Amy Silverstein (1964–2023)

I love a good medical memoir. Bring me your pain and your gore, oh writer! However, while I delighted in the many interesting facts about the heart transplant process and the patient experience, I was disturbed by Silverstein's attitude. I can sympathize with "difficult" patients and with moments of self-pity triggered by medical diagnoses and treatment, but Silverstein is unbelievably negative, ungrateful, and even hateful.

It is a miracle that this woman has survived for over 17 years with show more a transplanted heart. Despite a saint of a husband, a child, supportive parents, and understanding friends, Silverstein alienates herself in her selfish, small world. She has adopted the identify of a victim and is unable to move past that identity.

Most people die while waiting for a transplanted heart that never arrives. Of the few lucky patients who receive that coveted healthy heart, the vast majority die of complications within five years. This book is void of any insight or of any information that will help other patients in a similar situation. Silverstein is appalling ungrateful for the medical technology, not to mention the physicians, that extended her life. Silverstein's seventeen years of life after her procedure are unheard of, but I do not hesitate to say that these extra years were wasted on her. show less

Are you an organ donor? I am. In fact, I ticked that box on my license registration without thinking much about it. When I encouraged my children to do the same, I did think a little more about it (these are my kids, after all!), hoping against hope that I would never have to face a situation where this decision came into play. As you can see, all of my admittedly slight thinking about it focused on the tragic, not on the equally important miraculous, life giving aspects of organ donation. show more For the sick and dying person waiting for a healthy organ, finally getting a match is an amazing thing indeed. But that’s not the end of the story at all; it’s not even the beginning. The wait for a donor organ be emotionally and physically brutal but life afterwards isn’t easy and worry free either. Amy Silverstein’s memoir of her second heart transplant, twenty-five years after her first, is an honest and moving look at all of the factors, good, bad, and everything in between, that she faced, with the help of her husband and her dearest friends, as she waited again for a heart to become available. It is a celebration of life, its fragility and its strength, and of the people who make up that life and indeed make it worth holding onto.

At the age of fifty, Amy Silverstein’s twenty-five year old transplanted heart started to fail from the development of vasculopathy, a common and deadly problem with transplanted hearts. Silverstein had long since survived the 10 years that she was initially told she’d have with her new heart and in that time she’d not only married and raised her son but she’d also faced many medical emergencies related to her transplant and undergone a double mastectomy for breast cancer. Silverstein knew firsthand that a retransplant would not be easy or mean that she would be cured forever and so she agonized over whether or not to go ahead and get on the list for a new heart, what that would mean to her emotionally and physically, and how her decision would impact her husband and her close friends. Once she decided to hope for retransplant, she and husband Scott moved to California to be closer to Cedars-Sinai for when a heart became available. During the months that Silverstein would wait, her friends from all stages of her life rallied around her. Nine women came out to stay with her on a rotating basis, to try and help her cope with everything and to give Scott a tiny break from the intensity and sleep deprivation. As they did this, Silverstein also learned a lot about each of the women, about her friendship with them, about herself, and about love and selflessness in new and deeper ways.

The memoir is self-reflective and emotional and Silverstein doesn’t whitewash the parts where her fear and anger get the better of her. She gives the reader intimate access into what makes her tick and how she makes decisions but also shares where her blunt approach is unfair to those around her and how, as the days and months tick past, she considers her impact on others, confronting her husband’s admonition to think about how she wants people to remember her in both the short term and for all time. Her fierce gratitude to those who shared her journey to a new heart shines through the pages of this unusual celebration of friendship. While Silverstein’s story is certainly medically interesting, it is the strong and continued support of those friends who gave up so much of themselves and their time to be fully present there with her, to make sure she was never alone, that make this memoir so beautiful and inspiring. Truly for Amy Silverstein, as the quote from Yeats (and the source of the title) says, “Think where man’s glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends.” show less

So strong was my reaction to Silverstein’s memoir of her heart transplant, I had a morbid need to make sure she is still alive. She is, but in discovering this, I found online jerkwaddery of the worst sort. Silverstein is beyond a doubt the model heart transplant patient. The average amount of time allotted to a heart transplant recipient is around a decade and Silverstein is, by the timeline in the book, looking at year 21. She is a difficult woman and patient, in that she questions show more doctors’ advice, knowledge, intent and demeanor, but she also never misses the numerous pills she must take, she eats an exemplary diet, does not drink, and keeps herself in good physical condition by running. But she also makes no apology for her anger and at times irrational outbursts. She speaks openly of her odd and visceral reactions to something as mild as taking Prednisone. She does not hide her bafflement, her sadness and her unreasoning fury and I loved her for it.

But some walked away angry after reading this memoir of a woman showing her reality and rising above some of the worst pain and misery a person can endure. They said that because Silverstein expressed the frustration and pain that comes from being a transplant recipient, she might in some way discourage people from donating their organs. They thought she seemed too unappreciative. Evidently to be worthy of a heart transplant, doing everything to stay alive is not enough. Evidently one must be slavishly grateful to the point that one never expresses a negative thought. Who knew? I tell you what. I’m a donor and I want my organs, should I die and they be worth a dime, to go to someone like Silverstein, someone who may be irascible at times but willing to do whatever she must to make the most of my sacrifice. Read the whole review at http://ireadeverything.com/?p=242 show less

Amy Silverstein shares her very personal and moving story of life with a transplanted heart at 25, and now at 50 needing another. To improve her chances for getting a new heart she must move from New York to California where cardiologists at Cedar-Sinai Hospital will treat Amy's deteriorating heart until a new one becomes available.

What makes Amy's case compellingly unique is that she is one of a group of professional, educated, resourceful strong and optimistic women who rally around her. show more They place their names on a master spreadsheet to take turns spending days at a time sharing Amy's hospital room. They leave their very busy personal and corporate lives to ..do whatever Amy needs done. And because she is very ill she requires so much care and encouragement. While frightened, overwhelmed and exhausted each friend puts her heart and soul into high gear mode. From mundane tasks of distracting Amy with outrageously cheerful room decor, or silly, girly gifts, or sending status emails to the email distribution list, helping her wash her thick hair, to deep heart-felt talks, to massaging her to relieve her pain. All these female companions do this and more out of the strong bonds of friendship, respect, care and love.

Amy acknowledges her deep gratitude with being blessed with many sister angels.

Well-written; Intelligent, inspirational and meaningful read. show less