Plum Johnson

In 2017 I spent 2 weeks caring for my mom after some back surgery. Originally my dad was to have been there to help, but he had a big health crisis and I had to call 911 on my first morning at their house. When I originally said I’d fly back to care for her, my dad was healthy and a 5 day visit ballooned into 14. While I was there I had a lot of down time since mom slept for most of the day. This gave me time to contemplate their home (the only one they’ve had for over 50 years), their show more stuff, their health and their future. It’s complicated, emotional and fraught with contradictions and compromises which is why I could totally relate to this memoir even though both my parents are still living.

Plum and her brothers have to deal with not only their parents’ deaths, but the enormous house and all it contains. I was a bit surprised everyone was calm and no fights erupted over stuff. There weren’t any factions or games over who got what or who was entitled to what. Maybe if they’d been left a big pile of money things would have taken that more common turn, but I was happy for them that they all remained close and loving.

A lot of memoirs about this kind of thing can get maudlin in the extreme or can be written to exculpate and canonize either the kids or the parents. Not so with this. People have some warts and bad habits, but they aren’t horrible. I guess it also helps to have interesting parents with interesting pasts. Those bits of the story were woven into the present narrative with skill and a lightness that connected them well and in the right places. At times Plum feels and expresses a little self-pity, but she doesn’t languish there and soon she’s off to delve into the pantry shelves, her parents’ letters or her dad’s war memorabilia. I liked how easy the story flowed and how I had to remind myself it wasn’t a novel from time to time. show less

This was an unexpected 5-star read for me. I received this in a box of books that had made its rounds through several states, each friend along the way putting in a few biographies/memoirs and taking out a few. As I went through the box last week, this one stood out to me and I set it aside to begin that night. I am SO glad I did---it really spoke to me.

My own mother's mother died at the very young (and getting younger all the time) age of 49. I was 7 years old and my mother was 30. I had no show more perspective at the time but, now looking back, I can't imagine how lost my mother must have felt losing her own so very young. It's heartbreaking, really. My mom didn't get a chance to go through her mother's things after she passed away and there probably wasn't a whole lot to disperse anyway. Grandma lived with us the last few months of her life and I'm sure mom held on to most everything she'd brought into our home during that time---at least for awhile.

Losing my mother will probably be different. I think about it sometimes---going through her stuff, I mean. I imagine her husband, dazed and crazy in his chair, watching nonsense on TV while I am locked in their bedroom crying and boxing up every. single. thing. to go through back at home by myself. Or maybe her husband has passed on first and it's just me. I imagine then that I'd lock myself inside and hermit for a few weeks as I slowly come to grips with all the beauty I want to remember and all the regrets I want to forget. Writing this out makes me feel like I'm suffocating.

Once a few years ago, my mom posted an article on Facebook about how my generation doesn't want to be left with all their parents' stuff. It said it would be better for retired/elderly parents to disperse their things early and donate the rest so it will just be a quick and easy wrap up for this generation of too-busy adult children. I was horrified. No. I want to be able to go through her things. I need that closure and that coming-to-grips. It is my right and a step of mourning that I don't want to be denied.

I was fascinated that Plum's mom had enough written correspondence, diaries, and more to fill up a room on her third floor. I wish my mom and I had more letters. We have years of daily Facebook messages---but that's not the same. I've decided I'll start copying them and printing them out, though. It's something. I do have several years of letters from my teenage years when we lived apart---but we were different people then. I don't want my grandchildren to have a skewed view of what our relationship was like. As Plum says, "What's going to happen to all our histories if computers crash? What happens when software formats change? Storing things is one thing. Retrieving them is a whole other matter...With computers, the more we think we have preserved, the more we may have lost." I don't know if the older generation realizes this. The written word on good old fashioned paper is still the most important form of communication in letters.

This book sparked so many thoughts and emotions in me. I feel like writing it all out would lessen the effect for the next reader. There's a lot I want my mom to get out of this book and I'm curious what her thoughts will be as she didn't have this experience with her mother. (Though I've heard some horror stories about my great-grandmother Annabelle...ha!) I'll be passing it along to her this week. show less

I read this book at the right time of my life. I recently lost my own mother, well it has been two years but still feels like yesterday. My father is super organized and within a week, had my mother's things donated or given to me and my brother. So, I won't have the "stuff" to go through like Plum because he's also cleaning out and dispersing items he considers superfluous. If I want to save anything, I have to be quick! Divorced and self-employed, Plum was the obvious choice to serve as show more caregiver to her parents. For 13 long years she cared for her father through his Alzheimer's. Three years after his death, Plum is still the primary caregiver for her mother. Her mother has become even more difficult to deal with. Then, her mother dies. Plum spends 18 months going through the house and her parents' things to get the house ready to sell. This is how she and her siblings learn more about their parents and themselves. I have to admit it has given me second thoughts about cleaning out my own stuff so my daughters won't have to do it later! However, I'm more like my father and other than books, I don't like clutter. I enjoyed this book and I'm glad I read it. show less

It was SO easy to relate to the author's experiences---all it takes is an elderly relative!! The writing was honest and funny and so descriptive---Johnson paints, too, and maybe that's why her words form so many pictures. It was great to see the relationships of the brothers, and Plum, as well as the discovery of a relationship between their parents that maybe none of them fully appreciated, especially in the mother's final years of life. A great look at ONE family---no one has the same show more experience but it's always an education to see how other people manage an experience. show less