Andre Dubus, III

This memoir is literally a knockout. More than one.

A series of scenes from Andre Dubus III’s childhood journey to adulthood. The son of a well renowned writer and teacher, his parents divorced, Andre and his siblings staying with mom growing up in the depressed mill town of Haverhill, Massachusetts.

Dubus depicts well the poverty and confusion they all grew up in. His adolescence marked by a fair number of fistfights, drunken stoned house parties and a bizarre township populated by show more marauding clans of Irish toughies.

The memoir follows him finding his way to college, meandering through a series of working-class occupations: dishwashing, carpentry, bartending finally discovering his inherited love of storytelling.

Throughout, his push and pull relationship with his dad, mom, and siblings, serves as the core of this book. Adre Dubus is a two-fisted honest portrayer of life. A gripping tale. One of the better memoirs I have ever read. show less

Fisticuffs and Fathers. This could have made a perfect alternate title. Yes, there is only one father featured in this tough brooding memoir but there a multitude of fights. The author, a respected novelist, looks back on a very difficult childhood, raised in a low income family, in a rough-tumble mill town in Massachusetts. These were mean streets and young Andre suffered at the fists of many a bully, repeatedly beaten and kicked. He also witnessed the torment of his other siblings, while show more he fearfully and helplessly watched. A worthless coward.
Turning to low-budget movies for inspiration, admiring fake working-class heroes like, Buford Pusser, from Walking Tall and the kick-ass lead from Billy Jack, Andre, began working out with weights and soon was strong enough to retaliate and began returning the punishment. Now, he was able to protect himself and his family but found himself no better than the worst thug.
The father of the story, a teacher and a respected author, left the family early on. A loving but ineffectual father, this memoir explores the relationship of the two Andres, with beautiful detail.
This is not an easy read, but Dubus is a strong storyteller, with amazing recall and creates a fascinating tale of love and redemption. show less

This is one of the most powerful books I have read this year. It is raw, depressing, violent, dark, gloomy, full of melancholy and despair. I listened to this on audio, and several times at the beginning had to put it aside to listen to something lighter. I just had never been exposed to something like this in real life and found it almost too difficult to believe. At one point, I stopped and Googled the author to see if this really was a true story.....it is. But no matter how many times I show more put it aside, I had to return, had to find out if this intelligent, neglected, man-child would make it to adulthood in one piece.

The author reads this himself, and takes us through his life from his early childhood up to the present where he is enjoying success as a writer. He grew up in a series of run-down mill towns on the outskirts of Boston. His parents were divorced after the 4th child arrived, and although his father (also a writer) paid child support, and his mother worked, there was often not enough food, no new clothes or toys, and an absence of a good male role model. Constantly afraid of the older, more street smart toughs in his area, he found himself fighting to defend himself or his siblings, and to overcome his fear, he began weight-lifting (his father had left a weight bench in the basement) and later took up serious body building at a local gym. As he developed his muscles, and learned some boxing moves, his self-confidence grew and he suddenly was willing to challenge any and all comers--often with physically disastrous results.

Although the book at times seems like one long, violent, ugly fight, and readers like me who never had to live in neighborhoods like this wonder how on earth he a) stayed alive and b) stayed out of jail, the story progresses as he makes his way to college to study philosophy and sociology, as he works in construction and as a bar-tender, as he discovers the joy of writing, and as he gradually reconciles with his father, developing a mature relationship he never had as a young boy.

In the end, this is a story of redemption, of a young man's discovery of the opportunities available to him, of families growing to appreciate and help each other and in the end of broken personalities being mended and learning to live and love as whole persons.

I cannot recommend this one highly enough. Yes, the violence is repugnant and the language is street raw, but Dubus' presentation of life as it really is for economically challenged families gives us a glimpse into obstacles and opportunities that many would not have otherwise. show less

Not a novel in the traditional sense, Dirty Love is four loosely connected novellas delving into the turmoil, trauma and tenderness of love and relationships. Hilariously, my library put a romance sticker on the spine with hearts on it. Uh, no. No HEA ending here. This is not a romance and if you can’t handle fairly explicit sex scenes, don’t read it.

Because the stories all feature different characters (with tiny spill-overs from prior sections) in different situations, there’s a lot show more here to like or dislike depending on your perspective. For example, I thought Mark was a whiny, masochistic asshole and the story a pretty manipulative device. It felt deceptive, but like a magic trick; I kind of enjoyed the fact that he was putting one over on me. The whole magnanimous forgiveness thing. Gag. Wife as just another possession; the age old story.

Marla’s section was the most bland for me because it felt cliched. See, Marla is a fat girl who has never had a boyfriend. Then she gets one and he turns out not to be Prince Charming, but instead is Prince Annoying. She’s going to dump him, but her friends counsel her otherwise, telling her that she’s lucky to have found anyone and she should just suck it up because fat girls have no choice. She does. Ugh. The underlying premise reminded me of that bit in Ferris Bueller when he turns to the camera and shares the fact that Cameron is so pathetic he’ll probably marry the first girl he lays because he’ll have built up that experience so much in his mind. Yeah, like that.

It’s been a long time since the first forest-fire feeling of being engulfed by love and attraction, so Robert and Althea’s situation felt really rushed. Maybe it goes like that sometimes, but I didn’t wonder when it came off the rails. Not only was it fast, but they had zero in common so...it felt weird.

The last story is where the title of the book comes from and boy it makes me glad I don’t have a daughter and that cell phones and the internet hadn’t been invented yet when I was a teenager. Devon is pressured into a sexual encounter then shamed when she is filmed performing the act. Of course once it’s out, there’s no stopping it and she has to leave home to escape the social ostracism akin to the ducking chair in Puritan New England. It also reminded me that women are expected to perform sexually at the drop of a hat; it’s their only function, but they aren’t expected to like it. Girls don’t equate sex with pleasure any more and their partners don’t have to be even the least kind to them, never mind make sex enjoyable. It used to be thought that females couldn’t orgasm, now it’s superfluous; they shouldn’t expect one. Truly sickening and I’m glad I’m not raising a girl these days.

A few lines jumped out at me like -
“...the vodka goes into Mark like a mildly dangerous thought he ignores…” p 37

“It used to be a memory for both of them, but now it’s only his. And when he goes, will it really be gone? Will they all be gone? Some private library burning to the ground?” p 223

I also gotta say that I loved taking a trip back home with this book. So many of the places in New Hampshire and Massachusetts were familiar and it was really nice to have that experience in a book. show less