Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

I've always known I'm an off-the-chart introvert, but I've spent my life being told "No way! You are totally extroverted!" by my employers, so I wanted to learn more about the dynamics of introvert vs. extrovert.

This is a great book. As I've said, I've always known I'm an introvert, but I had no idea what that meant in terms of showing affection, conflict resolution - even my nervous system! Reading this was a great breath of fresh air for me - I'm not 'broken' because I can't 'fight' the 'right' way and I can't always control my need to run in the opposite direction from social events larger than 4 people. Other themes that struck a chord: guilt, the need to please, the feelings of devastation at the slightest sign of disapproval, show more amongst so many others.

From a management perspective - well, I wish this book was required reading for anyone managing a number of people. I work in an "open office plan", and while I'm an introvert, I'm not shy, so it's a daily battle not to turn around and yell at everybody to shut the hell up - or run screaming out of the room myself.

I don't have children, but the last part of the book did a wonderful job touching on the subject of introversion in children and their experiences in the educational system. I never got the standard "do you speak English"-type comments growing up (see above about not being shy), but my mother had to deal with 12 years of "your daughter is extremely bright but has an attitude problem" - until I read this book I NEVER understood this as all I ever wanted to do was please my teachers.

All in all, a very eye-opening read. For Introverts, it's an affirmation. For extroverts with introverts in your lives, hopefully reading this book will make understanding us a bit easier.

I listened to the audio and while the narrator was excellent (she spoke very quietly - on purpose do you think?), I think this might be a book I'd like to own in print for easy reference in the future. show less

I typically loathe books that aren't fantasy, but this book really sparked my interest. I am a quiet person who doesn't like to interact with others much, and it always was a wonder to me why I couldn't be like other people who hung out with their friends every weekend. I came across this book and learned about introversion. It felt as if I were reading a book about myself which is always interesting. The author felt like a part of the book rather than just a name on the cover to be revered. I learned a lot about myself, the world and science. I found it particularly interesting that western nations live in what is called the "extrovert ideal" which essentially means in nations that are part of western society, extroversion is held in show more higher esteem and it is frowned upon to be an introvert. This explained all the group projects I have done in school and why all the louder kids were better liked despite not always being the smartest or kindest. The author promoted introversion throughout the book, arguing that it is normal and fine to be introverted and even gave examples of things that introverts can do better than extraverts. This book helped me realize that I wasn't person that I should be ashamed of, but a person that has particular strengths that are just as valuable as the strengths of extroverts. show less

After watching Susan Cain’s TED talk, I wanted to read her book immediately. While the TED talk made me feel that she is talking about me and expressing my thoughts, the book induced some valuable self-realization and self-validation.

I needed almost a month to complete it and still felt that I should have taken it up slower. I could not read more than a few pages at a time, because I had to constantly pause and reflect on what I read. Holding this book in my hand, I was either nodding my head in agreement or digging up past memories related to whatever I was reading. This is one of my favorite books because it has made me accept my traits and encouraged me to face my fears.

The book tends to glorify introverts and should be taken with show more a pinch of salt. I would still recommend it to everyone. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, if you ever wanted to understand people who are quiet, introverted or sensitive, this book is for you.

Full review in my blog:
https://anushanarasimhan.com/2015/10/30/quiet-by-susan-cain-a-review/ show less

As a raging (quietly, on the inside) introvert, I found this book comforting and reassuring. I recognised many of the scenarios from personal experience, including attempts at faking extroversion; and the statistics that a third to possibly half of the people in any given group are in fact introverts does make me feel less alone in my feelings of awkwardness in the face of shouty sociability. So, in terms of making introverts feel better about themselves and pointing out the value of their different ways of approaching things, this is a nice book. If I have a big job interview or major nerve-racking life decision coming up, I may even reread this to help calm myself and bolster my self-esteem.

However, I don't really see our western show more society ready to abandon its extrovert ideal just yet, or even making any major concessions. In fact, I can't really see all that many extroverts reading this book or taking many of the insights on board, certainly not the type of extrovert who gets to decide what noisy, open-plan office the majority of people get to work in , or who gets promoted for socialising better or tagging along on rowdy drinking sprees.

Still, should I ever want to engage in an introverts v extroverts stand-off, I now have a handy list of names and examples of virtuous, successful introverts, and calamities we can blame on extrovert behaviours. Lovely. show less

Frustratingly, Susan Cain's lucid and well-researched book Quiet would be most useful to those who would be unable or unwilling to appreciate it. Better as a cultural commentary than a pop-psychology book (an early chapter tracing the Western shift from a culture of character to a culture of personality is well done), Quiet argues that the value of introverts is drastically undersold in a society that rewards extroversion, confidence and networking.

Cain argues persuasively for the merits of introversion in the workplace and in social lives, and against the knock-on effects of extrovert dominance (not only the financial collapse of 2008 (Chapter 7) but "anxiety as the natural product of a society that was both dog-eat-dog and show more relentlessly social" (pg. 29)) and against self-help of the slick Dale Carnegie sort ("such advice… must have made even reasonably confident people uneasy" (pg. 23). She argues against meddle-management shibboleths like the open-plan office and multi-tasking (both found to be draining on productivity (pp84-5)) and, rather than our current zero-sum game, stresses the need to "find a balance between action and reflection" (pg. 170).

This, of course, is all interesting stuff, and backed not only by social and psychological studies (one found that the highest-performing traders at an investment bank were introverts (pp162-3)) but by empirical science (for example, skin conductance tests have found that introverts, the so-called 'thin-skinned', do in fact react more strongly than extroverts to external physical stimuli (pp141-2)). For an introvert, Quiet will often be an "empowering lens through which to view your personality" (pg. 124). "If there is only one insight you take away from this book," Cain writes early on, "I hope it's a newfound sense of entitlement to be yourself" (pg. 15). She has achieved this, and the book will be an exercise in validation for introverted readers.

However, the working world, and the social world, remain geared towards extroverts. I can't help but think that, for all our studies and our self-help seminars and our increasingly conscientious approach to living life to maximise our ability, so much of our day-to-day behaviour is determined by our more primitive urges and biases. For all our refinements, we let our brains run in the biological equivalent of DOS mode. It's too much to be consciously attentive to the acute value of introverts all the time; whether through laziness, ignorance or mental exhaustion, eventually we would return to the self-perpetuating cycle of mistaking confidence for competence and energy for excellence. Quoting another author, Cain reminds us that "meritocracy ends on graduation day" (pg. 194) and, even if we can recognise the merits of another approach, the shy, intelligent kid is never going to lead the class, the quiet, diligent job-seeker is never going to pass the interview, and the sober, studious policymaker is never going to win the election. Our DOS brains tell us those people are weak, losers, not a patch on that power-dressed extrovert with the false smile and the hustle and the phone full of half-remembered business contacts.

And I think it will always be this way. Success, or victory, they say, is a poor teacher – so why would the thriving extroverts want a change? And even when the effects of extroversion are alarming, such as the 2008 financial crash, we end up returning to the old ways anyway. Things are too ruthless, the margin between success and failure too slim, for anyone, even an introvert, to not play the game anymore. When Cain rightly warns against the extrovert dominance, questioning whether we should want to "become so proficient at self-presentation that we can dissemble without anyone suspecting" (pg. 33), I think there are many introverts who would be happy with that state of affairs. Anything for the illusion of an advantage, and the assurance that the rules of the game are simple: bluff, eye contact and confidence, however faked. Surely anyone can do that, we think. Only it reduces us, reduces our society, and reduces compelling books like Quiet to mere validation, a preaching to the choir, rather than any sort of provocative agent of change. Cain's book is dwarfed by the mass complacency of human nature. show less

Quiet is not by any means an exhaustive, in-depth exploration of all aspects of introversion. Indeed, a book five times as long wouldn't accomplish that. But Quiet highlights some of introversion's most essential elements, gathering together psychological research, interviews, and personal anecdotes and observations on a topic that is too often ignored or dismissed.

I'm an introvert and I grew up with a psychologist, my dad, who dealt with issues of introversion and extraversion every day as part of his job. I was fortunate to have the benefit of his insight into and validation of my fears and natural inclinations. Without his telling me that no one could see that I was afraid (I looked poised, knowledgeable, instead) or that I could show more prepare questions to ask at parties ahead of time or that it was important that I learn to develop more extraverted traits on my own terms, I'm not sure who I'd be today. I'd certainly be more inclined to believe the less-informed extraverts in my life who seem to think that introversion, sensitivity, and shyness are a personal choice (I, and others like me, just need "a thicker skin" and to "get out there").

But even I, as well-informed and self-aware on the subject of introversion as I am, found much to learn and ponder in Susan Cain's book. For instance, I didn't know that introversion has a physiological, even genetic, origin. Nor was I aware in which precise situations introverts shine at work or exactly how they benefit the extraverts around them in conversation and cooperative partnerships.

Reading Quiet, with its list of introverted talents and traits, also allowed me to consider my strengths and weaknesses within the framework of the introvert, where I might think about cultivating a bit more patience in my pursuits or encouraging a tendency for asking thoughtful questions and asserting strong positions with gentleness. Since I've spent my whole life evaluating my strengths and weaknesses against a backdrop of extraversion---which taught me to pretend confidence, try to enjoy small talk, and develop extemporaneous speech-making---this is an area of personal growth I'd not thought about before.

I do wish, however, that Cain had included a bit more information on how introverts can shine socially. And while she discusses the nature of sensitivity, even explaining that there are 27 attributes that characterize sensitives, she doesn't list these attributes or elaborate on how sensitivity plays out in the small number of extraverts who fall into the sensitive category. She also seems to focus a great deal more on the behaviors and inner lives of reserved introverts than unreserved ones. And since reserve has more to do with the level of comfort people feel displaying emotion than it does with their social anxiety or how they recharge, I'm curious to know how differing degrees of reserve play into introversion, as well.

All told, though, I found Quiet to be an excellent, engaging read. Extraverts curious or confused about the other half of humanity will benefit from Cain's overview and the parallels and differences she illuminates between Is and Es. And introverts, even well-informed or textbook reserved-shy-sensitives, can find validation for their talents and insights on how to cope with their stumbling blocks. show less

I read this book at the same time as Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, which was a pretty darn perfect pairing: I felt both sides of me (personal and professional) were brought to life at the same time. I found validation in who I am as an introvert, reminders that introversion is not a character flaw, and material to frankly help me push back a little bit on the extroverts among us, lol. I live and work in an extroverted world, and soooo appreciated this read; if said extroverts would read it (as well as McHugh's), that would be amazing!

Cain includes scads of extra material at the end, too; be sure to flip past all the notes for these valuable resources.