Gavin de Becker

***NO SPOILERS***

Something about the title and cover design of The Gift of Fear gives the impression that it’s a self-help book about self-defense. It isn’t. The only good thing on the cover is the quotation separating title from subtitle: “This Book Can Save Your Life.” That’s true.

The author is a specialist in security issues and threat assessment who owns a successful private security firm in Los Angeles called Gavin de Becker & Associates. His clients include many high-profile show more figures. (The acknowledgements section shares an impressive array of many famous names.) His love for the topic is evident, and his reasoning and explanations intelligent and clear.

Really explaining The Gift of Fear in a way that does it justice will easily overwhelm this review space, but its main idea is that human intuition (or “gut feeling”) is more powerful and helpful than it gets credit for and absolutely can save one’s life. Logic is always viewed as superior to “mere feelings,” and intuition is feeling; however, de Becker explains that it’s when one employs logic in situations that feel uncomfortable or “off” in some way that those situations can turn dangerous. De Becker says so much about intuition that sounds radical to those who have been taught that logic is paramount.

Fans of true-crime stories will enjoy The Gift of Fear. De Becker intermingled numerous stories—all true, some famous and some not—throughout. Some of the stories illustrate instances when someone’s intuition protected them; other stories are the opposite. De Becker examined the criminal mind and broke apart many famous cases to bolster his chapters on assassins, stalking, domestic violence, violent children, and workplace violence, among others.

He strongly opposes how some movies and TV shows depict romantic relationships, particularly how men are portrayed pursuing women.* He also opposes how media report crime and portray criminals and explains why, after one kind of crime occurs, copycat crimes occur not long thereafter. Criminals receive lionizing media attention, and de Becker argues for a sea change:

"I propose that we don’t show the bullets on the bureau in the seedy hotel room; show instead the dirty underwear and socks on the bathroom floor. I propose that we don’t arrange photo opportunities that show the offender being escorted by ten federal agents from a helicopter to a motorcade of waiting cars. [...]

"Conversely, guarded by federal agents (just like the president), whisked into waiting helicopters (just like the president), his childhood home shown on TV (just like the president), the type of gun he owned fired on the news by munitions experts extolling its killing power, the plans he made described as “meticulous”—these presentations promote the glorious aspects of assassination and other media crimes. Getting caught for some awful violence should be the start of oblivion, not the biggest day of one’s life.

"But it was the biggest day in the life of accused Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, who was paraded in front of the waiting press surrounded by FBI agents, rushed to a motorcade, and then whisked away in a two-helicopter armada. We saw this even more with accused Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, whose close-up appeared on the covers of Time, U.S. News & World Report, and Newsweek (twice). The cover text of all three described Kaczynski as a “genius.”

"Reporters usually refer to assassins with triple names, like Mark David Chapman, Lee Harvey Oswald, Arthur Richard Jackson. One might come to believe that assassins actually used these pretentious triple names in their pre-attack lives; they didn’t. They were Mark, Lee, and Arthur.

"I propose promoting the least glamorous incarnation of their names. Call a criminal Ted Smith instead of Theodore Bryant Smith. Better still, find some nickname used in his pre-attack life:

"Federal agent: His name is Theodore Smith, but he was known as Chubby Ted."

Furthermore, although media are fond of reporting that criminals “snapped” or claim “nobody could have seen this coming,” de Becker explains that there are, unequivocally, “pre-incident indicators” before violent acts. He lists and explains these in detail.

The Gift of Fear was published in 1997 but fortunately has aged well. The only topic not covered that definitely would be covered in an updated edition is cyber-stalking and general internet safety. As the book stands now, however, the chapter on stalking contains information that can apply to cyber-stalking. Statistics on various types of violence have no doubt changed also. (For instance, the book says 75 women are raped every hour in the U.S., but as of this writing, it’s a little more: 78 every hour, according to the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.)

Ironically, those living in fear are the ones most in need of The Gift of Fear. It’s captivating, educational, and stunning, but even more than that, it really is empowering, life-altering, and life-saving.

*He would appreciate this article:

"How Rom-Coms Undermine Women": http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/11/its-rom-coms-fault-too/...

Update, September 13, 2017: "Stalking, actually: why men who reject rejection are not romantic heroes": https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/12/stalking-men-rejection-rom... show less

This book examines the survival impulse that is fear and how it comes into play in life or death situations to assist us in predicting and responding to violence. The author draws on a lifetime of experience protecting people from known threats and identifying unknown ones. He explains the difference between worry and fear and how to tell the difference. He offers case studies from his career, helpful lists of warning signs and an encouraging message to trust our instincts and act to protect show more ourselves.

I found this book very thought provoking and valuable in assessing my own anxieties. I've never been in a situation such as what he describes, but I've often worried about them. And that is perhaps one of the most important points: most people will never experience these extreme situations, so worrying about them constantly is not helpful or particularly effective. Instead, we all ought to stay calm and observant of our surroundings. If something bothers us we should pay increased attention to it and consider why it unnerves us.

Like I said, there's a lot to analyze here, so I might benefit from listening to it again in a few months or a year. show less

Logically, I should have given The Gift of Fear a higher rating but I went with my gut instinct and gave it three stars. Although there is good information and interesting insights in the book, perhaps Gavin de Becker's chosen profession and/or troubled upbringing skewed his perspective somewhat. Branding Jean-Jacques Rousseau and John Locke as date rape advocates strikes me as "just a bit outside." (to quote fellow philosopher Bob Uecker). To wit:

"Rousseau asked: 'Why do you consult their show more words when it is not their mouths that speak?' Locke spoke of a man’s winning 'silent consent' by reading it in a woman’s eyes 'in spite of the mouth’s denial.' Locke even asserted that a man is protecting a woman’s honor when he ignores her refusal: 'If he then completes his happiness, he is not brutal, he is decent.' In Locke’s world, date rape wouldn’t be a crime at all—it would be a gentleman’s act of courtesy."

I was also a bit put off by an author who lectures for 350 pages on how to be attune to genuine threats of physical danger, yet would deny readers the tools to defend themselves…

"…let me be clear: I am not challenging our so-called right to bear arms (in whose name, by the way, more Americans have died at home than have died at war). And I am not advocating gun control…[But--]"

Best read with a grain of salt. show less

I really liked a lot of his points - that violence is predictable and preventable, and not doing either is a choice we make - but some of it seemed pretty insensitive to larger concerns. Partly I think it's just dated; it's been more than fifteen years since this book was written, and the way we talk about rape and battered women has changed a little.

Partly, though, de Becker is simply just concerned with safety on an individual level, and doesn't consider any larger societal or political show more implications. For instance: in one story he points out a university's failure to examine a package delivered to a student from a gun company, which did contain a gun which the student later used to shoot several classmates. That is absolutely a warning sign of violence - but I'm on the side of the dean who said that the school can't be in the business of opening its students' mail.

He also never brought up one particular failure of intuition which I'm sure lots of people have been thinking about. De Becker puts a lot of weight on intuition, saying that if you're afraid, it's because you've noticed something that's a sign of danger. Well, look, I live in a racist society and my intuition jumps when I see a black guy just out and walking around. Granted I'm a pretty harmless white girl and the worst thing that will happen if I act on my "intuition" is that I'll make some guy's day a little more miserable, but we've all seen recently what happens with people who feel a little more entitled to act out based on their "intuition" of danger. show less