Jill Bolte Taylor

Ever since I read "Breakdown" by Stuart Sutherland, I've been intrigued by a particular kind of book. A professional used to viewing something in the abstract finds themselves having a strong, personal and often painful experience which relates to their area of expertise and study.

With Stuart Sutherland it was an experimental psychologist experiencing mental illness, here it is neural scientist Jill Bolte Taylor's experience of a haemorrhagic stroke (bleed rather than clot). Strokes, like show more episodes of mental illness, come in many and varied forms, so it's unwise to generalise too much from one person's experience - but there's food for thought for medical and care professionals, as well as for the loved ones of a recovering stroke patient. Many who suffer a stroke are unable to recover in the way that the author has been able to and share their experience.

Jill Bolte Taylor interprets a lot of her experiences through the prism of her views on left brain/right brain function, which not all readers may agree with. As a scientist and communicator, she seems to have been profoundly affected by the loss of her analytical and language functions, most of which were regained over time or relearnt - but only with very considerable effort.

Like many highly personal accounts, it's best to take from it what you find inspiring, useful, and instructive, while not treating it as a guide. Some of the most striking parts of the book are those which relate to early treatment and assessment, what made for good care, and observations on attitudes of medical staff, friends and family. These were things the author couldn't find ways to communicate at the time, but had very strong feelings about.

Some key phrases:

"See that I am a wounded animal, not a stupid animal. I am vulnerable and confused."

“Although many of us may think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think”

“Over the course of several years, if I didn’t respect my brain’s need for sleep, my sensory systems experienced agonizing pain and I became psychologically and physically depleted.” show less

“Stroke is the number one disabler in our society and four times more strokes occur in the left hemisphere, impairing language.”

This neuroscientist had a massive stroke in her left hemisphere, wiping out much of her ability to speak and understand language and math, or think in our normal linear fashion. Reading this profound and insightful book, it’s apparent she managed to make an impressive recovery. Because of her brain scientist background, she is able to colorfully take us show more through the experience of that stroke (including post-stroke surgery to remove a large blood clot) and her patient, difficult recovery that took eight years. It’s like having a trail guide with knowledge of the local terrain and flora and fauna so extensive that she can comfortably and entertainingly give you highlights you can understand.

Her stroke shutting down her left hemisphere had a huge silver lining. Our left hemisphere is the one that chatters all the time, making observations and judgments and telling us stories - not all of them true. It’s the one that in meditation we try to calm, quiet and eventually silence. In her case, it left her right hemisphere for the first time (in adulthood) unfettered and free.

“My consciousness no longer retained the discriminatory functions of my dominant analytical left brain. Without those inhibiting thoughts, I had stepped beyond my perception of myself as an individual. Wihout my left brain . . . My consciousness ventured unfettered into the peaceful bliss of my divine right mind.”

The right brain gives us gestalt, “big picture” thinking, and normally the two halves work together to create and understand our experience. The stroke left her with an oceanic feeling of tranquil connection with everything in the universe - a tempting place to stay and live. She felt “fluid” rather than solid and separate in the normal way.

“AlthoughI rejoiced in my perception of connection to all that is, I shuddered at the awareness that I was no longer a normal human being. How on earth would I exist as a member of the human race with this heightened perception that we are each a part of it all, and that the life force energy within each of us contains the power of the universe? How could I fit into our society when I walk the earth with no fear? I was, by anyone’s standard, no longer normal. In my own unique way, I had become severely mentally ill.”

This desire to connect with others in a normal, human way motivated her to take on the arduous, humbling work of recovery. At the beginning, she could barely speak, barely (and not often) understand others, and could engage in linear thinking only briefly, after which she’d need a lot of sleep. Speaking loudly to her didn’t help - she wasn’t deaf! She humorously identifies some of her pet peeves with doctors, nurses and visitors. She credits her mother with incredible, patient care (the author had actually been somewhat neglected as a young child with older siblings). Her mother realized she needed slow, step by step learning, akin to a toddler. The ultimate result was this book (she’s also a frequent speaker, urging people to donate their post-death brains to Harvard for study).

How she learns to balance the two sides of her brain, and change the negative left side loops that had impeded her enjoyment of life is a fascinating story.

“My stroke of insight would be: Peace is only a thought away, and all we have to do to access it is to silence the voice of our dominating left mind.”

Her ordeal left her with the enviable ability to experience “Nirvana” (which she describes as filled with “compassion and joy”) whenever she likes, and adeptly bring balance and joy to her experience of life. The abrupt smashing of her life and her arduous journey back to “normal” make for an exhilarating journey for the reader, full of life lessons to think about. All this in a slim, 180+ page volume. We just started February, but this may well end up my favorite book of the year.

P.S. My stroke happened in my right hemisphere, so none of this cool stuff for me, just re-educating the left side of my body in particular to move in a normal way. show less

Why is a book about a brain scientist's experience of having a stroke gracing the pages of my religion blog?

Because it was a religious experience. Jill's massive stroke caused the left half of her brain to shut down. The side responsible for linear, logical thinking. So what remains?

It’s not so much that the two hemispheres process different information; a person can survive with only half a brain. The difference is in the way the two sides think. To the right side, no time exists but the show more present moment, and each moment is vitally alive, the moment of now being timeless and abundant. Our right mind is the big-picture side, spontaneous and carefree, imaginative and artistic, uninhibited and empathic. We walk in the shoes of another and feel their feelings from the right side of our brain.

By contrast, the left side of our brain is detail-oriented. It is organized and deductive, logical and analytical, able to divide past from present from future. Our left brain conquers the world we live in. Our left brain is also the part of us most responsible for identifying the I. It carefully draws the boundaries between us and the rest of the world, protects us from hurt, preserves our precious identity. It revels in our individuality and strives for our independence.

So, what happens when you find all sense of I gone, and you're left swimming in a universal and eternal sea of brotherhood, suddenly at one with the universe? And, more important: Can we tap the right side of our brains?

Drive fast to your bookstore and pick up this book. Go now. show less

What an astonishing, breathtaking book. The worst thing in the world happens to the single human most qualified to understand what was happening to her, how to heal herself, and how to move forward. This is a book that contains an infinite number of elucidating takeaways, rendering it blessed with world-benefiting value: it's a book about positivity, knowledge, understanding of the brain, insight to recovery, lessons in joy, gratefulness, and, naturally, hope. Her post-stroke radiant show more positive attitude never seems cloying. Her presentation, her gestalt, is the genuine article. show less