Robin DiAngelo

I bit the bullet and read White Fragility and found it to be both intuitively simple and mind-opening. I am a touchy woman. I don't take criticism easily - from anyone. So I can see the advice of the book working equally with confronting one's own racism and with dealing with any interpersonal relationship. The idea is that the white race is a distinction created by people needing to separate themselves from the slaves that they owned. We in the US have grown up steeped in racism, which we show more might not even know exists, if we're white. She describes white privilege, which I pretty much understood already. I once was stopped by a couple of police cars while I was out working at night, wearing a hoodie, and the situation was easily resolved, in spite of some fumbling moves of my own that might have got me killed if I were a black man, when they gave me the benefit of the doubt, seeing that I'm a helpless old white woman. So, that part was made very clear to me. What I have always had a hard time with is that I might unintentionally give offense in my everyday actions. I always assume people know who I am and realize that I'm a kind of prickly person but mean no offense. The book gently brings home the idea that I have no right to expect such assumptions from others. I am an intelligent person and have the obligation to examine situations and control my own actions. It's a very interesting book and helpful in many ways. show less

Change Starts with You

Since its publication in 2018 and constant reprinting right up to now, much has been written about Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility, both good and bad. It’s interesting that much of the negative commentary focuses on things like DiAngelo’s methods, her diversity training classes, her attitude, that she condescends to Black people (by infantilizing them), that she ignores changing the institutions fostering racism, and the like, everything around the central issue. show more

That, of course, is that we Americans live in a white racist society, actually a white supremacy society, which reacts badly when Black people push against that supremacy. Further, to DiAngelo’s point, apart from the out and out proud to be white racists, we probably don’t recognize that we harbor racist beliefs, even though the vast majority of us whites where weaned on white superiority. Logically, how could that be otherwise, given, again, DiAngelo’s point about institutionalized racism?

Perhaps you take umbrage at these ideas, but your, to use her term, fragility, doesn’t make them untrue. Just think back on an incident, maybe the protests around the George Floyd murder, or maybe some smaller incident you observed at work, a restaurant, etc. Haven’t you ever felt that little sensation that coalesces into something like, “Of course,” quickly corrected, and then felt guilty about? Nothing to feel guilty about, so long as you are aware and striving to overcome these deep-seated emotions, not to assuage your own feelings but to ultimately make ours a juster society. And that, too, is part of her message.

Some have made the point of criticizing her for not attacking the institutions and practices that perpetuate racism. True, this book isn’t about institutions, it’s about you, the individual. If we can overcome our own internalized racist attitudes then we as part of those institutions can change them. Sure, we’d all like this to go away overnight. But racism in America predates the birth of the United States; it’s over four hundred years in the making here and permeates every part of our society. That’s not something that will change over night nor en masse. It will change person by person. So, why not start now by reading this book with an open mind? show less

This is an extremely strong, powerful, and needed book. Its going to get overlooked, and bashed, and hated on by many, especially people of a certain type, voting a certain person into office, ...that type. You know the type, and you know who I mean.

The people you see in Facebook comments who go: "I don't see color." Or the people who say things like: "Its hard being white today! Everyone is calling us out! Its so hard to be us!" .....Those people. And especially THOSE people who voted for show more Trump; they are the ones who most need to read this. Sadly, I'm sure they are the ones who never will. Its almost like a racism form of Dunning-Krueger. "I have a black friend. I can't be racist." No. You don't have a black friend. You have a black co-worker who has gone out for drinks with you two times, and probably deeply resented that one comment you made a long ass time ago that you didn't even realize you made because you were on Mad Elf #4 and didn't even realize your own inherent racism or racist standards or prejudices or stereotyping.

The people who say, "Its more about class than race" now adays. They need to read this. The people who don't understand, or are unwilling to understand. They need to read this.

Yes. Obvious fact incoming: Racism is bad. Obvious statement is obvious. Lynching a black man is racist. Nobody is equating you (you = white person) with lynching a black man. But there are other, small, unnoticeable (to white people; not to those of color) things that you do, or even accept, that is racist. Being white is not good or bad. Being racist is bad; but unknowingly doing racist things doesn't make you bad or good. It just makes you unknowing, and ignorant.

We are all guilty of ignorance, all creeds, all colors, all spectrums. I'm ignorant of how my car runs. I'm ignorant of how many of the ways in which our own world operates. Sadly I don't know enough about Canadian or British politics. How does the Queen of England even work?! BUT.... I also know, I am ignorant of what exactly it is like to be a black man. I am not a black man. I will never be a black man. I will not understand fully what it means to be a black man.

That, is why, we all, white especially; need to listen. Stop saying auto-reply - #AllLivesMatter in response to #BlackLivesMatter. Stop saying "One bad cop doesn't mean their all bad." These are stupid, generic statements that we all understand. Yes, all lives do matter. But, read the room, understand things, have some level of empathy. KNOW before speaking sometimes. KNOW you are ignorant. KNOW your statement sounds stupid, is off-putting, and demoralizing to many; especially those of color.

We all live in a bubble of ignorance, but we can at least attempt to break out of it, reading books like this - reading books from other people's experiences, books from authors we would never have been given in high school, in a typical rural American high school, where you are given Gatsby, Steinbeck novels, where the only level of 'racism' we get given is To Kill a Mockingbird. Pick up books by Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Pablo Neruda, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Hiroki Murakami, etc, etc, etc, etc. Read. Learn. Listen. Grow.

Talk to your friends of different ethnicity, learn how you are received, perceived, have actual honest discussions with them. SEE how they SEE you. Don't THINK inside your head how they SEE you. I guarantee its not the same. I guarantee you are not HOW you think you. Nobody is, even to their closest friends, to their spouses, children, etc, even to people of their own race, you are not SEEN and PERCEIVED the way you THINK you are. So learn, grow, talk to that one black co-worker you had two beers with three years ago. Ask him "How do I come off? How are things going? How can I be better?"

Read books like this, that show you how to take those steps. Read articles, watch TEDx Talks, learn from people of other groups, religions, creeds, colors, philosophies, countries, learn what their lives are like or were like. Learn what it was like to be a Jew in Germany in the 20s and 30s leading up to WWII. Don't just take it for granted. There is 9Billion some people on this earth, if you aren't reading, and are just watching the spoon-fed Hollywood bullcrap, you are getting about a ~
Learn, grow, experience, and then come to terms with who you are, how you are, why you are. Being white is not a crime. Nobody is saying that. Reparations aren't even required. But understand yourself. Understand your role in society. Understand your placement. Understand your role in racism. Understand how there is an inherent white privilege even when you don't see it, because of your set of circumstances. (Growing up poor white is still different than growing up poor black, or Latino, or Asian, or Gay, or Female, or Male, or brown, etc, etc, etc.)

Everyone was handed a different hand, and even a different deck of cards. Your hand might be great, or it might be horrible, but you might still have a great deck of cards to work with. Or, you might have been given a great hand but still be in a bad deck of cards, or you might have been given a shitty hand and an even shittier deck of cards.

The biggest thing is, we are all in this together. We are all people, and understanding how we can help ALL people, is the only way forward. show less

Excellent audiobook, with a clear, precise narrator and a very wise message!

I appreciated her discussion of "The Blind Side," that feel-good movie for white people that wreaked of self-congratulation, as a rich, white (and blonde even!) mom deigned to rescue a poor black youth from his miserable black community and let him live in her big rich mansion. That'll save him! The young man even lowered his humble eyes to show he was one of the "good" ones. (I still won't see the movie, but just show more now watched the trailer -- and all suspicions confirmed!)

I yearn to see strong black actors who take care of themselves, and there are some excellent choices out there. Movies and books.

So, back to this book. I was sure I wasn't one of "those" white people... or so I thought... but wait, maybe I am, in some unconscious ways. Turned out, we all are, and there are a million reasons why -- reasons we couldn't help. This book shined a floodlight on my blind spots, a huge lesson that encouraged, not guilt, but a deeper understanding. It should be required reading for everyone, especially white folks, including high schoolers -- but quickly, since it's being banned in many schools. Banned because whites are so fragile. All the more important to read it now.

Highly recommended! show less