Olga Silverstein
Author of The Courage to Raise Good Men
Works by Olga Silverstein
Putting the Brakes on Mother 1 copy
Tagged
Common Knowledge
- Gender
- female
- Short biography
- OLGA SILVERSTEIN, M.S.W. Co-author (with Bradford Keeney) of THE THERAPEUTIC VOICE OF OLGA SILVERSTEIN, Ms. Silverstein is currently a senior supervisor and faculty member at the Ackerman Institute of Family Therapy. She has lectured and taught internationally and maintains an extensive private practice in New York City where she lives with her husband, Fred. She is the mother of three young adults, Judy, Laura, and Michael, and the grandmother of a very special young man, Jeremy. [Library of Congress, loc.gov, linked to record for The Invisible Web (1988)]
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Reviews
Ah! The cliches one has to go through when dealing with gender issues! Women are supposed to be only soft, nurturing, loving, caring and all about relationships; whereas men, on the contrary, must be tough, strong, aggressive or at least assertive, and fiercely independent. No overlapping! As if emotional balance was only a specifically feminine trait, and strength only a specifically masculine one! Bullshit, right? Or is it?
Well, when it comes to men... Self-harm and suicide remains higher show more among men than among women. Substances abuses and reckless behaviours are higher among men than among women. Crime rate is higher among men than among women. And, to top it all, among some men exists a toxic view of masculinity nurturing a disrespectful if not dangerous attitude towards women (from disgusting locker rooms talks to sexual harassment and rapes -just check the medias these days!) that make for a shocking questioning: what the hell is wrong with the way we go about manhood in our societies?
For Olga Silverstein, an influential family therapist, the answer is blunt yet simple: it's mostly down to how men are being raised. And, since mothers have been doing most of the parenting (let's be honest!) she focuses here especially on mother-son relationships.
Now, one could easily accuse her of being a tat simplistic or self-centred (since she at times uses her relationship with her own son to illustrate some of her stances). Yet, she has a strong point; unfolding here different issues that all collide to make for a punchy argument.
The thing is, the problem goes beyond stupidly opposing feminity versus masculinity or, softness, dependence and sensitivity versus toughness, assertiveness and boldness (while, again, neither traits intrinsically belong to any gender). The problem is that, from such prejudices manhood tends to be defined as being everything but embracing characteristics deemed feminine that is, being in touch with one's emotions, caring, empathetic. And here's a double-edge sword. Indeed, as such traits are 'manly' looked upon with contempt, on the one hand being a man and displaying them is nothing short of being 'a sissy', 'a wimp' (or any other eloquent defining term) and, on the other hand, because women embody them they are, in turn, looked upon and treated with contempt. The worst and saddest thing? Women themselves, more often than not, buy into this pattern and so raise their sons in a way that perpetuate this vicious bipolarity.
Indeed, which mother wants 'a sissy' or 'a wimp' for son? Then here we are! By keeping them at a distance emotionally and physically to teach them to be tough (e.g. big boys don't cry) many abide to a poor teaching of handling and dealing with emotions that, not only damages boys' outgrowth but, will also negatively affect the kind of men they will become (see the issues named above).
I absolutely love this book for its core message nailed through and through: not only women CAN be strong enough to inspire toughness and ambition in their sons (to say only men can take boys into manhood is utter bullshit) but, also, if emotional balance is so far one of their core asset, then a feminizing influence on boys will NOT turn them into 'sissies' but, on the contrary, keep them at bay from the toxic masculinity that has been causing way too much damages so far -both on men and women.
Hallelujah! Here's at long last a rightly anti-Freudian read; rubbishing the idea that boys need to separate from their mother so as to find their individuality as men (you know, the cr@p according to which everything wrong stem from your relationship with mummy...)! Such debunking is more than welcome, it has been long awaited.
A punchy and relevant read. show less
Well, when it comes to men... Self-harm and suicide remains higher show more among men than among women. Substances abuses and reckless behaviours are higher among men than among women. Crime rate is higher among men than among women. And, to top it all, among some men exists a toxic view of masculinity nurturing a disrespectful if not dangerous attitude towards women (from disgusting locker rooms talks to sexual harassment and rapes -just check the medias these days!) that make for a shocking questioning: what the hell is wrong with the way we go about manhood in our societies?
For Olga Silverstein, an influential family therapist, the answer is blunt yet simple: it's mostly down to how men are being raised. And, since mothers have been doing most of the parenting (let's be honest!) she focuses here especially on mother-son relationships.
Now, one could easily accuse her of being a tat simplistic or self-centred (since she at times uses her relationship with her own son to illustrate some of her stances). Yet, she has a strong point; unfolding here different issues that all collide to make for a punchy argument.
The thing is, the problem goes beyond stupidly opposing feminity versus masculinity or, softness, dependence and sensitivity versus toughness, assertiveness and boldness (while, again, neither traits intrinsically belong to any gender). The problem is that, from such prejudices manhood tends to be defined as being everything but embracing characteristics deemed feminine that is, being in touch with one's emotions, caring, empathetic. And here's a double-edge sword. Indeed, as such traits are 'manly' looked upon with contempt, on the one hand being a man and displaying them is nothing short of being 'a sissy', 'a wimp' (or any other eloquent defining term) and, on the other hand, because women embody them they are, in turn, looked upon and treated with contempt. The worst and saddest thing? Women themselves, more often than not, buy into this pattern and so raise their sons in a way that perpetuate this vicious bipolarity.
Indeed, which mother wants 'a sissy' or 'a wimp' for son? Then here we are! By keeping them at a distance emotionally and physically to teach them to be tough (e.g. big boys don't cry) many abide to a poor teaching of handling and dealing with emotions that, not only damages boys' outgrowth but, will also negatively affect the kind of men they will become (see the issues named above).
I absolutely love this book for its core message nailed through and through: not only women CAN be strong enough to inspire toughness and ambition in their sons (to say only men can take boys into manhood is utter bullshit) but, also, if emotional balance is so far one of their core asset, then a feminizing influence on boys will NOT turn them into 'sissies' but, on the contrary, keep them at bay from the toxic masculinity that has been causing way too much damages so far -both on men and women.
Hallelujah! Here's at long last a rightly anti-Freudian read; rubbishing the idea that boys need to separate from their mother so as to find their individuality as men (you know, the cr@p according to which everything wrong stem from your relationship with mummy...)! Such debunking is more than welcome, it has been long awaited.
A punchy and relevant read. show less
The Courage to Raise Good Men: You Don't Have to Sever the Bond with Your Son to Help Him Become a Man by Olga Silverstein
This book was well written and had a lot of good points. But it was very outdated on what masculinity means to me and to our family. I do know some families were this would still be applicable though.
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- Works
- 7
- Members
- 174
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- #123,125
- Rating
- 3.2
- Reviews
- 2
- ISBNs
- 12
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