Sasha Cagen
Author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics
Works by Sasha Cagen
To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (2007) 123 copies, 3 reviews
Cupsize (Issue #5) 1 copy
Tagged
Common Knowledge
- Birthdate
- 1973-09
- Gender
- female
- Education
- Amherst College
Barnard College - Short biography
- [from author's website]
I'm a coach and writer known for thought-provoking work on topics such as relationships, personal growth, and women's empowerment. My writing feeds my coaching, and my coaching shapes my writing.
People know me best as the author of the book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (HarperOne). I also wrote To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (Simon & Schuster). I am at work on a memoir called Wet. My books and coaching approach have been featured in various media outlets such as CNN, NPR, Vogue, and the New York Times.
Since 2011, I've worked as a life and executive coach specializing in helping women 40+ create turned-on lives, careers, and businesses. - Birthplace
- Cranston, Rhode Island, USA
- Associated Place (for map)
- Rhode Island, USA
Members
Reviews
Sasha Cagen coined the (frankly ridiculous) term "quirkyalone" to refer to people who are comfortable doing their own thing and who feel no need to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Here she expands on what she thinks that means, shares stories of people who identify with the label, and offers various kinds of advice.
A friend of mine -- a fellow unattached introvert -- lent me a copy of this book, presumably because he found some personal resonances in it and show more thought I might, too. I'm afraid it didn't do very much for me, though. Don't get me wrong, I am very much in favor of striking back against the idea that married is inherently better than single and against the social pressure to pair off that all of us, especially women, feel at some point or another. But, well... For a book that's ostensibly about the idea of being happy and comfortable on one's own, this thing is overwhelmingly about relationships and romance. Places to look for them, different ways of conducting them, standards for them, what other people think about them, being optimistic and hopeful about them, and on and on and on. And I am so very not interested in that. I've done the relationship thing, and, while it certainly had its upsides, I've come to the conclusion that I really am much happier and better off on my own. Nor do I feel the need to justify that. Yes, that's right. I'm too much of a loner for the quirkyalones.
I also found the way the author spend pretty much the entire book bouncing around in ultra-perky fashion chirping about how she'd started a movement, OMG!, kind of off-putting. Although, at the same time, I think I feel kind of sorry for her, because as a movement, it seems to have fizzled. The book was published in 2004, and although I remember some buzz about the idea of "quirkyalone" at the time, I don't think I've heard the word used since.
I feel like I'm being slightly more negative here than I really want to be, though. Honestly, I can imagine this being a useful and positive reading experience for people who feel they need validation for not being in a relationship, or reassurance that other people feel the way they do, or encouragement to hold out for the right person instead of "settling" because it seems like the thing to do. But that's not me. And I can't help thinking there's something a little too doth-protest-too-much about the whole thing, somehow, as if the author is perhaps secretly hoping that if she says, "It's OK to be yourself, by yourself! Not having a boyfriend isn't a bad thing! It's because you're a special kind of person and because you have standards!" loudly enough and often enough, she'll manage to convince herself. show less
A friend of mine -- a fellow unattached introvert -- lent me a copy of this book, presumably because he found some personal resonances in it and show more thought I might, too. I'm afraid it didn't do very much for me, though. Don't get me wrong, I am very much in favor of striking back against the idea that married is inherently better than single and against the social pressure to pair off that all of us, especially women, feel at some point or another. But, well... For a book that's ostensibly about the idea of being happy and comfortable on one's own, this thing is overwhelmingly about relationships and romance. Places to look for them, different ways of conducting them, standards for them, what other people think about them, being optimistic and hopeful about them, and on and on and on. And I am so very not interested in that. I've done the relationship thing, and, while it certainly had its upsides, I've come to the conclusion that I really am much happier and better off on my own. Nor do I feel the need to justify that. Yes, that's right. I'm too much of a loner for the quirkyalones.
I also found the way the author spend pretty much the entire book bouncing around in ultra-perky fashion chirping about how she'd started a movement, OMG!, kind of off-putting. Although, at the same time, I think I feel kind of sorry for her, because as a movement, it seems to have fizzled. The book was published in 2004, and although I remember some buzz about the idea of "quirkyalone" at the time, I don't think I've heard the word used since.
I feel like I'm being slightly more negative here than I really want to be, though. Honestly, I can imagine this being a useful and positive reading experience for people who feel they need validation for not being in a relationship, or reassurance that other people feel the way they do, or encouragement to hold out for the right person instead of "settling" because it seems like the thing to do. But that's not me. And I can't help thinking there's something a little too doth-protest-too-much about the whole thing, somehow, as if the author is perhaps secretly hoping that if she says, "It's OK to be yourself, by yourself! Not having a boyfriend isn't a bad thing! It's because you're a special kind of person and because you have standards!" loudly enough and often enough, she'll manage to convince herself. show less
This was a comforting book to read, and I do tend to classify as a "Quirkyalone", with a few exceptions to the author's definition as such. First of all, I don't consider myself to be an "Uncompromising Romantic" as it states in the title, not at all. And I don't need to be given suggestions as to what to do with my time that's not being spent having babies or searching for wedding gowns or going to PTA meetings or even couples therapy.
But still, it's nice to know that there's a world of show more singles out there that are not desperate to settle down *immediately*, and don't need to be in a relationship to feel defined.
However, I must say that I felt that the ultimate message of the book was, indeed, "just be patient and *one day* it *will* happen for you." *That* message I can get from my mother, thanks. What I needed to hear was "Just keep on keepin' on, and do your thing, girl."
But maybe I'm just sensitive... show less
But still, it's nice to know that there's a world of show more singles out there that are not desperate to settle down *immediately*, and don't need to be in a relationship to feel defined.
However, I must say that I felt that the ultimate message of the book was, indeed, "just be patient and *one day* it *will* happen for you." *That* message I can get from my mother, thanks. What I needed to hear was "Just keep on keepin' on, and do your thing, girl."
But maybe I'm just sensitive... show less
I am a compulsive list maker. This book was fascinating to me and explains so much about my obsession. I am a 'done' list maker and I also keep my notebooks for years and years. I have learned that If I think to use them as a resource to memory...the item I go back to look for is always missing..that will be the thing I didn't write down on the day. One really fabulous thing about this book is the copies of the lists. I was one of those lefties who was forced to switch to my right hand by show more teachers with rulers that smacked me if I picked up anything with my left hand. As a consequence I am ambidextrous but write poorly with both hands, the only one to fail penmanship in my class in high school. My mother and sister were also lefties and write beautifully. All my life I hated my writing which makes it odd that I write constantly all day every day. This book is filled with lists written in awful writing and printing. I am not alone in unreadable penmanship. My only cavil about the book is ...each list should have been put in typeface so that those of us with poor eyesight could actually read what was written. show less
This book was a real "aha" moment for me and, I suspect, many others who picked it up. Sasha Cagen expands on the essay she wrote for UTNE Reader waaay back in the early 2000's ("early aughts"?) about this concept of the "quirkyalone"--people who are happier being single than dating merely for the sake of dating. Despite the cutesy-pie moniker, I immediately "got" the idea of the quirkyalone...and that I am one myself. I am single more often than not. I am not against dating, being set-up, show more seeking out dates, romance or marriage...however, I won't stay in a relationship that's not working out and I won't date MERELY for the sake of companionship/to fit into social norms. Plus, I like my own space, yet I am sociable. These are pretty much the exact characteristics of a so-called quirkyalone, according to Cagen. So no wonder finding this book of the $2 "last chance" cart at my local Books-a-Million was a minor epiphany for me.
Cagen's Quirkyalone is not perfect. She spends a little too much time explaining herself and defending her idea (which, let's be fair, she came up with a name for but did not invent). I understand her need to explain and defend quirkyalones, since it often feels like we (happy singles) must constantly prove that we are not constantly crying into vodka and ice cream milkshakes, a la Bridget Jones. Yet at the same time, why give doubters a second thought? We don't have to answer to them. But the impulse to prove that we are not pathetic--indeed, quite the opposite--lives on, even in our own little "manifesto".
Cagen is also a tad too precious, and "quirkyalone" comes off as a bit...twee. Someone might assume all quirkyalones live in Seattle, Portland, and New York, make crafts for Etsy, and shop exclusively at thrift stores. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but we're not ALL like that.
Still, I'm happy that this book and this idea exist. It's a good start and I hope Cagen will write more in the future. Her writing style is similar to another writer I admire, Jessica Valenti: straightforward and friendly. Good reading for undergraduates and non-academics who are just starting to explore ideas like feminism and progressive politics. Here's hoping more people find this book and their own "aha" moments. show less
Cagen's Quirkyalone is not perfect. She spends a little too much time explaining herself and defending her idea (which, let's be fair, she came up with a name for but did not invent). I understand her need to explain and defend quirkyalones, since it often feels like we (happy singles) must constantly prove that we are not constantly crying into vodka and ice cream milkshakes, a la Bridget Jones. Yet at the same time, why give doubters a second thought? We don't have to answer to them. But the impulse to prove that we are not pathetic--indeed, quite the opposite--lives on, even in our own little "manifesto".
Cagen is also a tad too precious, and "quirkyalone" comes off as a bit...twee. Someone might assume all quirkyalones live in Seattle, Portland, and New York, make crafts for Etsy, and shop exclusively at thrift stores. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but we're not ALL like that.
Still, I'm happy that this book and this idea exist. It's a good start and I hope Cagen will write more in the future. Her writing style is similar to another writer I admire, Jessica Valenti: straightforward and friendly. Good reading for undergraduates and non-academics who are just starting to explore ideas like feminism and progressive politics. Here's hoping more people find this book and their own "aha" moments. show less
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Statistics
- Works
- 4
- Members
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- Rating
- 3.6
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