Rudolf Dreikurs (1897–1972)

The first half of this book made tons of sense. I really feel it has valuable things to say about how we should react impartially to a child's behavior, and try to understand why a child might react the way that he or she does, rather than getting involved in a power struggle. On the other hand, I felt that he was sometimes a little off-base in the end chapters. The book was written, if you are familiar with Meyers-Briggs typology at all, from a very 'thinking' rather than 'feeling' show more perspective. Perhaps I just don't understand my own unconscious well enough, but I feel that ignoring or grossly downplaying a child's hurt or fear, far from making him self-reliant, will only cause him to see YOU as uncaring. I know I would feel that someone was uncaring who allowed my sibling to give me a bloody nose, or my father to hit me, telling me that it was not their place to step in. Sure, you might become more 'self-reliant' in the face of that treatment, being left to fend for yourself, but at what emotional cost? Isn't there a middle road, showing concern for a child's well being while fostering independence? An interesting perspective, but I could never bring myself to follow the whole program, nor would I really want to. show less

I believe this books needs to be read with a good dose of time-capsule-awaredness. While there is certainly timeless knowledge within the book, there is also a sense of the good old days for what you can allow children to do safely.

Yes, you should learn to treat children as individuals, apart from siblings and any pre-conceived notions of age that you might have. But the world is a much scarier place than it was in 1964. The use of natural consequences when it comes to strangers is too great show more of a risk for me to allow with my children.

That said, I do believe that other natural consequences can do wonders for a child. Teaching a child that the world has order, and that learning the order can lead to happiness and that ignorance of the order can lead to dispair is something I think every person needs to learn. Unfortunately, I think that too many people today haven't yet learned this lesson, be their age 30 or 5. show less

Although this is an older parenting manual, the advice feels unique and fresh (though the language is somewhat dated in the 1964 edition I read. Lots of "Mothers" and "homemakers"). The crux of the book is understanding the evolving constellation of family relationships and encouraging each child with acknowledgment of their capabilities and unique qualities. Feels sound and sensible and should help parents avoid playing one child off the other or being played by the child. (AG, 12/23/09)

Many are the times I turned to this book while our children were young. It's been around for a while but still has value for those who want to raise children without shaming, blaming, etc. It fits the punishment to the crime, so to speak. It helped me put the various behaviors of our children in perspective so that the real problems being demonstrated could be addressed.