Peggy Orenstein

Looking for an upbeat pandemic-era memoir? Look no further. Peggy Orenstein usually writes about topics related to teen sexuality and body image. In 2020 her professional engagements were cut short and, searching for a way to occupy her mind and body, she decided to create a knitted sweater from scratch. Orenstein takes readers through each step from shearing a sheep through spinning, dyeing, design, and knitting. In addition to describing the technique she explores history and recent show more developments in fashion and fabric creation, highlighting the ways in which modern conveniences impact the environment and global climate. It will make you think about where your clothing comes from, and more sustainable ways of managing your wardrobe.

Orenstein also freely shares the creative and emotional journey she experienced during this project. We are the same age, and I found myself nodding along as she processed the decline and loss of her parents, fostered her adolescent daughter’s independence, and planned for the future with her husband. I wish I could have her over for coffee–we’d have a great time. show less

I just had to write a review about this book. I've been listening to the audiobook all day and have not been able to put it down! At first, the book was making me quite upset because it was highlighting the pervasiveness of misogynist thoughts and actions in our society. However, in the later chapters, Orenstein gave a very nuanced depiction of sexual misconduct that told the stories of the young men she interviewed but still asserted that what they had done was wrong and damaging to others. show more I think Orenstein did a lot to help readers understand the patterns of assault and sexism that occur over and over again for young people. Also, I appreciate how she pointed out that men could also be victims of sexual assault since that is not talked about a lot.
I'm considering buying a printed copy of this book because I think it will be beneficial to look back on! A good read! show less

an important book on just what the title says, boys and sex and information parents can use to fortify ourselves to have these crucial conversations with our boys before they become men.

"Girlfriends, mothers, and in some cases sisters, were the most commonly cited confidantes among boys I met. And while it's wonderful to know they have someone to talk to, and I'm sure mothers in particular savor the role, teaching boys that women are responsible for emotional labor, for processing men's show more emotional lives, in ways that would be emasculating for guys to do themselves, comes at a price to both sexes. Among other things, that dependence can leave boys stunted, in a state of arrested development, potentially unprepared to form caring, lasting, intimate relationships."

"When the men realized that their actions conflicted with their stated beliefs, they expanded their definitions of consent rather than questioning their behavior. Their ideas of 'yes' turned out to be so elastic that for some, they encompassed actions that met the legal criteria for assault."

"The truth is, research has shown young men to have a remarkably sophisticated and subtle understanding of sexual refusal, regardless of whether a partner ever utters the word 'no.' That renders dubious the common defense that they 'can't tell' or 'aren't mind readers.' What's more, where 'yes' is concerned, guys seem downright clairvoyant. [reseacher] subjects consider such non-sexual physical cues as direct eye contact to be clear propositions. Obviously looking into someone's eyes doesn't always signal seduction, and guys know that. When I, a middle aged woman, would look straight at them while asking about, say, cunnilingus, not a single one mistook that for a come-on. Yet when my eighteen-year-old female intern conducted interviews at her college, every guy hit on her. The same questions from an attractive peer were sexualized because the boys wanted them to be.

Some guys [researcher] talked to believed smiling indicated a girl wanted to have sex. It might, though people smile for all sorts of reasons, including discomfort and appeasement. Compliments were another frequently cited indicator, causing me to reconsider expressing admiration for a male passenger's stylish luggage the last time I was on an airplane. Standing close, dancing, touching someone's arm during conversation. A third of the supposed sexual signals came up only once in [the researcher's] study, making it hard to ever predict what a man might see as an invitation. A random emoji, the lack of a bra, sitting on a guy's lap in a crowded car. True, any of those might have meant sexual interest, or not. The only thing they all had in common, was that the guy in question read them as evidence. The boys also tended to equate enthusiastic participation in any sexual act, such as kissing, with enthusiastic consent to vaginal intercourse.

When they drink, young and not so young men are even more likely to overestimate female sexual interest, as well as to overstate women's roles as initiators, interpreting any expression of friendliness by a girl as 'it's on.'"

"They all described themselves as 'good guys.' And they were, most of the time. But the truth is a really good guy can do a really bad thing. The cost of admitting that, however, can feel perilously high."

"Men learn too often, subtly or overtly, to prioritize their pleasure over women's feelings. That may or may not lead to assault, but it does raise ethical questions over how men treat sexual partners, particularly in encounters that skirt the edges of consent."

"The narcissism of male desire is instilled early, reinforced by media, peers, and parental silence, and by girls themselves, who have been trained from an early age to take men's needs and desires more seriously than their own."

"...only 24 states and the District of Columbia currently mandate sex education, and only 10 require that it be medically accurate."

"Discomfort and embarrassment are not excuses to opt out of parenting."

"...boys grow up in the same distorted, commodified, misogynist culture as girls. The concern of porn, while valid, can distract from the damaging impact of mainstream entertainment. Remember that unchecked, media consumption of any kind is associated with greater tolerance for sexual harassment, belief in rape myths, early sexual initiation, sexual risk taking, a greater number of partners, and stereotyping of women." show less

I'd listened to the author's book about girls, so when I spotted this, I jumped in.

The boys who talk to the author, I hold hope for them. But wow, I can't believe that boys are just as trapped as ever in peer pressure, lack of self-confidence and so forth.

There's been such a sexual revolution, a gender revolution, the women's movement - all good things, but nevertheless, it has come without a guidebook. The young people interviewed here feel like the blind leading the blind ...