Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Often reading through parenting books is like shopping for a used car. There are a lot of books with scant ideas pretending they're worth the 300 pages they're printed on, like slimy salesmen trying to pawn off piles of junk at full price. The ratio of help to filler can be aggravating. So imagine my surprise when I found this parenting book: one that not only earned its pages in good ideas but exceeded my expectations. If you have a spirited child this is *the* book to read.

My wife and I show more didn't realize just how spirited our first born was until we had a second child. I mean we had a small idea but when you only have one child it's hard to distinguish between baby-in-general and this-specific-baby. Well with a little context we gathered this-specific-baby is extremely spirited and a lot of the parenting skills we had to develop were not the same ones our friends with kids were dealing with. It wasn't only a matter of his being an extrovert, but an extrovert who feels feelings more intensely and has extra energy needs, therefore extra energy management needs. How wonderful for his two introverted parents, though he gets his spirited nature from me.

This book is full of useful (actionable) ideas to help with everything from solving tantrums over getting dressed in the morning to bolstering strengths with language that won't crush your little one's spirit. For categories where we seemed to be doing okay (food) it was confidence building to see how our overarching framework was on the right track so we can stick to the main theories when something new inevitably comes up.

From small but crucial tips (having them dress themselves in front of a mirror) to large conceptual charges (transitions can't come out of nowhere, even small ones) this book delivers.

If you or anyone you know has a spirited child I highly recommend this book. It's a game changer. show less

Often reading through parenting books is like shopping for a used car. There are a lot of books with scant ideas pretending they're worth the 300 pages they're printed on, like slimy salesmen trying to pawn off piles of junk at full price. The ratio of help to filler can be aggravating. So imagine my surprise when I found this parenting book: one that not only earned its pages in good ideas but exceeded my expectations. If you have a spirited child this is *the* book to read.

My wife and I show more didn't realize just how spirited our first born was until we had a second child. I mean we had a small idea but when you only have one child it's hard to distinguish between baby-in-general and this-specific-baby. Well with a little context we gathered this-specific-baby is extremely spirited and a lot of the parenting skills we had to develop were not the same ones our friends with kids were dealing with. It wasn't only a matter of his being an extrovert, but an extrovert who feels feelings more intensely and has extra energy needs, therefore extra energy management needs. How wonderful for his two introverted parents, though he gets his spirited nature from me.

This book is full of useful (actionable) ideas to help with everything from solving tantrums over getting dressed in the morning to bolstering strengths with language that won't crush your little one's spirit. For categories where we seemed to be doing okay (food) it was confidence building to see how our overarching framework was on the right track so we can stick to the main theories when something new inevitably comes up.

From small but crucial tips (having them dress themselves in front of a mirror) to large conceptual charges (transitions can't come out of nowhere, even small ones) this book delivers.

If you or anyone you know has a spirited child I highly recommend this book. It's a game changer. show less

If you're the parent of a "spirited" child (sometimes also known as "difficult"), this book may help you find the solutions to your parenting nightmare that you've been searching for.

Like most books of this type, the tone is breezy and conversational, as the author attempts to talk the frazzled, desperate parent down from the ledge and invite him or her in for a conversation on how to keep from going crazy in the future. But don't let the easy tone fool you: there's plenty of concrete, show more specific advice about parenting a spirited child here, backed up by solid research and years of practical experience.

Some of the book's strengths:
- There's a useful discussion of the distinction between ADHD and spirited behavior (esp. in regard to "distractibility") in Ch. 3 and elsewhere.

- The advice on "Letting go of the dream child" (in Ch. 4) is also quite useful, and is the only place I've seen this important subject addressed so frankly.

- The discussion of adaptability is very useful for distinguishing between willful disobedience and a genuine need for more transition time (e.g., more warning).

The book's weaknesses are relatively minor:
- Some of the cultural references are dated (1970s & 80s), and there's some cultural location marking as well -- midwest usages like "pop" for soda or cola, or the phrase "a scuzzy word" for a curse-word, for example. These can be a little distracting, but don't detract much from the content.

- The research isn't up to top academic standards--citing what others have said about Jung's work on personality types, for example, without ever going back to the original source (Jung). But then, this book doesn't pretend to be a rigorous academic study.

- Like most (all?) books of this type, there's a fair amount of repetition, as concepts get restated in various ways and forms (examples drawn from the author's own family, stories from parents in parenting classes, tables and questionnaires, research cited, etc.). This seems endemic to the genre, and in any case it's easy enough to skim a section if you feel you've already mastered the concept or gotten the message.

Conclusion:
As a practical guidebook for parents of "spirited" children, this book is a good choice. It is both accessible, encouraging, informative--and most importantly--full of useful and effective advice. I would recommend it in conjunction with a book from the Positive Discipline series. Though there is some overlap between these books, repetition of some key concepts and strategies isn't necessarily a bad thing, and there's enough that's unique to each approach to make reading them both worthwhile. show less

The best book I've read on what author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka calls "spirited children" - those kids that seem to be "too much" - too loud, too active, too sensitive. Full of encouragement, support, and what has worked for other parents for their spirited kids, this book is like a breath of fresh air for a parent who has been struggling.
My favorite suggestion was changing the labels you use. Instead of "hyper", try "exuberant". The labels we use are the ones children are going to internalize. show more "If someone complained, ‘Silas is awfully loud,’ I would respond, ‘He is dramatic, isn’t he? Let’s get him outside where we can appreciate that more.’"
Definitely recommended as a must-read for parents and care-givers of kids who are spirited! show less