Ann Fessler

Ann Fessler is an adopted daughter of an adopted daughter, and her art is photography, not creative writing; so most of this excellent book consists of stories from women, in their own words of the suffering they have experienced. She ties the stories together and places them in historical context.

I wish every woman who was lied to, forced or coerced into giving a baby up for adoption could read this book. Fessler describes how alone they feel, often for life. I'm sure it would help for them show more to know how many other women had been in he same circumstances - told for their whole pregnancy that they were not fit to be a mother then expected to be a fine mother later when their sex was "official".

There were several women in the book who told about their overwhelming life long anger. Here's one: I think this whole experience has made me incredibly strong. But if I had not been reunited with my daughter, I don't think it would have made me strong. I think I would have continued to be very, very, very angry until I died of a heart attack. Fortunately there are stories of reunion and women coming to terms with their decision. But not all women are so lucky.

Another comment from the same woman Listen, you know, I've gotten to the point in my life that when I see something that I really long for, I know it's not for me. That's when I realized what losing her had done. My experience was...that what I wanted was going to be held up in front of me and I was going to look at it but I could never have it. Just like the nurse holding her up. That's what it does.

According to Fessler, early in the 20th century when "unwed women's homes" were run by charity the staff might be likely to assist a woman to keep her baby, even find a way to help her get education or a job. However, after social workers took control of the system they seem to have worked it as a way to provide those they considered worthy with the children they longed for as they took advantage of women who had he audacity to have sex outside of marriage. For a while they labeled these women as feebleminded which often lead to their being sterilized and/or institutionalized. Later they were termed perverted or delinquent - obviously incapable of parenting - and again liable to be institutionalized. Later still they were just termed neurotic - not institutionalized, but not assisted either.

This is an eye-opening, heart breaking book recommended to anyone interested in adoption, women's studies or the humane treatment of people in difficult situations. show less

A fascinating and very important book on a topic that is not discussed much. It was sad to read so many first hand accounts about how stigmatized women were back in the 50s and 60s if they became pregnant out of wedlock. There was little to NO sex education, and no access to birth control in most cases. When pregnancy occurred, often young unwed mothers were coerced if not forced to give up their babies against their will, by social workers, parents, and society in general. It was traumatic show more and something that affected them their whole lives, and that they had to live with mostly in secret. Very interesting to read. And as an adoptive parent reading so many birth mothers' accounts, it really gave me more empathy and understanding for the feelings they live with. show less

This is a straight-forward account of how young pregnant women and teenagers were often shipped off to special homes to await giving birth and how the infants born were taken away from them. The girls were then expected to return to their lives and pretend that nothing had happened. The long-term repercussions of this were many and Ann Fessler allows personal accounts to illustrate that to devastating effect. This is an extraordinary book. I'm not generally an audiobook reader, but this one show more held my complete attention throughout.

It was interesting to see how the blame always fell squarely on the girls, even when they had been coerced or raped, while the boys were let off. Of course, some boys chose to try to take responsibility, but by sending the girls away and forcing them to surrender their babies, that opportunity was denied them. And some of the women talked about how they might have chosen to give the baby away, but they were not given the choice. And the number of girls who knew so little about reproduction, that they didn't know that they could get pregnant. It's a shameful part of American history and one I hope we do not repeat. show less

What a heartbreaking book, in so many ways. Fessler is describing a society-wide failure (at least within a specific social stratum), but these women were not just failed by society in a vague, structural way. They were betrayed by their parents, teachers, doctors, nurses, clergy—people who should have protected them, or at least recognized their humanity. Instead, those roles became mechanisms of silence, punishment, even abandonment—all in the name of “doing the right thing.”

The show more structure of the book works pretty well, floating the abstract, structural analysis on a flood of powerful, emotional, detailed individual narratives. I could point out any number that stood out for me, but I'm sure a different group of them are impactful for each reader of the book. It's a powerful book, in any case—not one that I'll forget any time soon. show less