Polite Lies: On Being a Woman Caught Between Cultures

I found this to be a beautiful and moving, but deeply sad, book. In it, the author compares the two cultures in which she has lived. She was born in Japan and lived there as a child. At age 12, her mother committed suicide in reaction to a husband, the author's father, who had a mistress. Following her mother's death, her dad married his mistress, both of whom were abusive to the author as a teenager. At age 20, the author left for the United States and made Green Bay, Wisconsin, her permanent home. When her father died, years later, she traveled back to Japan to visit family and friends. Then returning to the United States, she felt as if she would never again return to Japan.

That is only the back story. The author talks about various show more differences between Japanese and American cultures. Her reflections about both cultures are more negative toward the Japanese culture. I believe all of this is colored by her sad childhood in Japan. She realizes this and explains this in detail.

The title of this book, Polite Lies, alludes to the situation, mostly of Japanese women, who have to be polite at all costs and never embarrass themselves or their family. This often entails a certain dishonesty to oneself and others. . show less

Having escaped the public annihilation of self that she saw for the women in Kobe among whom she grew up, Kyoko Mori examines aspects of her life with contrasts and comparisons of Japanese and Midwest norms and does a complete hatched job on her father and step-mother.

I enjoyed the cultural contrasts the author highlights. It has opened my eyes to the things I see while here in Japan. I wouldn't base my entire opinion of Japanese people and culture on this one book, but it does help create a more complete picture.

More than fifty pages in, and I'm not sure I'll finish this book.

The author - a Japanese woman living and teaching in the Midwestern US - had a depressing childhood. When she was twelve, her mother committed suicide. Her father, who was already having an affair, married his girlfriend less than a year later. Her brother (who was eight at the time) latched onto the stepmom, doesn't really remember his natural mother, and by the time the book was written the siblings have stopped speaking to each other.

With all of this, it's no wonder the author "escaped" to the US at age twenty, now dreads her infrequent visits to Japan, and seems to dislike everything about the land of her birth.

I really loved this book and I am now very interested in reading Mori's fiction works. She has a great voice.