Susan Faludi

I thought at first this book was just about Faludi's dad's M-F sexual reassignment, but it ends up being so much more. This is about a man who rejects one gender for another, who is completely dedicated to the idea of family yet rejects all his actual family members, who was born a Jew yet spent years listening to and loving Christian spiritual music and right wing Christian evangelical preachers and to top it off leaves the US to reestablish himself in Hungary, the most right-wing, show more antisemitic country in the European Union. He performed actual acts of heroism saving members of his family during the holocaust yet considered himself 100% Hungarian and defended the hard right government, making light of its blatant antisemitism.
She shows how before WWI Jews in Hungary were in perhaps the best position they were anywhere in the world, but after WWI they became scapegoats to the point that the Hungarian government pushed the Germans to persecute Jews even more than they were doing and to deport them more and faster. What is relevant to our political situation is that the hard right politicians who took over modern Hungary were vehemently anti-immigrant, to the extent of building border fences, they placed wording in the constitution affirming that life begins at conception, they blamed Jews for all the country's problems - and the more blatant they were in their oppression of the rights of all, the more popular they became. However, in response to declining world opinion, as a public relations stunt, they declared 2014 the year of Holocaust remembrance and erected a statue commemorating Hungary's occupation by Germany. It ended up being a replica of the archangel Michael being oppressed by Nazis, and when Jews tried to counter by showing broken eye glasses and suitcases of those who were deported to concentration camps, they removed the display.
While I'm at it let me state one interesting bit of antisemitism I learned. I've always heard of blood libel, but I could never figure out why it is that Jews would want to ingest the blood of gentiles. Then I learned that there is a theory of race and sexuality that says that Germans are a very masculine race while Jews are essentially feminine. The most masculine Jewish man could be mistaken for a woman. Being so effeminate, Jews are prone to reproductive weakness, also, since the death of Christ, Jewish men have menstruated. So Jews eat or drink the blood of gentiles or smear it on their and their children's bodies in order to improve their fertility. No idea is too crazy for people to believe if they are inspired enough by hate to do so. show less

In an engaging style, Faludi tells the story of how her relationship with her father develops over time as they both change and as Faludi discovers new facets of her father's life and personality. After reading for what felt like a short time, I would look up from the book and be surprised that I'd read as far as I had. That usually only happens to me with fiction. It was a little difficult to tell the chronology of events sometimes, and there was more Hungarian history than I expected, but show more aside from one or two dry stretches, even that history was engaging to read.

Interwoven with the story of her relationship with her father, Faludi brings up some very interesting points, like what is the difference between an individual self-identifying as a gender other than the one assigned them at birth and a far-right political party self-identifying as something other than "far-right" (and the government backing them on their demands that the press no longer call them far-right)? There are differences, for sure, but it's not something I'd thought of before, and I'm finding it interesting to think in this direction. I absolutely believe that gender is fluid rather than binary and that individuals should be able to choose their own pronouns, but what happens when we apply the same rules of self-identity to corporations, political parties, governments, and other entities that we do to individuals? This is kind of thing could (and perhaps already does) lead to Orwellian doublethink.

I also found chilling the way Faludi traces the nationalism in Hungary from rhetoric to violence. First step: Develop an exclusionary national identity and ignore or bully into silence any voices outside of that defined identity. show less

I didn't expect to read all this book. Released in 1992, I figured that it would be an interesting historical document but I'd eventually tire of outdated gender politics and move on, but I never did. Gripping and depressing, this book covered the world that my generation came to maturity in and I could revel in a kind of morbid nostalgia. But there was plenty to learn too - I hadnt thought about waves of emancipation and backlash, nor had I previously access to such compelling statistics show more and stories to illustrate the successes of both feminism and anti-feminism. Incredibly well paced and laid out, every section reveals another part of the big picture of angophonic misogyny and the hypocrisies and brutalities of the woman-hating right. The section where we are introduced to the men and women of the American right and how mostly they expect feminism for themselves but not other women, or tolerate feminism in their families where they deny it to others. Funny but sad. Finally we meet some women whose company forced them to get sterilised to keep their jobs, then sacked them anyway, and we learn about how justice was denied to them. It leaves you sad and angry, as it should. Of course, the people who need to read this book probably didn't read it. Really needs a 2020 update! show less

I do not think that children owe anything to their parents: not respect, or care, or excuses, or love. If you do bad things to your child (regardless of the child's age or yours) that child is entitled to forgive you or not as they see fit at any time, and they may change their mind as many times as they like.

So, to be clear, the marriage of Faludi's parents went badly off the rails, disastrously, terrifyingly. And as often is the case, when the couple separated, there was rage, and threats, show more and violence, and terror. This is horrible, and if Faludi chose to keep her father out of her life evermore, I would not fault her decision.

She didn't. As an adult she reconnected with him, and this book is part memoir, part biography of him, and a great deal of speculation and armchair psychotherapy. And it was not pretty. Faludi's father rather late in his life transitioned to being a woman, and the child did not take it well. For the entire book she uses her parent's new name and the pronoun "he". Which is cruel and insulting, even if the parent is no longer alive to feel the insult. It is, also, an insult to every other person who has dared to make the same leap. Adding insult to insult, Faludi looks back over her parent's very difficult experiences during WWII and comes up with a theory as to the rationale behind the transition which is a simplistic bit of Freudian analysis which was bogus when Freud put it forward to refute and dismiss the actual traumas many of his patients had endured.

Families are hard and nothing is ever simple. Faludi is welcome to feel any way at any time about her parents. But the book is dismissively cruel to so many people that reading it made me feel unclean. More than two months later I am still angry and disgusted.

Happily returned to the library. show less