Paul Magrs

This is a strange, quirky but engaging book that I mentally retitled as ‘Strange Tales From Whitby, Told By An Even Stranger Person‘.

The story is told by Brenda who owns and runs a small B&B in Whitby. The book opens with Brenda introducing herself:

I love it here.

It’s the only place I could have settled down. I’ve never found a town like it, never in my long. long life

My name is Brenda. Hello!

Since the beginning of summer I have lived here, deliciously inconspicuous: just one more show more Bed and Breakfast lady in a resort that teems with Bed and Breakfasts Here, the streets are narrow and intricate; the rooftops are ramshackle and the wind is biting. The seagulls are as big as Yorkshire terriers and, for a good nine months of the year, this town is steeped in a thick sea mist… and that’s probably a good thing.

There are things here you don’t necessarily want to see.

Keep your head down, Brenda. That’s what I tell myself. Fry those sausages and eggs and bacon. Make those beds. Be welcoming. Be at home.

Any horror fan reading this is going to wonder if Brenda was drawn to Whitby because it’s a picturesque port on the Yorkshire coast, or because it was the port where Dracula’s ship the Demeter ran aground with not a soul aboard except the near-dead captain lashed to the wheel.

Whitby: picturesque seaside town

Whitby: where Dracula landed in England
To me, ‘Never The Bride’ read like a TV series of the strange and weird kind, aimed at gathering a cult following amongst those who are amused by the benignly bizarre and who enjoy uncovering genre references. Each chapter is a complete ‘episode’ in which Brenda and her friend and neighbour, Effie get involved with Whitby’s strangest visitors and residents, solving a mystery while moving the overall story arc forward. As the two of them discover the true price of visiting The Deadly Boutique for a makeover, or the downside of working as an elf at the Christmas Hotel, or the secrets the family staying at Brenda’s B&B is trying to hide or what a ghost-hunting reality TV crew will find in Effie’s antique shop, we gradually discover who Brenda really is and the legacy Effie has inherited from the generations of women who lived in Whitby before her.

The adventures are mild and amusing with some moments of tension. A bit how Dr Who was before the Doctor became The Oncoming Storm and The Destroyer Of Worlds. I liked Brenda. Effie can be a bit of a pain but somehow that made her friendship with Brenda more convincing.

By the end of the book, Brenda’s origin story and Effie’s legacy have been revealed and the two of them are established as the go-to team for dealing with anything weird in Whitby and we have reason to believe that there will be a lot of weird in Whitby.

‘Never The Bride’ made me smile. It was original and well-told, if slightly chaotic. I’m sure I’ll be back for more but this is the kind of series that I can’t read back to back without it losing its edge – like eating a whole box of chocolates in one sitting. show less

A collection of short Doctor Who stories focusing on Missy, aka the latest incarnation of the Master, the Doctor's old friend and long-term nemesis. Personally I adore Missy; I think she's enormous fun, and the best version of the Master since the original. So how could I resist?

To address each of the six stories included here individually:

"Dismemberment" by James Goss: Shortly after regenerating, Missy visits her favorite evil gentlemen's club, discovers she is no longer welcome as a show more member, and wreaks horrible vengeance on the people who kicked her out. There's some genuinely funny moments, and some darkly satiric sensibilities. And Missy gets some great lines. But the sheer levels of horror and gruesomeness to some of her actions actually made me feel a little uncomfortable by the end. I think this particular kind of villainous depravity might almost be a little over the top, even for Missy.

"Lords and Masters" by Cavan Scott: The Time Lords send Missy off on an assignment for them. They really ought to know better. I liked the concept of this one, and the way it offers up some rather dark little details about how things have been going on Gallifrey. I do wish the "companion" she was given for the job felt less two-dimensional, though. And it's genuinely a little unsettling to get a Doctor Who story like this where the Doctor doesn't get to show up to make things right in the end.

"Teddy Sparkles Must Die!" by Paul Magrs: A weird, weird little send-up of kids' adventure stories, featuring evil governess Missy and a magical talking teddy bear. I honestly can't quite decide whether this one is pleasantly ridiculous or just plain ridiculous.

"The Liar, the Glitch and the War Zone" by Peter Anghelides: An adventure in Venice featuring a damaged TARDIS, a temporal rift, and an army of angry space gryphons. But despite the fact that there's a lot going on here, I found it a bit dull. There's less good Missy dialog here than in the other stories, too. I did like her villainous plan to flood Venice, though.

"Girl Power!" by Jacqueline Rayner: An epistolary story, also featuring the Twelfth Doctor and Nardole, in which Missy hatches a plan that gives new meaning to the phrase "smash the patriarchy.". Now, this one was pleasantly ridiculous. Delightfully ridiculous, even. I was laughing out loud through pretty much the whole thing.

"Alit in Underland" by Richard Dinnick: This one is told from the POV of Alit, the little girl from the episodes "World Enough and Time"/The Doctor Falls," and is set during the period between those episodes when the Doctor is unconscious. I don't know that it's a bit from that story that really needed filling in, but it does give us the opportunity for a little more interaction between Missy and her previous incarnation, and I will never say no to that.

Rating: It's enough of a mixed bag that I'm going to call it 3.5/5, but the best stories are fun enough that I'd say it's worth checking out if you're a fan of the character. show less

Fester Cat spends the first twelve years of his life living on the streets in Levenshulme, Manchester. Knowing Paul and his partner, Jeremy live in this delightful neighborhood with a garden and a patio, he decides to pay a visit. His visits become more frequent and after a life on the streets, he decides to move in and live a more posh life with Paul and Jeremy. So the story of Fester Cat begins. Paul, already a writer, shares the memoir of their nearly seven years with Fester. He speaks show more through the mind of Fester, sharing Fester's thoughts, opinions, and questions from the mind of a cat. The reader can almost imagine Fester walking through the house chatting away with Paul and Jeremy. Even the most trivial details of life with a cat are just the thing that Magrs made fascinating. Cat owners and animal lovers alike will be enamored with Fester and his life with Paul and Jeremy.

As a cat owner, I found that I looked at our own cat differently. I was nodding along when Magrs described Fester's quirky behaviors and the importance of a daily ritual for pets. I think the funniest story is Fester describing his first time at the vet and how the female vet tells Paul and Jeremy that Fester is most definitely a boy. Magrs nails the shock and embarrassment of a teenage boy into the mind of a cat. Fester is witty, smart, and funny and if he was human, he would be the life of any party. Anyone would be proud to have Fester living with them.

The reader will cringe and feel the pain of a parent when Fester needs mouth surgery to care for his infected gums. I commiserated with the struggle to give Fester pills and will have to try their idea next time our cat needs medicine. As Fester lives his final days, I empathized with Paul and Jeremy as they made the emotional decision to let Fester go. Pet owners will understand the heartache of the owners, but also get a glimpse into what Magrs believes Fester felt in those final moments. It truly was a touching moment.

THE STORY OF FESTER CAT ultimately teaches us to live a happy life. Fester reminds us that a life with routine, treats, sunshine, naps and lots of love are all keys to living contentedly. It doesn't take much to keep a cat happy. A few tickles behind the ear or on the chin and a cat will love you forever. Fester's story will make you feel good and give you the opportunity to see your pet in a whole new way. show less

This book wasn't quite what I was expecting ... I'm not quite sure what I was expecting, mind. From the blurb it read like a dark comedy, but I thought it would be quite a light-hearted read.

I actually found it hilarious and laughed out loud quite a bit while I was reading it, sometime when I wasn't sure I should have done. It was full of outrageous characters that were all well portrayed and memorable. The humour was brilliant.

The story was quite interesting and had a lot of depth to it, show more and the shifting points of view were never confusing as they can be sometimes. I think the ending was a little abrupt though. This, and the fact I think a bit more careful editing was needed, prevented me from giving it more than 3 stars. But overall I really enjoyed this and will look out for more by this author. show less