Ape's 2013 Challenge (8)

Thread #1 (Book 1)
Thread #2 (Book 2)
Thread #3 (Books 3-4)
Thread #4 (Books 5-7)
Thread #5 (Books 8-9)
Thread #6 (Books 10-12)
Thread #7 (Books 13-13)

Books read: 16
Pages read: 5,404

January:
1. Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
2. The Second Opinion by Michael Palmer
3. Plague by H.W. Bernard
4. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

February:
5. Smoking Ears and Screaming Teeth by Trevor Norton
6. Psychlone by Greg Bear
7. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
8. Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain
9. Being Written by William Conescu

March:
10. The Drunken Botanist by Amy Stewart
11. Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion
12. Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card
13. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

April:
14. The Four Fingers of Death by Rick Moody
15. The Best of the Rejection Collection by Matthew Diffee
16. Ancient Greece by Paul Cartledge

I am first! Huzzah!

Yay! I'm setting up my bean bag and mini fridge full of wine and chocolate right over there. ---->>>>

Gotta get settled before the Canadians take over.

For shame, Micky! There must be a suitable punishment for such misconduct. *Smooches* There, that oughta teach you! :P

Hi Kathy! You know I'm raiding that fridge as soon as you leave the room, for the chocolate at least...

Nuh uh! There's a padlock on it. And if you try to get around it may you be infested with gut spiders!

Whatever happened to Mo?

Kathy: No measly padlock could ever keep me from chocolate. Ever. A chocolate padlock, however, could distract me for a minute or two.

*Serves Richard steak* Hm?

Seriously, is there no end to the terrifying spider nonsense? As if I needed more reason to drown myself in wine tonight.... hopefully wine kills spiders. Oh god, I'm so not going to sleep tonight.

*Hugs Leah* It's okay, the parasitic intestinal spiders was a complete invention, they don't actually exist. If your intestines are infested with anything, they are much more likely to be worm-shaped. ;)

Oh I see what you did there Stephen. *wink* Distract her from the "false" gut spiders by offering the alternative gut worms.

Leah you can have this spare key to the wine fridge. Be careful that the box doesn't fall out on your toes.

I know enough to know there aren't intestinal spiders. That doesn't mean that the fictitious intestinal spiders won't give me the heebee jeebies for days.

ETA: Well, nix that. Apparently there are intestinal parasites that look exactly like spiders, even though they aren't actually arachnids. I'm moving into my bubble now and never coming out again.

Hm, glad I missed the spider stuff which was presumably on the last thread?
*shudder*
Ever seen Arachnaphobia? That film is possibly what started my fear, particularly my fear of spiders the size of dinner plates dropping on you from trees. OK, enough said I think.

PS Stephen, I bought Jane Eyre because of you!

I have *never* called you a puppy. Adorable? Yes. Puppy? No.

*ahem*

I had another LT-related dream last night; you weren't in this one, but it make me think of you, if that makes sense...

Just leaving some breadcrumbs so I can find my way back. Today's variety is honey oat...

13 - Wait, what? I'm not the only one who dreams of Stephen? In mine he came over to have pizza with the monsters...

Kathy: Yeah, I mean, intestinal worms are much less nausea-inducing, right?

Leah: Haha, I'm sorry. *Locks self in bubble with Leah* Oh, I suppose this isn't very comforting, is it? :P

Megan: Haha, no, I haven't seen that one. I tend to avoid giant spider/snake/crocodile movies because they are so common here, although the giant wood tick one from the 80's/early 90's scared the living crap out of me for years when I saw it as a kid. The intestinal spiders were discussed on Nora's thread, actually, so you still have a chance to see it! Oh, and YAY for Jane Eyre. :D

Amber: Oh, I'm sure you called me an adorable puppy at some point! And it's funny you mentioned that, I just had an LT dream too, that I was driving for a meetup, but I woke up before I got there. :(

Luxx: Hi!! It's so lovely to see you here, when you do drop by. Yes, I've had dreams of you, as I believe I let you know. There was also pizza involved, only the oldest monster wouldn't have any of it and kept telling me it was called 'pizzaro bread.'

I'm not the only one who dreams of Stephen?

Oh good. I'm in good company.

>13 scaifea:: He's an adorable puppy because he can't stop licking stuff. Generally stuff that belongs to me :)

I'm still not getting the adorable part. :P

>4 Ape: Well that was... pleasant. :)

>6 richardderus: And Richard, this news story may answer your question about Mo.

Pleasant? What? I must be losing my touch. *Douses self in fake blood and gives Micky a big hug*

Hi Stephen, Happy to see life is as normal as can be expected on your thread. Congrats on the recent meetup...You are becoming an expert at these! Love the Jane Eyre review..... even I haven't read that one, so I am very impressed that you have!

> 19 - Poor moose, such a sad story, Micky.

19 Oh poor little moosey!

Hi Stephen!

I thought Stephen was called a puppy because he wasn't potty-trained. And I'm not clicking sad moose stories. :(

Hi Stephen!

Adorable? Yes. Puppy? Hm, have to mull about that one.

> THAT is a very sad moose story :( :( .

Stephen! Aren't you ashamed! Mo was *your* responsibility, and you let him get all tick-infested and die! *tsk*

Lori: Yes, they are quite enjoyable. Don't tell any LTers I said that though. ;)

Hi Chelle! Oh dear, I couldn't load the link, but I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. Micky posted about a sad moose story in reference to Mo? *Shocked silence*

Sara: Me either!

Richard: I'm so ashamed! *Looks at moose steaks* He still tastes good though!

*sings*

Oh I've done it with all sorts of beasties with hair
And I'd do it with snakes, if their fangs weren't there
Oh I've done it with llamas and sheepdogs and goose
I have never had anything quite like a moose

For it's moose! moose! I want a moose!
I have never had anything quite like a moose
Tho' I've had many women, my life has been loose
I have never had anything quite like a moose

>20 Ape: Yuck! That was gross, Stephen.

>27 Morphidae: *snork*

Yay! Now we've moved on to bestiality. Oh joy. :P

Morphy: Oh dear...I'll never look at you (or mooses) the same way again. :P

Micky: Don't worry! It's fake blood. Made from pig blood.

Sara: It's rovolutionarily counter-culture, there must have been a lot of it in the 70's. :P

Just chiming in to say that I'm here; I just don't have anything to add to this, uh, conversation.

Hi Stephen, just stopping by to wish you a fab weekend *wave*

#30: What, a lot of bestiality in the 70's? I don't doubt it. But I think everyone was so hairy back then, they weren't sure if they were humping a goat or a hippy or the shag carpet.

>30 Ape: Ok, now I have to go take a shower.

Hmm, I wouldn't do that here. o_0

Amber: Which conversation, the one about moose sex or the one about pigs blood? They are VERY different conversations...or at least I hope...

Thanks Bianca! *Hugs*

Sara: That's true. We could swoosh the lense of a video camera with a feather duster and call it retro porn. We could make millions!

Micky: You posting on my thread that you are going to go be naked and wet. Is that really a wise decision? :P

Sara: ROFL! No no no, you have me all wrong, I would never do such thing! The knife would be replaced with a rubber object of a more phallic nature. No wait, what, no, I would never do that either! What are you talking about? Gah. :P

>36 Ape:: Take your pick.

Left!

Ha! That's *always* the choice I make! (It was the propitious side, according to the Romans).

When it comes to pigs blood and animal sex, I definitely trust the Romans.

#36: As long as I get to be behind the camera, that's fine. I need a better paying job.

The knife would be replaced with a rubber object of a more phallic nature.

Ok, so no knife. But I bet you'd still dress up like your mother, right? ;)

Well, my mother wears t-shirts and jeans, so it's not so bad...

ahem, interesting topics again. Well, nothing to contribute this time round.
So just a *hug* for you Stephen!

Thanks Bianca! I'll have a book review soon, if that makes you feel better. :)

So glad i missed the gut spider/worm talk! If i was not already sick it would have made me.

Of course, *beams* book reviews are always fun - especially yours. Well, I am currently trying to catch up on my book reviews as I am seriously lagging behind :(. However, I managed to get a few together over the past couple of days *grin*. Nearly there!

I started reading The Handmaid's Tale now. I am not that far in yet, but I am already enjoying the book immensly.

14. The Four Fingers of Death by Rick Moody


(Larger image)

Pages: 727
Rating: 2/5

Fiction: Humor/Science Fiction
Owned

The Four Fingers of Death is a book composed of 3 books. More specifically, it’s a novelization of a so-bad-it’s-good grindhouse film from the 1960’s, an original work of science fiction that works as a prequel, and a short literary novella that is used as an introduction and epilogue to the other two books. Sadly, each of these are pretty bad for their own unique reasons.

Let’s start, appropriately, with the introduction. Excusing the first few pages, it’s amazing. It is about an author who writes novels that are 1 sentence in length. He argues that his novels strike to the core of the reader, without all the fluff, and draws comparisons to overly-lengthy classic novels, all of which is incredibly ironic considering it’s taking place in a book that is clocking in at over 700 pages. Many a reader will shake their head at this fictional author’s opinion, but I found the commentary on writing to be, at the very least, quite intriguing. Unfortunately, the introduction just cuts off after about 65 pages, seemingly at random, which was nothing but unsatisfying and incredibly annoying.

The original work of science fiction is a manned mission to mars, a group of 9 scientists on 3 ships plan to land on the red planet for the first time ever. I love this sort of thing, when it isn’t overly technical, as the isolation of space flight is actually something that appeals to me, and so I tend to connect to characters in this situation. The book is pretty good, except the author forgets that he chose to write in a journal format and occasionally details events that the astronaut doesn’t know about. Also, it’s rather poorly written and ramble-ridden, which may be intentional, but is unpleasant regardless of the intent.

The final book is the novelization of a 1960’s grindhouse film, The Crawling Arm. It was about, as you might imagine from the title, an arm… that crawled…and killed people. My knowledge of grindhouse films is nonexistent, so I can’t even say for sure that the movie exists, but my Google searches have netted positive results so I’ll take the author’s word for it. It’s stupid and ridiculous and nothing about it was enjoyable to read, except the Koo/Noelle/Morton sub-plot, which I’m thinking had nothing to do with the original movie.

Overall this was a giant 700-page slog. There is a lot of promise in each individual aspect, but the whole picture is not terribly fun to look at. I really liked the concept too, and was looking forward to something wonky and hilarious, but the execution just isn’t there. The epilogue does tie everything together nicely though, but in the end it’s like putting pretty icing on a foul-tasting cake. Unappetizing, to say the least.

Good. Heavens.

I miss catching up on things for an entire weekend, and I return to *total* debauchery!

PS: Stephen, I have something I have to tell you. Do you text?

Bryony: Oh my god, you are sick, aren't you? Intestinal spiders!!!

Bianca: I hope you like The Handmaid's Tale as much as I did!

Es: Unfortunately I don't have a (working) cellphone, and even if I did, I don't get a cellphone signal where I live. :(

Ok, you just have to call me then :) Or I'll call you. On your... landline?

Let's do the Time Warp agaiiiiiinnnnn

Yeah, seriously. Who even has landlines anymore :)

#42: Darnit. Ok then, you'll just have to wear her underwear on the outside of your clothes.

#47: Aw, that sucks. Sorry to hear you read a dud. :( I'm not into sci fi anyway, so I'll be skipping that one.

#52: Yeah, really. Only old fogies! :P (hides her landline phone)

>36 Ape: It was a poor choice at that. Must remember to only shower on my thread. :P

Sorry to hear about the dud read but your review of it is very good. Thumbed. :)

You might want to even watch out for peepholes in the walls of your threads, because you just never know with Stephen.

Es: Call? On the...phone? *Explodes out of sheer nervousness*

Kathy: It's the only thing available here. Some of the 'city folk politicians' are arguing that the landlines are obsolete and that they should be removed completely, as it would make the back roads and forested areas prettier. Ironically, it's the people that LIVE on the back roads and in the forested areas that RELY on the landlines, otherwise I have no phone or internet.

Sara: Don't old fogies have special big-buttoned cellphones now? I think 'cave dweller' is more accurate. :P

Micky: I thought only toplessness was allowed there? Doesn't that cause issues with bathing? OH!! Or do you need a sponge bath? *Grins stupidly*

Sara: Pffft, now peepholes are DEFINITELY for old fogies. Perverts have micro-cameras now. :P

I dont have gut spiders. just very bad nose and throt and the onset of hayfrever.

Thoat! Yep, intestinal spiders, for sure.

>47 Ape: Poor Stephen. Read something good next!

Hehe, that is sound advice, Nora. I'm opting for something light, The Best of the Rejection Collection, a collection of cartoons that were rejected by the New Yorker for various reason, because they were 'too dark, too dumb, or too naughty.' It should be a quick, breezy read. After that I'm going to try to get some more of my own books read. I need to get started on The Lost World already. I meant to read it after reading Jurassic Park last year but I got distracted.

>56 Ape: *eye roll*

*Pouts*

>47 Ape: What a civilized review for such a honking "monster" of a book.....naturally, a Thumb!

Regarding telephones (instruments of the devil!)...i have a land line for local calling and my DSL.......I never answer when the phone rings, that's why i have an answering machine! I have a cheap TracFone for emergencies, and am always able to use it, in house...Funny, that, since people with fancy cell phones can never pick up a signal out here..

I adore the New Yorker and the cartoons. I've heard about The Best of the Rejection Collection and would love to get my paws on a copy. I'd also like to get The Complete New Yorker if I can find it anywhere...

hope you're enjoying this lovely weather cause rain is on the way.......:P

Hi there, Jude! The book was so big I think I spent most of my review summarazing. I think Mr. Moody got off easy. ;)

Telephones are definitely unspeakably evil. One should not answer one lightly, as it is a documented fact that they swallow the souls of those who heed their siren wailings!

I stumbled on The Best of the Rejection Collection while browsing in the library. I didn't really want to checkout anything, I mostly wanted to grab a job application, but I can't go into the library without browsing a little and, well, I came out with 3 books. *Head smack*

When I went in for an interview at the local library, I ended up spending almost an hour browsing. Luckily, they didn't have any audiobooks by Atwood, and I had all their Atwood stock already at home, so I didn't go home with anything :)

Inteview at a local library! *Jealous*

Well, I didn't get it, so nothing to be jealous of :P

Booo! Let's throw rocks at them.

But I still love the library! And besides, if the reason is what I think it is, then it's a darn good reason.

What? Did you set fire to the mystery section?

Or have a restraining order put on you by the head reference librarian?

Or rack up thousands in overdue fines?

Or donate 52 boxes of used girly magazines?

Um... well, it's more personal than that, actually... Suffice it to say that I did something very bad, but not to the library.

Ohhhh I see. You left the library director at the altar! Or tweeted compromising pictures! Naughty girl.

*Hugs Es* It's okay, although I might be a little disappointed you didn't consider me when donated those magazines. I could have used them for...y'know, research! ;)

Kathy: "Tweeted compromising pictures." Oh, the perils of first-world life.

Oh, I'm so glad you're helping me laugh about this :D

Research, eh? You know where else you can go for that...

A deserted island with few federal regulations?

15. The Best of the Rejection Collection by Matthew Diffee



Pages: 344
Rating: 3/5

Nonfiction: Humor/Cartoons
Library check-out

This is a collection of cartoons that were rejected from the New Yorker for being too scandalous, for one reason or another. Most of them tend to push the boundaries of what is socially acceptable where ‘naughtiness’ is concerned, but there are some that are perhaps a bit too morbid for the general public.

As a abhorrent heathen and regular reveler in debauchery and all things scandalous, I found this collection to be wonderfully despicable. Whereas I am generally a bashful fellow, who is liable to blush considerably at the most innocuously dressed lady, I can’t help but giggle at the upside-down stripper celebrating Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, or the man wearing no pants, his bare bottom mere inches away from the ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ sign.

I have one complaint. Each artist was given a questionnaire to fill out, and this was featured before their collection of cartoons were displayed. The problem is that the questionnaire was two pages of text, and the cartoons were often just two full-page drawings. For a collection of rejected cartoons, I spent the vast majority of time reading about the artists themselves, not gazing at rejected cartoons. It did add depth to the book, but a smaller questionnaire and more art per artist would have been preferable, considering that was the reason I picked the book up in the first place.

>62 Ape: *condescending head pat*

>77 Ape: Hmm, wonderfully despicable. Have you seen Despicable Me? Because you really should watch it. Adorable children's film is excellent fare for adults.

>76 Ape:: Definitely not what I meant. :)

Micky: I haven't seen it, but it does look adorable! I do think movies intended for children are fun to watch. That is to say, when they aren't making you cry.

Esquiress: What? I thought freedom from regulation would open up a whole range of otherwise illegal opportunities, involving mooses and pigs blood. Is that weird? :P

#77: Hmm, I'll have to see if we have that one. Thanks! :)

I am totally ignoring your old fogie statements. :P

Yes! Sara, I meant to recommend it to you, but I finished it in 2 days and forgot. You should definitely give it a quick flip-through, at the very least. :)

Only old fogies ignore old fogie comments. Just sayin'.

The cartoons sound quite funny. Too bad there was so much text! A book like that is about having a laugh, not compiling a research paper.

Kathy: Yeah, totally. I mean, the answers to the questionnaire were really funny, because they were written by people who make their living writing humorous cartoons, and I really did enjoy reading them...but the ratio just wasn't great. *Shrug*

#82: Oddly, our library doesn't have it. It's official: our library sucks. ;)

#83: Hush it or I'll beat you with my cane, boy. :P

>80 Ape:: Ok, I acquiesce. Am I invited for a visit?

Sara: But you work there, so it can't be SO bad. ;)

Esquiress: Yes. As soon as we find an island.

The cartoons sound quite funny. Too bad there was so much text! A book like that is about having a laugh, not compiling a research paper. just agreeing with Kathy. Such a shame, that they had to mess it up with soo much writing.

Just checking in to see how my fave young man is doing today *smooch*

I found a new word today but I am not quite sure on how to use it properly in a sentence - apodyopsis - any idea? *grin*

Of coruse I know how to use it in a sentence.

"This is how you use apodyopsis in a sentence."

See? Easy. :P

According to my Google searches, it means you are mentally undressing someone? I tell you what, if you figure out how to use it in a sentence you can tell me, but if you apodyopsisize on my thread please don't let me know about it. *Blushes*

>80 Ape: Wait, did we just agree about something relating to film? We're all doomed!!! ;)

#87: It's really bad, especially because I work there. :P

#88-89: That's what that means? Hmm, sounded like a health condition to me.

Micky: I've said I'd go see more children's movies if I had a lady-friend to see them with! Unfortnately, men mostly get glared at, when they want to sit in a dark room that just so happens to be filled with children, even if all they want to do is watch the talking panda... :(

I don't know Sara, I'm pretty sure my local library would be AT LEAST 15 percent cooler if you worked there. Of course, it would also be 15 percent more likely to spontaneously combust, so... :P

Are you saying I would do something like blow up your library? Somehow I'm not offended, because I probably would. :P

I think he's saying you're incredibly hot.
And super cool.
So maybe tepid?

He's a great liar, so thanks, I think. ;)

Sara: I was going to agree with you, but in light of Kathy's post I change my mind.

Kathy: Oh yes, that's EXACTLY what I meant. Thanks for that. ;)

Sara: I'm a terrible liar! I can't even tell the truth without my voice cracking and looking nervous. :P

#96: I'm sorry, I don't remember which one was Kathy's post.

I was teasing you about being a liar. I just meant anyone who thought I was hot (or tepid ;), would have to either be a liar or legally blind. :P

UnrulySun=Kathy, she pointed out that I might have been eluding to your hotness, which I didn't even think about when making the post.

I'm neither blind or a liar, and I think you are incredibly hot! Granted I don't know what you look like, but that's not the point. :P

Ah, gotcha. I'm terrible with putting usernames and real names together.

(sigh) Maybe you just need glasses. ;)

Merriam-Webster gives this fine sentence example:

She practiced her apodyposis on the rather alluring man standing on the opposite street corner.

However, I can't get a good read on where to place the emphasis when pronouncing it, as there isn't much else about it; it's in the "new words and slang" segment of the MW website.

My best guess is: ap-AH-di-PO-sis. Since I can't bust out the phonetic alphabet in a thread, I guess that will have to do for my pronunciation prediction.

ETA: I might have been eluding to your hotness - Alluding to means "referring to," which is what you meant. Eluding is what you do all the time - running away from or dodging things, like calling people on the phone who want to hear from you. I think this is the time when some would say, "Boo-yah."

ETA2: I think you are incredibly hot! Is that what you say to all the LT girls? :P

I'll answer for him: yes, he tells all the LT girls they're hot! You're so busted, Stephen. :P

>92 Ape: Stephen, you're pretty young looking so I think you could get away with going to a kid's film by yourself. Just try to go to the latest showing. :)

>101 saraslibrary: Yup, tells us we're smokin' and then tries to lick us. I think he's confused good looking women with barbecue...

I was going to post something along the lines of bbq's and women, but it was a little too racey, so I'll just stick with the rumor that Stephen bbq's women. Makes sense. :P

Sara: Well, I do need glasses...but, NOOOOO!

Esquiress: Yes, you are right, I thought it looked wrong when I was typing it, but I guess I can still claim it was a freudian slip. :P ...oh, and, ummm, yeah, I think Sara answered your question, haha. *Licks Esquiress*

Sara: Hey, I can't help it! I've said in the past that I don't really understand how people can be attracted to people based on the shape of their bodies, like I would want to spend my life (or the night) with someone just because their butt is shaped just so. *Rolls eyes* For me, intelligent bookish women are a big turn on, and that just so happens to be EVERYBODY here. *Drools* This is, basically, like a paradise for me, really. A bunch of wonderful bookish ladies who want to talk to me and there is no pressure to look at hot as the models on their romance covers, or wear pants! Yeah, LT is much better than, y'know, out there. *Points out the window*

Micky: Haha, no no, a lone man is not allowed in a room full of children, the parents will watch you look a hawk. It's embarassing! I feel awkward in the children's section of the library too.... *Licks Micky*

*Licks Sara*

>100 Esquiress:: Well, it's a Greek word, of course (although as far as I can tell it's not a 'real' one, meaning it's a modern creation using ancient Greek word parts), and so I'm fairly certain the stress should be on the "-po-" syllable: apodyPOsis.

Oh, hi, Stephen!

Hi there, Amber.

So, I'm freaking out right now because I'm about to go renew my driver's license. I really, really, really don't want to. Like, REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to. I'm terrified about failing the eye test, and it would just be humiliating to do that in front of a room full of people, where I'm usually too nervous to focus on anything anyway. *Sigh* If I succeed, I'll probably head over to Dollar Tree and treat myself to a few books, unless I'm too frazzled to care, which is likely.

Too frazzled for books? That would be a terrible day! I hope it passes uneventfully with a big helping of new book for dessert.

That would be nice, Luxx. I have terrible eyesight, it was a miracle that I passed 4 years ago, and my eyesight was MUCH better then. I can't afford glasses right now either, so if I fail and lose my license...well, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I wonder if they would even let me drive home.

Heck, I might buy books even if I fail just to make myself feel better. :P

If it makes you feel better, I'm betting that everyone else in that room will be either nervous or irritated at being there, and therefore none of them will be paying you and your test the least bit of attention. And yeah, go buy some $1 books regardless of what happens.

1. If you are renewing your license, does that mean that it's your birthday?

2. If you do need glasses (and don't have a Walmart nearby) try WarbyParker.com. Their glasses are awesome and they are $95 TOTAL with lenses and shipping (well, maybe not shipping, I can't remember now). They are by far the cheapest prescription glasses I've ever bought. I've bought cheap frames before and still ended up paying around $250 once lenses were included so $95 was a total shock.

Amber: That's true, although they may get more irritated when they find me holding them up even more, stamming and stuttering as I struggle to read the letters in that nefarious machine.

Leah: Yes, my birthday is in a week exactly (next Thursday.) My mom going out to dinner with the family, as her birthday is a couple days before mine, but my mom is not the most reliable person so I'm not sure if that will happen or not. Regardless, I'll be seeing Jurassic Park in 3D with my sister and her boyfriend next week, if it's still in theaters, and even though we were going to do that regardless, I'll think of it as a birthday treat. :)

$95 dollars is still crazy expensive for me. In fact, it's about $90 more than I prefer spending at any one time. We do have a Walmart in town, what are their prices like?

In case I forget because I'm living in a fog, HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!

I've never bought any from Walmart (because I hate Walmart, which isn't fair because I'm pretty sure their optometrists are independent businesses...) but my BIL got his last pair there for pretty cheap I believe. I understand the sticker shock. I get really pissed about things I HAVE to spend money on that are expensive. One of the main reasons I almost never go to the doctor.

Thanks, Leah! :) I'll pay the money to get glasses, as soon as I have a job, but that has been met with dismal failure, so I'm still living blind....

I could never GET a job without glasses because I wouldn't make it out of the house before probably crashing into a large piece of furniture that would fall on me and smoosh me dead. I don't go from bedroom to bathroom without them so leaving the house, and certainly driving, would be impossible.

OH MY GOD!!!!

*Ahem* Okay, so I'm home! And uh, man, that eye test was totally embarassing. Fortunately the only people in there were an elderly couple who were before me, so I wasn't holding anyone up, because I struggled mightily. When she first flipped it on I was flabbergasted, I could not see a single thing. However, the wonderful thing about this is that you can squint without them noticing, so I squinted to my heart's content and, after several tries with every line, I finally managed to pass it. I don't know how, but it's done. Phew!

Afterwards I dropped off a job application at the local library, and then headed to Dollar Tree. I pondered heading into Gamestop, which is next door, but first things first, to the books! I bought:

Kingdom Under Glass by Jay Kirk
The Good Son by Russel McLean
Bad Things by Michael Marshall Smith

I was pretty excited to see the Michael Marshall Smith book, I have him listed as a Favorite here for his cyberpunk novels, so I'm glad I get to try one of his thrillers. I'm not a big fan of the genre, but I couldn't possibly say no to a hardcover edition of one of his booksf or a dollar! :)

Here's the part where you are going to laugh at me. I returned to my car and sat in the seat for a couple minutes, debating whether I wanted to go into Gamestop or not. I don't really have a lot of money, but dammit, my birthday is in a week, so I said to hell with it and headed in to buy a couple cheap games for myself. I was surprised to see a lady behind the counter, a rarity in the world of video game stores, and she was really nice and chatted with me a bit before chasing me across the room to hand me some promotional stuff. It was when she got up close that I realized:

IT WAS MY HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH! Yeah, I was totally head-over-heels for her in high school, she was dating the guitarist of the popular high school rock band (there's always at least one, right?) but I always really liked her. She was the kind of girl that would tell you not to talk to her, and tell you if you tried to she'd stab you in the eye with her pencil...which, of course, is why I liked her. :P

So, anyway, yeah, I'm, errrrr, filling out an application for Gamestop later today. *Cough cough* Oh, and she told me one of my games was terrible, and that I should play through it within a week so I could return it to her as 'defective.' So, I know what I'll be doing this weekend. :D

I so wet from rain i made my tread soggy thoght i should bring some here.

#115 by @Ape> See all the fun things that come with leaving the house and being brave!

I'm sending you happy library and game store thoughts (and only slightly hoping you get the game store job more so you can spend time with the girl).

>104 Ape:: I always feel the need to giggle and blush when I get licked on your thread...

>105 scaifea:: I think there might be two syllables with emphasis, and I definitely agree that "PO" is one of them. Either way, it seems to be a fictitious word, so I won't be working it into conversation anytime soon. "Sesquipedalian," however...

>111 Ape:: Happy birthday in a week, cupcake!

>115 Ape:: You had quite a day, didn't you, mister. You seem to be on a roll. Why don't you do something adventurous and pick up the phone? :)

Stephen talked to a real live girl and it didn't kill him! Hooray!

*goes back under rock*

>118 Esquiress:: Nope, I'm pretty sure it would be just one, if we want to be purists (and why wouldn't we?) and treat it like a 'real' ancient Greek word (which it isn't...).

Stephen: WooHoo! This is shaping up to be a nice little romantic comedy thread...

>120 scaifea:: Ok, I will go with your purist sensibilities then :)

Bryony: Oh dear! Do you need to be...toweled off.... :P

Leah: Thanks! I remember why I haven't applied to Gamestop in the past, the website is impossible to load. *Head smack* Oh well, I guess what I lack in speed I'll make up for in persistence.

Esquiress: Phones are completely different. The suck your soul, out of your ear! Eeek!

Nora!!! Come out from under your rock more often, please, I miss you! *Smooches*

Amber: Nonsense, I've seen romantic comedy, I'm pretty sure you have to have abs to take place in them. :P

>122 Ape:: Nonsense.

Nonsense! Fine, but I know a charming smile is necessary. I've never seen a romantic comedy without those.

I am quite dry now. My thread is still soggy.

A charming smile and sense of humer is all a male needs in a romantic comedy abs are optional. ;-)

See? Bryony agrees, I could never be in a romanic comedy. :)

Instead of being in a romantic comedy, Stephen, you could write a book about it, sell the movie rights for a bahzillion dollars, cast any old Hollywood hunk in your part, and sit back enjoy your fortune and your anonymity!

>104 Ape: *wipes off Stephen drool with Bryony's towel*

Huzzah for a decent job opportunity and getting your license renewed even though you're blind (please don't drive near my house :P). Glad to hear all the good things that happened today! :D

#126 but sometimes the underdog wins the girl.

Woohoo! You talked to a girl! And she got "up close" to you! And you're not dead or passed out from nervous shock! *sniff* We're so proud of you.

As for the need for new glasses... unfortunately you probably need a new prescription, right? Or if not, if you get a copy of your prescription from your eye doctor (no money, just a PHONE CALL!), you can try a website like Zinni Optical. They start at $6.95. All online, no human contact required. :)

Judy: Eww, no! No hollywood hunks! *Shudders and deflates*

Micky: If you give me your exact address, I'll make sure I never drive near it, promise. *Prepares to buy plane tickets and a bicycle*

Bryony: Oh yes, there are always ~those~ romantic comedies, but even the 'shy awkward' guy is always still cute. I doubt many people would call Michael Cera ugly. :P

Kathy: Oh, I've never had my eyes tested at all, i don't have glasses, but I've needed them since high school. Back then I just had a little trouble reading the board from the back of the room, but now I can barely read the digial clock a few feet away from me without squinting.

Congratulations on your hot review, posted today!

Thanks Linda! *Smooches*

Smooches back. I'm sorry to be so darn out of touch. May will be a better month as the semester winds down and students leave campus.

All the best to you Stephen!

#104: I didn't know you needed glasses. I guess you'll be happy to know I just had to buy a prescription pair this year (just sunglasses for driving), so we can be 4-eyed buddies! ;) Hey, I'll even loan you my pair. I'm sure you wouldn't mind wearing girly sunglasses, right? You just have to make sure they match your accessories. :P

As for physical attraction vs. intellectual attraction, I can see the appeal for both; because who really wants to be with a hot idiot or a smart leper? Just saying. It takes a little of both of smarts and looks, and that varies for everyone on what they consider intelligent/good-looking. And yes, pants are totally optional when online, perv boy. (Jeez, I can't believe I just gave you permission to be pantsless on LT.) And agreed: LT is very, VERY much better than out there.

(licks Stephen)

#110: Oh, cool! Thanks for mentioning that site. :) I'll have to try it sometime. $95 definitely beats $350+ for glasses (what I paid)!

#112: Ditto: I'm not a big fan of Walmart (the shoppers are unbelievably rude). And I don't understand why glasses or contacts aren't covered by insurance. It makes no sense whatsoever. Some people actually need them to see.

#113: (lightbulb goes off in head) You could be a freelance gynecologist or give free breast exams. Just make sure you write in big letters that you're blind and all the money will go towards your eye transplant. ;) Girls and money--you'll have it made.

#115: You're so lucky your DMV has so few people in it. Every time I go it's literally crawling with people and almost no seats are available. I hate it with a purple passion, too. (That's probably why I never got my license.)

lol @ the squinting trick. I did the exact same thing when I first went to the DMV. I think a lot of people do that, which is probably scary for other people to hear (that is, how many of us have poor eyesight and are behind the wheel).

I'm glad to hear you're still applying at libraries. Believe me, you have to be very persistent. Almost stalkerish, but not too stalkerish, because a restraining order wouldn't look too good on a resume. ;)

Btw, I like the cover for The Good Son. I like stark landscape photos like that. And I still haven't started any of my Michael Marshall Smith books, even though I know you said he's amazing. Eventually, I say! :) Let us know how Bad Things turns out. Looks very, very good.

lol @ your high school crush. It's settled: you're a masochist. Girls fall for a-holes, and guys fall for b*tches. It's just how it is, I think. And fingers crossed, too, for you job application @ Gamestop.

#128: lol @ please don't drive near my house. My thoughts exactly. You probably don't want me driving in your neck of the woods either, since I don't even have a license. Scary.

#130: Oh cool! Even better. Thanks for the site info. :)

#131: About the eye sight thing again: you never know, your eyes could get better on their own if you don't wear glasses all the time. No joke. I only wore contacts a few times in my 20's, and my eyes actually improved on their own because they didn't become "lazy" by wearing glasses (how my eye doc explained it).

Holy (bleep) that was a long post! Many apologies.

Sara, I think that's a myth. Evidence proves otherwise! Plus, straining to see can cause all sorts of other horrible issues like headaches and wrinkles. And possibly gut worms.

ETA: I have always needed reading glasses, but never got them. My eyesight is deplorable now, for distance things. Small print, signs, etc, I can't make out any more. :( It may be time to bite the bullet and get them. At least they're fashionable now!

That's what I thought, too, when she said it (that she was full of bunk). But my eyesight has gotten better as I've gotten older, which is just odd. When you get older, doesn't everything pretty much get worse? (shrugs) Anyway, I rarely get headaches, and the wrinkles haven't run rampant. Yet.

ETA: lol @ gut worms. Now, yes, I totally believe that.

True: glasses are more fashionable now. And there's always Lasik surgery.

Um. No. Thanks.

Really? I've got a magnifying glass and it should be pretty sunny tomorrow. And it'll be free, of course*. :)

*since you would be my first victim patient.

And yes, us old farts are practically falling apart. Everything does get worse-- some because you neglect it (your waistline) and others just because gravity is cruel (your boobs).

I think sometimes kids outgrow mild eyesight issues because their eyeball changes shape.

Oh geez, you've been hanging out with Stephen too long! I have a hard time believing I'd be your first victim.

Yep, gravity is nobody's friend. :/

And I would offer to do Stephen's eyes for free, except he'd want to know why he'd have to wear cuffs and nipple clamps. Sheesh. Everyone knows you have to wear those when you go to the eye doctor.

That's fine, Linda, I'm way behind on many people's threads and I don't even have a job, so I completely understand.

This is where I differ from most people, I think. I would MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be with an intellectual leper than a hot idiot. I like intelligence, and find very little appeal in physical appearance. I'm not saying I'm not your 'typical male,' I'm not trying to make myself sound superior than other men when it comes this sort of thing, I'm totally sexual-minded, it's the way my brain is wired. I can't like someone without immediately wanting to have sex with them, and as you know I have sex on my mind pretty much constantly. But I don't develop that kind of attraction based on the shape of the person. I develop physical attraction as a result of finding their mind and personality appealing. I don't want to sleep with every woman I see, and I don't want to sleep with someone just because she has shapely buttocks, but I definitely enjoy the idea of sex, with someone that I actually care about. *Shrug*

So, yes, I'll take the intellecutal leper, please. :)

I'm ever greatful the local DMV is 'quiet.' Those big city DMVs sound nightmarish!

Oh, trust me, I am defintiely going to appear stalkerish to my library. The last job application I asked for, I scanned onto my computer, and now I can print them off and submit them to my heart's content. I plan on submitting one every time I go to town, even if that is multiple times per week. Muahaha.

I'm, ummmm, sorry to hear about your, errrr, gravity woes. Maybe if you spend the next 10 years or so upside down it'll have the opposite effect? :P

If it makes you feel better, I'll let you know when my testicles start touching me knees.

Personaly I find mr cera odd looking.

Psssshhh, Cera is a sexy beast and you know it! :P

>131 Ape: You already got a picture out of me this year. Don't you think that was enough?

Also, I don't find Michael Cera attractive at all. I can appreciate the characters he plays but I'm not gaga over him.

Cera is no David Tennant

>147 BBGirl55:: While I totally agree with that sentiment, I do love me some Michael Cera :)

So, apparently I can't apply to Gamestop unless they are actively hiring, as they won't be listed on the website otherwise. *Weeps*

>147 BBGirl55: True fact.

I'd say just drop off a resume there the next time you're in town just in case. Demonstrates your interest and will get your name in their heads so that when they do actively hire and see your name come up they'll be all, "Oh Stephen was that cool kid who really wants to work for us. Let's hire him." :)

I don't think they have physical applications. They certainly don't have a printable version online and I think if you ask in the stores they just tell you to apply on the website. At least, that has been my experience with Best Buy and Target, although some Target's have computers you can sit at in the store, that allow you to fill out the online application there...

Stopping in for a quick 'allo..

Weird, that...seeing your HS crush at Gamestop...all i ever saw at the Gamestop in Marietta was the kid at the register, looked about 12, who made goo-goo eyes at me (unless he needed glasses, and thought i was there to shoplift)...

Most businesses do applications online, nowadays...at least they do, here....and only do so if they have jobs available...i'd still harass your library at every chance..

;-}

You were in a Gamestop? *Makes goo-goo eyes*

It actually makes it really difficult to apply for work, when no one accepts applications unless the store is actively hiring, and there is no way to know if they are hiring unless you watch the website like a hawk. My method is to find a core group of stores that allow you to apply regardless of positions available and apply to those CONSTANTLY, and then just browse every website to every store I can possibly imagine every day and hope for the best. It's not working.

Gamestop in Marietta sold used DVDs, for cheap, in good condition

I am not a Gamer....though i'm Game for anything...:P

Your best bet for applying in person, and keeping it on file, is going to be with local businesses, rather than chains. You know, mom-n-pop type places. I'm sure there are plenty of those in your neck of the woods, being a smallish town and all. The hard part is the footwork involved going around filling out applications all over. And you may have to settle for something not-so-fun, KWIM?

I love the people at our local Game Stops. They are really cool and helpful and answer all of my dumb questions.

Jude: Ohhhh! Okay, that makes a lot of sense. And, me too! Well, sort of. I'm game for anything that doesn't involve talking. Which, unfortunately, is most things. One of these days I'm going to take Sara's advice and just start pretending I'm mute.

Kathy: Really? Mom-n-pop type places never seem to hire anyone. Maybe it's the small town aspect, but most of them are run by their owners, or they have a single employee who has worked for them for years and isn't leaving any time soon. *Shrug* I've applied to a couple, though, that have listed themselves on various job sites.

Esquiress: Game Stop employees are an interesting bunch. You have to be nerdy enough to know everything about video games yet social enough to be helpful! Yeah, I'd be terrible at it. :P

16. Ancient Greece: A History in Eleven Cities by Paul Cartledge


(Larger image)

Pages: 233
Rating: 2/5

Nonfiction: History
Library check-out

I'm naturally dubious when it comes to book that claim to cover topics like, say, the whole of Ancient Greece, for it seems unlikely that any single volume could describe something so wide-ranging with any amount of accuracy. Even to focus on a single city would result in a slew of broad generalizations, surely. I should have been all the more skeptical when I saw this little book, which amounts to a just a little over 200 pages, and that's with the help of large text and huge margins. So why did I read it? Well, I don't really know! The cover attracted me, perhaps.

Paul Cartledge tries to define ancient Greece by examining 11 of its cities; Knosses, Mycenae, Argos, Miletus, Massalia, Sparta, Athens, Syracuse, Thebes, Alexandrea, and Byzantion. Though I thought it a foolish endeavor to try to quantify a vast empire that spanned so many years in so few pages, I thought perhaps the cities could be examined on an individual basis to display how versatile Greece could be. Whereas popular media tends to simplify ancient Greece (and most European history, for that matter), I thought this would show its complexity. Unfortunately, each city has scarcely more than a dozen pages dedicated to it, and the information is so bland and unpleasant to read that everything started blending together. That is to say, when I could care enough to pay attention to what I was reading in the first place.

I find ancient history to be incredibly fascinating a lot of the time. The same cannot be said for this book.

Wow, so you didn't like it, eh? Ha!

Paul is a nice guy, (oh yeah, I know him), but Bill Bryson he's not. To be fair, not many classicists can claim to be charming in their writing. I haven't read this one, but it's sad to know that he's made reading about these cities such a bore, when they're really very exciting and fascinating.

I just don't think there was ENOUGH. Reducing such a vast amount of information to such a paltry amount of text made reading it feel like reading a technical manual. He seemed very knowledgeable, it just wasn't fun to read. =/

It's a danger when trying to write any book the distills a ton of knowledge into a small intro book for non-specialists.

I think that was part of the problem, it felt like it was intended for people who were already knowledgeable about the topic. At least, there wasn't enough 'basic' information for me to latch onto, if that makes any sense.

Happy early birthday, yay for making it out of the DMV alive, and hooray for job applications with the promise of good coworkers. ;)

Haha, thanks Luxx. *Smooch* I can't apply to Gamestop, unfortunately, but that's okay I guess. It's more encouragement to get hired elsewhere so I'll have an excuse to drop in there more often. :P

#143: Well, I was looking for something silly to post about your looks vs. intellect comment (which I kind of agree with, except I'm not really into brainy guys {I'm not very smart myself}, just guys I have common interests with, which is very, very rare) and kind of got lost. Anyway, the pic's totally Micky friendly and mildly amusing. :) Oh! But I did find the pic I was looking for awhile back (sorry if it's a duplicate): the girl paradox. Explains a lot, in a very stereotypical way.

And I'll keep an eye out for any intelligent leper girls and send them your way (in a giant bubble, of course). ;)

And, yes, our DMV's are freakin' nightmares. I think I might fly out to the middle of nowhere, WA, just to get my license. Seriously.

As for stalking your library, you have to keep a good balance, though. Showing up every day might put them on hyper alert. But definitely let them know you're interested. It should work in your favor. :)

Good idea about standing on my head to get my boobs to balance out. But if they fall in my face and suffocate me, then that's totally your fault, and I'll put it in my will (you're soooo not getting my Michael Bolton CDs). :P And I've got 10 years on you, so I think my boobs will beat your testicles in reaching my knees, so HA! Er, I take that back. Let's hope they never get that bad, because I'll just connect nipple clamps to them and then connect those to my ear lobes. That should work, right? :P Or stretch my ear lobes.

#154: Our Gamestop sells used DVDs, too. I haven't been in there in awhile, so thanks for reminding me about that! :)

#157: Unfortunately, most jobs require you to talk. :/ Go figure. I just wish I could fake a good accent. But pretending to be a deaf-mute is the next best thing. ;) You really should flip through 50 Jobs Worse Than Yours. There are some jobs where you don't have to do any talking (*ahem* some porn), but they're a little scary.

#158: Not really my thing. Sorry it was so disappointing. :(

Anyway, to compensate for a bad read: HERE, your girlfriend. Sorry, no leprosy, but I'm sure she has lesions from other things. o_0

I'm not really into brainy guys {I'm not very smart myself}, just guys I have common interests

First off, you ARE smart. You are very knowledgeable about the food industry, for example. Secondly, the 'common interest' falls under the category of 'personality' for me. It's about feeling emotionally connected to someone, for me, that's all that really matter.

Also, I know you were joking with that girlfriend picture, but, in case you didn't know how it was, that's Liz Vicious, and I...ummm, well, let's just say I'm very familiar with her 'work.' I viewed a ton of it, as a teenager. That's a very unflattering picture of her, though. Here is something a bit more...appealing. *Drools*

It's really funny though, that you would post that picture and say that, when I really was quite infatuated with her, in years past.

And yes, I realize those two pictures are completely contradictory and hypocritical. :(

Sorry about the dud read. Hope you're having a decent weekend. *pokes Stephen and then flees to Canadian corner*

*Gasp* Micky touched me, intentionally! I'm flattered, even if it was just with her finger tip. Or, at least I hope it was her finger tip... :P

Yes, it was my finger. My pinky finger to be exact. :P

Okay, so I'll just tell everyone you touched me with your 'pinky,' got it. :)

How did you make pinky dirty? How?!

*Licks Micky's pinky*

>172 Ape:: Getting a little daring, aren't you?

#166: I'm knowledgeable about the food industry, huh? Does that mean I should quit my job and work at McDonald's? ;P

And agreed: feeling emotionally connected to someone (friends or whatever) is more important than sex. But that's just my humble opinion.

Oh, I totally remember your infatuation with Liz Vicious, that's why I posted it. I was just looking for randomly weird pics and hers popped up. Go figure. Liz weird? Pshaw, never! :P

And, yes, you're allowed to contradict yourself and be a hypocrite. That's just the way people are, whether they admit it to themselves or not.

#167-173: Uh oh! Who knows where that pinky's been. :o (quickly licks Micky's pinky) You should definitely get yourself checked at the doc's, Stephen.

Esquiress: 'Pinky' could refer to several things, though...this could be completely innocent. :P

Sara: Hey, now wait a second, we're talking about something entirely different here. Sex is VERY VERY VERY VERY important! It's just that I'd rather share it with someone I like emotionally instead of physically. If I like them emotionally then I'll like them physically anyway, but that's not true for liking someone based on their body shape. Although I think a lot of people will see someone with a nice body shape and 'decide' to like their personality, even if they are a really bad, arrogant, obnoxious person. *Shrug*

You should totally work at McDonald's. Don't they sell vegan burgers? They aren't on the menu, but I'm pretty sure you can ask for them. You can make those! And never mind that you will come home every night smelling like frying meat, I personally find that appealing. :P

Thanks for your permission to contradict myself! I'm really good at it, y'know. You are right, I don't know where that pinky has been, but if I let that stop me then I'd never lick any pinkies at all, so I'll just have to trust Micky kept that pinky clean.

>175 Ape:: With you, nothing is innocent. :)

*Stops dry-humping Esquiress' couch just long enough to disagree*

My COUCH?! Of all the things you could be picking from, you pick my COUCH?!

Well, it's much fluffier than your desk lamp. Gah, that's one thing I'll never do again. *Glances at desk lamp warily*

Re: 157-- I'm talking about restaurants, furniture shops, landscaping/greenhouses, farmers markets, coffeehouses... They always need people to do jobs like busboy, dishwasher, porter, deliveryman (furniture delivery can make great tips, btw), stock, cashier, etc. Like I say, none of those are probably your first choice but they're probably available someplace in your town-- if not right this moment, then soon. Turnover is typically high. And with the exception of deliveryman or cashier, interaction with other humans is usually minimal. ;)

We have local services here (at the restaurant) that most people don't even think about: we have a guy who waters and prunes our plants for us, inside and out; another guy comes to clean the giant windows and mirrors; another comes to take our recycling away. They don't make a lot on individual transactions, but they have a route downtown-- do 30 shops a week and the $$ adds up, KWIM?

Thanks for the info, Kathy. I'll look into it, although I have no idea where to look.

Yay for the eye test, and the gaming lady being your high school crush! SO did you apply there? And have you finished playing the game so that you can return in to her and talk about it? :) :) :)

>179 Ape:: I would think a desk lamp would not be a good choice. I know of several better things.

Megan: Unfortunately Gamestop isn't hiring, so there is no way to apply, as they aren't listed on the Gamestop.com website. I did finish the game though, a couple days ago, and will be returning it today. :)

Es: Yes, of all the household items that are dry-humpable it doesn't even make it into the top 20, I'm afraid.

>184 Ape: You should ask your lady friend at GameStop if she would let you know when they're hiring.

I'll try, I just have to figure out how to ask without sounding like I haven't had a job in several years and am being supported by my mom. :P

Just keep it short and to-the-point. There's no need to go into personal details.

"I spend so much time in this store, I should probably just work here. Do you know when they're going to be hiring?"

Remember to focus on the fact that you want to work there, not the fact that you need a job.

Thanks for the tip. She works there, so she knows that I don't spend any time there, but I figure out something.

>188 Ape: So start spending more time there? Or change it to something more like "All of these video games are so tempting; I should probably just work here. Do you know when they're going to be hiring?"

Well, I can't really spend more time there, video games are really expensive, but I'll definitely inquire about any job openings...TOMORROW. Because I just got back, and apparently they don't open until 9am like I thought, and I didn't feel like waiting around for an hour for them to open. Plus there was some dude behind the counter, and I made a fool of myself by trying to open the lock door and then putting my face up to the glass to see in side, as he was looking at me like I was some kind of idiot, which I am. :P

So, tomorrow! Hopefully...

>184 Ape:: What's your top five?

>190 Ape:: You're not an idiot. Just silly :)

Top five? Basically anything that's fluffy. And, ummm, thanks, I think... :P

Fluffy, eh? Hmm...

What do you mean, you think?! "Silly" is fun and adorable. "Idiot" usually isn't. So there. *blows raspberry*

Quick fly through visit to wish you a wonderful week, Stephen.

Es: Stop blowing my raspberry, it tickles!

Hi there, Lori! Thanks, I hope the same for you. :)

>195 Ape:: How did I know you were going to make that seem dirty?

It's what I do. :)

Good thing I like you so much :)

*Licks Esquiress' emoticon*

You're quite the licker, aren't you? :)

It's what I do. :P

So, I'm thinking about going on a Michael Crichton reading fest, of a sort. I seem to have accidentally amassed several of his books by random chance, and I always think you get a better feel for an author when you read a lot of their books at once, so why not? I read Jurassic Park last year, in September I think, and now I'm reading The Lost World right now. I have to read an ER book next, but after I finish the ER book I have Congo, Next, and Pirate Latitudes to read. All of which I bought without realizing they were written by the same author. :P

Interesting idea.

Thanks!

Back from Gametop. Much video game talk, again, and it was nice. Ummmmm, Nora will hate me of course, but I didn't ask about the job application. I'm sorry! But it's okay, I'll be back in there tomorrow. Why, you ask? Well, because she forgot to give me a disc for the game I traded for. I wonder if that means she was...distracted... :P

Stephen's distracting real-life ladies? I'm so proud of our little hermit! :D

Dude. She's totally into you. She probably forgot the disc on purpose so you would have to come back.

Micky: *Shakes head* No likely! But I'm proud to be proud...of...?

Nora: Nonsense! Although she did say that she liked OCD, when she noticed that my 5 one dollar bills were all facing the same way. :P

I forgot to mention (I think) that I'll also be going to see Jurassic Park in 3D tomorrow. Definitely looking forward to it!

*sing-song* Stephen's got a giiiiirlfrieeend... /*sing-song*

I get back here an entire thread behind (w/only time to skim through) to find out Stephen is talking to a girl. . . in person? What Bizzaro-Ape-Thread is this?

>209 katelisim:: I know, right? So bizarre :)

Esquiress: Do not! She's probably married and has 7 kids. *Shakes head*

Katie: Yeah, this is obviously a sign of some sort of impending doom. It's not good at all. Next thing you know Katie will be visiting it.

...wait...oh my god...KATIE VISITED!!!! We are so doomed.

When would she've started them? If she's your age, then having seven kids in a reasonable amount of time, you'd know, because she would've started in HS.

Ok, *sing-song* Stephen wants Game Stop girl to be his giiirlfrieeeend... :)

It just doesn't quite roll off the tongue like the first one did :)

I've been out of school for 7 years, as of this year, so it's perfectly possible. :P

>187 norabelle414:/188 "I plan tospend so much time in this store, I should probably just work here. Do you know when they're going to be hiring?"

*waving* at Stephen

Hi Megan and Stasia. *Smooches*

#175: Sex is not that important. Orgasms, yes; sex, no. :P

McDonald's sells vegan burgers?? XD You silly, silly boy. Actually, they do add soy to their meat, but not enough to get me to eat them. My sis used to be a less strict vegetarian and would eat at fast food places. She'd just ask for a hamburger, minus the meat. The looks she would get... :D

*high five* to Stephen!

ETA: I'm wearing gloves and standing as far away as possible, while also being inside a bubble and not making eye contact.

Sara: Haha, yeah, orgasms are definitely more important than sex. Something few people seem to understand. If there is no orgasms involved, why not just cuddle? *Shrugs*

And yes, I'm pretty certain McDonald's has some sort of bean-burger, no meat. No promises the lettuce isn't somehow made from chickens though.

Kathy: *High fives* Wait, what are we high fiving about?

I know BK has a veggie burger. I had never heard of McD having one too!

#219: Suuure, why not just cuddle? I could totally see you getting one of these t-shirts (and I love that it looks like the guy's scratching his ass). :P

I'm almost certain the lettuce would be made out of chickens. :P I checked McD's menu and didn't see any "bean-burgers". I still wouldn't eat their salads or sodas. I might use their toilets, but that's about it. But my luck, I'd probably catch crabs. But as long as I don't eat 'em, I'm still vegan, right? :P

#220: I think you're right about Burger King having veggie burgers, but I doubt they're vegan. I remember checking out BK's menu list awhile back and just being horrified by their calorie contents. I'd hate to actually read what's in their food. No, wait, I do. :P



(And, actually, BK does list their ingredients on the link above. They were even honest enough to say this: "**Burger King Corporation makes no claim that the BK VEGGIE® Burger or any other of its products meets the requirements of a vegan or vegetarian diet....")

Stephen: There just so happens to be a song I love called "Doomed Now" by Does It Offend You, Yeah?

Sara: I've seen that cuddle shirt worn by several people. That's what I get for being in a high-density hipster zone *shrug*

Es/Sara: Oh! I think you are right, I'm probably thinking of Burger King. I tend to lump all fast food burger places into one category, I don't really know their individual menus very well.

And yes, I definitely need one of those shirts. :)

Katie: That band name totally annoys me.

Most band names annoy me, because they're evidence of someone trying (and usually failing) to be clever. I mean, "fun." Really? A period? Gah.

Sorry, I didn't realize I was grumpy this morning, but apparently I am.

That's okay Amber, you're adorable when you're grumpy. :P

Yay, I'm glad you're going around talking to people in real life! The practice from your LT meetups is paying off :D (And on that note, what would it take to get you to Philly?)

As I've posted on Nora's thread, I don't think Philly is happening. It's just too far for me right now, unfortunately. =/

Yeah, I saw that but chose to disregard it :P

Haha! Hey, I'm doing better, you remember when I would never even consider meeting people in person, so...maybe someday... :)

Oh, I know, you're doing way better :). I hope you really are proud of your progress.

Hmmmm, well, the first LT lady I met up with was so frightened she moved to another state. I'm sure Rachel is happy in Minnosota, but it is very discouraging, that I would have that effect on a person. I thought I was improving, but the 2nd LT lady I met up with is currently out of the country, in Estonia! *Sigh* You see now, why I hide myself away from society. It's better for everyone.

:P

I'm also interested in the "What would it take to get you to Philly?" question. A fundraiser, perhaps? :)

Haha, no no, defintely not...

Jeesh, are you really so scary that women flee, after a meet up? I find that hard to believe...but, in case we cross paths...I'm not going anywhere. Hell, the farm is paid for and i have way too many books, to even consider a move!

I don't eat at fast food joints....but there are some pretty good Veggie Burgers available in the stores...check the frozen food aisle.....Boca Burgers are my favorite, when i don't make my own...

No comment on you and Gamestop girl......

>233 Ape:: Definitely not? Because then you'd have to meet Nora AND me at the same time? :)

>234 jdthloue:: Do you have a recipe for the burgers you make yourself?

>235 Esquiress: I have a couple recipes that i like, and will post links once i round 'em up!!

Jude: Hmmmmmm, I'm intrigued by the veggie burgies. Veggie means it made from chicken, right? :P

But you trust me, if we met up, you'd be in Canada before I knew it. That is apparently my speciality, terrifying the ladyfolk of Ohio. :P

Es: Yes. I mean, seriously, you AND Nora? *faints*

>235 Esquiress:....Veggie burgers...the first two I know, from experience...the last is one i found this morning:

http://www.womansday.com/recipefinder/asian-bean-burgers-121143?click=recipe_sr

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/homemade-black-bean-veggie-burgers/detail.aspx

http://anjumskitchen.tumblr.com/post/17708645662/easy-homemade-veggie-burger-rec...

as with all recipes, I make them to suit my taste.....

*********

I'd be in Canada if someone helped pay to move my stuff. you don't scare me, kiddo! And what's with the "ladyfolk"...sounds like a simpering folk singer...which is not me!!

All's normal here, I see. :)

*pounces on Stephen then scampers off*

>237 Ape:: All the more reason for you to be there, buddy.

Wish I had the time to catch up on all 240 posts that I have missed... but you were licking up a storm over on Esquiress' thread... and that was fun for me... I smiled... I laughed.... I really wanted some pineapple upside down cake.... and then I decided to stop by and say hello!....

Jude: Haha, well, I hope no one helps pay to move your stuff, if you moved to Canada then we'd never meet up, for sure! :(

Micky pounced me again! *Goes all wobbly-kneed*

Es: I, uhhhhh, no. *Blushes*

*Licks Jenn's lovely luck* Is everyone getting tired of this nonsense yet? :P

I just got back from seeing Jurassic Park in 3D! It was great, I loved the film as a child, so it was wonderful to re-discover it. It was everything I remembered, only 3Der. The coolest part was how empty the theater was, the 3 of us were the ONLY people there. So I was free to make all the penis jokes I wanted, and limiting the amount of embarrassment for my sister. Wow, that amber staff... *ahem*

>242 Ape:: What do you mean, "I, uhhhhh, no"?!

It means you and Nora would probably beat me up first, and then defeat me in an intellectual debate, after which you de-pants me and leave me trembling in the middle of Philly. Oh, don't tell me you haven't thought about it! :P

There is *no way* I would do any of that. I've never beaten up anyone in my life. And what kind of intellectual debate? Why would we be so mean to someone who's so nice to come to meet us?

Nora, help a sista out here :)

Pffffttt. I'm sure that would never happen Stephen!
The beating comes after the de-pantsing.

Jurassic Park....3D.....only 3 people in the audience...I would have gone wild with penis jokes.....any jokes, not to embarrass your sister

Where am i, exactly????

>242 Ape: Hmm, maybe you should get those knees checked out.

Glad you had fun at Jurassic Park 3D. Did you enjoy all the Jeff Goldblum?

Wow. . . I saw JP3D tonight too. . . weird. I got all nostalgia-like, and remembered how intense it was in the theater the first time when I was around 5yrs old. Our theater, however, had a bunch of folks in it, so I couldn't quite be as silly-nostalgic as I wanted to be.

Es and I definitely would not beat you up, or leave you pantsless in the middle of the city. More likely we would just hug you a lot and try to pinch your cheeks.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Esquiress: I notice you didn't deny the part about leaving me pantsless in the middle of Philly... :P

Kathy: Haha! I think you are right...

Jude: Penis jokes are necessary, for sure. The last movie we saw in 3D was Jackass 3, and my sister and I both agreed that we would rather have a T-Rex popping out of the screen at our faces than Chris Pontius' penis.

Micky: I do really like Goldblum character in the film, I admit it. He's a cocky arrogant douchebag, but I like him anyway. :)

Katie: Cool! The nostalgia was wonderful, and I haven't watched the movie from beginning to end in many years. I tend to just catch it on TV from time to time and see bits and pieces of it, so it was nice to experience again in that way.

Nora: Hmmmmmm...hugs and cheek pinches sounds much less scary. Wait, but which cheeks will you be pinching!? :o

And thank you, for the birthday wish! *Smooches*

Don't know if you watch Doctor Who or not, but River Song and I wish you happy birthday either way!

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/p480x480/644297_618258201521544_20508...

So, today's my birthday! It's been a 'busy' week, by my standards, as I've been making trips into town every day, and having gone to the movies last night. This morning I have to go try to get my game disc that 'Gamestop Girl' forgot to give me, and tonight my mom is treating me to dinner out. I believe we are going to some chain steakhouse type of place. Not my choice, but like I'm going to say no to free food. :P

Thanks Leah! ^_^

Oooh, Stephen's going to see his girlfriend today!

*Glares*

*pinches Stephen's (face) cheeks*

Haha, okay, I'm glad you clarified that. :)

I would never leave you pantsless in the middle of Philly. I agree with Nora. We'd hug you a lot and pinch your publicly appropriate cheeks and just generally dither around you, most likely.

So. Fundraiser? :)

Happy birthday, Stephen! You're now a quarter century old, yes? :D

Thanks Katie! :)

Es: Haha, what's the definition of 'publicly appropriate.' :P

Thanks Micky! Yes, I'm officially a quarter century old...technically in a couple hours.

Oh, I forgot... Happy birthday, cupcake :D And you know darn well what I meant by "publicly appropriate."

>264 Ape: You were an afternoon baby? You were weird from the start obviously. ;)

Happy birthday!.... enjoy your free food... big bear hugs from me to you!....

Thanks Es and Jenn! :)

Micky: I'm about 90 percent certain I was delivered in a way similar to Caesar's disembowelment.

Back, from dinner. I'm stuffed to the brim and quite happy about it. As I mentioned (I think) we ate at a stakehouse, which isn't generally my kind of place, but I had a pretty decent chicken pot pie, and now I'm home with a pile of junk food that looks entirely unappetizing at this very moment, but I am sure it will make a terrific breakfast tomorrow morning. :P

I haven't read a page today, in fact I don't think I've read more than 30 pages total over the past 3 days. I'd care if I wasn't food drunk and sleepy.

Happy Birthday, Stephen, I'm glad to see that you had a nice day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN!!!!

How'd your hot date with GSG go?? Did you get disced?

De-lurk to wish you a very Happy Birthday. Plus good luck with 'Gamestop Girl' :)

Thanks Judy, Kathy, and Bekka. :)

Kathy: I did get disced, indeed, but I was only in there for a minute because she was busy helping a mom pick a console to buy for her son, and I didn't want to distract her too long.

>272 Ape:: Sounds like you're going to need to go back and get her more distracted next time :)

Yeah, you're right. Next time, I'll go pantsless.

Unless you're really chasing a criminal record, I wouldn't recommend going pantsless in public. Unless you're wearing shorts. Or a kilt. :)

How about I don't wear shorts, and wear the kilt as a top?

Hippo bird day to ewe!

>276 Ape:: That is... a unique image to conjure...

Belated "Happy Birthday"

>276 Ape: You may get committed.

Thanks Morphy! Errrr, I think. :P

Esquiress: What color is the kilt?

Jude: Haha, thanks! You aren't the first person to post that lady on my thread, ironically. :P

Micky: Ooooooh, that sounds fun.

Sorry..it was the Librarian thing....I never said i was "original"

;-}

Hmmmm, originality or short skirts...hard decision... :P

New thread is up. :)