Cathleen Schine

Mamie Kunstler, a Jewish refuge from 1939 Vienna, travels to the safety of Santa Monica with her parents and grandfather. As a young refuge from a formerly well-off and artistic family, she meets many famous and talented artists of the 30s and 40s. Her grandson, Julian, a “woolgatherer”, according to his mother, finds himself suddenly girlfriendless and apartmentless in NY in 2019. When Mamie, at 93, breaks her wrist and needs some temporary assistance, Julian moves into her little house show more in Venice Beach. Soon, this short-term arrangement is forced to be longer when Covid strikes, and Mamie begins to tell Julian stories of her life and their family.

I loved Mamie and her relationship with Julian and the way she told him her stories of Los Angeles in the 1940s. There were a lot of historical tidbits and it reminded me, at times, of Anthony Marra’s “Mercury Pictures Presents” because of the location and the time period. Schine has a light touch, and except for a few pages where I thought Mamie went on too long (but maybe that was deliberate, in the way that stories of the past are sometimes told), I found the whole book delightful. I also spent a lot of time googling people and places and have a new old book on my Kindle, “Prince Jan, St. Bernard”.

I was sorry to have this book end, and hope Mamie, Agatha, Julian, and Sophie are still enjoying cocktails and tea in the garden under the stars.

Thank you to the publisher and LibraryThing for the ARC! show less

If you're not a dog person, this book probably won't hold much interest for you. (Also, what is wrong with you?) It follows about half a dozen residents of a nondescript block on the Upper West Side of Manhattan - human residents and canine ones. The dogs bring people together in unexpected ways and their interactions help forge a community of sorts. The dog characters are wonderful, especially Beatrice, a white pit bull with a big heart and a worrywart of an owner. The humans are show more wonderfully drawn, too. From the self-described spinster at 40 to the just-dumped 26 year old and her underachieving brother to the newly-divorced man trying to figure out how to be alone in his 50s, Schine treats each of her characters with affection and - often- bemusement. Doris, the "antagonist" of the story, is especially well-done in all her self-righteousness and hypocrisy.

The New Yorkers is a love letter to the city, as well as a paean to the special way dogs have of bringing us out of ourselves and to each other. show less

To me, Cathleen Schine's books feel very cosmopolitan (because they are VERY New York, and NYC is a place in which I've only spent about 80 hours, but which has always been the absolute Platonic ideal of a metropolis in my Harriet the Spy/Mixed-Up Files/Peter & Fudge-loving mind.) But they also feel human, close, companionable, and relatable to the point of the occasional gut punch. I can't stop these days with the books about aging women, a look into (I devoutly hope) my own future. In show more *They May Not Mean To, But They Do* -- the title is a riff on the Larkin poem ("They f*** you up, your mum and dad / they may not mean to, but they do") with "your grown kids" substituted for "mum and dad" -- we have Joy, who is in her mid-80s and provides tender, determined care for her dementia-stricken, colostomy-bag-unhooking husband. Things occur. Her adult children, in their 50s, struggle with allowing her autonomy when they worry about her safety. This is the central conflict that develops and it's a doozy. Their motivations are complex (how much of the foundation is guilt? unresolved grief? jealousy? simple misunderstanding? pure generosity? gratitude and love?), and many of their well-intentioned plans and actions are rooted in understandable concern. But this is, of all things, a great companion piece to *Being Mortal*, one of my favorite pieces of nonfiction, which centers in part around the balance between autonomy and safety for older adults. It's got a lot of important things to say about inter-generational relationships and the value of family. It's hilarious and touching and smart and insightful. show less

"They May Not Mean To But They Do" is an immersive story of family life, told mainly from the point of view of Joy, a New Yorker in her eighties. Joy has a husband suffering from dementia, two grown up children who keep trying to look after her and three grand children.This is an affectionate but realistic tale that captures the joys and frustrations of family life

The central focus of the book is what it means to be old. What it does to your own sense of identity, your desires, your fears, show more your place in the world .

The title is a paraphrase of Philip Larkin's "This Be The Verse" that changes "Mom and Dad" to "Son and Daughter"

"They fuck you up, your son and daughter.
They nay not mean to but they do."

Joy's son and daughter each, acting with the intent to care for and protect their mother, keep doing things that undermine her sense of self or ignore or over-ride her wishes. As Joy comes to terms with who she is now, her life is made more difficult by the anxieties and expectations of her children.

The book gives is written with empathy and honesty that is very engaging. I kept finding myself going: "That's EXACTLY how it is". Here are some examples:

At one point, Joy,who is struggling not to be angry with the man her husband is becoming as he slips into dementia, finds herself saying:

"I love you. I've loved you for so many years that I even love you when I don't."

One of the sources of conflict between Joy and her son and daughter is the way Joy deals with what they see a messy piles of paperwork.

Joy sees that messa as her life but she understands that, whe she was her daughter's age, this would have been incomprehensible to her.

"To them it was a pile,. To Joy it was the past and the future jumbled together. Some day they would understand. They would feel sad the way she felt sad about her own mother.

.It occurs to Joy that parents and children would understand one another better

"if only everyone could be old together."

I particularly liked the way the book dealt with Joy's grief at the death of her husband and the depression that it causes-

When Joy returns to her New York home after visting her daughter in California, she finds:

The sadness was there waiting for her in the apartment. "I'm sorry," Joy said to the sadness. "I'm sorry I had to leave you behind for so long but believe me the blue skies never fooled me. You were in my thoughts I'm my heart every minute."

There is also a short chapter that captures the different expectations of the generations

Chapter 41

Daniel asked his mother if she was depressed.

She said, "Naturally".

Joy, newly widowed, newly truly old, struggles with a feeling that she has lost her place, that she no longer belongs. Visiting a Court to pay her grandson's fine, she finds that she is not sure how to behave, in the company of such a disparate group of people. She says,

"I have lost touch with normal social behaviour. I no longer know what is expected, When i find out what is expected, I do not like it. I do not belong here. I do not belong anywhere."

As Joy makes peace with herself, she comes to understand that she does belong. She belongs amongst the frailty, failings, and the unexpected kindnesses that make up humanity in cosmopolitan New York.

This book was my first book by Cathleen Schine but it won't be my last. I'm grateful to her for reminding me that we all have so much in common when it comes to dealing with the things in life that are beyond our control. show less