Kathryn Mannix

This outstanding book, which was shortlisted for this year's Wellcome Book Prize and was written by a palliative care physician in the UK, describes several remarkable people she cared for at the end of their lives, their families and other loved ones, and her experiences and lessons learned during her four decades in clinical practice. Dr Mannix demystifies and humanizes the experience of death for her patients, their families, and especially her readers, as people who have or very likely show more will care for a dying person, and will ultimately succumb to death themmselves. In addition to being an engaging and, dare I say, heartwarming read, it is also richly filled with lessons and advice for current or future use. With the End in Mind, similar to Atul Gawande's recent book Being Mortal, is an outstanding contribution to the topic of end of life care, and as such it is a book that would be of benefit to everyone. show less

I did not want to put this book down. It was a page-turner for me. The chapters and sections are short and it made it easy for me to continue reading.

I cried, multiple times.

I laughed several times, sometimes heartily.

Death Cafes? Who knew? She mentioned them only briefly but I looked them up and I am intrigued. Cake is always included so if I was ever interested in participating I’d love to find a vegan group. I love cake!

I’m not as big a fan of CBT as she is but I see how it’s show more helped many of the people with whom she has worked. The author is a physician specializing in palliative care medicine and is also a CBT psychotherapist. The way she writes this book, inviting the readers to contemplate things and otherwise be engaged with thinking about how this subject has affected their lives and will likely affect their lives in the future, sometimes it felt like having a course of therapy and I kind of enjoyed that.

The author is personable and compassionate and honest and wise and respectful and humble and a good listener and I love how she tells her own story alongside those of her patients and their families and the other medical professionals with whom she works. All their stories are interesting. She’s a great storyteller and this book is well organized. There is not one dull second. I realize that in books like this the author choses which people’s stories they want to tell and while I’m sure she’s treated many other patients with less success I think that the included stories are valuable and worth reading. I’m fine with having to use useful examples when writing about a broad subject.

I have one major gripe with this book that is personal and it made the book somewhat less useful for me. She focuses heavily the moment of death, of the end stage in the dying process, stressing how it is peaceful and comfortable for most people, the peacefulness and lack of suffering of the literal transition from being alive to being dead. I care and worry most about living with an illness or injury and how much unbearable distress it might cause me. I dread pain, nausea, shortness of breath, itching from pain medication and many other such possibilities and disabilities, that could last for days or weeks or months or even years. That is the suffering I’ve always feared, whether it was due to a terminal condition or a chronic condition. She does address intractable suffering during illnesses. Yet she seems to assume that most people fear death and that is what she makes a priority, especially in the first parts of the book. Yes, she’s a palliative care specialist so she also always addresses the suffering people experience even if they’re not anywhere close to death but she stresses calming her patients and people in her life and her readers about how the very end of life is not to be feared, over and over and over and over. (This is the reason for my half star off but this is still a 5 star book.)

This book was published in 2017, less than a decade ago, but the stories she relates are from a few decades ago. They’re about people & places in England. I think that reading about these people’s experiences are applicable to everywhere and to our current times. I loved this look into these people’s lives. Most of them are memorable and I don’t think I’ll forget many of them.

I wish that the field of palliative care medicine had been a thing in the mid-1960s when my mother was terminally ill and then died. I also wish I’d read this book when my friend was terminally ill with cancer half a decade ago and resisted “palliative care” because she thought it was for those who were no longer wanting treatment and were accepting death. I had told her that it was for symptom relief at all stages of illness and not necessarily preparing for death but this author’s words explain that well and the examples of her patients’ various circumstances might have been persuasive to my friend. I’ve always known (since I was a kid) I’d want what is called “assisted suicide” should I have unbearable, intractable physical suffering, whether or not because of a terminal condition, but I respect everyone’s wishes (and wish everyone’s wishes were honored, with extremely rare exceptions) and I appreciated reading about all the people’s stories that are covered in this narrative. I loved the diversity and how, though the people had such differences, it was easy to find something to love about them and something with which to identify.

Not only because of personal experience but definitely amplified by it, honesty about medical conditions and being able to communicate about them (between everyone concerned, including children!!!) is extraordinarily important to me and I greatly appreciate how this author not only feels the same but is skilled at facilitating that process for those who need help with it.

There is a glossary and a list of resources in the back of the book. There is also a letter template people can use to say what they might want to say to loved ones.

I read this book after reading Janet’s review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/8399507166 and I’m glad that I did!

4-1/2 stars show less

It took me a long, long time to read this book right through to the end. It's not one to devour in a single sitting. It is a book full of trauma, as you might imagine, and some of it is visceral - it hits you in the gut. The lessons that Mannix imparts are those that should be listened to - though some readers will be slightly put off by the twee tone adopted at times. Overall, though, this should be required reading for anyone who will face death head-on in their lives - and that is everybody.

My 2019 review:

Kathryn Mannix is a palliative care physician and a cognitive behavioural therapist. Throughout her 30-year career, she’s helped a great deal of patients and their families navigate the processes of dying that were once common knowledge but have been made mysterious by the medicalization of old age and death. In this book, Mannix tells stories of patients facing death at all ages and how the families can work with the patient to make it a good death for everyone. The book is show more divided into several sections with stories that are thematically linked, and each section ends with a Pause for Thought in which Mannix addresses the reader directly to get them to think about these stories in relation to their own life.

I found this book beautifully done, brimming with sensitivity and compassion. I found it hopeful and uplifting even as I kept taking my glasses off to plow away the tears. And the humourous moments were made even more so by their occasional presence—laughter in the face of death. This is such a good book that I’m going to buy my own copy. A must-read for everyone.

My 2022 review:

This book has been helpful in so many ways. Shortly after I read it, I told a colleague about it, and they ended up reading it to help them deal with the death of a relative. Then I myself picked it up again when one of my own relatives was admitted to hospital and it was apparent that the end was near. It was a comfort to know exactly what happens physiologically when a person dies; this is the part of the book I recommend the most to anyone who expresses interest in reading it. Resolving that mystery is reassuring and helps save emotional energy for carrying on after the person dies and carrying out their legacy. show less