Lean Mean Thirteen

Dear Janet Evanovich,

I stopped reading you a while back, when it seemed like you were floundering and had no clue what to do with your series and it was really getting pretty embarrassing. But this week I've needed something that was all candy, no brain, and you were there. And - well. It seems like you've found something to do with your series. But it's obvious that you don't understand what that is.

I know! I know it can be hard to pay attention to all the subtleties, the subtext of what you're writing. I know it's easy to miss things. That's why we have friends who read our books and help us see the things we don't.

Except apparently you don't have very observant friends. So I'm going to help you out.

Here's the thing: I know you show more think you're writing a protracted love triangle, but in fact, you are writing a threesome. There. Doesn't that make more sense?

It's totally understandable that you got to this point. It's hard to write an extended love triangle; for one thing, after about the first three books, your readers tend to be snapping, "Oh my god, would you just CHOOSE?" at the character who is in the middle, or else, "Oh my god, GET OVER IT" at everyone (or both!). Also, in your case, you had two choices: either you could take the route that ends up with Morelli and Ranger killing each other (hint: not really appropriate for your neck of the genre) or you could take the route that ends up with Morelli and Ranger kind of buddies. Except then they start working together. To protect Stephanie. And also spending a lot of time, you know, bonding. Over their mutual craziness, to be all het up over a woman who is, frankly, a walking Bermuda Triangle with a strange addiction to pastry. (I mean, she's funny, no doubt, but more in the oh-my-god-no way.) And then they're sort of handing off Stephanie and negotiating the boundaries of their relationships with her and - do you see where this is headed?

Maybe you don't! Maybe you totally don't. So I will help out. This is another one of those decision points, and here you can go one of four routes:

1. Kill either Ranger or Morelli. (Hint: not really appropriate for your neck of the genre.)

2. Have Stephanie, Morelli, and Ranger come to an arrangement, which would probably look something like: Stephanie lives with Morelli but sleeps over at Ranger's occasionally and what happens there in no way counts as cheating.

3. Have Stephanie choose Morelli, which I think is where you're trying to go, except you've written yourself into a corner on this one. Ranger is a big part of her life, and she's demonstrated many times she can't be around him and not want him, so that kind of leaves you nowhere.

4. Have Stephanie, Morelli, and Ranger hop into bed with each other and see how it goes. (Hint: it will be hot. Also, you're obviously really tired of writing het sex scenes now; this will give you many new avenues to explore.)

I myself would go for option 4. You could also consider option 2, although I think there's less opportunity for a) hilarity and b) hotness there.

Hope this is helpful!
thefourthvine show less

Thirteenth in the Stephanie Plum series. I'd call this one Lucky 13 because
I'd rank this episode among the best of the lot. In fact, I enjoyed this
one as much as the one where Grandma Mazur burned down the funeral home.
LOL

This episode opens with Stephanie doing a good deed for Ranger that brings
her face to face with her ex-husband, Dickie Orr in his law firm office, and
it isn't long before she's literally at his throat, declaring that she ought
to kill him -- in front of witnesses. When he turns up missing a day later,
Stephanie is suspect #1 and has no alibi for the time of his disappearance.
As the other three members of his law firm go missing and two of them turn
up charred and crispy, the heat is on in more ways than one. Stephanie show more has
to use all of her wits and a lot of luck to stay one step ahead of whoever
it is who's walking around Trenton using a flamethrower on folks he doesn't
like, and Stephanie Plum is next on his list.

As always, there are hilarious scenes at her parents' house, a lot of sexual
tension between Stephanie and Ranger, not much satisfaction for Stephanie's
on-again, off-again boyfriend, cop Joe Morelli, and Lula has the best lines.
I laughed out loud several times, and raced through this book like a pint of
Ben & Jerry's on a hot day. It's just as yummy, just as satisfying, and it
didn't raise my blood sugar! LOL Evanovich is in top form and this gets a
top rating from me. show less

There were a couple of genuine laugh-out-loud moments in this but I don't understand Ranger's patience, nor Morelli's. Really Stephanie is spoilt rotten having both of them rescuing her on a regular basis!

This time Stephanie has to visit her ex, Dickie Orr to plant some tracers for Ranger on him. This was a mistake, Dickie brings out the worst in Stephanie and she attacks him, which leads to her being a prime suspect when he disappears leaving a trail of blood!

Dickie's partners start turning up dead and now Joyce, Dickie's new squeeze is looking to find Dickie and possibly to kill Stephanie, and as usual Stephanie is bungingling her way to solving the crime.

It's pure mind candy, entertaining stuff but nothing serious.

This might be my favorite yet. Very complicated plot, ex-husband & continuing jerk Dickie Orr reappears, Joyce is back and as hilariously bitchy as ever, Ranger still as sexy as ever, ditto Joe.

So much good stuff here, and kept me going to the last page.

Lean Mean Thirteen is another brief, but hilarious, interlude in the life of Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter. It doesn’t go very far, it doesn’t take very long, but it has some genuine laugh-out-loud moments along the way.

For once, the resulting troubles from Stephanie’s professional entanglements are not entirely her fault. When Ranger asks her to plant some listening devices on her ex-husband, Dickie Orr, in the office of his new law firm, the ensuing stoush between them – inevitable it seems, whenever the ex-couple share the same space – comes back to haunt her when Dickie goes missing, and is feared murdered. The resultant chaos is furthered by the inclusion of Stephanie’s arch-enemy, Joyce Barnhardt, pointing the finger show more of blame at her, running interference in Stephanie’s attempts to investigate the situation, and insinuating Stephanie is after his money; an awful lot of money at that. And, as usual, Stephanie is broke and works to apprehend three bond violators in order to earn some much-needed income. So interspersed in the mix is the habitual madness and mayhem, as Stephanie follows a grave-robber with a pet snake and a taxidermist who booby-traps his creations, all while she avoids Dickie’s partner’s attempts to attack her with a flame thrower. And two gorgeous men troubling and, oft-times, saving her life…

There is nothing much new in this thirteenth book; very little changes with life in the Burg – perhaps the point the author is making. And yet, Janet Evanovich, between the humour and hysteria, always manages to infer a true depth of feeling and a strong commitment to family and friends amongst this motley lot, thus ensuring the characters do not descend into mere caricature. There are some very clever allegories to irritations in real life (cable suppliers), some annoying, but necessary, plot continuations of old themes (another car bites the dust), but there are also many scenes which contain much merriment; the Lula-in-the-cemetery incident nearly making me choke, I was laughing so hard.

These books are not meant to be anything more than pure reading enjoyment, and as such, this instalment, if a little less humorous than previous episodes, is just as successful in this regard. As long as I am kept as entertained and amused, as long as I literally cackle with delight at some of the scenarios, and as long as I still hold interest in all the participants, I will continue to read these books. There are much worse pastimes than having a jolly good laugh.

(Nov 26, 2008) show less

Book thirteen (ish) in Janet Evanovich's series about hapless bounty hunter Stephanie Plum. In this one, Stephanie loses her temper at her ex-husband, then becomes a suspect when he suddenly disappears.

The plots of these are usually pretty forgettable, but, I swear, I was forgetting this one even while I was in the process of reading it. It was reasonably amusing, though. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but pleasantly silly in a fairly consistent way, which is about all I expect from this series. I am still annoyed by the way Evanovich keeps trying to write guys being sexy but misses the mark and hits "skeevy" instead. But, hey, at least there were no fat jokes in this one!

Dickie Orr, Stephanie Plum's ex, has disappeared following a fight with Stephanie. She becomes a suspect of kidnapping/murder. But the police aren't the only ones looking for her. So is Joyce Barnhart, Dickie's objet d'affection which was the base for their divorce. Stephanie walked in on Dickie and Joyce in flagrante delicto using the kitchen table. She is also being tracked by one of Dickie's law partners. Both trackers are convinced Stephanie knows either where Dickie is or where he hid the 40 million dollars. Stephanie's reaction? FORTY MILLION?! Where did he get that?! And then she learns she is a suspect because Dickie never took care of business rewriting his will after the divorce. It all goes to Stephanie, our favorite show more "it's not my fault" walking disaster zone bounty hunter. Stephanie's disaster zone genes are in full swing in this tale.

As usual, laughter abounds. show less