Nick Pollotta (1954–2013)

Slam-bang story of an unseen war between agents of Bureau 13 and an unseen underworld of werewolves and other creatures. Effective ploy and a fun read that led to a series of sequels. Things get off to a quick start and maintain the pace through the novel.

Imagine this plot.

Sadistic alien criminals with nasty intentions land on Earth. The interstellar cops arrive to arrest the renegades and retrieve their starship. Realizing that humanity (a discordant, primitive species) has not only experienced a shocking Close Encounter, it has gotten its hands on enough alien technology to pull itself up and leap out into interstellar space, they throw up a planetary blockade to keep us grounded till we’re “sufficiently evolved.” However, the united show more powers of Earth manage to build and crew a single starship, sending it through the blockade in a desperate attempt to find and get the attention of the interstellar government with the authority to lift the quarantine and let humanity join the great host of civilizations we now know to be out there and waiting for us.

Sounds fairly straightforward, yes? Perhaps a subtle twist on the standard First Contact stories.

Springing from the demented imaginations of Phil Foglio and Nick Pollotta, it’s anything but. As an example:

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Squee was the last known surviving member of his lizardoid race, the rest of his homeworld population having gone on to evolve into a higher species while he was touring the galaxy with Leader Idow. Nowadays, Squee, in a valiant attempt to resurrect his old species, seduced and mated with every egg-laying, cold-blooded female he could find. Current medical theories claimed that such interspecies breedings were impossible. Yet Squee succeeded again and again in impregnating his alien lovers, and they subsequently gave birth to tiny duplicates of Squee–who promptly evolved into a higher species. This bothered the poor lizard no end.
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Phil Foglio is now known as the comic writer and artist responsible for Girl Genius, a series of steampunk humor graphic novels, but Illegal Aliens, written in 1989 and released by TSR Games’ house-press, partakes more of his earlier Buck Godot work. Nick Pollotta wrote several supernatural-humor stories reminiscent of Men in Black.

Check it out, but don’t read it in public (spontaneous snickers, chuckles, and hoots tends to draw funny looks or the dread question “What are you reading?”). Great literature, it isn’t. But it is great fun. show less

This book defines the term "tongue-in-cheek" and is a solid book of inner chuckles the entire way through. From H. Rider Haggard to HP Lovecraft; from Jules Verne to H.G. Wells; with a brief bit of Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson and Indian Jones thrown in for good measure, this book is an absolutely delightful parody of all Victorian-based stories you can think of. It is a hoot. Do NOT read this expecting something serious...you won't find it. It's as if the authors got together and said show more "hmmm...whose work can we throw in to keep this story going?" And for a fun read, it definitely works. It was really fun, mostly, to be reading and then catch the "aha" as my inner light of story recognition went on each time there was another element added to the story. Must find more works by this person!

The basic story is this: Professor Felix Einstein, who runs the museum of stolen antiquities in London, has remembered an ancient text he once stole and deciphered which tells that the squid god will be reborn when the moon turns its face around, which is supposed to happen, according to his precise calculations, in about 2 weeks. There have already been signs of an oncoming apocalypse -- earth quakes, tidal waves, rainbow trout swimming in the Dead Sea, you name it. He goes one night to the London Explorers Club to seek help in stopping the rebirth of the squid god before it can rise and claim the world as its own, and runs into another brave member of the Club, Lord Benjamin Carstairs. It doesn't take much to convince Carstairs, especially after Benjamin meets Felix's niece Mary, so the two go off in search of the temple of the squid god. Of course, nothing is easy and they are relentlessly tailed & threatened by the squid god's priests & minions who do not want the rebirth interrupted.

To say that this is funny is an understatement...and it is a GREAT parody of the Cthulhu stories by Lovecraft. There are some really funny moments in here so read carefully so as not to miss a thing. Very good and a great way to spend a few hours of your day. show less

This year I am resolved to clear out some mythosish books that have been on my shelves a long time now. That Darn Squid God by Nick Pollotta and James Clay is a 308 page hardcover from Double Dragon Publishing, listed at $19.99 but discounted a few dollars on Amazon. I was anticipating a possible Lovecraftian send up but there was actually less here than meets the eye.

This is a book that plays way over the top for humor, following some adventurers, who are paragons of Britsh explorer show more manhood, in Victorian England on a wild adventure. Everything is tongue firmly in cheek, as every trope imagniable is played for laughs. The Squid God of the title may have been modeled on Cthulhu at bit, but only inferentially. Some crazy cultists want to awaken the squid back into our dimension so he can destroy the world in apocalyptic fury, and our heroes (and heroine) must stop him. There are no other Lovecraftian associations, so once again I was snookered by the cover of a book. Just about every famour British character from the era, historical or ficitonal makes an appearance.

The book is a breathless read and in spite of the page count can be zipped through pretty effortlessly. Problem is, I did not like it much. I wonder if I would have liked Bored of the Rings so much if I first read it at age 51 vs age 12. It was OK, but only OK. I didn't guffaw, chortle, whoop or even snicker out loud. I think I occasionally smiled briefly. More than once I checked how many pages I had left to finish, always a bad sign.

Recommended to those who like this sort of book; if you can read the first chapter in the bookstore you will be able to decide if it's for you. Not a necessary addition to a Lovecraftian's library, even ridiculous completists. My copy is headed to the used book store.

Instead of chasing down That Darn Squid God, let me suggest an alternative. In the vein of fantasies set in Victorian England, if you don't mind delving into books sadly described as children's literature, try Larklight, Starcross and Mothstorm by Phillip Reeve. Here plucky Englishmen and women sail spaceships across the ether encountering adventures and bizarre creatures in all the planets, moons and asteroids. It was wit, energy and humor without resorting to ridiculous caricatures. David Wyatt's numerous brilliant illustrations are an added bonus. show less