Andrew Solomon

(Lots of notes inflate the page count. Don't be intimidated; read this book.)

The first thing of concrete value that I am getting out of this is the importance of staying on your medications, if you take them. We may need to change the cocktail, we may need to take mini 'vacations', but don't taper off, and def. don't quit. We're basically messing with our brains, our most valuable parts of our bodies, and we don't want to make things even worse with cyclic treatments. The author explains it show more much better, more convincingly... I just wanted to tell us *now* in case any of us were thinking about trying to make a go of it with less medication.
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Once in awhile the author misses the point. For example, he does acknowledge that he has very good insurance and an incredible network of supportive friends and family. But he also characterizes those of us who use St. John's Wort as choosing it because it's 'natural.' No, we choose it because we can get it discretely, without prescription, without significant expense.
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I think I appreciate that the book is long. It's more readable than some non-fiction because it actually develops each concept, instead of racing on to the next; it doesn't try to engage us in 'turning pages' or staying up all night reading. Chapters and paragraphs are relatively long, too. Yet it's remarkably readable.
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I really appreciate the analysis of Populations. For example, when men are depressed, they're more likely to find that "depression can easily erupt as rage" and therefore we can suspect that many wife batterers and others are misdiagnosed. Also, the higher rate of depression in women can be viewed many ways and also through many interpretive lenses. Is it real? Is it a matter of over-reporting? Or, possibly, under-reporting? Is is sociological, because there are women are still disenfranchised and who feel less powerful, less able to speak out? Is it hormonal? And what about children? What about the fact that children whose mother is mildly depressed often suffer more than one is severely depressed? (Lots of other populations are explored, too. Fascinating.)
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At this point I started to read more lightly. I find it counter-productive to my health to read about Addictions or Politics.... But I did page through the entire book and am amazed by the wealth of wisdom and insight here.

Some more bookdart marked bits:

"[T]he depression itself lives forever in the cipher of my brain. It is part of me. To wage war on depression is to fight against oneself."
"You need to be reborn after a severe episode."
"'Medicines treat depression,' my therapist said to me, 'I treat depressives."

I need to look for 'Undercurrents' by Martha Manning.

"[D]epression can easily erupt as rage." (Theorized as a likely influence on lots of men who abuse their wives and families. I believe it. And I believe that the sentence passed against them should include therapy to address this root of their rage... I am confident it would be cost-effective as well as humane.)

The author says that he (or anyone) should be allowed to suicide at the point at which he "accurately believe[s] that the amount of joy left in [his] life can not exceed the amount of sorrow or pain." (I have a bit of trouble with that. I believe that to be true of my life now, but do not consider myself suicidal. I suspect there are a *lot* of people resigned to living with rare bits of joy, no?)
When looking for a suicide note or another reason, remember that the victim acted because s/he was suicidal. Period. The reason is never enough to actually explain, after all, consider all those people with even more trauma in their lives who cling to life.

Remember that different people have different symptoms and need different treatments and therapies. As the physician Sir William Osler said, "Don't tell what type of disease the patient has, tell me what type of patient has the disease!"

"If depressed people... simply stay at home or disappear, their invisibility makes them easy to ignore." But again, it's more likely to be cost-effective is our social nets extended to them and helped them to become productive citizens... because at some point it's likely that they will manifest, somehow, in the public sphere....

"Depression exaggerates character. In the long run, I think, it makes good people better; it makes bad people worse. It can destroy one's sense of proportion and give one paranoid fantasies and a false sense of helplessness; but it is also a window onto truth."
"By seeing [in popular psychology textbooks, for example] how many kinds of resilience and strength and imagination are to be found, one can appreciate not only the horror of depression but also the complexity of human vitality." "[T]rue survivors have compelling stories."

"The ailing me is not more or less an authentic self; the therapized me is not more or less an authentic self."
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An amazing book, yes. Read it. Especially if you are depressive but currently feeling well. Or if you love or employ a depressed person. Or if you have any influence on public policy or health care or are a provider. Or if you've loved 'Hyperbole and a Half' by Brosh, or Haig's 'Reasons to Stay Alive.' show less

Far From the Tree – Andrew Solomon
5 stars

I’m convinced that this is the most important book that I will review this year. I hope I can do it justice.

That familiar old adage, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’, turns up usually when a child demonstrates the same undesirable tendencies as the parent. Sometimes it might be used as a compliment if a child shares a notable talent with an ancestor. But what if the apple falls far away from the tree? What if the parent tree is show more an apple and the child is an orange? Andrew Soloman’s massive book examines ten different populations in which the child’s identity differs widely from the family. He considers the needs of the child to establish a personal, ‘horizontal’ identity associated with his difference, within the context of the ‘vertical’ identity of the family. He also considers, with great compassion, the needs of parents who raise such a child. In the first chapter, Soloman speaks of his own experience as a dyslexic, gay child of straight parents. The final chapter, Father, reflects his personal experiences in becoming a parent. The other chapters are titled: Deaf, Dwarf, Down Syndrome, Autism, Schizophrenia, Disability, Prodigies, Rape, Crime, and Transgender.

This is a heavily researched book. There are over 150 pages of footnotes and references. But if it is a textbook, it is the most readable textbook I’ve ever held in my hands. Soloman interviewed, and frequently lived with, hundreds of participants, but at no point does this book become a tabloid ‘tell-it-all’. Even in the chapters which draw primarily on his own experience, he uses each anecdote to illustrate major issues in the development of identity and the treatment of those who differ from ‘us’. Each chapter is comprehensive in providing historical context, current research and public policy issues. Where controversy exists, he has a clearly defined liberal bias, but takes pains to show all sides of an issue. Soloman’s personal comparison between dyslexia, for which intervention is desirable, and homosexuality, as an identity that he embraces, becomes a major theme for discussion throughout the book. What must the hearing parents of a deaf child consider before giving their child a cochlear implant? If your child is a dwarf, should you inflict the pain of limb lengthening surgery for her future benefit? Is genetic testing leading us to ‘laissez- faire’ eugenics? The questions are fascinating. The answers are complex.

I don’t own a copy of this book yet. I’m waiting for the paperback (or a decrease in the kindle price). I checked the book out four times from two different library systems before I was able to finish it. At nearly 1000 pages, it is not a book to read at one sitting. It is not difficult to understand. Soloman’s writing is clear and direct. I found myself rereading because I needed more time to digest the depth of his analysis. I had to resist the urge to underline sentence after sentence that expressed an important fact or a profound truth. Despite dyslexia, this man knows how to write.

“Ability is the tyranny of the majority. If most people could flap their arms and fly, the inability to do so would be a disability.”

“Loving our children is an exercise of the imagination.”

“Though many of us take pride in how different we are from our parents, we are endlessly sad at how different our children are from us”

“While accommodating people with physical disabilities must be undertaken out of moral conviction, adequately treating people with severe psychiatric illness is a win-win situation; if moral conviction fails, economic self-interest should prevail.”

“Perhaps the immutable error of parenthood is that we give our children what we wanted, whether they wanted it or not.”


There is a definite investment of time required to read this book. Certainly, if you or a family member belongs to one of the target groups, you will find something of interest in the relevant chapter. Teachers, social workers, health professionals; of course, this is an important book for anyone working in those fields. Do you vote? Are you a parent? Do you have parents? Soloman has a lot to say to all of us. He’s given me a lot to think about. show less

Solomon looks in incredible detail at what he terms "horizontal identities". Vertical identities are identities that parents share with their children i.e. race would be a vertical identity. Horizontal identities are ones where the characteristics are not necessarily shared with the parents i.e. transgender or autism or sometimes deafness. Solomon writes extensively on each of these various differences.

He writes with incredible empathy, but really tries to show all sides of every issue. show more There are sides? Yes, there really are. If you are deaf, should you or should you not get a cochlear implant and at what age? What types of interventions are best for a child with autism? Forced medications or not for someone with Schizophrenia? There are actually an amazing number of issues and disagreements with how to proceed when a child manifests any of these issues. Limb lengthening for dwarfs? Parents disagree on all of these issues and more, but throughout Solomon shows respect for all the viewpoints while providing medical arguments and whatever evidence is available for the reader. And he also shows how parents often love these children as they are and don't wish them to necessarily be different. Just a very, very compelling read. I think they should excerpt some of this for use in schools to foster better understanding of differences.

The amount of research this guy did was incredible. It is a lot of anecdote, but that is what truly brings the book to life. It was a sociological study, a psychological study, and yet also a true testament to the power of parental love.

One thing I especially enjoyed is that the author didn't totally squelch his own opinions and insight out of the book. If he had some philosophical thoughts or perspective, he wasn't afraid to share those. I think that brought a humanity to the book that you wouldn't usually see in a non-fiction treatise that also has a bit of an academic bent to it.

At any rate, I would highly recommend this book as it fosters humility, empathy, and understanding as well as a deep appreciation for one's children. And gratitude on my part for having such an easy life by comparison. And admiration for those who carry big burdens, often with such love and grace. show less

An exploration of families in which children have "horizontal" identities that distance them from their parents - Deaf, dwarfism, autism, prodigies, Down syndrome, mental illness, conceived in rape, criminal behavior, and more. The author is a gay Jewish man whose parents weren't really comfortable being Jewish and not happy about his gayness. He's trying to cover a lot of ground here - it's a huge book - and not all of it works, but it's thought provoking. For me, who never wanted children, show more both interesting and off-putting, yet fascinating to see the different choices and outcomes. I think the section on prodigies was the most eye opening for me.
There's a bit too much "I wouldn’t trade my experience because it’s brought me so much joy” because to be honest, some of the stories sound really awful and these declarations rarely feel believable to me. Disability porn. Who’s brave enough to say “This isn’t what I hoped for and I can’t take it much longer.”? show less