:, >192 torontoc: - Thank you, Anita, Richard and Cyrel, for your kind words. The stress is far from over, though, as her short term memory seems to be in rapid decline. I might be heading back next week to take her to an appointment for a more current and thorough geriatric assessment, if I can get an appointment. Then back again July 8 for 3 more appointments that I managed to arrange for that day. Her husband is ill and in fact, ended up in hospital the day we moved her. I thank my lucky stars for the timing of all this. I don't even want to think about how she would have coped if she had been alone with him (he had 2 falls in the condo they shared). But his son is there and he is his problem now, not mine.

I spent much of yesterday (and a chunk of today) napping and not doing too much except a bit of garden cleanup. Which suits me fine. But tomorrow I need to get my ass in gear and start making phone calls again, to get things in order for my mum. For one thing, there is the notification of her medical team of change of address, and getting myself on their database as the primary person to contact from now on. Then there are her appointments, finances, and the list goes on. Of course, not being in the same city makes it a bit more complicated but it has to be done so it will be.

Tomorrow afternoon, I am taking myself to see a documentary that I have been looking forward to for awhile: Echo in the Canyon. I actually had a ticket for it for last week but ended up giving it to a friend when I went to Montreal. I am glad that it is still on for another few weeks. Love this stuff. And that Jakob Dylan is not too bad to look at either (much better-looking than his dad!)!

I bet you will love that documentary. I just read up about it and it sounds GREAT! Great music.

>194 mdoris: - I KNOW I will love it. I was supposed to go last week with a friend but travel plans interrupted so I gave my ticket to her and she took another friend. I knew I could see it when I got home. She said it was great.

There was an interview with Jakob Dylan this morning on the CBC radio program *q*. I didn't catch it at the time but will listen to it soon:

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/jakob-dylan-and-andrew-slater-revisit-60s-laurel-cany...

Hi Shelley, I haven’t been on the boards much, but just caught up reading about your mom. Glad she was successfully moved, but it looks as if your concerns are far from over. They will just be on different things now. It must be very difficult trying to manage your mom’s care from so far away. I hope things go well for both you and her.

I should probably put another snail mail letter in the mail to you. It’s fun to write to you, and I have a lot to tell you. Think I’ll do just that (writing to you, my longtime pen pal). Look for a letter from me in the mail. :D

Take it easy between your Montreal trips. At least the weather is decent now for traveling.

Congratulations on getting your mom successfully moved, Shelley. I know how tough that can be - and I remember all the repeat visits, and all the phone calls and paperwork. As someone said, rest well, to the extent you can. That's a big one you got done.

I don't know how parents with uninterested children have anything approaching a decent end-of-life. So much help is needed.

>196 SqueakyChu: - Hi Madeline. Yes, managing things from afar is not the way I would prefer but it is what it is and things will get done. The main people I need to be in contact with (doctors, their secretaries, pharmacist, managers of the assisted living place) are beginning to know me already, either from having met me in person, or from our phone calls, so that helps, too. I managed to set up 3 appointments on one day for the beginning of July and I will be there to take her to them. There are 2 more appointments that I would have loved to happen over those few days but if I can get one of them sooner, I will go in specially for that. It's the one with the geriatrician, to do a new cognitive assessment, as I have noticed huge changes (decline) in her since the original assessment was done last November. But that may not happen so fast.
I look forward to your letter. Sorry I haven't been in touch much with you or Barbara. I think you now know why.

>197 jnwelch: - Thanks, Joe. I managed to get several phone calls made this morning and they were successful in that much of what I had hoped to accomplish with those calls was done. Then I took myself downtown to see a really fun movie (see the links in >193 jessibud2:, >195 jessibud2:). I am trying to stay on top of taking care of me, too. I realize that that is important. Although my brother is geographically closer to our mum (he has a 3-hour drive to my 6 hours), he is still working full-time and can't just drop everything to go to Montreal the way I can, if necessary. You are right: so much help is needed. I am happy to be able to do whatever I can. It's just the heartbreak of watching the decline that is the real ache here.

Shelley, my heart goes out to you, dealing with so much regarding your mom . Your mom is so blessed to have you. You have done so much. Take care of yourself too. I'm glad you took yourself out to a movie today. I've lost a parent to cancer, which was hard, but the cognitive decline of your mom must be very difficult. I'm glad the toxic husband is out of the picture.

Take care of yourself, Shelley. My brother was the main arranger during my father's decline but called on me for reinforcement when needed which it sometimes is when dealing with health professionals (although why anyone would think dialysis at 95 was a good idea, I don't know.) I hope that you can call on your brother for moral support.

>189 jessibud2: I'm glad the move went smoothly, but empathise that there is still much that needs doing Shelley. I'm glad you are remembering to take care of yourself though, it is so important.

Sweet Thursday, Shelley. I have not visited in quite some time. It sounds like you have had your hands full, with your Mom. I hope things begin to settle for you. Miss seeing you around.

>199 vancouverdeb:, >200 Familyhistorian:, >201 Caroline_McElwee:, >202 msf59: - Thanks, Deb, Meg, Caroline and Mark. Yes, I think the cognitive decline in my mum is the hardest to deal with, for me. She is still lucid and knows people and if you didn't know her, you would not guess anything was wrong at all. She is still the same positive, outgoing, social person that she always was but then she says something totally out of left field, that makes no sense. This morning she called me and sounded a bit down. She asked me if I could come over and go to dinner with her. She didn't remember that I live in Toronto. I have lived here since 1980. Just one small example. I just hope she doesn't get depressed. I do have a call in to a social worker who will visit and monitor her but I don't know yet when that will happen.

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I am hopelessly behind on other threads but I will try to catch up a bit over the weekend. I will probably start a new thread, myself, tomorrow.

Getting out and talking with friends and giving yourself another focus for a while is very helpful. I hope that you are out and about taking care and enjoying some of your summer, Shelley.

Thanks, Meg. My gardens have benefitted, I can say that much. I have spent way too much money at the garden centres over the last few days but working in my garden, front and back, is good therapy. Stupid condo corp have still done nothing but avoid the issues of the foundation repair and have given me absolutely no information at all. So, I have decided that it will have to wait for the fall as clearly, with no excavation in sight, I am not willing to forfeit my garden. I have been patient since January but I have run out of patience. They will have to work on my timeline now.

Anyhow, I am starting a new thread. It shouldn't take me too long.