Elaine Aron
Author of The Highly Sensitive Person. How to thrive when the world overwhelms you
About the Author
Elaine N. Aron, PhD, has published numerous articles in academic journals on the highly sensitive person, including surveys, laboratory experiments, and neuroimaging studies. Her writings on other topics include books, chapters, and journal articles on close relationships as well as co-authoring a show more statistics textbook. Her writing for the general public includes the best selling Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Child, and The Undervalued Self. Dr. Aron maintains a psychotherapy practice in the San Francisco Bay Area, teaches public and professional workshops, and continues her research on the trait of sensitivity. show less
Works by Elaine Aron
The Highly Sensitive Person. How to thrive when the world overwhelms you (1996) 2,800 copies, 33 reviews
The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Them (2002) 500 copies, 4 reviews
The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You (2000) 379 copies, 6 reviews
The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth (2010) 95 copies, 9 reviews
The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You (2020) 81 copies
Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person: Improving Outcomes for That Minority of People Who Are the Majority of Clients (2010) 32 copies, 1 review
Elaine N. Aron Collection 3 Books Set (The Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Child, Highly Sensitive Parent) (2021) 1 copy
Hochsensible Eltern: Zwischen Empathie und Reizüberflutung - wie Sie Ihrem Kind und sich selbst gerecht werden (2020) 1 copy
Associated Works
The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World (2004) — Foreword, some editions — 170 copies, 3 reviews
Tagged
Common Knowledge
- Legal name
- Aron, Elaine N.
- Birthdate
- 1944-11-01
- Gender
- female
- Education
- York University, Toronto (MA|Clinical Psychology)
Pacifica Graduate Institute, Santa Barbara (PhD|Clinical Depth Psychology)
University of California, Berkeley (Phi Beta Kappa)
C.G. Jung Institute, San Francisco (Intern) - Occupations
- psychotherapist
non-fiction author
clinical research psychologist
author
lecturer - Short biography
- From her website: Dr. Aron earned her M.A. from York University in Toronto in clincial psychology and her Ph.D. at Pacifica Graduate Institute in clinical depth psychology as well as interning at the C. G. Jung Institute in San Francisco. Besides beginning the study of the innate temperament trait of high sensitivity in 1991, she, along with her husband Dr. Arthur Aron, are two of the leading scientists studying the psychology of love and close relationships. They are also pioneers in studying both sensitivity and love using functional magnetic resonance imaging. She maintains a small psychotherapy practice in Mill Valley and San Francisco.
- Nationality
- USA
- Places of residence
- New York, New York, USA
San Francisco, California, USA
Belvedere Tiburon, California, USA - Associated Place (for map)
- California, USA
Members
Reviews
The Undervalued Self: Restore Your Love/Power Balance, Transform the Inner Voice That Holds You Back, and Find Your True Self-Worth by Elaine N. Aron
I’m not a fan of self-help books, though I confess to owning one or two. Despite its shortcomings, I had vague memories of finding some personal value in her earlier work, The Highly Sensitive Person, and was hoping this book would continue to build upon her previously explored themes given the obvious links between hypersensitivity and low self-esteem. Instead, I found this book a prime example of all I dislike about self-help books in general: sweeping pseudo-scientific generalizations show more presuming to validate her theory; the renaming, as opposed to the reframing of familiar terms (power into “rank” and relationships into “links”); trite and/or gag-inducing terms (“inner child,” “inner critic” or “inner-anything else”); cheesy questionnaires and checklists worded so that most everyone will exhibit symptoms of what the book is marketed to cure; a tendency to universalize and generalize the problem; and the coddling and somewhat condescending tone of a professional victim, coupled with a blinkered ‘why seek out a professional when all you need is to read my book’ DIY ethos. This book falls short in both psychological insight and in its value as a self-help tool. Disappointing overall. show less
This review was written for LibraryThing Early Reviewers.
A solid book explaining why some people are much more sensitive than others and how to deal with it if you are one of those people. The descriptions of hypersensitivity definitely resonate with my own experiences. I wish it went into much more detail on how to deal with it in real life. Aron tries to cover too many topics-- childhood experiences, work, relationships, etc.-- that makes the book seem a bit unfocused and the information/advice too general to be truly helpful in any practical way.
I was skeptical about the existence of "highly sensitive people" before I even read the book and I still am. I am as skeptical about the existence of "introverts" and "extraverts" and as Aron states, only a few people can be clearly defined as either one. This, and because one third of the "highly sensitive" are "extraverts", I find it somewhat strange that Aron excludes all but introverted HSPs from her study. (Also, she says in the book that the extraverted HSPs can only relax when show more surrounded by people - and I am left wondering how it is even possible for such a person to survive and does Aron understand extroverted HSPs at all?)
Although I don't identify myself with HSP or introverts/extraverts (and I don't think it is even necessary to have such categories), I could identify with most of the description of HSP (I believe anyone could). However, I didn't find it helpful. Perhaps I read it too late, but I think I already have traveled further into my inner world than the book could take me.
Some of the irritating traits/parts in the book:
1) References to the age (under 2 years old) that no one can possibly remember. Yes, this is the age when we are at the most vulnerable, but as I cannot remember the time, I cannot make peace with the things that took place then. I can talk to my parents, but their view point is subjective and I know what they did, they did from their hearts, no matter how wrong things might have gone. So I would rather concentrate on things that I can do something about than mourn the past. Sadly, the book gave little for this.
2) The part where Aron tells how HSPs can learn to communicate with the world. Really? Earlier she had stated (several times) how HSPs are intuitive and have an urge to please others - combine these two and you won't have to tell an HSP what other people want to hear. They should know it better than anyone - even if they are stressed and cannot act according to their knowledge. Later in the book there is a part where Aron tells hints how to talk to a doctor - similar hints could be useful for a normal conversation as well. At least I find myself so stressed in social situations that I often forget what to say and I feel a need to retreat to think over what the other person has said before I can answer.
3) The "test" where you go over your childhood traumas. I cannot understand how anyone, HSP or not, would not suffer from childhood poverty or sexual abuse. If HSPs get "traumatized" easier (or just react more strongly) to negative things than non-HSPs, I think the test should have been modified to include examples that were not so extreme - something that others perhaps didn't even notice or laughed about, but shattered the trust of someone described as HSP. There were also other "extreme" examples throughout the book that pushed me back a bit: although this book was supposed to offer some condolence, these examples just told me (once again) that "no, you cannot feel like this (or like shit) because you didn't suffer any real trauma in your childhood".
4) There are several moments when I doubt Aron actually understands people and their different motives/drivers and their distinct backgrounds at all. For example, the above mentioned "test" asks if there were fighting in your home when you were a child. For me there was no fighting, I was praying for fighting for five years, I was praying for anything that would stop the deafening silence. I hate stereotypes and simplifications and there are lots of them in this book, although it states several times that not everyone is the same.
Overall, the book had a way too condescending approach for me, and I was left wondering how so many people claim that it has changed their lives. It didn't change mine, but it still gave me something to think about (at least enough to write this). show less
Although I don't identify myself with HSP or introverts/extraverts (and I don't think it is even necessary to have such categories), I could identify with most of the description of HSP (I believe anyone could). However, I didn't find it helpful. Perhaps I read it too late, but I think I already have traveled further into my inner world than the book could take me.
Some of the irritating traits/parts in the book:
1) References to the age (under 2 years old) that no one can possibly remember. Yes, this is the age when we are at the most vulnerable, but as I cannot remember the time, I cannot make peace with the things that took place then. I can talk to my parents, but their view point is subjective and I know what they did, they did from their hearts, no matter how wrong things might have gone. So I would rather concentrate on things that I can do something about than mourn the past. Sadly, the book gave little for this.
2) The part where Aron tells how HSPs can learn to communicate with the world. Really? Earlier she had stated (several times) how HSPs are intuitive and have an urge to please others - combine these two and you won't have to tell an HSP what other people want to hear. They should know it better than anyone - even if they are stressed and cannot act according to their knowledge. Later in the book there is a part where Aron tells hints how to talk to a doctor - similar hints could be useful for a normal conversation as well. At least I find myself so stressed in social situations that I often forget what to say and I feel a need to retreat to think over what the other person has said before I can answer.
3) The "test" where you go over your childhood traumas. I cannot understand how anyone, HSP or not, would not suffer from childhood poverty or sexual abuse. If HSPs get "traumatized" easier (or just react more strongly) to negative things than non-HSPs, I think the test should have been modified to include examples that were not so extreme - something that others perhaps didn't even notice or laughed about, but shattered the trust of someone described as HSP. There were also other "extreme" examples throughout the book that pushed me back a bit: although this book was supposed to offer some condolence, these examples just told me (once again) that "no, you cannot feel like this (or like shit) because you didn't suffer any real trauma in your childhood".
4) There are several moments when I doubt Aron actually understands people and their different motives/drivers and their distinct backgrounds at all. For example, the above mentioned "test" asks if there were fighting in your home when you were a child. For me there was no fighting, I was praying for fighting for five years, I was praying for anything that would stop the deafening silence. I hate stereotypes and simplifications and there are lots of them in this book, although it states several times that not everyone is the same.
Overall, the book had a way too condescending approach for me, and I was left wondering how so many people claim that it has changed their lives. It didn't change mine, but it still gave me something to think about (at least enough to write this). show less
Someone suggested this book might give me ideas for my daughter. Elaine Aron is determined to confront and redefine this category of people, since as a group they tend to 'not fit in'. It opens with a test with questions such as: "I am easily overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens close by." and "I am conscientious." and "I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short time." and "When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what show more needs to be done." Having established the parameters she then gives 'the facts' about being an "HSP" such as that around 20% of the population fits under this definition, that there are obvious advantages in having 'sensitives' in your group, (kind of like the canary in the coal mine), that, however, our present-day culture, still very much an outgrowth of the Indo-European sweep into the west values action-oriented folk more than thoughtful ones. Other cultures (she cites Japan) value sensitive people and have a place for them - as monks, shamans, etc. She then makes a distinction that annoyed me greatly during the entire book, even though I don't disagree and have thought much the same thing, namely, making a division between the warrior-kings (Arthurs) and royal advisers (Merlins). The rest of the book examines the effects of being an HSP - how it impacts childhood, schooling, college, work, relationships.... each chapter covers a bit of new ground, refers back to her main points that being sensitive is a good thing despite the fact that our culture doesn't always accommodate or honor it. Lots of strategies of different kinds, lots of suggestions and encouragement.
The most important point, not new to me, but nicely put all the same is that the sensitive person needs to respect how quickly and easily they become over-stimulated -- and how that can appear to other people, as aloofness, shyness, arrogance. The social awkwardness, lack of grace under pressure can make us look incompetent or even strangely stupid or even possible cheaters in some way (say -- doing badly on a math test after handing in perfect homework) -- some of us actually talk too much when nervous -- or are so inconsistent people don't know what to make of us. Also HSP's tend to be weirdly naive about social machinations, at school and work..... and so easily deceived or passed over for promotions and so on. It is critical therefore to understand yourself, know how you appear to others, and figure out ways around it, ways to work it to your advantage not your detriment.
I heartily recommend it to anyone with these issues and/or who have children with these issues. For one, it will help you feel vindicated about approaching teachers etc. at your child's school, being clear and firm with them about what will and won't work. I plan to buy a couple of copies to donate to my daughter's school -- for the infirmary and for the advisers. And my local library, I think. My reservations are mainly about the chirpy style and the boring format that all of these books nowadays seem to have as if we all have the attention spans of fleas..... A little info, a few anecdotes, a quiz, some exercises, lots of changes in type face, I guess it fleshes it all out into book size when the message itself isn't all that complicated. **** show less
The most important point, not new to me, but nicely put all the same is that the sensitive person needs to respect how quickly and easily they become over-stimulated -- and how that can appear to other people, as aloofness, shyness, arrogance. The social awkwardness, lack of grace under pressure can make us look incompetent or even strangely stupid or even possible cheaters in some way (say -- doing badly on a math test after handing in perfect homework) -- some of us actually talk too much when nervous -- or are so inconsistent people don't know what to make of us. Also HSP's tend to be weirdly naive about social machinations, at school and work..... and so easily deceived or passed over for promotions and so on. It is critical therefore to understand yourself, know how you appear to others, and figure out ways around it, ways to work it to your advantage not your detriment.
I heartily recommend it to anyone with these issues and/or who have children with these issues. For one, it will help you feel vindicated about approaching teachers etc. at your child's school, being clear and firm with them about what will and won't work. I plan to buy a couple of copies to donate to my daughter's school -- for the infirmary and for the advisers. And my local library, I think. My reservations are mainly about the chirpy style and the boring format that all of these books nowadays seem to have as if we all have the attention spans of fleas..... A little info, a few anecdotes, a quiz, some exercises, lots of changes in type face, I guess it fleshes it all out into book size when the message itself isn't all that complicated. **** show less
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- 32
- Also by
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- Members
- 4,213
- Popularity
- #5,964
- Rating
- 3.7
- Reviews
- 54
- ISBNs
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