Sherry Argov

I read the first half and skimmed the rest. I agree with the author's basic premise-- that women should not make men the centre of their lives, that they should be financially independent, that they should enter relationships on their own terms. However, instead of writing a book about that, the author chose to share a whole bunch of manipulative little tricks that she believes women should use in their relationship in order to make the man stay. Are you kidding me? What kind of relationship show more would it be if you were constantly playing mind games with your significant other??

Some of the advice in this book is terrible-- for example, the story of the woman who, in order to avoid doing her boyfriend's laundry, deliberately threw in a red sweater along with his white underwear and dyed them all pink. He got so pissed off at her that he yelled at her that he'll never let her do his laundry again. Seriously? I don't see how this would make a man respect you more. Sure, the woman got out of doing his laundry with her "clever" trick, but if I were the guy, I'd think she was an idiot for not being able to do something really simple, and it would make me lose respect for her. I'm pretty sure there are other ways of letting him know you won't be doing his laundry that don't involve pissing him off on purpose. Actually, the more I think about this, the more that woman comes off as incredibly immature to me. And Sherry Argov thinks we should all be striving for this kind of relationship?? Whatever happened to actual communication and talking things out?

On the other hand, I do agree that women shouldn't be nagging, needy, or mother-like in their treatment of men. Argov is right when she stressed that women should have their own lives outside of their relationship. She emphasizes the need for independence, and her explanation of her use of the word "bitch" really shows that she is talking about strong, independent women who go after the things they want and live life on their own terms. (And I have to say, I do like the story about the woman who leaves for the weekend to spend time with her friends and family whenever her husband is being a little distant. Her husband is back to his usual loving self when he comes back, and proves that a little space and interests outside your relationship can make it stronger.)

I think where she goes wrong is by creating a false dichotomy between the "nice girl" (who does everything for the man) and the "bitch" (who expects the man to cater to her). Very few people are at either extreme, and really, I don't think you should be at either extreme. Argov argues that being the nice girl doesn't benefit you, but neither does being a total bitch. I think the point is to be your own person, but also learn to bend a little to the other person's needs as well-- a balance of sorts.

Anyway, this book is really a mixed bag of advice. I wouldn't recommend it, as I'm sure there are books that say the same thing (be your own person) without promoting manipulative head games. show less

Though this book had some good advice, such as not giving up the things you enjoy for a man, I'm not sure I'd follow it word for word. Isn't the important thing just to be yourself? If you're not yourself ALL the time, you will just set yourself up for a lifetime of lies. And that is sure to be exhausting. If you're not a bad ass, don't pretend to be one. Just find your own way to ensure you're not used as a doormat.

Oh, and if a man ever does call you a bitch, don't consider it a term of show more endearment as this book would suggest. Yikes! show less

#75, 2006

This is a fantastic relationship-advice book. Don't be put off by the title - the author defines a "btich" as a Babe In Total Control of Herself. She doesn't suggest that women be strident, just that we remain true to ourselves, and make sure that we're putting our own needs right up there with the needs of others. I really got a lot out of reading this book - I felt more empowered to be my true self in a relationship, rather than trying to be what I think my partner wants me to be.

I started this book last year, and just finally got around to finishing it. Really, at this specific time it's not relevant, as I'm not interested in a relationship at this time (seems stupid to get involved with someone while getting ready to move across the country). But I am going to loan it to a friend, and I thought I'd have a quick read through before giving it away.

Another great book, like the author's first (Why Men Love Bitches). Great common sense advice about being true to show more yourself, making sure you put yourself and your own life first, and setting boundaries. I'm sure the title will put some people off, but really, this is a fantastic book, especially for women who tend to try really hard in relationships, and just can't understand why the men leave anyway. I'd recommend either of these two books; this one has some additional stuff that focuses specifically on getting married, if that's something important to you (it's not, particularly, to me, but maybe one of these days some of that advice will come in handy). show less