Ape's 2015 Challenge (5)

Currently Reading: Mort(e)
Currently Playing (PS4): Fallout 4
Currently Playing (Vita): Hyperdevotion Noire


Books read: 54
Pages read: 16,217

January:
1. Blood of the Tiger by Judy A. Miller
2. The Foreshadowing by Marcus Sedgwick
3. Frog by Mo Yan

February:
4. Embedded by Dan Abnett
5. Red Equinox by Douglas Wynne
6. Deadly Companions by Dorothy H. Crawford
7. The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells

March:
8. The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester
9. Eye of the Whale by Douglas Carlton Abrams
10. Nefertiti by Nick Drake

April:
11. Red Planet Blues by Robert J. Sawyer
12. Genesis Alpha by Rune Michaels
13. Agincourt by Bernard Cornwell
14. Prey by Michael Crichton
15. The Book of Skulls by Robert Silverberg
16. Pod by Stephen Wallenfels

May:
17. Dead World Resurrection by Joe McKinney
18. America Again by Stephen Colbert
19. Minecraft: Essential Handbook by Stephanie Milton
20. Minecraft: Redstone Handbook by Nick Farwell
21. The Owl Keeper by Christine Brodien-Jones
22. Spiral by Paul McEuen

June:
23: Kraken by Wendy Williams
24. A Nameless Witch by A. Lee Martinez
25. The Sons of Liberty #1 by Alexander and Joseph Lagos
26. Sagramanda by Alan Dean Foster

July:
27. The Complete Concrete by Paul Chadwick
28. Beowulf by The Person Who Wrote Beowulf
29. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
30. Life in the Undergrowth by David Attenborough
31. Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton

August:
32. The American Plague by Molly Caldwell Crosby
33. Minecraft: Construction Handbook by Matthew Needler and Phill Southam
34. Minecraft: Combat Handbook by Stephanie Milton
35. Useful Idiots by Jan Mark
36. The Dispatcher by Ryan David Jahn

September:
37. Secondhand Souls by Christopher Moore
38. Tutankhamun by Nick Drake
39. Beat the Reaper by Josh Bazell
40. Kingdom Under Glass by Jay Kirk

October:
41. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith
42. The Wolfman by Jonathan Maberry
43. This Dark Earth by John Hornor Jacobs
44. Ghost Monster by Simon Clark
45. Dreamthorp by Chet Williamson

November:
46. The Archer's Tale by Bernard Cornwell
47. Bad Monkeys by Matt Ruff
48. Hunt the Wolf by Don Mann
49. Dark Angel by David Klass
50. The Double Eagle by James Twining

December:
51. The Orphanmaster by Jean Zimmerman
52. The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore
53. Mistress of the Art of Death by Ariana Franklin
54. Mort(e) by Robert Repino

--------------------------------------------------

Video Games: 20

January:
1. Crysis 3
2. Little Deviants

February:
3. The Walking Dead: Season 1
4. The Walking Dead: Season 2

March:
5. Arcania
6. The Wolf Among Us

April:
7. Unit 13
8. Mirror's Edge
9. Gravity Rush
10. LittleBigPlanet 3

May
11. Terraria

June
-

July
-

August
-

September
12. Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition
13. Dragon Age: Inquisition

October:
14. Battlefield: Hardline
15. Frozen Synapse: Prime
16. Tearaway: Unfolded

November:
17. The Order: 1886

December:
18. Child of Light
19. Fate
20. Fate: Undiscovered Realms

Yay new thread, only two weeks till Battlefront. Are you ready?

Happy new thread, Stephen.

Happy new thread!

You, insect-human hybrid killer, you! :P Oh, and nice thread.

Happy new one, Stephen!

Hiya! Happy new thread.

Xymon: I must confess, I've never watched the Star Wars movies. I'm not a big movie person, and I'm not a big fan of the far-future space opera/adventure genre, so those two things combined have led me to never really have any interest in watching them. I know most people nowadays think you're a cretin if you haven't watched them, but luckily pop culture has never had a big influence on me either. :P

I am excited for Fallout 4, however. It's made by Bethesda so I'm sure it'll be a broken piece of crap on release, but I'm excited anyway. I wonder how far I'll get before hitting a game-corrupting glitch. :P

Thanks Micky, Misti, Amber, and Leah!

Sara: Ha! Raid! Who knew Spiderman had such an obvious weakness?

Stopping by to check out the new thread.

>8 Ape: Hey to each their own. I only know that you do enjoy shooters and the gameplay I have seen is amazing. Fallout does look good too. It is on my wish list slong with new Deus Ex game.

>8 Ape: His enemies obviously did. ;) And well, now he knows.

Happy new thread!

Thanks Lori and Mary!! :D

Xymon: I always wanted to play the Deus Ex game on the last generation but never got around to playing it. I know for awhile you could buy it used on Amazon for just a few dollars too. I've also never played the original. o.o

Sara: I kept looking for Spiderman being killed by bug spray on Google, but kept getting pictures of him ejaculating spider webs instead......

I just thought I'd let all the ladies of the group know that my sister bought a Rainbow Rowell book when we went out yesterday. ...and so it begins... :P

>13 Ape: *runs off to google Spiderman webshots (or is it still cumshots?)* I think I found it by accident. I was googling something like angry insect human hybrids or something and found it by accident. However, when I put those tags in, I'm not getting the Spiderman photos. :( *googling* Oh! "Spiderman raid" will do it.

>14 Ape: Micky must've gotten to her telepathically or something. :P

Hey stranger, what's new?

Sara: Yeah, I don't know why Spiderman ejaculating comes up when you search for him being killed by Raid. o.o

Hi Luxx! *Crushing hug of smooshery* Sadly, literally nothing. My sister is a huge book addict now, though. She owns close to 400 books now, I think...

Ah, I'll take the crushing hug!

Sometimes nothing new is ok. Huzzah for your sister's addiction - it's healthy, I say!

46. The Archer's Tale by Bernard Cornwell
(Also known as "Harlequin" by Bernard Cornwell)



Pages: 374
Rating: 3/5
Publication Date: 2000

Military/Historical Fiction - Hundred Years War (early)
Owned

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Archer's Tale (as it is titled in the United States) has a very archetypical beginning. A small town is raided and obliterated by a large army and a single, solitary young man emerges from the ashes to reek vengeance on the ones who destroyed his home. In this case that man is Thomas, a boy raised to be a priest by his father of the same profession but who has dreams of being an archer. When his town on the coast of England is destroyed, and a precious religious relic stolen by the French in the early stages of the Hundred Years War, he finds a band of archers and enlists in the English army under William de Bohun.

I'm torn on this one, to be honest. The book strikes true in terms of the machismo - the historical/military side of it feels well-researched, even if I couldn't begin to tell you how accurate it is, and the battle scenes are vibrant and thrilling. I'm pleased with those aspects of the novel. I was disappointed that the kick-ass female protagonist floundered three-quarters of the way through the book, and the 2nd female character introduced late feels flat and insubstantial. I don't require these things in a book, it's just that they are there, and not done well. I also felt the ending bogged down a bit, so the last 20 pages or so were kind of a drag.

The Archer's Tale might not be the greatest book I read, but I like it enough to read the rest of the series. Eventually. Probably.

>17 Ape: Well, death and the "little death" aren't too far apart, so maybe he shoots instead of shits his pants like most people do when they die. Awesome. I want front row tickets to that Raid show.

>19 Ape: the 2nd female character introduced late feels flat and insubstantial. -- Maybe you should blow her up or buy her some food. Oh, and a boob job. :P

And I asked the magic 8 ball if you would finish the rest of the series, and it hurt my feelers: "Just Buzz Off." I think I need to go cry in the stacks now and cuddle some random patron, preferably one in a wheelchair that can't get away. :P

I'm going to go with "buy her some food," because the sex doll association and boob job are just creepy, considering she was 15. :P

Ha! Well, just make sure that wheelchair doesn't look like this and you should be fine.

>21 Ape: Gah! Yeah, I retract that if she was only 15. But then, if she were in Hollywood or elsewhere, that would probably be the norm. And if you've taken a look at those sex dolls, they look like they're 15. Ok if the guy or girl buying it is around that age, but you just know it's someone 3 or 4 times that age. XP

Oh, oops. For a sec, I thought the long nozzle thing was some weird sex contraption, until I started going, "Ok, that's connected to that, and that goes under there...and...oh shit. That'll hurt a bit." Yeah, I think I'll avoid all people in wheelchairs now. Thanks. :P

Sara: Oh, dear! I never thought about it, but blowup dolls really do look like 12-year-olds. o.o I guess it's because the face is flat and lacks definition. Still, now I think they are even creepier than before.

47. Bad Monkeys by Matt Ruff



Pages: 231
Rating: 3/5
Publication date: 2007

Fiction
Owned

------------------------------------------------------------

ACK! I've been M. Night Shamalamadingdonged!

Let me explain. Jane Charlotte is a woman accused of murder. She is telling her life story to a psychiatrist, and the book is made of up the dialog between these two. The chapters alternate between Jane's story, and the psychiatrist examining and questioning the details. It starts out innocently enough, but her story becomes increasingly implausible, and the psychiatrist becomes more dubious with each passing chapter.

I was swept up in the story, and I could never tell if Jane really lived such a miraculous life or if she was just a nutjob who murdered a guy because she lost her mind after all the terrible things that happened when she was a kid. It was such a great reading experience, and 30 pages from the end of the novel I was fully prepared to give this book a 5 star rating!

And then it fell apart, literally in the last 10-15 pages or so. I won't give anything away, but as I hinted about above, the author pulled an M. Night Shyamalan, with tremendous success, in the sense that it was ridiculous and ruined my thoughts about the first 220 pages. It sucks that all the psychological tension built up in the book is destroyed at the very end just so the author could "get you" with a big twist. Ugh. Disappointing.

48. Hunt the Wolf by Don Mann



Pages: 310
Rating: 3/5
Publication date: 2012

Military Fiction
Owned

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas Crocker is the leader of SEAL Team Six. Their mission: assault a compound run by Abu Rasul Zaman and capture him alive, if possible. It's a simple mission, and they complete it with relative ease, but after the dust is settled and SEAL Team Six moves on to their next task Crocker isn't satisfied with the results. When he investigates Zaman further he discovers he is connected to much darker things than he is already accused of.

I don't hate the book. It's definitely exciting if you like shootouts and firefights, but it's a little bit over-the-top at times, and there were some aspects of the writing that bothered me. For example, Thomas Crocker has an interesting habit of passing out during boring parts of the story so he can wake up right before the next action sequence. There was also an utterly pointless montain climbing scene that added nothing to the plot, and the ending fight scene felt a little bit out of sequence. I won't spoil anything, but one scene could easily have been moved forward a dozen page or so and it would have been a lot more satisfying.

So, Hunt the Wolf, it's alright. It's not exactly fine literature, and it definitely has a few problems, but it had its moments. Like a bad action movie, I suppose.

>23 Ape: Yep, I just spent half an hour googling creepy sex toys. o.o And don't worry: I won't post any I found there. They all looked underage, even the guys. The cheap blow up dolls don't even look human, so I guess they're "safe?" As for the animal, alien, and giant My Little Pony blow ups... *shakes head and laughs*

>24 Ape: Well, looks like part of that title is right, huh? That's too bad, because I think I have that one. I'll just have to remember to rip out the last few pages, so I don't get Shamalamadingdonged either.

You should remove the word "toy" from your "creepy sex toy" search and see what turns up. :P

The good news is, you might actually enjoy reading Bad Monkeys, you'll just hate it afterward. Kind of like a drunken one night stand with someone you hate?

>27 Ape: Nope, nope, can't do it. I'm in the middle of watching Header, and if I see any more "creepy sex," I'm gonna hurl on your thread. But no worries. That's why I have Leo. He's a great cleaner-upper. ;)

Great comparison! Now I'm definitely not gonna read it any time soon. :P

There is a movie for Header??? Oh dear.

49. Dark Angel by David Klass



Pages: 312
Rating: 4/5
Publication date: 2005

Young Adult Fiction
Owned

----------------------------------------------------------------------


Jeff Hastings' family harbors a dark secret. 5 years ago, the oldest brother killed a boy at school with a knife, and was sent to prison with a life sentence. They've moved on with their lives in a new town, trying to forget the terrible things Troy did, but on a technicality he is being released from prison, and now they have to confront the thing they've tried so hard to avoid.

Dark Angel is a story about good and evil, but not in the sense that the lines are clearly drawn. Jeff has to decide if his brother is truly a bad person or merely a victim of circumstance, and whether or not he is deserving of redemption.

Though on the surface the book definitely feels as though it is intended for teens, it has a surprising amount of depth that was as welcome as it was unexpected. What I thought initially was just going to be a story about a boy dealing with social problems in a high school setting quickly became so much more than that. Sure, there are scenes about bullying and dating problems, but overall plot was much more complex and interesting than that, and I really enjoyed it.

>29 Ape: Indeed there is. If I hear, "Hump that head, boy!" one more time, I'm becoming a nun. No, not really. :P It's not that bad of a movie, and almost exactly like the book, which I love in movie adaptations. I'll loan it to you sometime! No need to thank me. ;)

>30 Ape: That one looks good! :) I'll have to look around for it sometime.

#25 Ape sorry to here you did not like'the big twist' at the end of bad monkeys it is a love it or hate it book.

Sara: Ha, yeah, I think I'll pass on the movie. Dark Angel was really good though, wish I could say the same about what I'm reading now. I'm about 100 pages into it and it's really dragging. I'm encouraged by the fact that it'll be my 50th book of the year, though. :)

Bryony: Yeah, a big twist isn't always bad, but I didn't like this one because it spoiled the great psychological atmosphere it had built up during the first 99 percent of the book.

>33 Ape: Yay for almost hitting 50 books! That's awesome. :) And no wonder The Double Eagle is so boring. It needs a cover like this. Oh, wait. Those're crows, aren't they? Phbbt. Whatever. It's two of something. :P

The cover would definitely be more fun to look at with...umm...those.

Yeah, now quick! What color were her fingernails? :P

They don't seem to be any color at all. I must go color blind when I have an erection. :P

That would make sense. Blood goes elsewhere, so all other senses are dulled. Actually, they're not painted. Hmph. I would've lost that bet. For some reason, I thought they were black. It's her tats I was thinking of, I guess.

Oh, her tats, sure.

Yeah, what else would I be looking at? :P

Something that is just one vowel away from tats? :P

You got me. I need to mash me up some tater tots out of these.

You want to make tots from tits with tats?

Mental tongue twister there. But absolutely! I bet they'd taste good. Plus I'd get some extra protein. I wonder if the ink from the tats would mess up the flavor though. I guess there's only one way to find out.... Hey! Wanna come over to my place for Turkey Holocaust Day?

Well, squid ink is a thing that people ear, for flavor, however I think it is a much higher concentration than what is in a tattoo. So I don't think it will affect the flavor of your, erm, cannabalistic endeavors. o.0

50. The Double Eagle by James Twining



Pages: 387
Rating: 3/5
Publication date: 2005

Fiction - Thriller
Owned

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When a coin shows up on the body of a dead priest, the FBI take interest. Why? It's a 1933 Double Eagle - it is worth millions of dollars, there are only a few known to exist, and all of those are accounted for...so where did this one come from? Upon further investigation not all the coins are accounted for, the 5 housed in Fort Knox are missing, and now agent Jennifer Browne is tasked with tracking down whoever managed a heist on one of the most well-protected buildings in the United States.

This was a little slow for me at first. I had a hard time getting into it for the first 150 pages or so, but like many thrillers it does pick up once the plot develops. I'm not a huge fan of thrillers, but once things get underway it does what it's meant to do - provide the reader with an addicting story as a series of exciting and over-the-top events unfold.

Ironically, the month this book was published it just so happened in real life 10 more 1933 Double Eagle's were discovered in Philadelphia. It was written a couple years before they were found so that may have pushed the publication, but it's still pretty interesting that the author wrote the story a couple years before such an incredible discovery.

>5 saraslibrary: lol, excellent.
Hi Stephen! >39 Ape: I've heard them called baps, but not tats ;)

>45 Ape: Seriously? That'd be interesting to try, but I'm guessing they don't coddle the squid to get the ink, kind of like how we don't coddle chickens for eggs. :(

I'll let you know how the tat-ink meat turns out. ;P

>46 Ape: That is kind of cool on the early timing of the book re: the coins being found. I'll probably skip the book though. :)

>47 LovingLit: Thanks! :) Actually, you could thank google for 99% of the things I find. I'm not sure if that's always a good thing. ;)

Megan: I had to look up what baps were (good thing I didn't do an image search), turns out I've heard of them after all. :P Tats is short for tattoos, though.

Okay, fine, I typed "baps" in an image search anyway. I didn't see any breasts though. Ah, story of my life.

Sara: No, there is no squid codding. I believe one of the ink sacs is located in the head, so.........

Yeah, I had no idea what baps were, but apparently I have a pair. Hmm, you learn something new every day. :) Thanks!

Type something like "hot baps" or "sexy baps" or "xxx baps." You'll definitely get something with those, including a scenario between Lisa Simpson and Milhouse. o.o Porn, why must you ruin my favorite childhood shows?

Wonderful. Yeah, I won't be googling squid ink and all that.

Happy Day-After Thanksgiving Stephan!! : )

Sara: Haha, um, yeah, Simpsons porn, it's a thing. o.o

Thanks Kim! Hope you had a nice holiday yourself.

Indeed it is. I don't like to be narrow-minded, but I think I'll have to keep my cartoons and porn separate. But wait. Where does that leave hentai? Ow, my brain.

I was going to find a funny hentai pic to post here, but naturally it was all, well, porn. Which is what you get, when you search for porn. *Head smack*

I don't know. There are some good ones out there. Try "funny hentai" on google. Most of them say the same thing:

*waves while averting eyes*

Sara: Haha, yeah, that's a common meme, because of the tentacle-rape fetish among hentai fans. So, anything with tentacles gets pervified.



*Waves back at Micky, without realizing that she can't see him*

November Summary:

Books: 5
Pages: 1,614

Fiction: 5
Nonfiction: 0

Owned: 5
Library checkout: 0

Video Game summary:

Games played: 1

Playstation Vita: 0
Playstatinon 3: 0
Playstation 4: 1

>57 Ape: Ha! Yes, I remember seeing that pic, too, and thinking, "I will never be able to watch Arthur and his friends ever again." (Not that I actually watched it, but I flipped through it once or twice.)

>58 Ape: Oh! It is the end of the month, isn't it? I've gotta get a move on with my summaries. Thanks for reminding me. :) And nice work! All fiction and all owned? Good job! I need to start doing the same (reading more of my own stuff, that is).

>59 Ape: The Order looks interesting. What's it about?

Yeah, I've never watched Arthur before, but if I do now...

Yep, it's that time of the month again. :P I've been doing an amazing job at reading my own books over the past couple years. In fact, I haven't visited my local library since April.

The Order is a steampunkish shooter set in victorian London. Your character is part of a secret order that hunts werewolves, which they try to keep from the public. The game actually had a really cool storyline, but it was criticized for being really short (5-7 hours) and people who don't care about story complained that you spent more time watching the game than playing it. I didn't mind that part though, because like I said, the story was really good. :)

Some screenshots from the game, if you want to see:
Young Nikola Tesla demonstrating a lightning gun.
Werewolf boss.
Scenery showing off the graphics.

Those aren't edited in any way, that's what it looks like as you're playing. The reason they seem a little blurry is either because people took pictures of their screens with a camera, or in the case of the Nikola Tesla one, I think they were spinning the (in game) camera, which causes motion blur.

I don't know whether to say "Yay!" to your not going to the library since April. I guess that all depends on if you wanted to go but couldn't.

I thought maybe it might be steampunkish by the cover. And I'd have to agree with you: "watching" the game seems like it would be fun, because the screenshots you linked to--wow! Those are gorgeous. (I'm not picky about the photos; they're still incredible, spinning or not. :) I love how far they've come since I was a kid. But poor werewolves. :( Do they give you the option to be a werewolf?

It's weird, actually. I haven't been avoiding the library, but I also just haven't been encouraged to go. Not sure why. Perhaps frustration at never being given a job opportunity after several years of applying. :P

Nope, can't play as a werewolf, and part of the story is corruption within the Order, so your "poor werewolves" comment is on the right track. :)

Yeah, that would be enough of a reason for me to avoid the place, too. :/ Or set it on fire.

Boo. They should give the option to be a werewolf. Just saying. So, there are werewolf sympathizers or something?

*runs through, hugs Stephen, runs out*

Can't catch me!

Sara: Well, I won't be setting it on fire, that's for sure.
There aren't werewolf sympathizers per se, but a werewolf you fight in the game makes the case that The Order are just as murderous as they are. Hm, not sure that's very convincing, though.

Rachel: Well, considering I get winded walking more than 20 feet or so, I'd say you are right about that.

>61 Ape:
As a librarian I strongly encourage everyone to leave all their books alone & borrow copiously from the library. And the buy from our library book sale.

>65 The_Hibernator: Tee hee. That reminds me of a run-by nursing gif I saw. *wonders if she should post it*

>66 Ape: Ok, ok. Make me do all the hard work here. :P Actually, I think it's just me who wants to set my work on fire every day. Yep, #1 sign you're sick of your job--you keep a stash of marshmallows, sharpened sticks (to roast the 'mallows on, of course--or stab some vamps), and fire accelerant in your locker.

Double boo. They should make some werewolf sympathizers, so players don't know who to trust. Still, I like their graphics.

You could sic Shyanne on her. ;)

>67 Deedledee: Even the bathroom/poo books?

Dee: Ha! Well, I did go to the library sale a couple months ago. I've been getting the itch to get lost in the library book shelves so maybe I'll start going again soon. :)

Sara: Run-by nursing? Haha, I tried to find it myself, but couldn't. I did find this though. :P

Right, Shyanne, of course! She can run now, so Rachel is doomed! Except Shyanne is asleep right now.

>68 saraslibrary: oops. Did I accidentally flash Stephen when I ran by?

Sadly, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I would remember. Unless I passed out and knocked my head on something...

...does the room feel like it's spinning to anyone else?

>69 Ape: But the kid's hand is over the Vitamin C and Iron percentages! How am I to decide whether to drink breast milk or soymilk now? Sheesh! Oh, and as for run-by nursing (actually, my mistake: it's "Fly By Nursing" on the site I yoinked it from)...



...if it didn't have the caption, I would've been a little creeped out. Just about as creeped out as I am by this one.

Meat, Shyanne! Meeeaaat!

>70 The_Hibernator: As Stephen put it, "sadly" you did not. ;)

>71 Ape: Hmm, nope, it's you. :P

Ooooooh! You see, I was picturing a woman breast feeding and then someone else doing the drive-by nursing. Oops.

That's what I would think, too, if I heard run-by nursing. It wasn't you; it was me. :)

You did the drive-by nursing!?

Well, how else am I supposed to get my milk for free? :P

Like this.



That is apparently a tombstone....

Ooh, a spammer. You're so popular, Stephen!

Hmmm, maybe, but I think it was the udder sucker that was the attraction. :P

>77 Ape: There are no words to say how wrong that is.....

Xymon: Yeah, a man will do crazy things when he's desperate. Errr, to quench his thirst, I mean.

51. The Orphanmaster by Jean Zimmerman



Pages: 418
Rating: 3/5
Publication date: 2012

Owned
Historical Fiction/Mystery

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

New Amsterdam is a dutch colony in the early settlement of the United States, in which the land is as bountiful as it is dangerous. Bladine van Couvering is a young she-merchant hashing out a living in such a place - selling, trading, and outfitting adventerous settlers in the New World. Just as she is about to leave town to do some trading in another town she is approached by two women who tell her a child is missing, an orphan. This isn't the first child to go missing, and if it isn't bad enough already the circumstances are gruesome. The locals fear a Native American demon known as the Witika, and...

Okay, I have to stop with the summary. There is a LOT going on here. It's a dense, slow-paced book where the plot takes a backseat to the setting and characterization. Normally, I prefer that, but The Orphanmaster really bogged down for me about halfway through. It takes a long time for the plot to come together, and even when it did the pacing was all off. I also found events a bit too coincidental during the resolution of the novel.

It sounds like a lot of bad things, but there was a lot I liked as well. I think the author did an amazing job with the characters and setting, Bladine is pretty awesome and the colonial politics aspect of the story are done really well. Pretty much every thing about the book is good, except the pacing of the plot, which really bring the book down, unfortunately.

>77 Ape: I don't think they make cows that miniature. And if I remember right, people get killed more often by cows than, say, sharks. So I'll stick with my drive-by nursings, thanks. :P

>80 Ape: I'm guessing so, too. Udder sucking is so popular nowadays. ;)

>81 xymon81: Ooh, I could think of several more scenarios where it could be much worse! o.o

>82 Ape: Hmm, they should do that for a milk commercial!

>83 Ape: I think I'll skip that one, but it does sound interesting.

>84 saraslibrary: There are some pretty small milking cows. They are mostly old breeds from the UK. Dexters and Belted Galloways are little bity as cows go.

>85 leahbird: Oh, cute! :) No, wait. Cows kills people. o.o Or maybe I have that backwards. Yes, I do. *makes note to fly over to the UK and sneak a cow or ten home* Thanks! :)

It's a real thing! :P

In other news, the last time I spent the day in Lancaster with my sister and her boyfriend I mentioned wanting to re-read the Harry Potter series but only having books 4-7. My sister's boyfriend said he thought he had a couple from when he was a kid, and after searching, he found and gave me original hardcover copies of books 1 and 3. So, hurray! Now I just need book 2.

>87 Ape: Eh, do you really need book 2 though? I think we can all admit that's the worst one.

>87 Ape: Photoshopped! Totally photoshopped. That and/or she was paid to suck whatever it is. She's too pretty to not get paid to be on her back. Porn gets really creative, so I wouldn't be surprised if there were a couple of midgets in that cow suit.... o.o

Ooh, congrats on filling the series! My series ocd-ness applauds you. ;) I would find book 2 for you, but I understand your not wanting to give out your address. Doesn't the post office let you use them occasionally to accept packages? Or is that if you don't have a physical address? I never remembered which. I just know my sister did that for awhile (used the post office to accept mail).

>88 norabelle414: But he'll totally geek out with a book missing in the series, sucky or not!

Nora: I read the first 4 in 8th grade, so I don't really remember, to be honest. :(

Sara: I don't think it's photoshopped, because if people were going to go through the trouble with that she would obviously be naked-er. Payment seems likely, or drunkenness.

I don't know about the post office, but unfortunately my car isn't as better as I thought. I think I forgot to mention it here, but I got the hood to open. Unfortunately, the latch is rusted out and broken, so I have to open it from under the car every single time. I did find that I was out of brake fluid, so I refilled it and it worked great! Until a couple weeks ago, when it was empty again. Now it drains out every couple of days, so my car is officially unsafe to drive again until I get the master cylinder replaced, which looks like it's going to be very expensive... :(

Did I mention my mom is still angry about having to pay Shyanne's vet bill for a year? Yay for being a worthless unemployed 27-year-old man-child. -.-

Good point! Naked-er and more cow involvement, I'm sure. And is it possible to get drunk on milk? I've heard of people getting drunk on water, but I wonder if milk works the same way.

Um, yay for getting the hood open, and thankfully it closed afterwards. I hope. I always dreaded that about mine. (What if it won't close? What if it flies up while I'm driving? Can duct tape keep a hood down? :P) And good job figuring out the low brake fluid! I have not a clue what a master cylinder is, but I hope it's not as expensive as it sounds. Does that have to be fixed or do you have a brake fluid leak? Forgive my ignorance about cars.

Nope, I don't recall any mom mentions, but I'm not surprised. :( Hey! I could send you some "special" Washingtonian brownies her way. Maybe that'll make her nicer? :P

ETA: I think general delivery is what I was thinking of, regarding you getting mail elsewhere: http://faq.usps.com/?articleId=220956 . I'm not sure if you can use it, though. *shrugs* I know my sister was able to, because she was pretty transient and lived waaaay out in Aliens-Abduct-People-Every-Day, New Mexico.

I don't know if you can get drunk or not, but it is reminiscent a beer bong. :P

Yeah, my hood closes, but the locking thingy is rusted and broken in half, so the line-thingy pulls the bottom fo the lock thingy put the part that's attached to the hood doesn't move, so I have to move that manually. It's like having a doorknob that turns but the do-latch-thingy doesn't move. These are all very technical terms, you see.

I didn't know what a master cylinder was either, I just called it the "thing that has the brake fluid in it." However, as I've mentioned in the past, I'm a strong advocate of researching how to fix things yourself if they are broken. The internet is full of information, so I don't know why more people don't at least try. And because I tried, I'm not somewhat knowledgeable on how the master cylinder and brakes work. So, hurray! I'm not confident enough to start taking parts out of my car though, so I'll leave that to a professional.

I would say that Washingtonian brownies might be legal here soon, but I think pot legalization failed here again the last time it was voted on.

The post office thing is interesting. Not sure if I could use it or not either, though. *Shrug*

52. The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore



Pages: 304
Rating: 5/5
Publication date: 1999

Fiction - Humor
Owned

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Pine Cove small town on the coast of California, the kind of town that comes alive during the tourist season but goes into hibernation in the winter when the local can reclaim the place for their own. Things will be a little different this year, however, when an ancient sea monster awakens and rises from the depths of the Pacific ocean...and makes everyone incredibly horny. Steve (that's the sea monster) is a predator who hunts by emitting psychic euphoria, you see, and the sexual frenzy of humans is just an unintended side effect. Kind of...

I've read several of Christopher Moore's books, and this is definitely one of my favorites. It's funny because I thought his most recent book felt a little juvenile, but that wasn't the case with this one...despite the themes and subject matter. Don't get me wrong, you absolutely have to have an immature side to enjoy it, but I would say that is true for most forms of comedy.

Highly recommended if you are a fan of Moore's other books, or humorous fiction in general.

>93 Ape: WOOT! I love that you love this one!

Hi Stephen! I'm glad you liked the Christopher Moore book. He's pretty funny, isn't he? :)

I keep meaning to read Moore, but I never seem to get around to him.

>92 Ape: Yes! Great idea. Next time I'm out in farm land, I'm going to beer bong some farmer's cow. :P I'll make sure to send you my mug shot. ;)

Very technical. So over-my-head technical. ;)

I agree: there is a ton of free info on the interwebs. However, some of it isn't always accurate (eg, do's & don'ts with pets; there's some scary info out there re: giving animals OTC medicine *shakes head*). If you have the tools, it would be kind of fun to take your car apart, but I'm the sort I'd much rather have a pro do it, too. In fact, my mom wants me to take my p.o.s. smells-like-cat-barf Ford in for a "physical." I'm ok with it, since she has a mechanic who's worked on her car, as well as my Jimmy. (However, he was also the one who said the heater wasn't broken. Just turn it off if it's too hot. :/ Smartass. ) Anyway, fingers crossed you find a good mechanic to help you out with your car! :)

Yeah, I could see where pot will eventually be legalized in other states. I mean, there are far worse drugs out there. However, I was not one of the people who voted to legalize it, because of the expected increase of DUI's, deaths, etc, which we've had plenty of; and only now are they figuring a way to make a breathalyzer of sorts for pot.

It took me awhile to find it on the USPS site, but you might have to call them if you're interested. For me, that would stop me completely, but hey, at least it's an option for you. :) Good luck if you go through with it.

>93 Ape: LMAO! Steve is the Lust Lizard?? Omg, too perfect! ;) I will definitely have to add that one to my wishlist. Oh, wait. I just saw it was book 2 in the Pine Cove series. Do you know if they have to be read in order?

>96 foggidawn: Same here. I even bought a few of his books years ago, and still haven't gotten around to him. *shrugs* We'll get to him in our own time, right? :)

>93 Ape: Moore is always good for a laugh. In other news, what do you think of Sony issuing out old PS1 and PS2 games as downloads only? The starting off list is pretty solid, it has all three last gen GTA's, Dark Cloud, FF7. and only about ten bucks a game too.

Amber: Yeah! Now I just wish a lust lizard would show up in my town. :P

Rachel: Yep, I've loved all of his books that I've read so far.

Misti: You should! And if you can put up with the things that go on around here, is perverse absurdity shouldn't bother you a bit. :P

Sara: Yeah, so I share a name with a lust lizard, I swear that's the only thing we share in common! >_> You can read the Pine Cove books individually, they just take place in the same town, the storylines are completely independent.

Xymon: I actually wasn't aware of that, but that is pretty cool. I know the Vita has had PS1 and PSP classics as part of their library for awhile, so it's cool they are moving that to the consoles now. :)

>99 Ape: Good to know. Thanks! :)

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I agree there is a lot of bad information out there. I definitely wouldn't use the internet to diagnose an illness, and consulting Google for questions that start with "Why do dogs do..." or "why does my cat..." will usually result in hilariously ridiculous and contradictory answers. The internet is good for how-to guides though, and I've learned a lot about household things simply because I'm too socially inept to call a professional and use internet guides instead. :)

Speaking of professionals, I'll be taking my car in to see a mechanic later today. There is some comfort in the fact that I've been there before, but I'm still my usual irrationally-nervous self.

Well, took my car in. It was going to cost about $150 to fix the brakes, and the hood latch was fine, it just need to be broken loose and then greased up, the guy did it in the parking lot in about 2 minutes. So my mom's husband drove me home, but I was going to have dinner at my mom's house first. 5 minutes after walking through the door they called my mom's house phone, which is the number I left so I don't have to answer (naturally,) and was asked in a very grave voice to get back to the shop and have a look at what they found.

Basically, my car is junk. It's so rusted out underneath that the mere process of changing the brake lines could cause significant damage. He quoted me for $1,500-ish, and the car is worth...about $500 less than that.

Sooooo, I'm out a car. It's basically scrap metal on wheels. Without brakes. Merry Christmas?

I guess I don't have to fill out job applications for awhile.

I'm now consoling myself by starting work on my year-end stats.

>101 Ape: I learned how to fix my washer once many, many years ago by going to some mechanical forum and reading that a lot of people had problems with the same type of washer. So, yeah, there are some good sites out there. I just avoid the personal sites, because they're not very accurate.

>102 Ape: That didn't sound too bad at first, but wow. :( That does suck. Do you still have the car, or does the mechanic have it? Have you thought of donating it to an non-profit organization or anything? I know there are some tax write-offs when you do that, not that it might matter; some people don't bother. I also found at least one site on how to make money off a "junk car." (It actually kind of helped me out, too, when I figure one of my beasts goes belly up.) You could take it to a scrap yard and get some money out of it; sell parts off your car, like your catalytic converter (I'm not sure what it looks like, but at one library I used to work at, patron cars were constantly have these stolen while parked in our parking lot); or contact a local junk vehicle removal service. They should pay you, not vice versa, but I'm not sure how much. But at least it would be something. :)

>103 Ape: Best of luck with that! :) Hugs. Numbers are a good distraction.

I just got home from picking up the car, so I have it now. Driving without breaks during rush hour isn't fun at all. It's a good thing I live in a small town. Thanks for the link! I've been doing some investigating, it sounds like donation is a terrible idea, because you can't write it off until it sells, which can take up to 3 years? I have to look into the other options. Either way, more likely than not I will be without any means of transportation for awhile. My mom is already stuck with a huge vet bill for Shyanne, so she isn't exactly in the mood to go further into debt for me right now. *Shrug*

Thanks for the hugs! *Hugs back*

No shit driving in rush hour without brakes isn't fun! o.o And you're welcome for the link. But that sucks about it taking nearly 3 years to sell! And yeah, it's understandable you'll be without wheels for awhile. Why your mom keeps lording that over your head is pretty heartless. I mean, tables will be reversed eventually as she gets older and you may or may not be involved in where she goes (eg, to a "home," etc). As my sister used to remind my mom, "I'll be the one picking out your nursing home. Remember that." :P And of course I'd give you a hug. First one's free, though. After that, I charge by the second. ;)

Haha, you make a good point.

Apparently my uncle has offered to take a look at it. Which is scary, because if it breaks everything like the mechanic was afraid of it will be worth a lot less. But, if he does get it fixed, it'll probably be free after the parts are purchased, which are just cheap lines. I'll be taking it to his house this weekend. So, yay, get to drive it without breaks again, oh fun!

>107 Ape: Thanks. :) I knew I'd make some sort of sense one of these days. ;)

Hmm, yay? *scratches head* It's worth a shot! And I'm glad to hear there's someone else to help you out with it. :) Seriously, you need to record driving without breaks. It would get so many YouTube hits, especially if you drove it out of control. You'd hop out unharmed, of course. I have no idea where I'm going with that. Note to Stephen: don't take Sara's advice on anything. ;)

Wow. Good luck to your uncle! But....year end stats are always fun!

Sara: Right, don't take Sara's advice...but won't I be taking your advice by not taking your advice. "Not taking your advice" ....was your advice! Argh!

Rachel: Agreed! I only did the fiction/nonfiction stats, so I need to get them all done before I finish my next book to avoid confusion. I tally them in a way that I can do them early in December and then re-calculate them with new books without much problem, but I should probably avoid having different stat categories figured up at different reading points.

Well, went to Dollar Tree today, came home with 4 books. And Gatorade.

A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Glow by Jessica Maria Tuccilli
Arcadia Awakens by Kai Meyer (It has a person on it! I like the one with the panther on it better though)
Flimsy Little Plastic Miracles by Ron Currie Jr.

Well, I may have bought more books. My mom wanted to go see some Christmas light show, the kind you drive through and light displays surround your car. I wasn't interested at first, but then she mentioned going out to dinner first, and I can always be bought off with food. We ended up going to Olive Garden, which I've never been to. I had the parmesan chicken and it was awesome. I said I was going to save half of it for lunch tomorrow, but couldn't not eat it all.

While still waiting for it to get dark, we drove around town and did some shopping. At Dollar Tree I bought The Witch of Babylon for $1, and at Meijers I bought The Twelve for $6.

Also, when I was searching Google for a clearer image for The Witch of Babylon I came across this. I mention it only because I'm amazed by the idea of censoring boobs with more-boobs.

SQUEE Brandon Mull! He's my super-fav. Partly because I like the guy as a person. But I love his books too.

ETA: Maybe I should do my stats. Perhaps that would get the make-a-new-thread-already syndrome out of me.

Looking forward to your thoughts on Mistress of the Art of Death. I started it a long while back on audio, but haven't gotten around to finishing it. What I've listened to was...interesting. Hi ya! (by the way) Been lurking around, nothing to contribute. Happy Holidays!

Ooooh, Olive Garden! Love. The trick is to load up on the unlimited salad and breadsticks and then take most of the entree home for another meal (or two)...

Rachel: Ha, yeah, we'll see how long it takes me to actually read it. It's part of a series, so it might be awhile. A very, very long while.

Kimberly: Hello! I love your screen name! :) I just finished Mistress of the Art of Death and will post my review shortly. I had a little trouble with it in the first 60-70 pages or so. The writing was just...awkward, I'm not sure what it was, but I kept having to re-read paragraphs to divulge their meaning. Things settle down once Adelia reaches Cambridge.

Amber: I really liked it. Actually, the only thing that I was underwhelmed with was the breadsticks. There was a lot of hype going in but, meh, just breadsticks. I think your plan is a good one, though!

On the topic of stuffing yourself on pre-meal food, there is a chain restaurant called Texas Roadhouse that has the absolute best rolls ever. Primarily because they are served with delicious cinnamon honey butter that I could probably eat with a spoon, and die happy. It's worth putting up with the horrendously cheesy atmosphere for that alone.

53. Mistress of the Art of Death by Ariana Franklin



Pages: 385
Rating: 4/5
Publication date: 2007

Historical Fiction
Owned

------------------------------------------------------------

In the 1100's, women are allowed to do as they please...in Salerno, that is, where Adelia is from. That is what allowed her to practice medicine in adulthood. The problem is, she isn't in Salerno, she's in Cambridge, to investigate the deaths of local children. If simply being a woman doesn't make things difficult enough for her, she is also ahead of her time in terms of how she goes about that investigation. In an age of overzealous religious fervor, she "desecrates" the bodies by examining them postmortem for clues, something that doesn't hold well for most people of the time.

I always love when an author can write about gender and equality issues without leaning heavily in one direction or another. Chauvinism is a door that swings both ways, and it seems more often than not authors write with a biased slant, condemning or demeaning one gender while praising another. That's not the case here, the book features an independent woman in a male-dominant society and never feels anti-male. Certainly there are lots of bad, stupid, pig-headed men in the book, but what is important is that it doesn't feel inflammatory. Not unlike The Handmaid's Tale in that regard, or The Terrorists of Irustan.

It's not to say that men and women can't write inflammatory literature if they want. I just appreciate it when an author of either gender can write characters in such situations and not make them one-dimensional. It just feels well-balanced, and I really respect the author for that.

I probably gave the star-rating a bit of a boost for that reason alone. The mystery aspect of the novel was so-so, but the 4-star rating is mostly for the great characters and setting.

So, in order for my average book size to exceed 300 pages, I need to read a book that is 341 pages.

The book I want to read next is over 350 pages.



...now I just have to finish it before the end of the month.

>110 Ape: Double argh! That's hurting my head, too.

>111 Ape: Holy crap! There is a person there. And a girl! You must've sampled the Gatorade before looking at books. But to be fair, I noticed the snake first, so we'll overlook that cover oopsy. :P

Congrats on all the book shopping! :) I don't think I've eaten at the Olive Garden either. Maybe in my carnivore childhood, but if I did, I don't remember it. How're the lights? Was it one of those where you had to pay or donate food or something?

LMAO @ >113 Ape:. Yep, makes total sense to me! :P

>119 Ape: You can do it! Or I think that little tyke might shove that handful of sand somewhere dark and make you productive.

>118 Ape: And now I must seek out my audio book and find out who done it. I agree with your assessments: she drops enough hints and clues to keep me interested in the mystery, but the overall story seems to be over coming the "lack of status" of a woman.

Well, Cheers! and get busy reading that 350+ page book! You can make it!

Sara: Haha, to be fair, I noticed the snake first as well, and bought it primarily for that reason.

Olive Garden actually has a vegan menu you can look into. They don't use eggs or dairy in their pastas, but most of their sauces use dairy, unfortunately.

The lights were cool, it was actually done on private property by the people who owned the place, nothing professional or anything. The just so happened to have a pond behind their house and a gravel road around it, so they just went crazy with the lights and allow anyone to drive through their property that wants to. It's free, but there is a donation box at the end.

Here's a picture of the main house that you drive by as you enter the place:



And this is the furthest you get from the house. You can't see the pond, but you can tell it is there by the reflection yo see in the middle of the picture. The sea serpent is right on the edge of the water so it looks like it's in the pond when you are further away.

Kimberly: The mystery aspect wasn't why I was reading it, but it is satisfying once it gets going. Still, though, it was the feminist aspect that had the most appeal for me. :)

Glad you loved Mistress of Art and Death, I've been wanting to read that one.

Fantasy light drives are fun. Up here they do one with ice sculptures. Olive garden is great, right now though we have been enjoying this place called moose tooth. It is italian food but most go for the interesting pizza's and it is also a micro brewery. yumm. Good luck on trying to get another book finished. I have like three started but I downloaded Final Fantasy 7. My free time as little as it is, is there.

>122 Ape: Pretty!

>122 Ape: That's cool the Olive Garden are vegetarian/vegan friendly. Yumm...kids tomato sauce. *wonders if it has really kids in it* :P

Those are awesome lights! :) Thanks for posting them. I love the sea serpent.

Rachel: Well, I read it, so now everyone else has to, obviously. Get reading! :P

Xymon: I'm all for interesting pizza. As someone who has "pizza night" once a week with family, I crave anything other than the standard 3-4 pizzas over and over again. I'm a fan of chicken/bacon myself.

Micky: Indeed! And the lights are constantly flashing/flickering so the snapshots only show a portion of the lights.

Sara: Sorry, no children in the kids tomato sauce. Maybe it comes with a cheap toy sponsored by a Disney movie though? :P

For my Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Holiday image this year (we are so diverse!), I've chosen this photograph by local photographer Mark Lenoce of the pier at Pacific Beach to express my holiday wishes to you: Peace on Earth and Good Will toward All!

Beautiful, Roni! :)

>128 Ape: *pouts* I suppose I could use the toy to lure a kid into their kitchen. Thanks for the idea! ;)

Xymon: Haha, I'm only mildly ashamed to admit I already looked at the menu...and pictures on Yelp. :P

Sara: That's not what I meant! Well, whatever works for you, I guess. :P

Have a lovely holiday, Stephen.

Merry Christmas Stephen! I miss chatting with you on Yahoo!

There is no chance that I will manage to get caught up with the threads but I had to make sure that I stopped by your thread Stephen to wish you a wonderful Christmas!

Thanks everyone, Happy holidays! :)

I won't go around posting pictures on everyone's thread, but a little treat for all of my wonderful LT friends.

Yay! That is sick. But you gotta love the "stocking" feet. :D

Yeah, and don't those blood-encrusted candy canes look delicious? :P

Just a heads up in terms of reading-related stuff. I will probably finish my current book in the next couple days. Since I plan to read a 300+ page nonfiction book with smallish text next there is no way I'll finish it before the end of the year, so I'll probably go ahead and do my December summary and year-end stats a couple days early, and I'll create a 2016 thread after I finish with that.

The best gift of all!

: )

Except baked goods maybe...and sexual favors. :P

I am a horrible baker and my hubby gets all the latter... ; P

Poor boy!! LOL.

So thoughtful! *waves and returns hugs*

>138 Ape: LOL

Hope you had a good holiday. :)

Kim: Maybe it's like when someone likes music but you don't know what to get them, so you get them a gift card to a music store. Except it's a bakery, with sexual favors.

Jennifer: Thanks! I had a sort-of good holiday. I got books and baked goods, so I'm 2/3rds happy. :P Hope yours was good too! :)

Yum!

Nom nom nom

54. Mort(e) by Robert Repino



Pages: 358
Rating: 5/5
Publication date: 2015

Apocalypse/Dystopia
Library Checkout

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mort(e) was just a housecat named Sebastian before the change. A cat who spent his day protecting the family that rescued him, and observing the "outside world" through the various windows in the house. Then one day he realized he could understand speech, and read words. He didn't know this was all planned by the ants, lead by an intelligent and vindictive queen hell-bent on destroying humanity for being "lesser beings." She releases a chemical worldwide that gives animals human-like minds and bodies, while breeding enormous soldier ants, and uses them both to systematically eradicate the human race.

Mort(e) will become a war hero for the animal kingdom, but wonders what it is they have really inherited. Are they really any better than their human predecessors? That is the question that haunts Mort(e), and it is also the common theme throughout the book - what it means to be human, and embracing it for what it is. All the wonderful things about it, and all of the ugly faults, what this book offers is a glimpse into something that is anti-human in both better and worse ways, and whether that alternative is any improvement over what we experience in the real world today.

I loved pretty much everything about this book, except the fanatical religious aspect towards the end. I understand the point, again, it's about analyzing aspects of humanity and then displaying the opposite behavior in the ant society, but though I understand it from a literary standpoint, it felt too extreme and one-dimensional, so it was a bit of a put-off towards the end of the book.

Overall, though, it's a great novel. I'm sure it's a tough sell for a lot of people, an apocalyptic/dystopian novel about giant ant invaders and talking animals isn't likely to be taken seriously by a lot of people, but I found it to be a rewarding read in the end.

I have most of my stats worked out, but I still need to format them all pretty-like, so I'll probably just post them sometime tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll go ahead and do my December summary, since I can say for certain I won't be finishing another book.

Edit: There IS a chance I could finish another game this month, actually. *Shrug* Oh well, I'm less meticulous about that anyway.

December Summary:

Books: 4
Pages: 1,465

Fiction: 4
Nonfiction: 0

Owned: 3
Library checkout: 1

Video Game summary:

Games played: 3

Playstation Vita: 1
Playstatinon 3: 0
Playstation 4: 0
PC: 2

>138 Ape: Love it! But probably best that you didn't go around and post that in everyone's threads! ;) Just one week to go, you don't think you'll finish another book?

>140 Ape: Absolutely! Why else are candy canes red except to imitate bloody bones? ;)

>151 Berly: *snorts* Oh where or where to put the candle! :P

>153 Ape: Yay for cat books! :)

>155 Ape: & >156 Ape: Nice stats! :) I still love that game cover for Child of Light. So cute.

>157 The_Hibernator: Oh, he could've posted it on my thread. I wouldn't have minded. ;) I think if we inject him with caffeine, he could do it!

>158 saraslibrary: (>155 Ape: >156 Ape:) nice stats? Or nice baps / tats. Some of these things mean body parts.

>159 LovingLit: :D Good reminder! Nice tatted baps...paps? Yep, dyslexia is kicking in.

Rachel: Well, there are only 4 days left to go, and since I've done my stats, I can say that I finish a book every 6.75 days. Plus, I'm reading a nonfiction book, which will go slower than average. So, no, I don't think I'll finish another book by the end of the year.

Sara: Haha, I didn't even think of the candle issue. I'm sure we could find some "naughty" candles to use as well. :P

Megan: Oh, the bap motherload is on the way. ...maybe. I didn't get around to making them look nice for the thread, and I forgot to sort all my books by rating, which takes awhile. If I don't get it all done tonight I'll post it tomorrow for sure. (Maybe.)

Describe yourself: The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, without question.
Describe how you feel: Red Planet Blues
Describe where you currently live: This Dark Earth
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Your favorite form of transportation: Pod
Your best friend is: A Nameless Witch... *Dodges various thrown objects from LT friends*
You and your friends are: Bad Monkeys
What’s the weather like: The Foreshadowing might actually be appropriate...
You fear: The War of the Worlds
What is the best advice you have to give: Beat the Reaper
Thought for the day: I seriously never have an answer for this one.
How I would like to die: Embedded. Does that sound dirty? It was supposed to...
My soul’s present condition: Secondhand Souls

~~2015 Reading Stats~~

Books read: 54
Pages read: 16,217

Average book size: 300 pages

I averaged:
44 pages per day
311 pages per week
1,351 pages per month

On average, I finished a book ever: 6.75 days

~~Fiction/Nonfiction~~
Fiction books read: 42
Noncition books read: 12

Fiction - average rating: 3.50
Nonfiction - average rating: 3.83

~~Gender~~
Books by male authors: 43
Books by female authors: 11

Male authors - average rating: 3.60
Female authors - average rating: 3.56

~~Owned Vs. Public Library~~
Owned: 36
Library: 18

~~Genres~~

Number Read:
Science Fiction: 12
Historical Fiction: 9
Horror: 6
Humor: 6
Mystery: 6
Thriller: 6
Fantasy: 5
Dystopia/Apocalypse: 5

Average rating:
Fantasy: 4.20
Humor: 4.00
Dystopia/Apocalypse: 4.00
Science Fiction: 3.50
Horror: 3.50
Historical Fiction: 3.22
Thriller: 2.83
Mystery: 2.67

Increasingly dismal year-by-year stats. Except I'm on a barely-perceptible upswing. Sort of.

Books read:
2009: 81
2010: 87
2011: 81
2012: 75
2013: 53
2014: 54
2015: 54

Pages read:
2009: 24,492
2010: 25,958
2011: 19,935
2012: 19,168
2013: 17,643
2014: 16,073
2015: 16,217

Average book size:
2009: 302 pages
2010: 298 pages
2011: 246 pages
2012: 255 pages
2013: 333 pages
2014: 297 pages
2015: 300 pages

Average pages read per day:
2009: 67 pages
2010: 71 pages
2011: 54 pages
2012: 52 pages
2013: 48 pages
2014: 44 pages
2015: 44 pages

Not dismal, not barely perceptible upswing: you found your maintainable reading level with a pretty near-consistency over the last 3 years ;)

>162 Ape: Great answers! I got a definite chuckle from a few of those.

And you have way more stats than I do, so congrats!

Katie: Haha, yeah, I've noticed how consistent I've been lately! I kind of liked it better when I was actually completing the challenge though...

Misti: Thanks! *Blushes*

Kim: It's not the size of your, uh, stats, y'know... :P

I giggled over your meme answers. Nicely done!

Pfffft, I've never 'completed' the challenge of 75 (it's more of a suggestion, really, isn't it? lol). Everyone gets the number that worked for them that year, and I think we're a better community that way. No one is kicked out for coming up short. And not-so-secret, my tbr pile couldn't handle the book bullets if everyone did reach 75, haha. Also, I think that we all connect with each other over our non-bookosphere goals we reach, which I totally count ;P Like strides in interpersonal communication, other geekery, careers, etc.

Just my rambly, sleep deprived two-cents :)

>161 Ape: I still say we hook you up to a caffeine IV and put a book in your hand....

:D Yeah, I have no doubt there are some phallic/weird candles out there. Keeping it clean, I wonder if they have pet tail candles out there... even My Little Pony ones... hmm. *off to google weird candles*

>162 Ape: *throws used candle @ Stephen*

>163 Ape: & >164 Ape: Nice stats! :) I wish I could say mine will be as detailed... but no.

LOL @ 170. Definitely a suggestion. ;)

Increasingly dismal year-by-year stats. Except I'm on a barely-perceptible upswing. Sort of.

I did far worse!

Micky: Thanks! :)

Katie: Yeah, at the start of the year I actually said I just wanted to reach 50 books this year, which I completed last month. :)

Sara: Was that a recently-used candle? Because that would be more painful, I think....

I don't blame you for not having detailed stats, since you read a million books and it would take forever. :P

Bryony: Yeah, but you looked better doing it, right? :P

~~~~~~~~IMPORTANT~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~IMPORTANT~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~IMPORTANT~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~IMPORTANT~~~~~~~~

For those who wish to follow me into 2016, I have my thread up here!

http://www.librarything.com/topic/210638#
http://www.librarything.com/topic/210638#
http://www.librarything.com/topic/210638#

One last thing: Top 5 books of 2015!

1) The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman


2) This Dark Earth by John Hornor Jacobs


3) The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester


4) The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells


5) Mort(e) by Robert Repino

>173 Ape: Of course it was recently used! Why would I throw a new, clean candle at you? :P

If I were really crazy, I would do stats for my CDs and DVDs! o.0

>174 Ape: Thanks for the link to spam you on! ;)

>175 Ape: Nice choices! :) Did you or are you going to add them to the LT list?

>162 Ape: - The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove. What an awesome title and what a great answer to the meme question. Stephen, if fear that you are incorrigible. ;-)

Happy New Year, Stephen!