Harold S. Kushner (1935–2023)

It took me a while to get to this book; I was so immersed in grief that reading about grief seemed pointless. Now that I've gotten to it, I realize that I came to Kushner's conclusion on my own, and his wisdom wouldn't have been misplaced during any of the terrifically rotten last few years.

I'm not a theist, but I have grown up in a predominantly Judeo-Christian culture, and people tend to reach out to that when attempting to comfort the bereaved, and often come up with the same extremely show more un-comforting platitude that "things happen for a reason." Ugh. Kushner lays out a very intelligent argument about three things that everyone would like to believe:

1. God is all-powerful and causes everything that happens in the world. Nothing happens without his willing it.

2. God is just and fair, and stands for people getting what they deserve, so that the good prosper and the wicked are punished.

3. I am a good person.

When the subject of (3) suffers loss, people often throw him under the bus so that they can preserve the other two beliefs. But perhaps the more comforting (and maybe the more theologically sound) conclusion to draw is that 2 and 3 are true, but not 1.

Kushner talks about the power of a religious community to comfort, not by preventing grief and loss, but by affirming life and community in spite of it. This book is rightly part of the canon of western wisdom on how to live. show less

Harold Kushner comes across in this book as a really humane man. He was a young rabbi when his son was born with the aging disease: progeria. He had to reconcile his beliefs about God with what was happening to his son, who died of the disease at age 14. I sympathize with him greatly. Nevertheless, this book left me more convinced that if there is a god, he is uncaring and cruel. Not what the author's goal was, I'm sure.

Kushner does an excellent job of shooting down the usual show more justifications given for tragedies such as: it's all part of God's plan, God loved him/her so much he wanted him nearer to him, etc. His defense of God is that tragedies are not judgements, not part of "bigger" plan, but rather God made us human in a world ruled by laws of physics -- which means he can't bend those rules for individual people, that what God brings to us during tragedies is comfort, a gathering of people around us. Frankly, I found this completely uncomforting myself. I want a God who can do miracles -- but then why should we need miracles to begin with--if God is loving and all-powerful? All we can do, according to Kushner, is accept that tragedies happen and there is no why or wherefore, it is all random. Just as I thought. show less

I'm not sure what God is, but I know what God isn't: the "Sky Daddy" found in most churches. Life is often difficult and unfair, and sh*t happens. I reject the idea that God causes or allows bad things to happen, that its all part of His big plan that we couldn't possibly understand, and that "everything happens for a reason". Kushner's God is one I might be able to believe in

I read this in preparation for discussion with my small group. What struck me was how theologically shrunken of a God Kushner leaves us with, and how little he relies on scripture to get himself through his own suffering. It also impressed on me the extent to which Jesus addresses so many of the biggest questions of the bible, including one most pertinent to this book: "what does a God who suffers look like?" Kushner can't imagine one, and that's the saddest thing of all. I look forward to show more discussing it with an Orthodox Jew who can offer a more robust scriptural answer to the questions Kushner raises, all while staying in the Tanach. show less