Petals on the River

Typically I go to the library and pick up a bunch of books which I have ordered, and then on top of them I pick up one random romance novel. Usually, they're readable, and I don't bother putting them in here because they're so forgettable. This one was unforgettable. Why? Well, here's why. The heroine's hand has just accidentally gotten caught between the hero's son's sleepy kid head and the hero's package:

"A shocked gasp was torn from Shemaine as she sought to extricate herself from the tightening wedge into which her hand had been caught. Thought restrained no more than a fleeting moment, a grueling eternity might as well have passed before she managed to drag her hand free, in the course of which she heightened a multitude of show more sensations that had already been sharply stimulated in the man."

1. The heroine's name is SHEMAINE. 2. How do you even write like that? It gives me a headache to read, much less retype! Oh, but there's more:

"The hot blood had surged through Gage with swift and fiery intensity at the very instant of her hand's entrapment, making him achingly aware of his ravaging desire. Now, long moments after her hand had been safely clasped within her other, the ravenous flames still pulsed with excruciating vigor through his manly loins, searing holes in the thin wall of his restraint."

Yeah, manly loins, you hear that? Oh, but that's not all. A few sentences later:

"'I'm...I'm sorry!' Shemaine's strangled whisper seemed to fill the night, attesting to her shame. Though she clutched the offending hand against her breast, she could still sense the branding heat of his maleness against the back of it, the unexpected firmness that had grown rapidly pronounced, leaving her breathlessly aware of the bold, mature difference between the man and his son."

1. You had an awkward accidental moment, it happens, deal with it. 2. You just spent pages and pages living with whores! Why are you so freaked out by the possibility that a dude might have dude bits? 3. Maleness?! Firmness?! 4. The son in question? Is four years old. That ish is just wrong.

Suffice to say I won't be reading any more Woodiwiss... except maybe for the lulz. "Woodiwiss means never having to say 'I'm kidding,'" almost as much as Twilight does. show less

Typically I go to the library and pick up a bunch of books which I have ordered, and then on top of them I pick up one random romance novel. Usually, they're readable, and I don't bother putting them in here because they're so forgettable. This one was unforgettable. Why? Well, here's why. The heroine's hand has just accidentally gotten caught between the hero's son's sleepy kid head and the hero's package:

"A shocked gasp was torn from Shemaine as she sought to extricate herself from the tightening wedge into which her hand had been caught. Thought restrained no more than a fleeting moment, a grueling eternity might as well have passed before she managed to drag her hand free, in the course of which she heightened a multitude of show more sensations that had already been sharply stimulated in the man."

1. The heroine's name is SHEMAINE. 2. How do you even write like that? It gives me a headache to read, much less retype! Oh, but there's more:

"The hot blood had surged through Gage with swift and fiery intensity at the very instant of her hand's entrapment, making him achingly aware of his ravaging desire. Now, long moments after her hand had been safely clasped within her other, the ravenous flames still pulsed with excruciating vigor through his manly loins, searing holes in the thin wall of his restraint."

Yeah, manly loins, you hear that? Oh, but that's not all. A few sentences later:

"'I'm...I'm sorry!' Shemaine's strangled whisper seemed to fill the night, attesting to her shame. Though she clutched the offending hand against her breast, she could still sense the branding heat of his maleness against the back of it, the unexpected firmness that had grown rapidly pronounced, leaving her breathlessly aware of the bold, mature difference between the man and his son."

1. You had an awkward accidental moment, it happens, deal with it. 2. You just spent pages and pages living with whores! Why are you so freaked out by the possibility that a dude might have dude bits? 3. Maleness?! Firmness?! 4. The son in question? Is four years old. That ish is just wrong.

Suffice to say I won't be reading any more Woodiwiss... except maybe for the lulz. "Woodiwiss means never having to say 'I'm kidding,'" almost as much as Twilight does. show less

OH, BLECH. No. I usually read fluffy things during downtime at work, and I can finish some pretty shame-worthy stuff, but this one I couldn't stomach. I didn't finish it. The syrupy, unbelievably bad writing made me quite the disruptive one at work and I was constantly being asked by co-workers, "What's gross?" It would startle me out of my own little reading world and I'd say to the co-worker, "What?" only to be told that I'd made a gagging noise that was followed with a loud, "Oh, gross!"

If you're ever stranded on a deserted island and somehow you have this book and this book only in your possession, make yourself a nice little bonfire with it and wait for help to arrive.

Nope. Just. I just can't do it anymore. I'm 300 pages into this monster and I just can't keep reading. Nice hero, nice heroine, even a cute kid and I just don't care. Though that may have something to do with the fact that I'm 300 pages in and still nothing is really happening. (But when you write with such flowery, redundant language, I guess you're probably not getting anywhere anytime soon.)

This might scrape together a two-star rating if I could bring myself to finish it, but...nope. Not gonna. I am declaring myself free, dammit.

I've read several of Ms. Woodiwiss's books (though not the famous one that started her career) and there were some I liked and others I didn't care for at all. "Petals on the River" was a definite like. One of the reasons for this is the relationship between the H and h, Gage and Shemaine. There's none of the love/hate stuff that goes with most historical romances, there's never any shouting matches, face slapping, bouts of silence and over the top misunderstandings, which, although no doubt entertaining, can get redundant if you don't get a break for a time. This book gives you that break. From the time they first meet, they get along well, there's no arguing, there's a definite attraction but they're don't give into it in five show more minutes, and nothing and no one keeps them apart.

But don't think that makes for a boring novel, far from it. The story of Shemaine, a bondswoman sent from London to North Carolina during Colonial days, and Gage, who pays for her services as housekeeper and nanny to his toddler son (he's been a widower for over a year), has plenty to offer. For one thing, they're both accused of crimes they didn't commit. Shemaine was set up and accused of thievery, and Gage was rumored to have caused his wife's death. The truth in both cases takes some time to come to light, meanwhile they have to cope with a lot of nosy, rude people who seem to have nothing better to do than gossip and slander. There are unsavory characters, ready to cause trouble, fights, murder and blackmail attempts, and enough to keep the pages turning. There are also family reunions and reconciliations, Shemaine's jealous former fiance, Gage's former housekeeper, who's obsessed with him, and other entertaining people. while it all plays out, Gage and Shemaine try to maintain a proper master/servant relationship, develop a friendship, acknowledge their powerful chemistry, and then admit their love, despite the town's disapproval.

Eventually, it's revealed who set Shemaine up, and who was responsible for the death of Gage's wife (quite a twist there). And when it omes to the expression, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", it's never better expressed than in the case of Roxanne, whose "love" for Gage turns to madness.

There are quite a few supporting characters, like an elderly Irish woman , and another young bondswoman, a friend of Shemaine's, a shipboard prostitute who continues her work on land, and causes Shemaine enough trouble, a reclusive hunchback man who looks out for Shemaine after she saves him from being beaten, and several others who keep the story going.

what I likes most is the way things fall into place the way they should, with the bad people getting their comeuppance and the good people getting the happiness they deserve, and there are other happy couples besides Gage and Shemaine. This is the way the real world should be. show less

Although Woodiwiss writer a steamy romance, she delivers a really good and interesting story. This is mature reading that most high schoolers are already reading.

FROM AMAZON: A proud and spirited woman whose life was stolen from her... A man of secrets accused of a terrible crime... In a place of new beginnings their destinies are joined—in a gloriously romantic new work from the incomparable storyteller.

The fiery and outspoken adopted daughter of one of England's most formidable women, Shemaine O'Hearn has made powerful enemies. And now her adversaries have found a way to remove the hot-blooded beauty from her life of privilege: by falsely convicting Shemaine of thievery and sending her in shackles to America, where she is to be sold show more in indentured servitude to the highest bidder.

In a bustling port city in the colony of Virginia, she becomes the servant of Gage Thornton—a shipbuilder with a young child in need of a nanny. And despite whispered rumors condemning the handsome widower for the untimely death of his wife, Shemaine cannot ignore her desire for this caring, generous and enigmatic stranger who silently aches with his growing need for her—even as grave peril reaches out from across a vast ocean to threaten their flowering love. show less

When outspoken Shemaine O’Hearn arrives in America her life is far from the privileged one she held back in England. Wrongly accused by her enemies and now an indentured servant to a man with a shadowy past, Shemaine needs to escape her confides and return to the life she knows. Gage Thorton was in need of a nanny but Shemaine was not what he was expecting nor did he expect the desire that came with her.

Once again Woodiwiss does not disappoint in this enigmatic tale of conspiracies and attempted murders. Gage is a hero to love with his mysterious past but easy going manner and Shemaine is a strong lead in this male dominated time. Woodiwiss lets Shemaine’s own character shine through creating an adventure and love standing against show more lies and betrayal. show less