Lost Opportunities

I wanted to open a bakery, but I didn't have enough dough.

I wanted to be a spelunker, but my plans caved in.

I wanted to work for Microsoft, but I missed the window of opportunity.

I wanted to be a church musician, but I couldn't get organized.

Okay everybody, it's your turn...

I wanted to be a truck driver, but I couldn't get it in gear.

I wanted to open a gym, but it didn't work out.

I wanted to be a tennis pro, but I didn't have the ...

I wanted to be a carpenter but I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

I've been racking my brain for a book related one, but I can't think of any - there is no good reason not to be a reader?

I wanted to be a maker of cheese, but it was whey too complicated.

*runs away*

I wanted to be a bookbinder but found it was a real cover my assets kind of job.

I wanted to design entry doors for buildings, but couldn't get in on the ground floor.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but I was too spaced out.
Eh... sorry.

I wanted to be a college professor, but I didn't have enough class.

I wanted to be a painter but couldn't make a mark
I wanted to be an architect but didn't get the capitol
I wanted to be a Software Engineer but couldn't get the class ;)
I wanted to be a bookseller but didn't have the spine

I wanted to be a stockbroker, but I opted out.

I wanted to be a policewoman, but I copped out.

I wanted to be a chef, but I chickened out.

I wanted to be a Sauté Chef (Saucier) but I couldn't cut the mustard.

I wanted to test the effects milk products have on flatulence, but I couldn't cut the cheese.

I wanted to be a philosophical equestrian, but I put Descartes before the horse.

I wanted to be a librarian, but was otherwise booked.

I wanted to be a cyclist but I got too (two) tired.

I wanted to chaperone at my daughter's debut, but I couldn't keep my eye on the ball.

I wanted to be a tailor but I lost the thread.

I wanted to be a sailor but was cast a drift
... but lost the wind in my sails
... but was dashed on the rocks
... but that ship has sailed
... but it's water under the bridge

I used to work at a fertilizing company, but didn't know my sh*t.
I wanted to be an electrician, but I'm too wired.
I wanted to be a sheep herder, but I got fleeced.
I used to be a cobbler, but I sol(e)d out.

I could have asked Terry Pratchett where he got the idea of "Undead Rights" mentioned in Reaper Man, when I met him, but I forgot to. But I did find out what his H.P. Lovecraft Holiday Fun Club did, and whether Neil Gaiman's account of the writing of Good Omens was accurate.

I am proud to say that I asked "Mario" voiced by the guy who does his voice in the games, "What Happened to Princess Daisy from Super Mario Land? Does Peach know you used to date her?", to which he replied "Err... I like to keep women on ze side... he he!". Absolutely gold.

I wanted to be an editor, but I didn't read the fine print.

I wanted sell cars, but the wheels fell off.

(And this one is really bad. . .)

I wanted to be a poet, but things just kept going from bad to verse.

(Told you it was bad!)

I wanted to compose an oratorio, but I couldn't Handel it.

I wanted to be a musician but I couldnt staff it, and wages were not to scale.

I wanted to compose an opera, but I was too Bizet.

I did compose an opera, but it was not Godunov.

I wanted to compose cantatas, but others held me Bach.

I wanted to be a podiatrist, but I had feet of clay.

(Oh please, somebody stop me! I'm out of control. I even did this at work today.)

I wanted to nick (steal) paddywacks, but didn't have the knack.

I wanted to build a beach, but didn't have the sand.
(An old way of saying you didn't have the balls)

I wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but didn't have the nerve!

I wanted to make tennis rackets, but didn't have the guts!

I wanted to write for Jeopardy, but didn't have all the answers!

I wanted to be an artist, but my mind was a blank canvas,

I wanted to be a Vampire but I sucked at it...

I wanted to be a zombie, but decided it was a dead end job.

I was going to be a werewolve, but it became to much of a big hairy deal.

I would have been a coffee roaster, but I could deal with the daily grind.

I thought about going into wide-area networking, but that seemed a bit far-fetched.

I wanted to go into horology, but I couldn't handle the hours.

I wanted to be dentist, but I couldn't sink my teeth into it.

I wanted to be a bone setter, but I could never get a break.

I wanted to be an ichthyologist, just for the halibut, but it was crappie work, and a pain in the bass.

'Tis probably just as well, Arctic - according to Sturgeon, 90% of icthyology is carp.

I wanted to be a mathematician, but the bank wouldn't approve my student loan unless is was cosined; I took that as a sine that it wasn't to be. (Apologies for taking off on a tangent like that.)

I wanted to build tepees and wigwams but I was told the job would make me tents.

I thought I wanted to be a proctologist, but then I scoped it out.

I wanted to be a rocket scientist, but it didn't take off

I wanted to be a lift engineer, but I couldn't get it off the ground

I wanted to be a drugs baron, but I kept wrecking the joint

I wanted to be a Chief Fireman, but I couldn't get my foot on the ladder

I wanted to be a gold miner, but it didn't pan out.

I wanted to be a marksman, but came up all blanks.

I wanted to be an entomologist but the work really bugged me. (...and all my coworkers were pests.)

I wanted to be an etymologist, but words escaped me.

I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

(from my teen neighbor.)

I wanted to be a card dealer, but I couldn't cut it.
I wanted to be an conductor, but I didn't train enough.

I wanted to be a dancer, but I got off on the wrong foot.

I wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but I couldn't put mind over matter.

I wanted to be a Combine Harvester, but I reaped what I sowed.

I wanted to be a fairy, but I lost the twinkle in my eye.

I wanted to be a publisher, but I got in my boss's Bad Books.

I wanted to be a prudish advertiser, but then I learned that sex sells.

I wanted to be a Wright brother, but I was Wrong.

I wanted to be a Government Mole, but my eyesight was too bad...

I wanted to be an Antique Salesman but everything old was new this season.

I wanted to be a Superhero but the idea just didn't fly.

I wanted to be a Burglar but I ended up stealing from myself.

I wanted to be an Arctic Explorer, but I got cold feet.

I wanted to be a wedding planner, but there was a hitch.

I wanted to be a ropemaker, but I was told to get knotted.

and finally after so many really really great disappointments....

I wanted to be the Butler, and I did it!

#46 BRILLIANT!!!

I kept auditioning for the symphony orchestra, but..

I wanted to be a trumpeter, but blew the interview.

I wanted to be a violinist, but turns out there were strings attached, and then I fiddled around too much.

I wanted to be a percussionist, but didn't stick with it, and got drummed out.

I wanted to be in the woodwind section, but couldn't reed music.

I wanted to be a watch repairman, but didn't have the time.

I wanted to finish this sentence, but just coul

I wanted to be a tightrope walker, but I couldn't stand the suspense.

*from my DH, who groaned through these. :)

I wanted to be a soccer star, but fell short of my goal.

I wanted to be a butcher, but I didn't like to meat new people

I wanted to be a baker, but a man cannot live on bread alone.

I wanted to be a candlestick maker, but I burnt out.

I wanted to be a basketball player, but I decided to pass.

I wanted to buy a piano, but it wasn't on my Chopin Liszt.

kathi - *wince* *shudder*

I wanted to buy a piano too, and trade for some artwork, but I was too baroque to afford the one, and didn't have the Monet for the other.

Two professions combined...

I wanted to be a Cowboy artist, but I didn't draw quick enough.

I wanted to join Simon and Garfunkel's band as a mime, but the Sound of Silence wasn't good enough.

And a (semi) normal one...

I wanted to be a Slinkee but I lost the spring in my step...

CRINGE!

I wanted to make salads for pregnant women, but they wouldn't let me in to the caesarian section.

I wanted to be a teacher but I had no class

I wanted to manufacture pacifiers, but they made a sucker out of me.

I wanted to be an obstetrician but I could not deliver the goods.

I wanted to be a surgeon, but I just couldn't cut it.

I wanted to be a cardiologist but I didnt have the heart.

I wanted to be a psychiatrist, but no one paid me any mind.

I was going to be an oral surgeon, but I was too down in the mouth.

I wanted to be a pediatrician, but everyone thought I was just kidding.

I wanted to be a gynecologist but....hmmm better not go there.

I wanted to be a church custodian, but couldn't mind my keys and pews.

#34 rowens: I hate places that trig you like that. Such derivative behavior can only lead to a slippery slope with no limit in sight.

#61 - That's my favorite so far! It reminds me of the Andy Griffith show. Remember the barber?

I thought I could prepare delicious soups, but I made a laughing stock of myself.

I wanted to start a book club, but the community hall was discussed in...

#61 - oh, rowens, I so wish I'd thought of that myself!!

I wanted to direct a symphony orchestra, but I didn't know how to conduct myself.

That's the last one on my current list, so I'm going to have to start thinking again. Or maybe I should just start cleaning my office. Somewhere in my mess of papers and books, I have a list of about 50 lost opportunities I wrote at least ten years ago.

I could have worked at Coffs Harbour's "Big Banana" attraction, but I didn't have a-peel.

I could have worked at the Big Pineapple in Queensland, but it was too tropical for my taste.

I could have worked at the Big Merino, but they passed on me for being too horny.

I could have worked at the Big Prawn but I was too spineless to go for it (subtle humor here)

All these are real Australian attractions in various towns and states, go find them on Google Earth...

#67 - thanks for expanding our horizons.

Thanks, our roadside attractions in Oz are often overlooked by Americans in favour of their own home grown roadside attractions.

I once had a yen to be a money changer, and really make my mark, but to be franc, I didnt have enough cents and ended up taking a real pounding.

#70 - brilliant!

#70 I thought about that too but i didn't like the peso I quit.

#70 - My husband says, your missed opportunity was so boring he had to yuan.

#73 - If only I had a nickel for every time I've heard that... I'd have more cents. Baht sadly, things never seem to work out that way. I really wish they would, since that would be a soverign remedy for the emptyness of my wallet.

Oh dear, I seem to have misspelled "but" - sorry for the thai-po.

I could handle 74....but Thai-po? Krone...er....groan.

rowens and Arctic-Stranger - Your responses are just adding to this pile of ruble. :)

I'd like to make my Mark but Euro lot of wasters and Francly it would be a waste!

I was almost the first person in my family to move to England, to advertise the family business overseas, but the currency conversion stopped me - I would have taken a real pounding. So I told the rest of the family that someone else would have to try it, I wouldn't be their guinea-pig. None of us were happy with the argument that followed. The crowning moment was when my uncle Bob got very penceive about my decision. "But how will we expand into the UK," he said, "without you shilling for us?" I was so annoyed that I left tire marks in his driveway, by florin' the gas pedal in my car. Nowdays I'm spending more time for myself, mostly outdoors. The money isn't as good, but at least I'm getting tanner.

i think I got about half of that.

Slow down then! You have to peso yourself as you read it.

I wanted to make soup for a percussionist but I couldn't find my kettle drum.

I loved this thread! Glad you revived it with a groaner. ;)

I wanted to be an author but I didn't have the write stuff.

I have been lol & my husband keeps looking at me strangely...

I wanted to be a taxidermist, but I didn't have the right stuff!

*groans at all the above*

I wanted to be a hustler, but I got too far behind the eight ball.

I wanted to be a butcher, but I couldn't make the cut.

I wanted to be a violin tuner, but they just strung me along.

I wanted to be a football (soccer) player, but I got kicked out.

I wanted to make taffy, but ended up stretched too thin.

I wanted to be a quilter, but I couldn't take the needling.

I wanted to be an gynocologist but....no, I am NOT going to finish that one.

Chicken!!!

... but didn't want to be up to my elbows in it.

NO! WAIT!!!! That's the "I wanted to be a Large Animal Veterinarian" pun!!!

Sorry about that!

I wanted to be a virtuoso violinist, but my teacher was too Stern.

I wanted to be a musician but couldn't find the right key.

I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon but couldn't get a break.

I wanted to be a dentist, but there were no holes to be filled. (insert groan here)

I wanted to be a phoneticist, but it just didn't sound right.

Wanted to be a phlebotomist, but my blood ran cold.

I wanted to be an Anesthesiologist but it interfered with my sleep.

My friend wanted to be a librarian, but she shelved her plans. Dewey care?

I was going to learn the guitar, but I got all strung out.

I was going to listen to the radio, but as it tuned out, I didn't.

I wanted be a gambler but it wasn't in the cards.

I wanted to be psychic but just couldn't see it happening.

I wanted to be a priest, but I made clerical errors.

I could have been a gambler, but that got lost in the shuffle.

I wanted to sell vaccum cleaners, but they suck.

I wanted to work at a rodeo, but my voice was too horse.

I wanted to be a butcher, so i could bring home the bacon.

i wanted to join the circus, but i clowned around too much.

i wanted to be an ice sculptor, but i froze.

i wanted to be a ballerina, but i didn't have a leg to stand on.

i wanted to be a cook, but it didn't pan out.

i wanted to fly planes, but that dream crashed and burned.

i wanted to be an actress, but i broke my leg.

I wanted to be a pastry chef... but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

I wanted to be a bartender, but I got debarred.

I wanted to be a cook, but I couldn't measure up...

I wanted to be a writer, but words fail me.

I wanted to be a librarian...but I shelved that idea.

I wanted to work at the United Nations, but I got lost in translation.

I wanted to be a pest control tech, but I couldn't keep up with the rat race.

I wanted to be a telephone lineman but couldn't get a leg up!

I wanted to be a train driver but ran out of steam!

I wanted to be a hotel manager, but there was no room.

I wanted to be a car salesman, but I ran out of gas.

I wanted to be a cardiac surgeon, but my heart wasn't in it.

I wanted to be a miser but I didn't have enough money.

>118 spartan: ...new word to me, Google search is confusing, but I love the sound of it!

I wanted to be a bartender, but I got mixed up.

>122 spartan: Ah hah! The light comes on. :D

I wanted to be a pornstar but I couldn't keep it up!

oh >125 spartan: *groan*

I had hoped to drive to work without incident, but I got tired out!

&@#$% flat tire!!!!

What do you call 8 rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.

I wanted to be a balloonist, but I didn't have enough hot air.

I thought I'd try being a massage therapist, but there was too much pressure.

I gave dog-walking a go, but it was too ruff.

I was in the building industry for years ... but then I developed a complex and lost the plot.

My husband:  I wanted to be an ornithologist, and now everything's just ducky. :3

>139 justjukka: See, I used to be an ornithologist, but I eventually decided it was for the birds.

>140 foggidawn: >141 spartan: Much appreciated. :D

Well done, but *groan*

Last winter I asked the cute neighbor next door to let me help clear off her sidewalk and driveway, but all I got was icy stairs.

I wanted to be a moonshiner, but I couldn't keep still.

I wanted to switch from writing romances to spy thrillers, but my readers were stirred, not shaken.

I saw a job offer to clean glass. "Cleaning mirrors," I thought. "I can really see myself doing that." Turned out to be just windows though which was a real pane.

I wanted to be genie, but I couldn't make my wish come true.

I wanted to be a publisher, but I couldn't get the books red.

I wanted to be a potter, but I had to fire myself.

I wanted to finish this joke, but