Abigail Thomas (1)

Abigail Thomas nabs you from the beginning and she does not let go. She makes you see the vital in the mundane. You are caught up in a life meticulously observed. Modest and honest, it was a delight to read and kept me company on a very rainy day in Venice.

A Three Dog Life : a memoir - Abigail Thomas
5 *****
One April evening, Abigail's husband Rich leaves to take their dog for a walk. When the dog returns without him, Abigail soon learns that her husband has been seriously injured in a traffic accident. He survives, permanently brain damaged. A Three Dog Life is Abigail's story of surviving a sudden catastrophic loss. Although she speaks of her husband with great empathy, love and compassion, this is not a story of his recovery and disability. show more This is Abigail's story of grief, change and growth. While her husband requires 24 hour care in a locked ward, Abigail's recovery revolves around her dogs.

This book has been on my shelf since it first appeared at Costco more than 3 years ago. I knew I would feel as if it was written for me, but before now I couldn't bring myself to read it. Today as I finished this brief, absorbing little book, I felt as if I'd just spent the afternoon with a dear friend who understood exactly what I've been through.
A little bit of white out on the text; change traumatic brain injury for tragic fatality and this could be my story. It could be the story of anyone who has suffered a sudden catastrophic loss.
And I know exactly how therapeutic dogs can be. She talks about napping with her dogs, "We are doing something as necessary to our well-being as food or air or water. We are steeping ourselves, reassuring ourselves, renewing ourselves, three creatures of two species, finding comfort in the simple exchange of body warmth."

There's a chapter called "How To Banish Melancholy" that starts, "You will need three dogs ....When you open your eyes (her warm doggy breath on your face) she will be staring at you with such intensity that you burst out laughing..... You follow them onto the wet green lawn. So now you're outdoors and it's five A.M. "
Been there. Done that.
The thing is, if you have responsibilities you have to get out of bed. It's just so much better if, no matter how bad things are, you can get up laughing. show less

A delightful memoir from a sixty/seventy-something writer. Funny and touching, these little vignettes gave me many aha! moments of recognition, sometimes leaving me laughing out loud. Other, quieter entries reflected on the difficult aspects of aging: illness of one's own or of a loved one; fears of dying and death; physical changes. This is also the story of the author's 30-year friendship with a man and it's survival despite a painful betrayal. Three of my favorite moments:

"...I look at show more the photograph Jennifer took of me sitting on a stool next to her twins, and really, from the back, it looks as if I have an open umbrella concealed under my skirt. How did that happen?"

"...when it gets dark, I'm off the hook. The day is officially rolled up and put away. I'm free to watch movies or stare at the wall, no longer holding myself accountable for what I might or might not have gotten done because the time for getting something done is over until tomorrow."

and Abigail's realization that, used at the beginning of a sentence, "Yo" and "Like" are punctuation marks. show less

3.5 Short reflections make this book palatable and digestible, though there are some deep thoughts and experiences. Divided into 3 parts: Unbreakable Connections, I Don't Get to Live Forever, and The Wilderness of Not Knowing, Thomas is looking at the past and also her present reality as she pushes beyond 70, though still feeling youthful and attuned to her 1960s coming of age culture. She compliments her writing with painting -- on glass, a hobby and pasttime which ultimately gives her lots show more of do-overs when she can wipe the glass clean. Unlike life. She has some major issues to confront: her best friend Chuck's affair with her 20-something daughter, her daughter's battle with cancer, her 4th husband's tragic debilitating accident and eventual death, her own mortality (complicated by cigarettes and alcohol), and the loss of her aging dogs over a small time span. But there is eloquence here and hope. In confronting death and illness, she decides to become a hospice volunteer. Of the training she says: "I want to make Death a member of my family. I don't want it to arrive as a stranger." (120) There are only so many eventualities we can plan for and that's part of her point --- accepting whatever comes along regardless. "And this is my most selfish thought, that if I lose the people I love what is left of my own life will consist only of grief." (214) There are light-hearted moments too about dating and dogs and the unique friendship she shares with Chuck is impressive in its depth and duration. show less