How To Feel Loved - Not

So I was with my friends last night at their house, and they proudly displayed their newly refined, done over bookshelf. Then I was directed to admire the very large box of books that were designated for book-recycling. 'We're only keeping the ones we actually like, and might reread.'

Me - OOooh! A box of books! That you don't want!

Friend A - Oh I just packed that up. ~whine~ You can't make a mess.

Me - Er, I'll pack it up again.

Friend A - miffle, mutter

So I proceed to pull out books in a heap. After awhile of searching:

Me - Oh, I gave you this.

Friend D - yeah, I just couldn't get it into. Sorry. Didn't make any sense.

Me - Ok, I'll take it and see if it's better than my copy.

More searching.

Me - Oh. I gave you this one too.

Friend A - ~a bit embarrassed~ Yeah, I did read it. But it just wasn't what I expected.

Me - Oh, that's fine. I'll take that one back too.

Pause. More searching.

Me - Hm. Are you sure you don't want this one? Really?

Friend D - Nah. You can have it back.

Me - ~a bit deflated~ Well, I was going to buy you a book for your birthday, but I don't think I'm going to now.

Friends hug me and mumble how sorry they are.

Aww.

I know it sucks when you really love a book and just wish that everyone else would love it as much, but book tastes are finicky.

I know there are plenty of times when one of my friends recommends a book I know I have no interest in (Jodi Picoult) and I don't want to insult their reading tastes so I just kind of go along with it.

Of course, one of my friends who actually has pretty similar reading tastes informed me that he can't stand Gabriel Garcia Marquez. (What?! The man's brilliant!) It was an awkward moment.

If they're really sorry, they should just give you the whole box!

*grin*

I'm sorry you stumbled across so many poor, lonely, rejected books. *Sniff*
Doesn't help that you'd known them in brighter days.

But it is lovely, on the other hand, when you develop a friendship with someone who is very good at picking good books for you. I have a friend who is astonishly good at giving me books that I like . . . but then again, he sells books in his work . . .

Professional advantage, I suppose.

Hehe...

Yes, I have a habit of choosing 'risky' books for them. Alas, the risks didn't pay off. The book I had thought of buying for D's birthday is really out there as far as their reading goes...so I truly don't know now. (It was to be Gilead, mainly because of the religious and father/sons themes. But given that one of the returned books was The Red Tent, I doubt its chances of success).

Exchange cards!

It was just such a funny, awkward moment that I had to share. Not truly awkward, because it's them...but, alas, failures on all counts.

I should just buy them the collector's edition of Mercedes Lackey books (if there is such a thing) and they'd be happy no doubt. ~imaginary poke at friends~

eta - type too fast for brain

Time to start getting those friends cheese platters instead! ;o)

Did they at least offer to let you take anything you want from the box?

Pretty much.

The great irony?

Everything in there was crap! Things like Eddings, and romances, and an ancient manual on Siamese cats that looked like something a Siamese cat might cough up.

~laughs hysterically~

Except for the stuff I gave them of course. That wasn't crap.

i really hesitate to give books as gifts. maybe if it an author i know they like, who has something brand new out...

but our likes and dislikes in books are very personal and something even good friends might not share. yes, that cheese platter idea has it merits because everyone love CHEESE!

Hahahaa...was just on the phone to Friend D and read this to him. Amid much laughter, he confessed to having frantically searched the book-shelf to find if there was even one book I'd given them that they'd kept...

A cheese platter it is. I'll throw in grapes too!

Books CAN be a good gift, though. I gave my dad Cryptonomicon one Yule and he subsequently went on to buy and read the Baroque Cycle, plus LOTS of books on WWII and cryptography, and biographies and historic texts about the period described to the late 17th century and science history.
Another, earlier, Yule I gave him Anatomy of a typeface, and I like to think it was one of the factors that inspired him to start his own type foundry. He went on to win some awards, plus got commissioned by Condé Nast to do typefaces for some of their publications.

#11 Wow! Now that's a gift with some impact! Great story, Busifer.

I've never had much success with giving friends books. Sometimes I don't even have success with loaning them books that they request. Most of my friends just aren't readers. It's a problem though because it's pretty much all I want so I can't imagine what else to get them ...

My friends tend to like the books I loan them, then never, ever give them back.

As for buying books, my friend once gave me a pile of about ten books she didn't want. They were her Christmas presents from the past ten years. From me. The next year I gave her a free movie pass and called it a day. *sniffle*

@14 - awwwwwwwwwww....

That's heartbreaking!

@11 - and it really is nice to hear the success stories... :)

I always buy books for people about thier favorite music bands or TV programmes or sports teams. which is not usually something they buy for themselves.

I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the times I have "expanded" someone's reading horizon. When I first took charge of our church's library, it was mostly used by women who wanted to read clean romances. I really wanted them to "stretch" their reading habits, but to no avail. Now I realize that most people read what makes them comfortable, or what they are comfortable reading and the only time they are going to change that is if they themselves want to change.

I have several friends who ask me for something "new" to read. One of my most dreaded requests, but I have learned that what they mean is something similar to what they read, but by another author. Pretty sure I'm the same. I read a greater variety than many of my friends, but I'm still pretty clear about venues I don't want to bother with.

I suggest a gift card. I even have some friends who don't like cheese!

My boorish way of expanding my friends' reading horizons was (I don't do this much any more) to describe with enthusiasm what I was reading, repeating many times the author's name.

Now I just rave about Librarything.com and I think if they log on her - majic occurs and horizons are huge.

I've been lucky. . . both on a 15-mins. radio show, and with 90 mins. in front of a group of lovely ladies I've managed to share my choices of books I care about. (Hard to estimate % but truly did. . . and felt quite rewarded.)

I love to receive books as a gift and I give them all the time. With family, it's easy as I can see what they read and what they don't. But I don't give them as often to friends.

And I've received some clunkers too - a collection of sappy inspirational poems, a cookbook of casseroles that all involved cream of mushroom soup - now all I need are some on 'organizing your life' and a 'fix your relationships' book or two.

I never give a book unless it is specifically requested. I often give gift cards.
I often receive gift cards, too! My kids main gift at chirstmas is 100$ to the store of their choice. The ones I receive are always either B&N or Amazon.

Another gift I give often is donations to Heifer International or the local animal shelter in their name. I almost always do this for friends at work. We do way too much gift giving there. I always request the donation thing for a gift for me.

A piece of irony:

I bought a book the other day, Red Seas Under Red Skies, and lent it straight away to Friend A of the OP story. (I never do that...only books I've read get lent out, but I made an exception because she was dying to read it, and I loves her hehe). Hah, so now we've made an arrangement that I've 'given' her the book, she's going to pay me back, and I'll buy another copy!

Gift cards always seem so boring to me! I'd rather get something tangible, physical. A book the person can look at, touch, and open and smell the new book yumminess.

Sigh.

I'm still thinking exchange card...quietly inserted into the book. Best of both worlds - tangibility + easy way to reject book without giving it back to giver, or selling it off.

I am trying to remember the last time someone gave me a book that I wanted...My friend Doug is a vet.. he wrote a new book and I first read it as
as a word format. He gave me a copy of the book and I love it. You might like it~ K...

otherwise? I like a lot of books, but I would rather choose my own.. which is why I like the cards... LOL

ETA whole sentences I forgot...sigh

you know, i love to receive gift cards....and hate to give them.

yes, i know, it makes no sense...lol

I remember when I discovered Bill Bryson's I'm a Stranger Here myself. I bought a copy for EVERYONE! It was so funny! They would LOVE it!

'Tcha, right. *snort*

Not one of them got it, and my dad was offended at him poking fun at America.

So, nope ... no more book gifts. Gift certificates are what they get ... to grocery stores and gas stations. :-/

>21 mckait:

I suggested my boyfriend donate to Heifer International as a Christmas gift for his uncle who was dying of cancer (I mean, what can you give to someone who only has a few months to live?). The uncle loved it. It's always a good gift.

Pretty much every time I've recommended a book to my mom (a librarian), she has ignored the suggestion completely. Several of these times, a year or more later she would come home with the book because a co-worker recommended it to her that same afternoon. I would get bent out of shape and she would deny that I ever mentioned it to her in the first place.

Nowadays, no matter how much I gush over some book, she says she'll add it to her reading list but it always gets buried under a ton of complete garbage and she doesn't get around to it.

I have a pretty good idea how much she values my suggestions.

I tend to not buy books for my bookish friends. Taste varies so much and I never know if I'm going to pick something they already have. (Note to self: Force best friend to join LT.) Gift cards to their book store of choice, though, that's something I'll do. I've never met an Amazon gift card that I didn't like. ;)

@26 - Hm. Wonder if you could talk to her about it? Like, how you feel your suggestions and opinions are falling on deaf ears. Unless you've already tried...

@27 - Yeah. I want my best mates to join too. I doubt they will. I've even offered to catalogue their library for them!

#27 & 28

I have tried and tried to get a couple of my friends to join. no luck. I can't understand it!

I did get DrDoug to join, but he is too busy with his work and speaking engagements etc to participate. Also, I am pretty sure he hasn't really "gotten" it yet.

ETA spelling :-/

I prefer not to be given books. My friends and family know I love movies so they usually give me one of those awful over-sized "100 greatest movies" books bought from a remaindered shop. I have several in a box waiting to be recycled.

I hate when people give me books. No one reads like I do. It's always something off the shelf from Walmart and almost always it's something I already read. My mom is awesome when she wants to buy me a book she takes me with her!

I ran a donation-based book drive at my university in the history department, and we had about a dozen professors donate books. We marketed it as a good chance to do some spring cleaning in their offices.

Unfortunately, we had 2 professors retiring that year, and they dumped everything they had onto us. Countless crumbling pamphlets written in latin, hundreds of books from the 80s about Latin America. Half of a set of chess pieces in the shape of Confederate soldiers. $1 bargain books about budget weddings and raising kids during a divorce.

It was a mess. And yes, this post is relevant, see -

Worse yet, I'd say a good 25% of the books donated by professors were inscribed by students, thanking them for help, guidance, and friendship over the years. It was quite disheartening, and all of us students vowed to not give any books as gifts to professors ever again!

We even had one former student stop in to peruse the books, and found one she had given to a professor just a year before.

I take a more proactive approach...I give everyone a list of books that I want. That is one of the cool things about LT tags, I have one 'want' and I can export it, edit as needed, and my wish list is ready. The only tricky part is refraining from buying anything on my wish list until after my birthday/Christmas!

This is making me wonder about the wisdom of the LT Secret Santa....

I have a friend who reads almost nothing except fantasy. She has great taste in that genre and I get great recommendations from her about it, but she reads everything before me. I've tried to recommend books to her that might have a bit of a fantastic element that she wouldn't find in the fantasy section (Jasper Fforde, for instance) and she never likes them. Some people only like books with swords in them, I guess.

34>

Perhaps the Sword in the Stone, then?

Kidding... kinda.

Maybe she should look into the crazy gothic fantasy romance novels, like Matthew Lewis' The Monk. It's unlike anything I've ever read...

I just remind everyone to check my Amazon wish list and to update theirs.

I really scored lately because my dad gave me a list of John le Carre books he wanted, but couldn't find in print. I've just been going down the list for birthday and Father's Day. I'll probably get another one for Christmas. They are back in print now, but I don't think I'll mention that, since he is extremely hard to buy for - 'don't waste your money on me, I don't need a present.' But he's loved these!

#32 audacity

that is so sad!

the poor girl who found her gift discarded....

I love my mother.

For my birthday this year, she asked what I want (she usually does this). I mentioned that I wanted books. Big surprise. She expressed concern about getting me something I would enjoy. I remembered that it's hard for her to get around right now because of some vision problems.

I told her there were several that I really wanted and that I'd buy them for myself on Amazon.com and tell her how much they were. Then she could send me a check. I did, she did, I'm exceptionally happy, and she got me what I wanted without having to go to lots of effort.

#38 - that's a great way to shop and get a gift you want.

My mum is very good at chosing books for me, also at chosing books I wouldn't have bought for myself but which turn out to be great.

My husband is not good at chosing books for me and is now guided by a Waterstones wishlist.

A book I bought successfully was (surprisingly) a copy of Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married by Marian Keyes for my SiL. Where I was hoping it might make her laugh and cheer her up a bit, she decided it described her life and rubbish relationship perfectly, broke up with her boyfriend (now known as "that loser") and thanked me for sending her the book that brought her to her senses.

Yah, Mum used to buy great books for me when I was a kidlet. I'm glad you two have Mums who understand your book-passion, and support it. :)

Sigh. The last book I was given was *whimper* Eragon by my Mother-in-Law. She is coming out here to meet me for the first time in November, so, for her, I'm going to read it. I. don't. want. to.

Bless her.

#40 - Is it not a good book or just one that's not to your taste?

I just remembered I successfully had my mum read The Thirteenth Tale this month, I was concerned that the odd bits of it would put her off but she loved it as much as I did.

#38, I go one step further, order my own books off amazon and use my mum's credit card. (though she does sit next to me while I'm doing it.

#41, Jody, I expect that what Severn is complaining about is not only the fact it was the first novel written by a 16 yr old, it reads like it was written by a 16 yr old, for 10 yr olds - very simple, like condensed essence of fantasy. It's not soooo bad, he shows promising writing skills but his plotting and ideas really should have been left to mature before he debuted. To be absolutley honest I thought it was better written than Stan Nicholls Quicksilver trilogy, just very unoriginal. The opposite of Fiona Macintosh who's writing is dire but plots are very original.

#42 Musereader. Hmm. Good tactic. I wish my Mom were close enough for me to sit next to her. She and I live thousands of miles apart. (NC to CA)

#40 Severn You're doing a good, dutiful DiL thing. I hope you and she get along well during her visit.

Thanks Karen! It's weird being married for a year and a half, and not having met her yet. I'm a bit nervous, but we seem to get on well enough on the phone.

As to Eragon -it's partly what Muse said. Thing is, I like YA fiction. What I don't like is YA fiction that is poorly written (as Eragon is both reputed to be, and seems to be from my flip-throughs). I also don't like fantasy that is riddled with stock-standard cliches: boy saves world, boy rides dragon, boy this boy that. Urgh. The movie was TERRIBLE.

AND I am not impressed that Paolini got published due to his parents' connections (publishers). And that's about it. I'm not convinced he has much talent.

#42 Musereader, thanks for that, I have heard of the book and the film but never paid much attention to either.

But a 16 year old is writing successful books (even awful ones). I feel like a very old underachiever now :-(

I'll have to give up my dream of becoming the publishing worlds next young star and hope that inspiration comes in my old age a la Mary Wesley instead now.

He's around my age so 24 now, book published in 2002 18 yrs old. He said started writing it at 15.

His parents had a publishing company to publish thier own books, 3 of them, no wonder he published his own book with that example.

OK, I got t'speak up. I actually enjoyed his book, and the sequels. And I passed them on to my grandson, soon to be Sr. in high school, and he liked them, too. We are not saying that they are the best but just good reads. And I like stuff that kids will read regardless of the conditions of its publishing history.

My son loved Eragon and the rest of the Inheritance Cycle. Conversely, Harry Potter didn't do a thing for him.

With ya Maggie! I only read the first two... but liked them well enough. They were by a kid for kids... and if you keep that in mind, they are more enjoyable.

Bah Humbug.

*Does a grizzly grouch impression*