Lover Awakened

In the third Black Dagger Brotherhood book, Bella has survived mental and physical torture for the past six weeks at the hands of a lesser. When the brotherhood finally rescues her, she’s lost and confused, and only feels safe around Zsadist, the vampire warrior whom she’s dreamed about for so long.
Zsadist is the most tormented of the brothers. After a century of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as a blood slave, he believes himself to be unworthy and dirty. He doesn’t trust easily. He’s loyal to the brotherhood, but he’s not friends with any of the brothers. He’s cruel, rude, and able to kill without blinking an eye. Until Bella.
Z’s twin, Phury, is racked with guilt. He’s constantly worrying about his brother, and show more he’s so stressed he’s turned to drugs to help him level out. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to help Z, even give up Bella, the woman he cares about.
This is an amazing story, and I can see why it’s a fan favorite. I cried a few times. Bella and Zsadist are wonderful, broken characters. Z keeps his pain bottled up inside. He only feels anger and hatred, no other emotions. Bella breaks through his walls and forces him to grow as a person and find his humanity. It was beautiful and heart wrenching.
In the previous two books, I couldn’t relate to the brothers as a whole. In this book, I finally saw them as a family unit and realized how deep their emotions are for one another.
Several different plot lines run alongside the main romance, which feature: Butch, John, Phury, Rehvenge, and Mr. O (the villain). Butch and Marissa’s story is up next. I’m a big Butch fan, but I’m not so crazy about Marissa.
I knew it was coming (I’ve researched this series before reading it), but I was shocked with how Tohr lost Wellsie. The aftermath and Tohr’s breakdown will surely be hard to read in later books.
I didn’t like Bella’s brother, Rehvenge. He’s a drug-dealing pimp who traffics women and drugs through his nightclub, and he wants to keep Bella under house arrest to protect her. I don’t mind overprotective brothers, but I don’t like double standards, especially those that are so extreme. After all, those “whores,” as Rehv calls them, are somebody else’s daughter and possible sister. Hopefully, he’ll find a way to redeem himself.
There are some unusual word choices and phrases. For example: the word “boot,” as in shoe, is never used. Instead, it’s “shitkicker.” I can see the warriors using that because they sometimes talk like gangstas, but vampire civilians and humans use it, too, so it feels awkward to me.
Anyway, I absolutely loved this story. It’s my favorite so far in the series.
5 Stars show less

This is hands down my favorite book so far in the BDB series. Zsadist is such a tortured soul and I was just itching to get his and Bella's story from their first steamy encounters in the previous book. Zsadist's tender care of Bella as she recovers from the abduction, and his reliving of the memories that have haunted him for years as a blood slave are so well done. This is really JR Ward at her finest!

Reread March 2020: I had forgotten how much I adored this book. I really think these first books in the series are JR Ward’s very best. The love triangle with Z/Phury and Bella comes off the page in a way that’s so painful to read it’s palpable. You feel sorry for both of them. The opening chapters with Bella’s rescue and show more recovery were breathlessly exciting. The development of the relationships of JM, Tohr and Wellsie was so well done. Even knowing what will happen with Wellsie, I was still on the edge of my seat. All the B stories are really interesting and well balanced with the main romance.

I really love the Vishous we get in these early books. He’s philosophical, the future-seer, wise. In later books, we get a different side of Vishous, one I’m not really as keen on, and I’m really enjoying this reread, because this uber-intelligent mysterious version of his character was the one that totally got me hooked.

But of course my favorite part is still the delicious relationship of Z and Bella. Those two sizzle on page together. I devoured this reread in little bites, reading a few chapters a day and loving every bit.

A few interesting things I noted: This is the first book where Phury’s red smoke habit is introduced. I had forgotten the fun Reverend/Rehvenge reveal!

Trigger Warnings: rape, sexual assault, torture show less

Content warning: Going into this one, I knew it was going to be a rough book. I think it could be very triggering for anyone who has been a victim of sexual assault or even a kidnapping. This series sometimes dates itself with the views on homosexuality and masculinity. I’m hoping that more recent books have improved upon this.

This one didn’t have me sobbing like the previous one, but I think I know why. Rhage has such a big personality, while Mary is so sweet. Because of that, seeing them go through pain was very hard. With Zsadist and Bella, I already knew the pain was coming, so I was more prepared and was able to steel myself up first. What I wasn’t prepared for was Z’s relationship with Phury and what Phury did for him, show more both in the past and the present.

Bella is so strong. She went through hell, but when she sees Zsadist suffering, she doesn’t hesitate to help him. It’s not that she puts aside her pain to help a man; instead, she’s able to shoulder them both. She knows when to give into her pain and seek help, and she knows how to offer that same comfort.

I love how Zsadist makes the conscious decision to work on improving himself and it’s not just that Bella magically heals him. And that epilogue did have me tearing up. Nalla.

O is one of the most terrifying types villains because he’s frighteningly realistic. He’s basically an incel, being a lesser. And he’s an abuser. He’s a misogynist and a manipulator. He’s the man women are taught to be afraid of but often find themselves irrevocably tied to.

I like how Ward sets up other character’s stories ahead of their books, even though I sometimes want to just rush through those parts to get back to the main plotline. But I know that those other parts are very important for the overall series. It’s very well done. show less

I read this vampire romance/adventure because of rachelmanija’s review, which suggested that it might be in my wheelhouse. Sadly, it wasn’t. Hero: suffered decades of slavery, including sexual abuse, and now abuses his own body and thinks he’s irreparably dirty. Heroine: rescued from bad guys by hero, teaches him to love. (1) As it turns out, I can’t take a book seriously where the vampires have names like Zsadist and Phury and Rhevenge, and they add extra ‘h’s to other words that mean what the regular English words mean (sehclusion, ahvenge, I can’t go on). (2) Also, there are no men and women, only “males” and “females,” and not just in the sex scenes (though it got to grating there too). (3) The bad guys call show more themselves Lessers, and not ironically. (4) Way too much gender essentialism for me (like, more than Sime/Gen levels), plus a lot of bad gay rapists and weird “no homo” male appreciation of other males’ bodies—the author didn’t seem to endorse homophobia, but I wasn’t enjoying the rest enough to make fine distinctions. (5) Relatedly, vampire society accepts total male control over female members of “good” families; various people in the story resist this as applied to the heroine in particular, but everyone seems to agree with the general aristocratic hierarchy. (6) Also relatedly, the hero in particular (but not alone) thinks about how the whores he fucked didn’t matter, but he can’t inflict himself on the pure heroine, and as a bonus this is tangled up with his belief that rough sex = not love and tender Sarah McLachlan sex = love; again the author didn’t seem wholly on board but again I was not in a forgiving mood.

I can understand why this might work for someone else, especially with scenes in which a woman is crying, the man apologizes for “hurt[ing] your feelings or something,” and she tells him “I’m not hurt, I’m pissed off and sexually frustrated.” In between the stuff I found preposterous, there were real human moments. I think it might be a bit like Twilight, in that there’s gender essentialism I find horrific, interspersed with real concern for female pleasure. show less

Lover Awakened is an amazing story that takes the reader on an emotional roller coaster ride from start to finish. It is, in my opinion, the best of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series so far. I loved the way that the author took a character who was described by his own twin brother as not merely broken, but ruined, and carefully put him back together piece by piece. This was a powerful story of redemption and unselfish love at it's finest. While I often get emotionally invested in the stories I read, it is rare that a story makes me cry, but Lover Awakened had me tearing up several times. I simply found it to be incredibly moving. The plot was tight and the characterizations were multi-layered and complex. The last hundred pages or so show more of the book had me reeling from all the plot twists and turns, but greatly appreciative of J. R. Ward's intelligent use of them. Just as I was beginning to be unsure whether I liked the path the story was taking, she would change something and make me smile or sigh at the sheer perfection of it. One of the reasons I appreciate the romance genre so much is the happily-ever-after endings. I don't think I could have asked for a happier ending for Zsadist and Bella, and I felt that no one could have been more deserving of that happy ending than they were, especially Zsadist.

I absolutely love a good tortured hero, and I can't think of very many romantic heroes who could be characterized as more tortured than Zsadist. I found him to be a very sympathetic character who exhibited a touching vulnerability even when he was just a secondary character in the earlier novels. He showed a tremendous strength of will to have survived all that he did, and yet the abuse had left him as little more than a shell, emotionally dead and harboring many fears and dysfunctions. I felt that all of his reactions to Bella and his feelings for her were very believably written. I loved the way that Ms. Ward took Zsadist through a recovery process step by step, building on each breakthrough one at a time. It was much like watching a butterfly emerge from it's cocoon. After going through a tremendous struggle, there is nothing left but sheer beauty. One thing that has always impressed me about the Black Dagger Brotherhood series is it's heroes. They are hardened, lethal warriors on the outside, but when they are bonded with their females, they become tender and passionate on the inside. They also always honor, cherish and respect their females. In spite of his hang-ups, Zsadist was no different. I adored his protective nature towards Bella, and most of all his selfless love that caused him to set aside his own fears and insecurities to place her needs above his own. I found this to be a heady brew of swoon-worthy story-telling at it's best.

I found Bella to be a wonderful heroine. She, like Zsadist, also showed great strength and intelligence in surviving her captivity at the hands of the lesser. She later displayed tremendous courage, as well as how a female can be as protective of her mate as a male can be. I thought that Bella proved that she could be nearly as tough as the Brotherhood, while still being kind and caring. She was gentle with Zsadist, helping him to overcome the pain of the past while freely giving him her love and passion. I also found her boldness to be admirable. She never seemed to be afraid to say the things that needed to be said or do the things that needed to be done, yet this boldness carried a stark honesty and humility about it. She didn't come through as being ill-tempered or superior, but simply as one who was telling the truth in a straightforward way, often saying things that Zsadist really needed to hear even though he didn't initially believe them. That's not to say that Bella was perfect. At times she became angry and frustrated, and I have to say that I was a bit surprised by a plot twist decision that she made near the end of the book. However, that decision opened the door for Zsadist to make even more positive changes in his life.

As with the previous novels in the series, Ms. Ward has done a wonderful job of creating an intriguing world full of secondary characters that make the reader want to continue the series to find out what happens next. I was particularly impressed with Zsadist's twin brother Phury. His unwavering devotion to Zsadist, while perhaps emotionally unhealthy at times, was incredibly touching nonetheless. Phury would literally do anything for Zsadist, and over the years, despite episodes of doubt, was really the only one who believed that there was still something good left inside of him. I think that because of their special twins connection, Phury has also been living half a life for a great many years. I will be anxiously waiting to read his story and hope that he gets as happy an ending as Zsadist did. I was pleased with the continued development of John's character and will be looking forward to seeing more of him in the future. I found the tentative friendship between Zsadist and John to be endearing, and hope that there will be a continued building of that friendship as well. There were also a couple of surprising cliffhangers that I will be eagerly anticipating a resolution for, one involving Tohr and the other involving a totally unexpected plot twist surrounding Butch and Vishous.

I have to give Ms. Ward kudos for really bringing her characters to life in a truly believable way. Even though this is a mythical, fantasy story, it is so vividly rendered as to make me feel that these vampires could actually exist in our world. I found the story to be incredibly compelling and difficult to put down. I do wish though that the trauma that Bella experienced at the hands of the lesser had been explored more fully, but since Zsadist was such an incredibly complex character, I can understand that there probably just wasn't enough space to go into detail with this. I was also bothered by the author's use of the word “love” to describe The Mistress's “feelings” toward Zsadist and Mr. O's “feelings” toward Bella. Their actions were just so evil, sadistic and obsessive that I had a hard time stomaching “love” in the same sentence. A last minor annoyance was Ms. Ward's altering of common English words, usually using the letter “h”, to create new words that describe the vampire rituals and traditions. Unlike some readers, I am not bothered by this alteration in the vampire names, as I've always felt that exotic creatures are deserving of exotic names. I just felt that in the other context, the usual English words would have sufficed, or perhaps she could have been a bit more creative with those words. I would also warn sensitive readers that this book contains strong, explicit language and violence, including sexual abuse and it's intense psychological aftermath. Overall, I found this book to be a truly exciting, action-packed, and very romantic read that has earned a place on my keeper shelf, which is surprising even to me, who up until a month or so ago had never even read a paranormal romance. Lover Awakened is the third book in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. It is preceded by Dark Lover and Lover Eternal, and is followed by Lover Revealed and Lover Unbound, with Lover Enshrined due to be released this summer. J. R. Ward also writes contemporary romances under the name Jessica Bird. show less

My favorite so far. Tortured, ruined, broken - those words were used to describe Zsadist since his introduction in this series. His past was hinted at throughout the first two books. His suffering was worse than I imagined once he started revealing everything through his eyes. Zsadist's POV is told in the third person in his flashbacks. That heightens the perception that he wasn't seen as a person, but a thing, a possession to satisfy a sadistic woman's needs. It wasn't that he was just a pretty face, but she was fixated on one part of his anatomy, and only that. That remains his issue later on when confronted with intimacy - he refers to his member as "it" and feels dirty inside and out. Add to that his disfigurement in the form of show more marring scars and he feels completely unworthy of Bella's attentions. He even goes so far as to talk himself into believing she's pitying him or just wants to bag a "bad boy".

I thought Bella was a great character. I liked that she was a tough cookie and that she knew what she wanted and went after it. At some point I did ask myself if she shouldn't just give up and retain a little dignity, but she really cared enough for Zsadist to allow the constant push and pull.

A bit of humor towards the end that was really quite funny, given the circumstances. Two words: Sixteen hours!

Just read it! :) show less

I'll admit it - I love seriously fucked up main characters, male or female. I can't say exactly why, because I don't know - maybe reading about them make me feel less fucked up in life? I'm not sure. Anyway, Zsadist is one of the most fucked up characters I've come across in fiction thus far (and I knew that he would be, based on the first two books in the series!). And I enjoyed reading about him because of it. Yes, I'm a sick puppy.

A blood and sex slave who, for a hundred years, was repeatedly raped and drugged and beaten and chained, Zsadist is seriously messed up in the head. He sleeps on the floor beside a skull (the origin of which is related later in the story), refuses to use air conditioning or heat in his room (or the bed, for show more that matter), barely eats (because the food he was served while in captivity was often drugged to make him more docile), and is instantly marked as "other" because of his blood slave tattoos and scars (and, since vampires heal quickly from wounds and almost never scar, those really stand out in their society). He's also scary as hell and has the social skills of a gnat. Not exactly the typical romantic hero. I'm already intrigued.

And then there's Bella, who is inexplicably (in Zsadist's mind, as well as pretty much everyone else who knows Zsadist) attracted to Zsadist. Except she's kidnapped in Lover Eternal by some lessers. And that's what ultimately fuels the romance that will bud between her and Zsadist, because he really, really didn't want to go there in Lover Eternal (getting sick - literally - after finding out that she is attracted to him). Bella was abused while being held captive, which rather makes Zsadist (scarily - nearly everyone is sure that he's going to attack her at any given point) bond with her.

I think the author did a great job of painting a realistic view of Bella and Zsadist's relationship (until the end, at least, which felt rushed). They don't just fall into bed - there's a lot of pushing away and false starts. Once Zsadist and Bella finally do hook up, Zsadist's first instinct is to shove Bella into the shower and clean her up because he's soiled her, which felt very authentic, especially since he keeps insisting that he is corrupted and polluted earlier in the book. And Zsadist is completely detached from his body, which I can only imagine a hundred years of abuse would do to a person.

I also like how the author explains some of Zsadist's prior behavior, which at time comes across as creepy as hell, once the reader knows about his past (his skulking around and hiding in the shadows, for example, makes him look like a creeper, but in context, he doesn't like people looking at him because he had more than his fair share of that as a blood slave).

The ending is too neat for my tastes, but one can't have it all, I suppose. show less