Eve Rodsky

I definitely have too much to do and more life to live, so it is with eagerness (and perhaps a bit of desperation) that I picked this book up. Though it is clearly, and at times heavy-handedly, speaking to women who feel unsupported by their spouses, the ideas within are solid, inspiring and actionable, and can apply to any family dynamic. Put simply, Rodsky suggests dividing household responsibilities in a way that is fair and equitable, with the goal of only one individual responsible for show more a particular task, so that there is no confusion or uncertainty. She helpfully provides examples of these "cards" the responsible parties hold, how to deal them out, and essential considerations unique to each task. Ironically, my spouse and I have been too busy to discuss and implement the promising methods described within, but if we ever get around to it I will surely update my review! show less

“Fair Play” is a grumble about the inequitable division of labor among married couples when both have jobs outside the home. And it’s certainly true that in many homes the workload, that is, dishes, laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, child care, homework, and so on, might need some redistribution. Is there a way to alleviate some of the disproportionate division of tasks necessary to the smooth running of any household?

The author’s solution lies in the development of show more an individually-created deck of cards, customized to the tasks in each home. Deal the cards; they establish who becomes responsible for each task. Problem solved.

Really?

Many readers are likely to find the author’s smug, holier-than-thou tone significantly off-putting; the postulated plan seems more likely to stir up trouble and create both bitterness and resentment than it is to provide a solution for the problem. Men do not come off well here as the author cavalierly assumes that none of them do anything close to their “fair share” of the essential household tasks.

Women who have worked outside the home while raising children and doing whatever is necessary to keep the household running smoothly have probably already discovered that they really don’t have to do all of it themselves. Marriage is a partnership; if one partner is unhappy, it’s clear that they need to speak up, discuss the problem, and work out an equitable solution that satisfies both partners. It’s certainly a more reasonable option than the high-handedness behind the dealing-out of those one hundred cards.

The real puzzle here is how a patently demeaning book presenting an outdated, stereotypical viewpoint can add anything positive to the issue of disparity in family responsibilities. If couples haven’t discovered how to discuss issues and help each other, this card “game” is likely to do little more than create even more disappointment and strife.

I received a free copy of this book from BorrowReadRepeat show less

Not really recommended. There's a lot of emphasis in the book that this is the One True Way, but it feels like most of the problem she's trying to solve is bad communication with a partner.

So many of the examples feel alien to me - there's a bit where her husband calls her to say that a drunk guy left his jacket on their lawn when she's away from home. Then she comes home later to find the jacket still on the lawn and her husband asks her to take care of it. And she goes out and does it! No show more mention of talking about it with her husband later, even.

When she talks about coming up with the Fair Play system, she mentions putting together a list of all the tasks that she does for her family. She wants to talk about them with her husband, and she:

I emailed my working “Sh*t I Do” list to my husband one triumphant afternoon with the enthusiastic subject line: CAN’T WAIT TO DISCUSS!!

I'm trying to imagine how I would react to getting that email one day at work. I probably would manage a better response than her husband's single emoji, but... gosh, there has to be a better way to raise an issue with your partner than emailing them a manifesto at work.

Two stars because having a list of tasks was useful and my wife and I had a decent conversation or two about it. show less

There are aspects of this book I learned a lot from, but the main drawback for me was the emphasis on bitterness and anger. I think any woman who struggles with work/life balance and partner participation will get something out of it though. Just go into it with the right mindset and don’t focus on what’s unfair as much as how you can make your balance of chores work for your whole family moving forward.