Ellen Fein

If all you want to do is catch a husband, then this is the book for you. If you want a true, loving relationship of equals, run in the other direction, now!

The book's advice is to essentially not really get to know the true self of the man in your life before fully and totally committing to him. If you've only had 10-minute phone conversations with the guy and have only seen him once a week, how can you really know whether you two are deeply compatible? They seem to think that as long as he show more proposes to you, you have it made. Supposedly, staying "mysterious" will make him treat you like a delicate flower and will prevent him from abusing you, but old-fashioned notions behind The Rules never prevented abuse --- the opposite is probably true. Essentially, their strategy is acting your way into a relationship; they have a book for after you get married, but acting one's way through life is not something everyone wants, even if that snags them a husband. Maybe The Rules are great for "catching and holding" a man, but there's no way to know whether or not that man happens to be right for you. That's the crux of the problem with this book: it assumes that the best possible outcome is always a marriage. The mindset is similar to the mindset of traditional societies in that marriage is viewed as the best alternative for a woman, without a thought to her compatibility with the man. Not once does the book talk about how much you like a man being a factor in whether or not to exact a commitment from him.

(And no, I am not bitter and single. I am in a committed relationship and on track towards a marriage.) show less

The saying that comes to mind is, "If this is the sort of thing you like, you will like this sort of thing." If you're looking to convince a conventional sort of man to take you off the market and support you in the best style he can afford, and you don't mind transforming yourself into the sort of commodity that sort of man wants to take home, then this is the book for you. At least it feeds the hope that it's possible to achieve that goal and live happily ever after. If that doesn't sound show more like your idea of love, then you can leave the field to the diggers and just have a good chuckle at this book. show less

I purchased this book several years ago at a used book store and am sorry I wasted my money. I find The Rules to be one of the silliest books I have ever read on relationships. In reading over these recommended man-catching "techniques" I am struck by how shallow and unintelligent these authors judge men to be. I find it hard to believe that most men serious about finding someone to spend their life with would be taken in by such foolishness. One rule is "Don't call call him and rarely show more return his calls". Many of us are raised to understand that not returning a phone call is simply rude behavior and not a decision likely to lead to lasting love. Much of the "advice" offered in The Rules was personally embarrassing for me to read as I imagined myself putting some of these rules into practice. The reader is encouraged to engage in unnatural behaviors that are unlikely to foster authenticity or respect in any relationship. My advice to anyone picking up The Rules is read it for a few good laughs,then throw it out, go on that date and just be yourself. show less

This is a book of rules for women to follow - women who want to meet and marry Mr. Right. The basic concept is to let the man take the lead - and don't make him your whole world. Be a busy, happy person; be your OWN person apart from your guy. Many modern women roll their eyes at some of the rules listed here. They say The Rules are silly - why can't a woman pursue her man? It's the 2000's for crying out loud! However, I think the ideas in this book are beneficial to women if applied show more correctly. If you follow the rules in this book you will be protecting yourself from a great deal of heartbreak. There's a chapter in here about friendship as well, not just romance. Many women (myself included) give WAY too much in our relationships and end up feeling hurt and used. This book helps us to give the most effort to those in our lives who have shown they truly love us. show less